Seeking Advice on Marriage Help/counselor/group Therapy/retreat??

Updated on September 07, 2010
J.H. asks from Rohnert Park, CA
6 answers

My husband and I have had our ups and downs but they are the same ups and downs and same issues now for 4 years and I want to try something different!! We both try really hard at our relationship but we're just missing each others communication and nothing is changing. I have been going to a counselor on my own because my husband is not exactly the willing type but now that my counselor has said "this is serious and something has to change" he is willing to give something a try.
We are going to be sitting down to discuss options and I don't want to just give my counselor as our only option. I'm willing to try different approaches such as a group therapy or retreat or ANYTHING. I know we will not last the long haul if we continue on this path of the roommate relationship, intimacy/sex only when I bring it up as an issue, and no date nights/nothing with just us. We are loosing our connection and would love other Mom's advice or suggestions!
Thank you!

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

So What Happened?

Thank you all so much for the advice and suggestions! It's great hearing from both sides and I have taken everyone's advice to heart. Addressing a few questions: my husband is fine with seeing my counselor so we're going to set up an appointment, I have tried for several years to ask questions and provide options regarding our intimacy without much involvement. I've purchased fun sexy books and "games" with no luck. I am still willing to try other options and that is definitely why I asked for more help. =) I have been asked if he is cheating on me due to the fact that we could go months with no intimacy until I initiate it and honestly...I have no idea.
I'll try and update after the session and hope things go well and we can make a new start! Thanks again!

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

I read your May 18th post too. So try something different. BTW, I'm a husband and will give you this man's perspective.

Get the book, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands," and the book, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage. "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" will go a long way to helping you understand your husband. After you read it, go through it and ask him, "Is this really the way you feel?" on the things you have doubts about. It was an eye opening experience for my wife. The things we had been arguing over for years were explained in the book and she finally was able to understand that many men felt the same way as I did.

Watch the movie "Fireproof" and get the companion book, "The Love Dare." Ask him why he isn't interested in sex or making love. Play "20 Questions" if he is reluctant to talk about it. Ask him why. I read one man didn't make love frequently to his very beautiful wife because, "I didn't want you (his wife) to think that (sex) was the only reason I married you." Many men take it as a show of love if she will make the effort to seduce him.

Weary sexy things around him at home and it always doesn't have to be sexy night gowns. Tell him you are wearing it just for him because you love him. You might even tell him you are open to any suggestions from him on how to spend your evening. If he still needs prodding, get the game, "An Enchanted Evening".

Hope this helps. Good luck to you and yours

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.G.

answers from Minneapolis on

I too go to couseling (because I love it!) and my counselor was ok seeing my husband and I together. Is your counselor not? If so, I would ask your counselor to recommend someone else, or a retreat. We didn't have any major issues either, just wanted to enhance what we had, and it was well worth it! We learned some new ways to communicate and got to brainstorm really cheap date ideas and now we go every few months. Its so nice I don't know why everyone doesn't go to counseling!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

V.T.

answers from Dallas on

See if there is a Love and Respect (google it) seminar coming near you. My husband and I did it here in Texas and it was wonderful. It was an 8 hour retreat spread over 2 days. It is religious based, but more of a lead with God mentality as opposed to one religion's views.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.B.

answers from Tampa on

Get on the Family Life website - they have some incredible couples weekends

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

P.C.

answers from San Francisco on

Mark Collin in Santa Rosa. Excellent couples therapist. ###-###-####.Good luck...it's important!
P

E.A.

answers from Erie on

I've heard great things about Retrovaille. You can google it to see if there is one in your area. It's sponsored by the Catholic church, but it's not religious in nature.

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions