Am I Right to Be Concerned?

As a lifelong teacher who has seen a lot, I would not feel safe with any program where observers are forbidden.

I can see where they're coming from regarding parents distracting the kids. But if that is the rule, they should set up a camera so you can observe from the lobby. Not allowing you in the building or parking lot is just weird.

A lot can happen in 90 minutes. Any closed situation where "no witnesses" is guaranteed is a bad idea. This is especially true for young children, who are not very verbal and easily coached/intimidated. Even if it was set up with good intentions, this type of situation is attractive to predators.

No, no, no, no, no. Not safe.

All dance classes are like this...I have observed the kids when the parents just decide to barge in and stay. The kids act up, they don't pay attention, they see mom and dad and decide the teacher is not the boss and are confused by the teacher asking them to do things, they act out for attention from mom and dad.... It is sad sometimes because those parents are almost always the ones that are hugely disappointed in their child's behavior and end up pulling them from class.

Honestly, the reason they probably have such a high success rate is due to kicking parents to the street.

Whenever someone says you MUST leave, the hairs on my neck stand up. Yes, they have valid reasons, but to banish you from the building and lot? I would feel so uncomfortable just dropping him off and leaving, and three is so young to be able to explain verbally everything that took place while you were gone.

BTW, have you spoken to the other parents on the specifics of the class? What's a typical class, how do the children like the instructors, has anyone taken classes and NOT raved about them?

Personally. I would not allow my child to attend. Preschools and day care that don't have an open door policy are immediately crossed off my lists, I would feel the same with a swim class because of his age. Three is simply too young, in a few years it will be a different story. Buck the trend, find lessons elsewhere.

I would not be comfortable with that. We enrolled our youngest son in a YMCA class when he was 3. They didn't allow parents inside the fence, but we could watch on bleachers outside. Thank goodness we stayed. During the first lesson, the lifeguard had walked away and the instructor was with one child while all the others were told to hang onto the wall. My son went under. If my husband had not been so quick to run in an pull him out he probably would have drowned. Needless to say, we never went back.
So agree--trust your instincts.

I would never let my three year old out of my sight, especially when water is involved.

Don't do it.
Trust your instincts.
You can always enroll in a diffrent class but you can never do anything if something does awry and something happens to our child.
It's a pool...water.....anything could happen.
I say your take your hubby being pissed, enroll elsewhere and be sure your kids are safe.
I'm with you!

Wow. How strange. I have never even heard of swim lessons (until the children are older), that don't REQUIRE a parent to be present. It's all about liability. At the age of three, most require the parents to either be in the pool, or sitting near the rim of the pool. I would NOT leave my son there without me, and you are right to be concerned...in my opinion.

I understand their viewpoint and yours. I was a swim teacher and we had parents that were constantly undermining the trust and skills that the kids were capable of. I don't agree with the swim school not allowing the parents to watch. They should allow you to watch but not comment--have a quiet zone--thats what my job did and it worked great! The kids had their parents as a strong, silent, support and the parents were able to experience the lesson and enjoy watching their kids. I would write a letter to the swim school and ask if they will make an exception. Tell them you are considering removing him because of this rule. You are not comfortable with it. If you feel it isn't safe for your child, don't do it. No matter what anyone else says. I think the rule is too strict----I wouldn't take my kids there. GL

M

My son did swimming lessons at a local pool for a year and a half. He was becoming an excellent swimmer and could make 2 laps of the pool by the time he was 6 1/2. One afternoon during lessons his goggles came off while he was diving in. They lodged right against his eyeballs and when he came up he was panicked and struggling to remove the goggles and stay above water. He was only 2 ft from the edge of the pool and 3 ft away for from the instructor. He called for help 3 times and went under twice. All the while the instructor was only 3 ft away and did not see or hear what was going on. I got out of mt chair and ran screaming at the instructor to grab him while he kept going under and she was clueless as to what was going on. By the time I got to the edge and reached out to him (he was only a 1.5 ft from the edge) he had gone under at least 4 or 5 times and was starting to give up. HAD I NOT BEEN THERE WHO KNOWS! There were many other parents, but they were focused on watching their own childrens diving skills. There was an instructor in the water and one on the side, who both did not recognize the emergency. My son is a very strong swimmer and was in an advanced class, but it only took one second for him to become disorientated and almost drown. I would not allow my child to swim there.

