My 2 y.o. has started screaming and not letting go of us when we drop her off at school. It has gotten progressively worse. After several days she started her screaming as we pulled into the school parking lot. Now the screaming starts when she sees her "school clothes" in the morning. The teachers say that she calms down after we leave and has a good day until the director (someone she has obviously formed a tight bond with) walks into the classroom, at which time she starts crying and wants to be held by her. I know she enjoys school and don't believe there is anything bad going on. We have tried staying with her at school and progressively leaving after shorter periods, and we have tried the "drop-and-go" methods. We talk about school all the time and she always seems happy at the mention of it or of her teachers. She was in an in-home daycare for two years, so this is her first time in a big group setting. My husband and I take turns taking her because it is so hard seeing her like that. She has started this behavior when going to the sitter's as well. She has always been an extremely outgoing meet-no-stranger child and has adapted very easily to new situations. Has anyone experienced this or have suggestions on how to best handle the situation? Is it normal? How long does it last?
It is normal, but if it lasts years, then seek help. My 3 child had the same thing (all of them did to some degree) but hers started at 2 and didn't end till she was 10! She was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder which counselling and meds helped.
Totally normal. We went through something similar with our daughter when she was 2. I think this separation anxiety (or whatever you want to call it) intensified after the baby arrived (ours are also 2 years apart). As long as she calms down after you leave, I would continue being consistent with a quick drop off. Just be sure you take enough time for a good hug and to tell her that you love her soooo much and you'll see her later. If your mornings are rushed (how could they NOT be?) maybe try to work in 5 minutes of "mommy time" where you're not messing with the baby, fixing your hair or rushing her around. Be intentional about it -- set a timer. I noticed drop-offs were much easier on mornings when I sat with her and read a couple books. It may have meant putting on makeup in the office parking lot, or leaving the baby in his crib crying for a few minutes, but it made a world of difference for her. You might even come up with some sort of fun activity for her to look forward to in the evenings. It could be reading a special book, sharing milk and cookies, or a few minutes of cuddle time in a rocking chair. Whether you have intended it or not, the arrival of baby brother has meant less time and/or attention for her and she's simply too young to understand it. While you may not (read: won't) be able to do it every single day, finding those few minutes here and there for one-on-one with her should decrease the tears and tantrums (read: the tears and tantrums will not go away completely -- she's still a 2-yr-old!). Maybe set yourself a goal of 5 minutes in the mornings and 15 minutes when you get home. And get one of those Pampered Chef digital kitchen timers. Those things are wonderful. It's now such a part of our life that my daughter (now 3 1/2) can set it herself!
I noticed that you have a fairly new baby. My guess is that some of the behavior may be connected to her trying to get attention. It sounds from your post that you are a very attentive and caring parent, but in the world of a two-year-old, any attention diverted away from them is too much. They literally want it all. She knows that she has found a way to get your attention and keep it, so she keeps repeating the attention seeking behavior. Kids do what works and what gets results. Generally, when you try to get them to change their behavior, they up the ante and the behavior gets worse before it gets better. My suggestion to you is to drop her off,tell her you love her and you hope she has a great day, give her a hug and kiss and leave. Don't let her see that you are distressed in any way. Make sure you do this consistantly for an extended period of time. It is easy to give up after a few times and say, "Oh, this isn't working." But, with behavior modification in children, something can literally take 20-30 tries before the behavior is modified. This means it may take a month or two before she sees that her behavior is getting her no where and stops it. As I stated before, she may even scream louder and throw more of a fit in the hopes that she will get you to stick her around. But, show her it doesn't work and she will eventually stop. If you give in or change your reaction even one time, you will undo all of the work you did and will literally have to start again from square one becasue in her mind she will see that she kept the behavior up for long enough and it worked!!!! The key is consistancy.
Remember, teaching your child to be independent and functional in the world isn't mean. It is the best thing you can do in the world for them. Let go of your guilt and just feel confident that you are teaching her to function as a strong, confident, independent child.
Good luck!!!
I am going through nearly the same exact thing. Grrr! Its horrible. I am trying to hard to just suck it up and be strong. I used to stay at the school with my son but that only dragged it on and on. So I now just drop him off have the teacher take him and I go. When I come back he ais GREAT. My teacher said it was probably just separation anxiety. With my son he would cry and scream kick hold onto me for dear life when I drop him off. Then after he would talk about school like it was ok then if the subject about school was dropped then brought up later he would be like "no I dont wanna go to school". Its hard to go through. Good Luck! (Its crazy how both of our names are E. and havign the same issues. Well I thought it was strange. lol)
