Seeking a Good Marriage Family Therapist

My husband and i go to Shari Levine 1020 SW Taylor St # 630
Portland, OR 97205 ###-###-####. She is incredibly insightful and observant and really helps us get the the core of issues. best of luck!

Charlotte Finn is wonderful. Her office is located near Lloyd Center in Portland. Not expensive, very talented, experienced.

Samaritan Counseling Centers just opened the Center for Healthy Relationships at 1205 NE Broadway. The agency is funded by a federal grant promoting Healthy Marriages and they use theories and approaches supported by research. In addition to counseling, they offer relationship skill building classes on topics like communication,conflict resolution and deepening intimacy. These can be more appealing to some folks than therapy because it is practical and you don't have to delve into the hard emotional issues to see progress. There is a series of classes starting next week. The website is www.sccpdx.org

I don't have any therapist advice for you, but I will advise to NEVER fight in front of your little boy.

The first issue being that you have conflicting VERY important events, I don't know how a therapist could help. It is unfortunate, and surely both of you are able to see the other's point. How long has it been since you saw Granny, and how long has it been since you saw Dad? Have you run the issue by your father, and is he able to modify his visit (that would be the first thing that should have occurred to you)? And were you unaware of Gran's 90th coming up or unaware of your dad's plans before this scheduling issue; is there a big family party for gran with people your hubby wants to visit with; is there some reason why you and babe can't run down for one special day and then come back, but let hubby be there for the longer visit; and if it isn't financially ok for you to do that, then why not have hubby go down while you stay for your dad's visit?

I throw all this out, because I don't know how anyone could help you with this, without knowing all of that. How did the schedule get so mucked up? If you "recently" moved up from CA (how recently?), has it occurred to you that your hubby is homesick? It may not have occurred to him that this is the problem, but it sounds like you aren't feeling homesick yourself, so I'm guessing that California doesn't have as many ties for you?

Given that you were a marriage and family therapist yourself, I'm of the opinion that a marriage therapist is surely not going to tell you much that you don't already know. The problem is that you need to take the knowledge you already have and apply it to yourself.

On a brighter note ... the first years of my marriage were spent with my either screaming or crying a LOT, and my husband not giving an inch ever, and I would never want to go back and live those days over. We've been married nearly 29 years, and adore each other. We're the happiest couple I know. Here's hoping you'll feel the same way, 29 years from now.

i think that therapy can help everyone. keep in mind that not all therapists are created equal and therapy only works if you click with your therapist and if both partners in the marriage want to work on it. therapy is great because it gives you an outside perspective and you can learn skils there to take home with you. therapy can teach you communication skills and problem solving skills so you can fix your own problems eventually. i went to a great therapist at the LDS family social services. Don't be scared off that it's run by mormons!! they are wonderful people and religion is NOT talked about, i promise. A lady named michelle is fantastic. i went to her with my husband and she was very helpful. i'm sorry that i don't have the number to give you, but if you look up LDS social services, you should be able to find the number and then ask for michelle. or patricia, my sister-in-law sees her and loves her. i think they charge about 70/hr which is a great price for therapy. believe me i have dealt with my fair share of therapists!! good luck to you!

our therapist was horrible for me--mostly because he totally discounted almost everything I said, because I was speaking from intuition and my religious tradition and he was sympathetic to neither (I was hoping that would make my husband feel safer ... which it did ... but in the end too much "his" side, for sure!) ... so I can't recommend him ... but I thought I'd drop the "what I'd do differently in choosing" advice ...

if you both agree on a religious (or secular!) perspective, make sure your therapist agrees with it and can speak within it. Therapists are trained to be 'non-judgemental,' but really the whole religious/spirituality thing is something people either support or don't.

(We were too far gone to still be able to agree about that stuff by the time we landed in a therapist's office; he never would have come at all if I had tried to insist on my religion. We got a whole lot of good work done anyhow, but it was because I am very facile at translating my perceptions to other people's point of view, so we could speak in "his" language ... especially once it became clear that he was so angry he simply wouldn't listen if something sounded like "my" language.)

The other "duh" advice is to not take recommendations from family members. I goofed that too ... and should I have been *surprised* the therapist was more amenable to his family's perceptions? Um, no. (Duh.)

Anyhow, here's hoping my mistakes are helpful!

I'm really sorry you are under such stress but so glad that your note implies you expect he would be willing to seek ehlp with you as well!! My individual therapist was literally amazed that my man had stuck with our (somewhat sporadic) therapy for the year+ that he did ... she says it's terribly unusual for a man to have that much patience with therapy. (But maybe sahe was saying, for a man who has made the decision to leave, rather than just men in general.)