Let him go to the swim class and you find someplace to go and read a book for 90 minutes.

If you hadn't heard any good things about this swim class I would feel as you do. But with lots of positive comments and recommendations, that puts a different light on it. I have seen parents make their kids afraid of the water and other kids afraid of the water by their voice, inflection, and attitude. That's why they don't want any parent there.

Good luck to you and yours.

There is no way in h*ll my kid would be taking that class. How weird.

I read its scientifically proven that a child cannot swim to save their life until the are over 4.

I would let hubby just be mad at you for this one. Oh well.

I wouldn't go there.

When my daughter was young, she took swim lessons at our local park district. They taught my older daughter how to swim, I've never had a problem with them, and they do a good job and it's always hard to get the lesson you want because EVERYBODY goes there.

Well, one Saturday morning when we were sitting there watching the lessons, my neighbor and I noticed that the lifeguard overseeing the lessons had fallen asleep in his chair overlooking the pool. Nobody got hurt, a parent informed the instructor at the time and there were plenty of parents watching. Could that happen anywhere? Sure! For that reason I would never just drop my child off at a swim lesson -- especially one so young. Go with your gut.

I personally wouldn't do it. Seems weird to me.

My daughters' dentist doesn't let us back into the exam room but there's a good reason for that. And, we're allowed in the waiting room, and the hygienists are constantly updating us. If you're not even allowed on the property, that's a red flag. I'd take your kid somewhere else!

You are uncomfortable, it does not matter what we all think. If your husband is the one dropping off your child there and picking him up, then speak with him about it.

I can imagine as another mom said, this is why they are so successful. So many kids and parents cause each other stress and distraction in these sorts of situations. But the moment you leave a child with a caregiver, teacher, instructor, the child can focus on what is going on. With such limited time, this allows them get started on time, with the class and have the children participate for a continuous time.

I think you are the one that is not ready for this. Speak with your husband and explain that to him. There is nothing wrong with following your mommy heart and brain. Then, no regrets..

I wouldn't leave my kiddo there. If they had a waiting area that was out of sight from the kids (even if you watched on a video monitor)... well, that would still be weird, but otherwise, no way. I would look for another option for teaching him this important life skill.

As a teacher, I can see the reason for this. I know school is a different setting, but I couldn't imagine trying to do my job with a parent there observing, even though it is allowed at my school. Kids act differently with their parents around, and I'm sure some parents try to get involved during the class, too, instead of the letting the instructors do their jobs. I would be comfortable leaving my child and would try to enjoy the mini-break. If you're curious, ask the facility why the policy is in place. Sometimes knowing the reason makes it easier to accept.

I wouldn't do it. Have you heard about the pediatrician who got arrested for molesting over 100 kids ranging from age 2 months to teen I believe. I have to ask where the parents were when the doctor was busy molesting the child. Just because something or someone has accolades or is reputable doesn't mean there's not a molester amongst them. What if the establishment is reputable but their new hire teacher isn't for example? Probably there's nothing shady going on but why take the risk if you don't have to? Your son will learn to swim even if he does not attend this particular program.

I would probably allow an older child to do this, but no way would I allow my 3 year old to attend classes where I'm told I cannot even be on the property while they're going on! And I fall FAR more on the "free range kid" side than the "helicopter" side! I get the idea that they don't want parents translating fears or anxiety to kids and that kids act much differently sometime when parents are around, but a total lack of transparency -especially with very small children -would be cause for alarm in my book. My family loves to swim and my oldest started swimming well, swimming completely underwater, etc. at age 4, but your child has time to learn. Enjoy the pool with him and start teaching him on your own. Find some less aggressive lessons. In a few years if he's not already swimming on his own, THEN consider this when he can really communicate to you exactly what's going on at these lessons!

They may be doing this (and I don't advocate it at ALL, but kids do learn to swim in a hurry this way -there's a place near here that does it, but parents can watch and many jerk their kids up and leave, but they have great success with the ones who stay) -they literally throw the kids into the water and use a LOT of yelling, drill-sergeant type boot camp style behavior. They don't let any kid come close to drowning, but they demonstrate strokes and technique and then throw the kids in the pool and yell at them. Sounds like a great way to ruin water for your kid forever, but like I said, the kids who stay in the program are great swimmers by the end of the week. Your place may not be anything like that, but given their parent policy -it sounds plausible. So -I say skip it!

