School Shooting :'(!

It sounds like you are raising a very generous and compassionate boy... good job!

I think you did a great job of explaining how and why that happened.....

I wonder, with him wanting to help all those other kids, that you might explain that lots of people from across the US are sending them toys and such.... and would he maybe rather help some local children that might not have as many presents? Would that help satisfy him? I'm just wondering what you are going to do with the 20 teddy bears.......

I think you did a nice job handling it when you found out he saw it. He's a sweetheart.

I'm not going to bring it up with my son, who is in kindergarten, unless I need to. I left a message with the school that afternoon asking what they might be doing re. the children, but I think I called pretty late. I believe they would have sent a voicemail to all parents (they do that for school event reminders) letting them know if the shooting had been talked about at school. He hasn't been exposed to it at all. I have kept the news off both TV and radio. I'm going to contact the school on Monday to see how they will approach it, and I will deal with it then. He is a sensitive boy, and very literal, so I want to shield him from this as long as I can, and help him process it when he has to deal with it.

Obviously this was a case of adults not paying attention and realizing a 4 year old was in the room and he accidentally saw it. From that, mom handled it beautifully. However, every expert I have heard so far talking about this says there is absolutely no reason to share this to children younger than 8, and that in fact they SHOULD be shielded from it if possible. I believe they are even recommending kids under 13 not even watch the news, and just have mom and dad explain it rather than have the haunting images. Of course, if you feel they are going to be exposed regardless then you should talk to them. So, yes it was handled well, given the situation. But we shouldn't be judging those who protect their kids from it, either, since they are doing what they are supposed to be doing and they are not "bubble wrapping them". There is a time and season......

honestly, not to marginalize your sadness (or any of ours) over this, but your title with the cute little crying smiley face, and the fact that you and your family "unintentionally" let him see it, and you wouldn't intentionally hide it from him...do you even realize the gravity of what happened friday?

my gut says, NOT doing every single thing in our power to shield an innocent 4 year old (*btw my son is 6 and has NO idea what happened) is part of the problem, with jading our children to things like this and leading to a more violent society. i really hope being so "open and honest" with him doesn't backfire. but what do i know...

i am not trying to blast you - i don't know you, parker sounds like a very sweet little boy, you sound like a very loving mom...but this post is seriously disturbing to me on a very deep, subconscious level. i can't shake it.

my six year old has seen us give money lots of times to salvation army, toys for tots, etc. he expects it and asks if he thinks we passed by the red bucket. i think that is a wonderful spirit in a little child. i also feel it's a much more appropriate tool for teaching compassion and about those less fortunate, rather than this devastating tragedy.

i guess to each their own...

I am trying to shield my kids from it. I am trying to shield myself from it. I brought it up and talked with my 9 year old about it, but I don't want my 5 and 3 year olds having this level of fear and anguish on their shoulders before the are capable of fully understanding life a little better. I have mentioned that sometimes bad things happen but that's as far as I take it with them.

I think you handled it as best as you could given the circumstances and your son was very sweet to want to try and help. Now tell everyone to only turn on the Disney channel :)

I even hid the front page of the newspaper from the 9 year old as it had a giant pic of some parents with such anguish on their faces it was deeply haunting and disturbing to me. No way my son needs to see that.

Your post made me cry....again. Your boy is wise and compassionate beyond his years.

Manda: We don't watch tv regularly in our house. I didn't find out about this tragedy until yesterday afternoon and spoke to my SO about it before the kids got home, so they didn't see or hear anything about it from us. Well, today I asked my daughter if she heard about any bad news yesterday and she said yeah....the kid down the street told her someone shot and killed 26 five year olds. So I did feel the need to discuss, comfort and reassure her that this will not happen to her too. Your kid might already know and be internalizing her fears....so maybe you should talk to her about it before some other kid does and scares her. Not only that but like my daughter, what she does hear may not exactly be true.

You have a lovely son and are doing an amazing job. It is so refreshing to hear a mother speak of reality and how to truly support her children.

The idea that we should "shield" our children is very dangerous. You clearly limit exposure to these events and have a good sense of balance in sharing with your children. You have given us all a great example of how to support and prepare our children through honest, open, clear, and direct communication and teaching your children empathy, compassion, and how to support themselves when faced with the realities of living on planet earth.

We cannot protect our children however we can definately prepare them. Our job is to give the tools to support them and you have shown us what that looks like. Thank you.

I'm not sure if I would have shared this with a child so young. I understand your intentions and it is very sweet that he is so kind hearted. It's disturbing enough for us adults, I can't imagine for children.

My husband went to high school with one of the fathers who lost their daughter. I know for us, it has hit us at our deepest level. To send someone a note of kindness, and to think of their siblings who are without is a very sweet and endearing thing for a child so young to think about.

God be with you and your precious boy.

If you want to send the toys to the town, I have heard that the local fire department may be taking donations. You should verify, though. Or get 20 bears and put them in a Toys for Tots bin.

That's great you're going to send all his presents but two to the town. I'm sure if you google it, you can find where to send it all. And I'm sure your son is extra special but I think it highlights the tragedy of these poor children being murdered as any time a hardship of another child comes up, my kids are always ready to share or give something of theirs. The idea of orphans makes them cry hysterically. Almost all children are very giving and generous and concerned for other children. Somehow this monster didn't know he was killing the best part of human nature. Or maybe he did. Who knows is his screwed up mind. I've also successfully kept this incident from my kids who are in 1st and 3rd grades. Hasn't been difficult. Not sure what will happen at school on Monday though or in Sunday school even.

Why are you letting him see this. He is four years old. There is no reason for him to even know about it.

Your son is a sweetie. We decided to tell our 9 and 7 year old today, but gave them the basics and not the details. I was worried they might hear about it when I'm switching channels on the radio in the car, or at sports, or school on Monday. They haven't seen anything on the TV, thankfully. We have kept that off. No need for them to know the entire story, but we wanted them to know that they are safe at school. We just had a mall shooting near us. Two discussions in a week about the same kind of thing. :(

I was thankful for this day with my two beautiful kids. Even the simple little things were magical. My son climbed in bed with us this morning for a snuggle and even kissing his little hand made me tear up. I'm so lucky to get to do that!

He's four years old for God's sake TURN OFF THE TV!!!!!

Your child is very sweet and compassionate - not many compassionate kids these days.

I do, however, believe he is way to young to know about this and it's good that you told him he's never have to worry about something like this. You're right, we don't know what the future holds, but kindergarten can be scarey enough, we don't need to add these types of fears.

I had the same kind of talk with my son who is 5. He asked about the sign in Chuck E. Cheeses and what that ment. It was a picture of a gun and a line through it. I simply said " you can't bring guns in there" He was fine with that answer. Although we did watch the news and things while he was in the room, he didn't pay any attention and didn't really understand what was going on. So, while we were walkign through, a lady behind me said something about the shooting and my son started asking questions. He asked what she was talking about. With a heavy heart, trying to fight the tears walking to the car holding his hand and holding it tight. I explained what happen to those little boys, girls, and teachers. He was asking all the why's. I was driving to Barnes and Nobles for the book exchange this week. Trying not to let him see the tears stream down my face as I continue my explanation of what happen and that no one knows why he did or why anyone shoots someone else.

Then he asked me if those boys, girls and teachers will ever see their families again, and I take a deep breath I whisper "no bud, they will not" As I look back at him, he sees the tears rolling down my face and asks why I'm sad. I tried to explain to him that this is very sad. He says "well, mom you know what, I love you and i will protect you. You're the best mom in the world"!!! ♥ My Little Man!!!