Any Mom from Anywhere with Good Advice!

I would suggest cyber school. No one should have to be harassed day in and day out. From my experience the school isn't going to take any responsibility for it. A child has a right to a good education without going through it. It seems like schools are getting worse and worse.

Here are some links. www.agora.org www.k12.com There are others as well. They are
of no cost to the parent. They are public schools.

Good for her for reaching out to you! That's very hard to her, esp at her age. I would find her a therapist, psychologist or otherwise, to send her to for therapy. It will go a long way...

Where do you live? I can recommend in the Philly area if need be.

Wouldn't life be wonderful if our children could see themselves through the eyes of those that love them? Maybe you could ask the school counselor for a referral to a therapist. You could also enroll her in an activity she is interested in. She can meet new people, focus on something enjoyable and achieve goals. Volunteer work or a job might also help her discover her strengths and passions.

I agree with the poster who recommended looking at nutrition. I just finished up a book called "Little Sugar Addicts"...it doesn't mean that your kid eats too much sugar...it is about the hidden sugars in EVERYTHING, and the biochemical changes in your child's brain. I have had my family eating organic and very healthy for years and I was FLOORED by the amount of sugars in our diets that I was not aware of.

Turns out that some people are 'sugar sensitive' and the brain chemicals that respond also help regulate SELF ESTEEM! That is a crucial tidbit that modern science is not addressing....what you eat can affect your self esteem and behavior!!
The book details a simple plan that helps your child learn how food affects their feelings and includes them so that they own their dietary choices and they start to feel in control of their lives.

Obviously, I have NO idea what your daughter's situation is, but I know how it feels to be a desperate parent searching for something - anything to help your child. Maybe it will help your daughter, maybe not. It may be worth looking into. You can get the book on Amazon very inexpensively.

Best wishes to you all.

We has some experience in this with bullying but thank god it didn't lead to low self esteem...but i say maybe get her to see a therapist and that might help.
Kids never believe us when we tell them the truth..my son says"You have to say that because you are mom."kids you have to love them.
But good luck and keep us posted..
J.

Hi I., my daughter is 19 now but when she was 14 she was a real mess. It's such a hard age. One thing that helped us was getting our daughter involved in a Christian youth group. They focus on self esteem from God's persective (vs. the world's). Calvary Chapel of Philadelphia has some wonderful resources for girls her age. If you are interested the website is http://www.ccphilly.org/home/default.aspx. God bless you and your family, Jen P.

This sounds like myself at 14 ! First question... Is the her father in her life? The other question is,is there any indication she could be using drugs? Maybe, sit her down and have a heart-to-heart talk...let her know that she's the most important thing in your life.Let her know that she can tell you anything.But, when she does ,remember to be non-judgmental and try not to freak out about the stuff she may say.Her low self-esteem stems from somewhere,or,from something that has happened to her.Ask her why she feels the way she does.Ask her what you can do to help her feel better about herself.Maybe,even have her go talk to a professional... because at that age she's in, sometimes it's hard to talk to parent about stuff.Sometimes, having an unbiased view into one's life is the best.Remember, being a teen is really hard and this could just be a phase she's going through.But, my best advice is, to be involved as much as you can in her life.Maybe, set a day aside for just the both of you... a little retail-therapy never hurts.Get her invovled with activites like an art class, or karate... something that will build some self- confidence.Everything works itself out.... good luck!

Bullying is a hidden problem in so many schools! Talk to the counselor - you definitely want to know what is going on in school since she is there around her peers for so long - she could be putting on an act for your benefit at home. Also, the counselor should have a list of psychologists/therapists/psychiatrists for referrals. Make sure that you find one that you like and you think will help your daughter. Good luck - it sounds like you are doing everything you can to help your daughter.

You are doing all the right things - praising your daughter, being an attentive parent. Meeting with the school counselor may give you some ideas, and certainly more information.

Low self-esteem at 13 sounds pretty typical to me! Does she have any close friends? Even one good pal could make a big difference. If she doesn't have anyone like that at school, maybe helping her to get involved in some extra-curricular activities - something she's really interested in, whether that's music, sports, or making jewelry - would give her an outlet and maybe the chance to make a friend or two.

Wow...its like you were describing me at that age! I had depressive issues and because of it later got my BA in Psych and became a child and teen counselor. I definitely recommend professional counseling..and a book called "How to Talk so Teens Will Listen, and Listen so Teens Will Talk". I think its by an author named Faber. Its the BEST book I've read regarding relating to your teens (I also have a teenager, myself now). Try getting it on Amazon.com..they have some great deals. Good Luck!!

I dealt with depression and low self esteem as a teenager, and am still dealing with it now. Speaking from your daughter's point of view, I would say to keep saying affirming things, ie."I love you", "You're beautiful". Even if it seems like she's rejecting what you say, every affirmation helps heal those wounds just a little bit. Just give her your support and be willing to find her a good therapist if she or the counselor feels she needs one. Sometimes it's easier to talk to someone who's a little farther outside the story.