I also am very uncomfortable with a place that doesn't allow parents to be there. If they don't want the kids to see the parents, they should have a room with a one-way mirror for the parents who wish to stay.
I would go somewhere else, if it were me.

go with your gut. Final.

I guarantee you that your kids will swim just as well with other lessons. And I am puzzled by these positive accolades that you are hearing.....how do the parents KNOW that the lessons are so good if they are not witnessing them????? By the end result??? Most if not ALL swim lessons should bear the same result...YOUR KID LEARNS TO SWIM! I really don't understand-are they swimming BETTER than from other lessons? No. The parents have all just "drank the Koolaid" so to speak on these particular lessons. You hear so much about how good they are you buy right into it and perpetuate the idea. You as parents want to be in on the "cool club" of having your kids go to this place for lessons. Your husband has bought into this hook, line and sinker.

I would be extremely skeptical of the methods that this place is using. This is probably the REAL reason they won't let parents in.

To answer the title question: yes.

Sorry, those rules wouldn't "fly" with me.

After all, leeches, segregation, women not voting, absinthe and 4" platform shoes were all once the "rage" at O. point in time!

Hmm... I'm really torn here. On one hand I see your point completely! The way they say they don't want you there and will monitor even the lobby and parking lot is weird. It is water and accidents happen and you have every right to want to be close if it does.

And yet.. As a daycare provider I would never accept a parent just hanging around. Kids do behave differently when parents are hanging around. A lot of providers are very frustrated with how long some parents drag out the drop off and pick up times. I manage okay because I've had a lot of years to develop routines that work out pretty well. But let me give you an example of something that can be a problem..

I have a little boy that is turning 1 this month. He's been with us since 8 weeks. He's happy and always comes to us smiling in the morning. But he just came back after a 2 week vacation. So he's starting to show a little bit of separation anxiety. I am trying to get him quick and immediately take him in another room and distract him. But one day this week my mother decided to walk over to his mom and start a conversation. So I was in the next room trying to distract him and he could hear his mothers voice. It left me in limbo because he wasn't crying yet but looking like he was for all the world about to scream. It wouldn't be the end of the world for him to. It's not that I can not deal with it. But it takes NOTHING for kids to start a new phase. If he starts crying and mom doesn't know how to react because she's never had to deal with it before, she could react wrong. She could get nervous and start acting nervous before she arrives in the morning. Then she could have a conversation with the dad about him crying right in front of him. The little boy could pick up on it and suddenly we have a problem that won't be over before it starts.

Needless to say when my mother shut the door I was like... "UM MOMMMM... Why are you distracting her when you KNOW that we are trying to get him used to the morning drop off again?!"

I think in your situation I would want to know the names and bio's of each and every person that will be in attendence. I would want to know how many life guards are going to be there. I honestly think they are just doing this in a way that works really well for them. You could check with the local authorities to find out if there have ever been any complaints.

Think about how long your child stays interested in any one activity throughout his day. 1 1/2 hours?! That's a VERY long time- even for older kids, let alone a little guy like yours. My gut tells me that they probably use fear and intimidation to teach the kids. I wouldn't be comfortable leaving my kid ANYWHERE where I was not allowed to drop by. If I were in your situation, I would be digging my heels in and fighting with my husband every day to make sure this did not happen.

I would NEVER allow my child in this program......

We took our kids to a pediatric dentist and they refuse to let you stay with them. When they brought our 3 1/2 year old son back out to us, his face was swollen and beat red and his shirt was soaked. She said he "gagged a little with the pictures" and left. I smelled his shirt and you could SMELL the puke. He threw up and she basically lied by omitting the truth! When we brought this (very nicely!) to the dentists attention and said we understand that kids can have trouble with picture but we just didn't like the fact that they LIED about it. He didn't care! We will NEVER be going back there! I will never leave our kids in a situation like that again!

