Alright ladies. I know that some of you will bash me for my desisions but please put into account that they are mine and I have my reasons.
Trav and I have hit a hard road. We have had our bumps but it seems the recent loss of our little one has made things very hard. We are agree'd on making this work. We have agree'd on therapy. So my question for this is would you do couples therapy or singles. Maybe both?
Also I read a lot and I take a lot out of books. Can someone direct me in the way of a book that will help me with forgiving him? My sister recommended "Love and Respect" I will be getting that on the nook Friday. I need other recomendations.
Movies that will help. My sister informed me of one but I dont remember the name. I am not looking for gushy movies only about romance. I want one that will teach us both to forgive and love each other again.
I second the "5 love languages" book. That's what my mom read that helped her and my dad a lot. I've heard a lot of people on here mention "Fireproof" before.
As to the counseling, individual as well as couples would probably be ideal, if you can do it.
Be careful with books. My MIL gluts herself with information and gets herself in a tizzy trying to follow all the advice. It's a horrible way to live.
Couples therapy will benefit you FAR beyond any book will, but there are couple of great books. I like "The 5 Love Languages" and "The 5 love Needs of Men and Women".
I despise books like "the proper care and feeding of......" that limit both men and women to very narrow stereotypes. I respectfully disagree with the poster that said that men are simple. They are wonderfully deep and complex beings that deserve so much more than we give them credit for.
I wish you the best! I can't imagine who would criticize you for trying to work on your marriage. I am so happy to hear that your husband is on board. When both husband and wife pull together toward the same goal, it's a beautiful thing!
I would recommend finding a couples counselor who would agree to see you each individually, as well as together sessions. Loss is very difficult on a marriage. I will pray you both have soft hearts toward one another and find the right person to counsel you. Have you tried attending church together?
About marriage:
Men are like Waffles, Women are like Spaghetti book
The Five Love Languages book
The Love Dare book (from Fireproof movie)
The Power of a Praying Wife book
About women:
Captivating book
About men:
Wild at Heart book
My wonderful husband is a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT). He suggests that couples do therapy both alone and as a couple. Because we have things to work on individually and together.
Great books:
Why Can't You Read My Mind?
The 5 Love Languages
The Dance With Anger
The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage
Love and Respect
Sins of the Family
Love is Never Enough
How to Have a Great Relationship
How to Be An Adult In Relationships
His Need, Her Needs
Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts (with the workbooks)
Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Starts (with the workbooks)
Finally, find a MFT who does the Prepare-Enrich premarital program. It's awesome and will help to identify and address the issues you have or will have in your relationship. https://www.prepare-enrich.com/webapp/pe/couples/template...
Not sure about couple's therapy or therapy alone. Not sure why you think people will bash you...guess I am not too up to date with everyone's names and back history here.
But..I wish you the best. It is admirable when couple's want to work on keeping their marriage together...instead of giving up without really trying.
Here's my two cents..take it or leave it.
I love the book, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". This is just something I randomly picked up cuz I heard great reviews and also so many women bashed it. It piqued my interest.
I read it and loved it. It helped me understand my husband as man...a vulnerable man. Women are so complicated...men are very simple..simple needs..simple desires.
I am so glad I read this book..it helps me in our everyday discussions,in the bedroom, in raising our children and so much more.
I have seen Fireproof...it was good.
Oh ya..forgot the couple's book..the "Proper Care and Feeding of Marriages". Same author, similar approach. We read the book together....so I guess that was our "couple's therapy." Something else we do is we ask each other, "what can I do better in our relationship?" This has been sooo good for us...but you have to be honest and come from a place of love and really want to work at bringing each other together. It is not just a bitchfest...free for all time to tear each other down.
Wish you the best.
The first thing that came to mind when I read your title (but not your post) was the movie "Fireproof." Excellent movie!!!
It's based on a book called "The Love Dare."
It's about a couple that has grown apart for so many reasons and really tells the story from his perspective. But talks to his father (or grandfather?) and reads teh book, which is basically a series of daily things to do to reach out to your partner. It teaches her that he really does love her, and it teaches him about the things that really matter in a relationship.
I'm crying just thinking about it, but it really is a great movie.
I have a book called 'A Woman's Answer to Anger' by Annie Chapman. Also I would highly recommend going to 'A Weekend to Remember' and I will put the link on here. It is in IA in March I think. If you could go it is a weekend and meetings but as good as any counseling. You could maybe do both though. If I had a choice I'd start here.
http://www.familylife.com/events/featured-events/weekend-...
They have information on marriage on the main site which is below.
http://www.familylife.com/
Fireproof is a good movie. It's been mentioned by others. Forgiveness is a choice you have to make, just like love is a choice. Hard choices in life that we have to do or suffer if we don't.
I hope you'll check out the link to the weekend to remember. It's also a nice get away to remember why you fell in love without children and distractions of life for a few days.
i will agree with Fireproof...but i will also caution you on what you read/watch. if you are not religious or you are not both on the same page about religion it could do more harm than good to utilize some of these things.
if you are religious i would 100% recommend talking to your pastor. my husband and i talked to our pastor (my husband is not overly religious but my pastor knew that and was tactful about it - a book or movie will not be) - it was the BEST move we ever made.
he helped us remember that we are on the same page. he helped us remember why we fell in love to begin with, and he helped us remember of all the wonderful reasons a marriage (OUR marriage) is something to fight TOGETHER for.
((hugs)) i hope you find something that works. as long as you both are still willing to try, you will. good luck!
Try The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner.
If you can manage it, I would do couples and individual therapy.
Good luck!
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0609805797
http://www.gottman.com/49862/558737/DVD-Workshop-Books--L...
Both of the above link to the same book (amazon, and author site)
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I recommend starting with couples therapy. A good therapist will determine if either of you would also benefit from individual therapy. When my DH and I were in couple's therapy, the therapist recommended various books that tied into specific things she wanted us to learn about or work on. I wouldn't start just reading books at random unless it is only to improve yourself. It could easily come off wrong if you start trying to teach your SO what you have learned.