Your message struck a cord with me. I was what I guess you could call depressed when I was younger. I had very low self esteem. I wanted to die and I hated myself more because I was too much of a coward to do anything about it. Your daughter needs some way to express her feelings, good or bad. I ended up going to counseling in college because I just felt so awful about myself. I found that poetry was perfect for me. I just felt the need to put my words on paper...and the way that I wrote them was my own. No one could tell me they were wrong. I wrote whatever my fingers told me to. I never actually thought about it. What is strange is that before that happened, i always hated poetry. But when i wrote I felt better. I haven't written anything in years. Okay, well I said all of this and now is time for my point. Help your daughter find something that is hers and hers alone. Whether it is singing, playing an instrument, writing, whatever. Just something that she can feel good about and not feel like she has to be perfect. And keep telling her how beautiful she is... she may not know how to take compliments...but she hears them and they help heal the hurt.

Hi I., I went through the same thing at school. I was picked on alot it seemed that nobody liked me and it was fun for them to see me hurting. And when I was home I would hide it from my family cuz I didnt want them to know what was going on. And because I did that I turned really mean and hateful towards my loved ones. I also was very depressed. Finally I decided to talk to my mom about everything. And she gave me the best advice. She told me not to let the people at school see me get upset anymore cuz once they knew it wasnt affecting me anymore then they would stop cuz they wanted that reaction they wanted to see me get upset they wanted to see me hurting. And sure enough once I did that they stopped. Tell your daughter it does get better. Cuz once your out of school none of that stuff matters. And the funny thing is the people that made fun of me now talk to me. So it will get better. Anyway I hope this helps.

I am a dance teacher who finds herself the shoulder for teens to cry on. I am very strict and don't take sassy attitudes or back talk. When my girls have acted this way in the past and I call them on it they brake down and spill thier guts. The main problem I've heard is family. I am definintely not suggesting that you or your family are to blame, however some kids need more one on one time with their parents then others. The problem could be as simple as finding an activity alone with your daughter once a week, even just a visit to Starbucks. Also, is she getting enough exercise? This is soooooo important for teens, they have so many hormones to deal with that endorphines are too important to neglect. Also look at nutrition, this sounds crazy but they are linking add, adhd, and eratic behavior in children and teens to their nutrition. It sounds insane but cutting out the junk snacks from the grocery list supposedly helps alot. I don't know if any of this helps, just a few suggestions. Good luck, God bless.
R.' D.

My daughter is 15 and has gone through alot of what your daughter has. She is not one of the most popular girls in school and she has a very small circle of friends. She also was the new kid in high-school this year. She is also more on the tom-boyish side which I think isolates her at times. When she was younger she did have issues and we tried counseling ( I can't really say it has helped much) My daughter is very pretty...and has not a clue. She is very smart and I can see how she does not fit in. Biology is her favorite school subject. I try to teach her to be proud of who she is. She tells me the kids at school are very judgemental (as we all know Welcome to the rest of your life...even as adults we are very judgemental) What are her hobbies? what is she into? You may find you need to introduce her into different activities so she can bond with people that are more like her. What do you think the school meeting is about? Keep us posted and let us know her hobbies maybe we can reccommend an activity. Our daughter's past-time is x-box and I can't stand the thing.(not your typical girl activity) Good Luck. It is hard not to let our heart ache for our daughters. www.livegreeneasy.com

My advice to you is to seek professional counselling. Even if your daughter is resistant....please do it. Depression is a very serious issue and this needs attention at once. I wish you and your family all the best and my prayers are with you.

I had a lot of the same problems as a teenager. The best thing for me was to get involved in things outside of school with people I didn't go to school with. Also one really good friend goes a long way.

I.,
I am a counselor working with kids and familes for twenty ye-ars. This is a problem I see often. I do think you should find a counselor for your daughter. Many times kids this age will not tell their parent the whole truth because they are protecting you. You are on the right track and very wise to be thinking about getting her help. I would be happy to help you find someone good in your area. You can email me - ____@____.com.

my daughter has had a rough start of the year.she is a gymnast who broke her hand after a struggle to move up to next level now nearly an impossible dream...she was blue most of the time...i pushed her to get involved in other things and forced her to go and make some friends..i encourged her to have people over..for your daughter maybe you can plan a makeover day to lift her spirits hair cut or manicure .highlights to at least give her a lift...

Hi I.,

Have you thought about homeschooling her? Her problem may be some of the reckless children she meets in school. How can she learn or develop any self esteem this way? If you pull her out she will instantly be loosed of that pressure and she can learn and socially interact in her own way. Some kids in school live to bully and demean others. My solution would be to pull her out or at least talk to her about homeschooling and see how she feels about it. If you have cyber schools in your state they are a great way to homeschool if you don't have any experience doing it. They give you everything for free. Books, computer and any other essentials she'll need. My kids know they have it made and they are strong, happy, very social kids. If you are in pa check out connectionsacademy.com If not go on the computer and type in free cyber schooling from home. Most states that have virtual public school also have brick and mortar charter schools and the kids in these schools are usually always happy because of the difference in teaching. Be blessed.

R.