No way would I allow my toddler to swim without me watching! Or anything else for that matter. It's very strange that they don't allow parents to watch. I would also refuse to let my child attend this program. Stick to your guns on this one. Your mama instinct is usually correct. Good luck!

I completely understand their policy- as I think many kids act differently when their parents are there and makes swim lessons (or any structured class) very difficult. However, as a parent, if you are not comfortable with this then I am sure there are other swim clubs/lessons in the area that have positive results as well.

While I would not let y 3yo go to without me I get why they don't want parents there. My kids act like maniacs when I am with them sometimes but are perfect for other people soo I could see my 5yo as a 3yo acting up and my 8yo as a 3yo being terrified of the water even though he wasn't if I was there. I think you should be aloud to be in your car in the parking lot. Can the kids see the lot ?Do they think one will try to scale the fence if they see their parents car?. I agree with you not to send him. Take him to your local YMCA. You should be aloud to watch him take lessons. If he doesn't learn to swim at 3 then life is not over but I wouldn't send my child to this swim club for lessons until he was older if ever considering I couldn't even be in the parking lot let alone the lobby.

I would never allow a swim school (or any other school, instructor, whatever in the world you can come up with) tell me that I cannot stay to watch and supervise my child. No way. I don't care who it is, they do not ever have the authority to overrule me as the parent in my child's life. I go back to the examination room at the dentist, even if it is against policy. I go with them to every appt., lesson, etc. I will not sacrifice my rights as a parent for any accolades of a swim lesson. Especially for a 3 year old. That is insane.

I wouldn't drop off my little one for something like that. There are other teachers and other methods.

Blessings....

Well, this is slightly different, but I have asked my friend to teach my two older daughters to swim. They are 6 and 7. (Conflict of schedules, my daughter getting an infection from a public pool while doing lessons when she was an infant, lack of funds, the fact that we haven't even gone to the pool, etc prevented us from getting earlier lessons) Now I'm desperate, and I want them to be taught properly. My friend has her own pool. I have specifically stated that I don't want to be there when she's doing the lessons. I've been there before (last year attempted lessons), and just having me there is a problem. They goof off cause I am there and don't take it seriously. I just want them to be able to focus and I also don't want to freak-out when they start doing underwater stuff.

(This is coming from a mom who LOOOOOOVES to swim. I was on the swim team for 10 years, and when I get into the water I feel SO in my element, so I cannot explain why I'm s nervous about my own kids...)

My friend has taught others to swim, is a champion swimmer and an experienced life-guard. I totally trust her.

Sounds like you and the hubby need to have a talk and get on the same page. We can not help you with communicating your fears to your husband, other than to advise you to just speak from your heart...but if you are just looking for comfort/validations about justifying your feelings, then here it is from me: If you don't feel comfortable with this program and their rules and regulations then stick to your guns! Plain and simple, as The Mommy, I feel we all have this RIGHT! :) *I play 'The Mommy Card' all the time and my husband is OK with that!!

~For what it's worth, I have a backyard in-ground pool and 6 kids and 2 nephews who ALL took regular old swimming lessons given by The American Red Cross through our 'Parks and Recreations Department' in my city...ALL my kids can swim just great!

Trust your instincts. For all my daughter's activities (who is already 14) I still oversee what is going on. This has proved to be useful. Once my daughter fainted because she hadn't eaten her breakfast and I rushed over and helped her up before the tutor noticed what was going on (it was a large class).
You could try a different swimming class. I'm sure that swim school is not the only one with achievements.

I agree with you - it's absurd that they don't even allow you to stay in the parking lot!! What if there is an accident and he needs to go to the ER? They would have to wait until you got back in order to go, unless they are actually requiring you to sign a "consent to treat" form which would allow them to make medical decisions for your child. I would never take my child to that school.

