Seeking Advice for a Friend in Need

Until she knows that he is "the one", she probably should not force her son to be with him. he should have mommy alone time, and she can date her new beau and have her son at a sitter's when they go on dates. It is really hard on children to bond with someone, and then when the relationship doesn't work out, the person is gone. It inadvertantly teaches them that relationships are temporary. Once the relationship is serious, and they are contemplating getting married, he should want to take an active roll with this little boy. They should never have to compete for mom's attention.
Just my opinion. I learned it at a kids cope with divorce class when I went through mine.

You said this relationship is new. How new? If it's less than 6 months, her son should not even be aware that this man exists. Of course, he just wants mommy, that's what he's used to and that's his comfort zone.

It's great that your friend is moving on after her divorce and hopefully this relationship will develope into something serious. However, she needs to put her son first. He needs her. It's not her sons fault for the situation he has been placed in. Why can't she date him when her son is with his father? Or hire a babysitter and go out for the evening?

I'm a child of divorce. The worst thing you friend can go is bring different men in and out of her sons life.

this is an easy one, don't bring the kid around the NEW guy......there is absolutely no reason to bring a child around a new man that she herself is getting used to.......the boy feels like he is competing with this new man

If she just recently started dating, then she shouldn't have exposed her son to it. Until she meets someone that she thinks is going to be long term, she should not be introducing any dates to her child (it is just way to confusing)

Sorry--she has no business "including" her son in her dating life. She needs to leave the child with a sitter when she dates.

Probably the best thing for now would be for the guy to tell her son that he understands his feelings and he will respect them. Then they shouldn't do anything all together for a while. She could try again in a few months and see how her son likes it. The more his feelings get respected, the more in control he's going to feel. The biggest problem for children of divorce is feeling out of control. If they respect his wishes for now, he will gradually come to appreciate that. He will respect them more for it in the long run and eventually he'll be okay with being around the guy. In the meantime, she could get a favorite babysitter for her son and meet the guy in the early evening for dinner or movie dates. Never too long and always back for bedtime. This way they can slowly build their relationship while respecting her son's needs.

She should be focused on the well being of her child vs her happiness in the dating world.

When parents divorce.... the have finalization and the end. Children do not have that benefit because they still have to deal with parents from both sides for the rest of their lives.

I am a child of divorce (12) and it was hell. We were torn between families who wanted to know us and see us but it was more important for our bio mom and dad to get on with their lives vs understanding what they were doing to our lives.

She needs to focus on her child.

My experience was to not expose my children to anyone new because they were new and I wasn't sure if I liked them or not and didn't want someone who was great with the kids but aweful with me in their life. I figured it wouldn't be good or healthy for the kids to see men come and go while I got to know the men. When I did get together with my husband, it was a long time before the kids spent time with him and got to know him but we had established relationship first. Once a commitment was established then I introduced the kids.

She should get to know this man for at least a year before introducing her son. In the meantime and between time she should get her son involved in activities like sports, playgroups, church children's groups, etc. This way he is being exposed to other people and would be slightly less protective because he is used to seeing mommy interact with other male adults. When her relationship with a man because committed (engagement), they should begin to work on introducing baby boy by doing fun activities like the park, zoo, children's museum, amusement parks, swimming pool, beach, etc. Take it slow and steady. Right now she is doesn't know this "new" man well enough to take the risk of exposing her son to someone who is a stranger to her and her son.

If the mom has just recently started dating the guy, he should not be involved in her son's life. Children should not be exposed to new relationshiops. Moms (and dads) don't need to hide that they are dating,but kids don't need to be exposed to casual relationships. These relationships may be short term and there may be numerous relationships over the years. Kids don't need to be involved with their parents' non-serious new relationships

I remarried when my daughter was about 11, and it was not easy. She was jealous, more than I even realized until many years later when we talked about it. I wish that at that time I had the book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk. (You can read part of this practical guide to communicating with kids here: http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/038081...) The parenting experts/authors demonstrate exactly how to help children communicate, identify their own emotional issues, and participate in finding workable solutions.

Sometimes just letting the child know his feelings are normal, and that we empathize, goes a long way toward helping the child get to a new place emotionally. And he may have suggestions for his mom of how she can make his experience more satisfactory for him, too.

I think the best thing you could do would be to offer to take care of her son while she is out on a date. It is just way too confusing to a young child to see his parent going out with first one person and then another. if your friend and this man decide they are really serious and are starting to talk engagement and marriage, THEN is the time to let them start working SLOWLY on building a relationship between the child and the man. Just think how confusing all of this is for this poor little boy...and add to it the fact the Daddy may be dating and introducing him to girlfriends...no wonder that child is not reacting well to it!!!

dont left the child win to fun children things amusement parks ect.
I have teen who hate me dating i waited to to long But use caution child should not meet anyone until its serious other wise he get attacthed and its like a divored when you split all over again.