Seeking Advice - Maple Plain, MN

take it up with her boss. She should not be treating one child any different than another. I am a WSI swim teacher too, I do not give special attention to one over another. And as a boss I do not tolerate and in my employee handbook it states not to pick on certain children. Also she should do not give out treats IMO especially if she is going to use the time to tell the children what they are doing wrong. Those treats probably came out of her pocket and the director may not realize that she is using them as a criticism.

Hi Colleen,

That's too bad...definitely not the way to get your students to do better, or try their hardest. You get positive responses out of positive comments. I don't know that it will do any good, but maybe you should contact your local Red Cross, or the manager of the swimming pool. So sorry your child had to be humiliated so.

C.

forsure this is something that needs to be reported.
How did you sign him up for the class? She must have a boss!
good luck

I'm assuming the class was offered through community ed. or a local gym, or something of the sort. You need to call and talk to the director of the aquatics program. In addition I'd send a written letter even if you call. That would be something that could be kept on record, in her file, discussed with her. The person in charge does need to know about it. I hope you have better luck with the next lesson. If it happens again, right during the lesson I'd ask to speak to the supervisor.

Dear collen Y:
I read this with mixed feelings ...... We as parents and moms always want to protect our little ones from getting
physically hurt, emotionally, and mentally hurt, as they grow up... that is what we do best (lol) however as I think about this my children are now 21 and 28 I realize that somewhere along the way my girls were exposed to something of this nature. As a parent my first instinct
is to come out fighting like a wild she cat for them, however this does not always solve the issue.... the real issue lies within the fact on teaching your child that
when he is humiliated or teased the best way to handle it
is to think positive no matter what someone else may
say or think about you because no matter what you do in life someone, somewhere is going to beat you down no matter how hard you try to please them. Tell you son that he did
the best job he could do and that you are so proud of him.
It really doesnt do any good to report this gal .....
because she will just teach somewhere else and perhaps
continue with her attitude.
Perhaps when she was comparing him to others she was really
trying to get your son to understand what was the
right way, being she was challenged herself and probably
frustrated that he didnt understand like the other kids did.
Also maybe she was at a loss on how to get the point across?
I am not trying to justify her actions, I am just suggesting
that put yourself in her position ... maybe you could\
request a special meeting with her and see if you and her
can come up with a "plan" to help your little one with
the swimming class.
We as moms all want to put our kids in little bubblrd
to protect them from this "cruel " world but the reality
is this:
The sooner you teach your child coping skills to handle
these situations the better off your child will be as he
grows and faces bigger disapointments, and people whom
are not nice!!!
I hope this helps!
God Bless you

I would first talk to the instructor. Tell her you are very upset about the way she spoke to your son. If you do not get the response from her that you want, talk to her supervisior. You can also call the local Red Cross office and speak to the person in charge and tell them your concerns. I agree that the instructor should always use positive reinforcement to teach the kids. I know that as most Mom's are today you are very busy, however I would try and go to watch how she interacts with students in other classes. She may be a good instructor for older kids or adults but not a good instructor for young children.

I agree that she should be reported to her supervisor (and anyone else in charge). She has no business working with children until she's had some training. Yes, it would be great if you could confront her, but someone like this most likely wouldn't even see that she was wrong. If no one complains, she'll keep doing this. If enough people complain, her reputation will keep her from working.

And, yes, it's very important to teach our children to stand up for themselves and be proud of themselves, but your son is only four. He really can't be expected to politely confront the teacher and say her behavior is inappropriate. At this age, you must be his champion, particularly against an adult. Besides, walking away from a bully is sometimes a very good lesson to learn.

What you can do is ask him how he felt about what happened. Don't lead him--"Did she make you feel bad?"or put ideas in his head--"Yes, she was a very mean lady." See what's he's thinking, help him sort out what he feels and tell him that his feelings are valid. Then ask him what he felt proud of during the lesson, affirm that, and tell him things you think he did well,too. This is a prime teaching moment to help him trust his emotions. Explain that you're finding a new teacher who does things in a way that will help him feel comfortable. It's too much to expect him to learn a new physical skill while defending himself emotionally. Otherwise, he might develop a fear of swimming that's really a fear of a bad teacher.

Please post if you get a response from her supervisor. Good luck!

I am assuming that you confronted her? Good job! She needs to know first hand that her behaviour will not be tolerated by you!
Definitely notify the facility that she teaches at. Call AND write up a complaint and sign it.
GOOD JOB MOM!

I'm not sure why you're even asking. Of course you need to talk to her supervisor. It would have been a good idea to do it much earlier.

And you need to find a better place to give your son swimming lessons; we have always been very happy with Foss. Once we had an instructor who wasn't good with toddlers, so I complained right away. My son was placed in a different class. Other than that our instructors have always been excellent.

Just think about how horrible your child has been feeling, week after week, lesson after lesson. It is your job to step in when he encounters an adult like this.

Hi Colleen -

I read some of the previous posts, and have just two things to add - I definitely agree with the other mom who said to make sure that you also complain in writing so that it's documented. My other comment is to make sure to complain to more than just one person. Complain to EVERYONE, make sure that it's not something that can just be filed away/ignored.

Good luck!

I'm glad you confronted her, however this needs to be taken care of from the top. Contact the venue where the swimming lessons took place, find out who her boss is and type up a formal letter and hand deliver it so you can speak in person as well. That way they've not only spoken to you, but have a formal complaint on paper as well.

Your poor little guy, thats just horrible. No child should be treated that way.

Colleen,
What a horrible experience. If I were you I would get as high up at the Red Cross as you can go and report this person. That is just awful. I am so so sorry. The thing is, our kids will get this throughout their lives, in different ways. How do we make sure that they have the strong self esteem to handle it is the real question. My parents gave me that gift and I hope to give it to my son as well. The sad thing is this teacher didn't get the same. She clearly has 'issues.' and that is really sad. I am not worried at all that you will be able to nurture your son and help him understand that all adults aren't always right, don't always act mature or happy.

I believe your best bet would be to contact the Red Cross Agency in your city. Definitely, the person in charge has no business working with children with an attitude such as her's. Good luck and tell him not all swimming instructors are that nasty. My grandchildren have had wonderful instructors, but they have recieved their lessons at the "Y".

Yes, please DO report her to whomever is her higher-up, supervisor, or the Red Cross itself...so that another parent and child do not have to experience the same thing!

You need to speak to her supervisor. That is not acceptable. I am a Red Cross certified lifeguard, water instructor (which is what I hope she was) and also an instructor trainer. That instructors behavior does not in any way represent what we teach, and good aquatic managers also take time to train their instructors and match them with the age range they should be teaching. As a 17 year veteran teacher, I would NEVER give one student a treat and not another in my class for any reason other than a parent request not to give them one, nor would I EVER belittle a student like that. We teach constructive feedback, i.e., give them the good stuff first, and slowly in a non-judgmental way give them constructive feedback that helps them learn. Telling a student they are not being a good swimmer is not acceptable. I would speak to her supervisor, and if you are not satisfied there, contact your local Red Cross.