This is a tough situation, but as a lifelong swimmer with two kids who were like fish since they were born, I think that learning water safety young is so very important. There are different ways to go about it, yes, but....judging from the responses, NO OFFENSE to anyone, I can see why this particular swim club has the policy they do.
Many who drown do so because they panic. Little kids can learn how to hold their breath, how to flop on their backs and float, how not to freak out or be nervous. That can be difficult if their parents are fearful of them being in the water in the first place.
I know one kid who I really worry about because he'd like to be in the water but he's afraid of it, his parents won't let him in anything deeper than his waist, his mom did put him in swim lessons but she took him out because she had a heart attack everytime he gulped water. He's a teenager and couldn't save himself in 4 feet of water if he had to. He's not allowed to go anywhere around water unless one of his parents are there. They don't trust other parents to supervise. At this point, they have a reason to worry. Their fear of something happening to him in the water has resulted in him having no safety skills other than just avoid water.
I can promise you that mom would never leave her child in a pool with strangers and even if she made it out to the parking lot, she'd be back in every 5 minutes holding her chest and having a conniption.
Panic and water is not a good combination.
You're worked up and nervous and your son hasn't even tried it yet.
It's not like you're never invited to see the progress where the kids can be proud to show what they've learned.
They're not trying to get the parent away from the child. In my opinion, they're trying to establish focus. Having moms once a week who get nervous if their kids put their faces under water or learn to bob off the bottom is probably enough. For the mom AND for the kid.
If you are really against this method then try to find a compromise with your husband and get him into lessons somewhere else. But do get him into lessons so he can learn water safety. Your child will pick up on your apprehension about the whole thing and that could turn into anxiety about being in water and that's something you want to avoid. It's not about becoming an Olympic swimmer, it's about safety and I encourage all parents to teach their children as young as possible.

I wish you the best and I hope it works out.

I wouldn't be concerned about leaving my child, lots of places that give lessons to young children have those kinds of rules. The kids do much better without their parents hanging around. The last thing the instructor needs is for little Billy to be crying for his mommy whom he knows is just outside the door.
I WOULD be concerned about the length of the class, an hour and a half is long! Do they break it up with some games and free time?

i wouldn't do it...nope. there's other good/cool places you can take him too, if that's important, that you can stay at. i know my butt would be & WILL be right there, especially SWIMMING! geez. that's so much different than dancing. but, we just love our babies so much, but still, i wouldn't do it. go w/your gut, it's never wrong. jmo, good luck w/hubby

If i were you, id go talk to your local chapter of the Red Cross. They have a very good swim lesson program that allows your child to advance from beginner to intermediate to lifegaurd status as they learn. Its a good program with good instructors and the program offers a real incentive for kids to learn to swim. It is also free and parents are never forbidden to watch. I took those lessons when i was a kid and my parents were always there with me. It was one of the best programs around.

My kids (ages 3,5, 7) participate in many different activities and I have always had the option of at least staying close by - I would never drop them off someplace where I did not have some control over my access to them, even it's waiting in the lobby. When I feel comfortable enough with something, I might go do an errand, but that is my choice. Sure, parents might be a distraction for some kids, but there are easy ways to fix that, and we are also sources of comfort, security, strength, and pride. I, personally, would pass - I'd rather trust my mommy gut and have the swimming skill take a bit longer if it has to. He'll learn soon enough, even if it's not via the newest craze!

what concerns me is that you can't stay on the premises. I have seen other reputable swimming facilities that don't allow parents to watch swimming lessons b/c they don't want the kids distracted, but parents stay on site in case there's a problem. I get that. Also, like other mothers, I feel that 1.5 hours is too long for a 3 year old. I might hold off until the child is a little older. Also, when you are ready to do swim lessons if you are still considering this place reach out to other parents who have children who took lessons there.

I wouldn't put a 3 year old in this situation. Many kids that young are not comfortable being apart from a parent yet. Try another type of lesson for now. You could always do this when your child is school age if they haven't caught on to swimming in a couple of summers.

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It might be a good class, but trust your instincts. It only takes one predator a short period of time to drastically change your child's life.

It seems like the swim school could at least have a video feed you could watch. Maybe you could get enough people together to encourage the school to make this change. Some day cares even have the video feeds available on-line. You could still drop your child off, go home, and watch, and your child wouldn't know you were watching and therefore wouldn't be affected by your presence.

Otherwise, there are alternative places to learn to swim!

