Seeking Advice on Huge Emotional Meltdowns with 8 Yr. Old Daughter

Hello,
This is a self esteem issue. You should talk to her and ask her if anyone is picking on her in school or talk to the teacher, or just watch if you have timeto see how she interact with classmate. There may just be someone teasing her at school and she doesn't know how to handle it except by changing who she is. Another thing that might help is involve him her in solo activities or sports like tennis, golf or swimming. This will help her see how great she is all by herself. Then she may have more confidence in a group.
K.

Have you thought at all about a social disorder? I know it might seem like its out in left field... but if all the other parts of her life seem normal- as far as not seeming to have an actual cause to the low self esteem... maybe she's just really having trouble communicating and socializing, and that's whats causing the meltdowns. I was recently diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and I never knew where the "lines" were in social environments (like not realizing it was rude to ask yourself to dinner and not realizing that your friends might not want you to be that "close") In addition to not knowing the social rules, I also didn't "see" the nonverbal way people were trying to tell me to stop, so that by the time they were upset enough to talk to me they were very upset and then I would get very defensive/angry. Could be that's what you're seeing?

Hi M.,

Although I have 2 boys, I raised my niece while her mother was in college. I read an article back a few years that said that girls go though a phase where there self-esteem drops around the age of 9. It said the best thing you can do is to re-assure them that they are smart and loved as often as is necessary. It also said that fathers can play a huge role in helping this pass by being loving and supportive during this time. It also might help to tell her that it is a completely normal part of growing up and that at some time or another everyone will go through it. Remind her that she is a wonderful Y. lady and that she just needs to be herself because people really do like her for who she is, but they don't understand why she's trying to be someone she's not. The good news is that it's a phase and it will pass.

Good luck!!

i experienced alot of the same symptoms as a child and was diagnosed bipolar as an adult as well as adhd. does she get real down when she has difficulties? well a psychiatrist would help her no matter what her difficulty. i suggest you consider this option. a little talk with a neutral party might give her some insight.

M. - I'm not a counselor, but I do work with kids (Jr. High and HS) with my local church. I also suffered with some of the problems that your daughter is exhibiting when I was a little older though... low self esteem is what I think you are looking at. Is she involved in some sort of activity (group activity that is) at some point during her week? If not, that would be a suggestion - find something she likes, and get her involved in it - there are a million things to choose from. She needs to feel needed and wanted by others. If she doesn't find it there, she will look for it in other unhealthy ways - as I see some of the other mom's mentioned bad relationships in their younger years - I too struggled with that - you have the desire to be loved and needed by others so you throw yourself at other people. (esp. guys in your teen years)

I hope you find something soon that will fit the bill for her - just explore what her interests are, for example if she likes to read - perhaps look into joining a program to help younger kids read...something like that might be good.

The meltdowns are her cry for help - so do what you can to help her now before she gets older, because repairing the damage when she's older will be harder. Let me know if I can help in any way! D.

This is just a guess, but seven years is along time to get used to being "the baby." The oldest is still the oldest, but the eight year old is now officially a "middle" child. It's a change in rank for them. Talk to her about it, she what she says. Obviously , she's experiencing a great deal of anxiety about something , see if she will open up about it. It you've ruled out any serious causes, it could be a simple lack of confidence. Perhaps you could enroll her in an activity that would help build confidence (non competitive). Good luck!

In front of the other families I would tell your daughter that this is just a family outting for them, but maybe she could go next time. If she becomes out of control, I would tell her that if she acts like that she will not be allowed to go this time or any other. You don't want to put the other family in an awkward situation feeling like they have to bring your daughter every where they go just because she over hears them talking about some place they're going.

As far as her self-esteem issues, all you can do is constantly reassure her of how fun she is and that everybody loves her. Even if she disagrees at first- keep up with it. Sometimes kids just need to be told and showed (lots of hugs). When you see/ hear her not being herself- I would take her aside and ask her why. Telling her that she is a lot more fun when she acts like herself and isn't trying to be someone else. If she is constantly clingy- tell her that people don't always like that so much- obviously in a nice way. Even if she gets a little upset- nothing is better than the truth and she will get over that.

Well I'm not really an expert with meltdowns with my own kids yet. Since my oldest is only 2 1/2. But I had the same problem with myself from the time I was 10 till I was about 15. I think they would have stopped sooner but I got pregnant at 12 and again when I was 13 so yeah. I used to feel like I wasn't wanted or loved, esp. when my parents started arguing. I always thought I was the cause. Which after I got pregnant I was the cause. Just talk to her, try not to argue with her. Make sure she know's she loved and that she's better off being herself. She's 8..she'll understand. I never had a mother who cared enough about me to help me with something like emotional meltdowns! Also, do you or anyone in your family have Depression problems? Is anyone on Paxil or Prozac? or anything like that? Depression is genetic, my mom/aunt/cousins/grandma...all have depression and I do to. So anyways. Hoped this helped a little.