We have a swim school here that is very highly recommended and they don't allow the parents in the pool area, but there is one way glass there where the parents can see in, but the kids can't see them. THAT is acceptable to me because they have chairs setup for you to sit and watch, but your kids aren't clinging to you because they can't see you. You, as the parent, can see everything that's going on. As for forcing you to leave the premesis, there is NO way I would go for that, especially with really young kids. I think your instincts are spot on and I would find another swim school. Surely, there is more than one place where a kid can learn to swim. Good luck!

i think the no engaging makes sense, but i would not be able to stand not watching my kid. that is just wrong. especially so young and defenseless and in swim suits for that matter! sorry, i just dont trust anyone that much!!

Updated

i think the no engaging makes sense, but i would not be able to stand not watching my kid. that is just wrong. especially so young and defenseless and in swim suits for that matter! sorry, i just dont trust anyone that much!!

If you're just plain uncomfortable with the terms and conditions of this class, or if your child is going to feel anxious without you there, you should definitely wait until your child is a bit older and/or you feel better about your child's safety. Or you could seek out other swim classes that will allow your presence. Just because this one class is all the rage doesn't mean it's going to feel right for every family.

My daughter took advanced gymnastic classes in high school. Parents were not prohibited, but discouraged from watching. Considering how potentially dangerous some moves were, it was probably easier on the parents, the staff, and especially the students, who needed to have total focus on their own movements.

Trust your gut. I wouldn't leave my young child at a pool without me there....period. My 6 year old takes swimming lessons and I take him every weekend. I watch him even though he has a private instructor and tons of lifeguards around, I still feel I HAVE to be there. I even make sure that I have a babysitter to watch my toddler during the swim lessons--pools are dangerous and accidents can happen in a second.

Your son is very young, why the rush to teach him how to swim?

Yeah that's strange, the whole parents make the kids nervous thing, I get, but a lot monitor... Really? no way...

No way, I couldn't do it. You should at least request a webcam and watch from another room. Otherwise, find someplace else! You could find a swim instructor and have one-on-one lessons, I'm sure you would get more for your money in that case, and learn in less time, too. I'm with you on this for sure!

If what you want to is observe the swim lesson, then this is not the swim school for you. I can understand not allowing parents into the pool area during lessons, this is distracting for the kids and parents hover so much these days, but there should be an observation area, with one way glass so the kids can't see the parents. You should be able to see the progress that you are paying for, without interfering in the lesson.

If all the parents want to do is hover and thus distract their child, then how can the teachers be expected to teach your child? The rule wouldn't be there if the staff hasn't already experienced that situation. The question you may want to ask yourself is this, do I want my child to learn to swim or not?

I'm late here, but wanted to give you my two cents worth:
When my oldest son was little, there was a family in town (small town) who gave swimming lessons in their backyard pool. (Same thing - really great reputation for teaching kids to swim. ) The father of the family was one of my high school teachers; he, his wife and college age children all taught lessons. We were all told to drop our kids off and leave that I would not be allowed to stay in the pool area and watch the lesson. BUT I was also told, when I called to sign him up, that I would recognize the house from all the mom's looking through the knot holes in the fence. LOL. They were right. It was hard to miss! We all did it... and they were obviously okay with that. The last day of lessons we were all allowed in to watch their progress. The children all regressed with the parents present. I was amazed at how much better my son did when he thought I wasn't watching. So I totally get why they don't want the parents present. I didn't have an issue leaving him there, but I was able to see what was going on. I also knew the people.

The camera in the parking lot seems extreme. It seems to me, if they can put a camera in the parking lot, they could install cameras for the parents to watch what's going on in the pool from somewhere out of sight of the children.

No way!! Don't leave your child there. That is ridiculous... I am 100 % with you....

Nope, nope, nope! At 3 years of age, your child does not need to be away from you in any setting other than preschool (sans a nanny's care if you work away from home). Especially around a pool setting (I'm sure the lifeguards are great) you need to be near your child. Period. Sorry, I am a self-proclaimed paranoid parent of two teenagers and a 3 year old who tucks them each in every night and checks on them before I hit the hay. That's my job as a mom. It's what I signed on for, so as for the swimming patrolees...take your child somewhere else to learn, where you BOTH can be comfortable.

Personally, I wouldn't let this go on with my daughter and she's only two! It seems a little strange to me and I would say skip it!

I am sorry if I can not be there, neither is he. Lots of things can be going on. No way!

I'm with you! I would NEVER leave my children in a situation I wasn't even allowed to observe, ESPECIALLY not one involving water.