Do We Tell Our Kids About Today's Tragedy?

My son is almost 5, in pre-school. I am not telling him. I left work and picked him up early because I would combust if I could not hug him until after 5. He asked why I came early and I answered that I could not wait to hug him. He just laughed and later asked why I needed to hug him early and I replied a lot of bad things happened today and his hugs made me feel better. If he was a few years older, we would talk about it more, in as simple terms as I could. He is too young, in my opinion. This could terrify him and quite frankly, I don't understand how anyone could do this to innocent children (and adults) so I would be useless trying to explain it to him.

The pychologist on NBC said that if the kids are going to find out, to tell them first. They should hear it from you, and then let them dictate the conversation after that. It's too late to call the school, but maybe ask on Monday what the school plans to do.

My guy is 3.5, I'm not telling him. My nephew is 11, he just got home and is shaken up, he was told at school. There's information online on how to talk to children about this tragedy, I've been on FB and seen various listings of links to advice. With a 4 and 6 year old I would wait until and if they asked.

Yes, there probably will be kids in your son's class talking about it, but you never know how he will react. Kids can sometimes seem "cool" about tragedies, almost uncaring, but really they just don't process things the way we do.
I'd take a wait and see approach.
And here are some very wise words, from a very wise man, which may give you some comfort:
"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.' To this day, especially in times of 'disaster,' I remember my mother’s words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers - so many caring people in this world." -- Mister Rogers

Why will they be mentioning it in your son's first grade class?

I don't plan on telling my kids about it (age 5 and 2) no need.

My child's (4th grade) school announced it to them today so they could say a prayer. I really wish they would have left it up to the parents to tell our children ourselves. It was the first thing he talked about when he saw me and he asked me questions the whole way home. I am unprepared, as well.

I won't. I think mine (7&8) are likely too young to hear about it if I don't tell them. Given I don't know how to process this horror and can't think of a way to guarantee it'll never happen at our school, my kids certainly can't so if I can shelter them, I will.

Cats outta the bag here... It was discussed in each classroom and in a school wide assembly here. I hadn't even heard about it yet, and my son called me to tell me he was safe.

He's in one of the top 3 Seattle Public schools, in Suburbia-Land... And they've already been in lockdown twice this year (guns / shootings nearby), so at first I thought he'd meant it was at his school.

So... I would personally, had I had the option... Talk with him about it BEFORE the school does, or his classmates do.

I'm choosing not to say anything to my daughter (6), it would just be too much on her shoulders that she just couldn't handle and shouldn't have to think about.

If she asks and if it's brought up by someone else, then I'll deal with it, but I'm not going to invite it.

Personally I feel there's nothing I can do for her to "prepare" her for a tragedy like this, should (God forbid) something like it happen locally anyway. There's no "duck and cover" way of helping her that won't terrify her needlessly. No friendly "Smokey the Bear" for "crazed lunatic with a gun snapping". There's tornado drills and fire drills and even stranger danger education, but when it come to something like this with literally no warning, no "fire" alarm, I don't think there's anything we can do.

i'm not bringing it up (mom of a 6 year old kindergartener). that said, mine is very open with me so if something bothers him, he'll come to me. he got in trouble at school today so we have other things to deal with...and coincidentally he's not allowed to watch tv tonight so hopefully won't see it there. we'll see what happens.

No, I don't think it's necessary to be discussing this with our young ones. My experience of this with kids is that they will ask if they find out something that is upsetting to them. That said, if your teachers or the other parents have any boundaries, this likely won't come up.

My son is in kindergarten and we do not plan on mentioning this to him. It would just make him feel scared and helpless.

Unless they hear about from somewhere else and ask us, we will not be mentioning it to my 10 and 7 year old. Kids are smart, and will wonder if it can happen there, can it happen here. No need to make them anxious over something they have no control over and will likely just upset them. If they mention it, I will only tell them that someone used a gun to hurt other people, and that unfortunately, some people died. If I can avoid it, I won't mention that it was in a school and that most victims were children - two things they will easily relate to themselves.

I meant to talk to mine about how to stay safe in college. Don't sit in the front of a lecture hall. Get low in a shooting. Use backpack as shield, etc. Our neighbor's child died in a college school shooting. It happens, and close to home, sadly.

Now I feel like I need to talk to them and they are only under age 6. I will, though.

I will talk to my older boys 6 and 7, who are in full time Public School. The District has sent emails out explaining how they plan on handling the students and ensuring they know what to do in case of an emergency.

They also attached a ''What to do in the event something like this happens'' flier. So that parents are prepared.

If your student seems unaware of anything I would not make a point to speak directly on the event.

Maybe instead just brush up on some safety idea's for them. As well as a family plan for emergencies situations. Whether it is a Natural Disaster or Shooting Spree. They need to be reassured that mom and dad are doing what they can to get to them. To stay calm and that sort of thing.

I thought for a good while about going and picking up my older two from school today. Just to have them close to home. I realized though, they need to be there.

I think we all need to take the time to use this as a very very very big lesson.

If we could not have come together over Trayvon Martin, The Colorado Shootings, Wisconsin, Portland or any of the other senseless killings that have ended in blood shed.......Then we might as well give up now.

Keeping my kids alot closer this weekend and always, that is for sure.

My 11 year old knows about what happened, but my little ones (5 & 6) will not know. I'm not going to bring it up with my first grader unless she hears something about it at school. If my oldest was not in middle school she would not know either, but I I know kids will be talking about it at school on Monday. I want my daughter to know what really happened instead of whatever stories kids at school talk about.

You don't have to go into detail but I would not hide it (ESPECIALLY if they bring it up) I don't know your family dynamics so I don't know the best way to talk to your children about it. I would just be very careful how I worded things with them.

Around here, we are huge communicators, blunt and open about everything, always have been. Do you sometimes want to shield the children... of course but that is not realistic in today's society. We can't raise adept adults from bubbles, we have to do the best we can to prepare them for life so they can deal with various issues.

If you hide it (pretend it never happened) then your message to your children is that you are not honest with them.... they will wonder..what else has been hidden from me, when they do find out about this or any other tragedy.

Communication is so key with children. Somehow, I would mention it in a way that won't scare them but also lets them know that you will always communicate with them... the good and the bad.

This will come up in school because it effects so many families and many of these families will be communicating about this, saying prayers for he injured, dead, and especially for those children who were witness to this.

Good luck, whatever you decide.

I brought it up and talked about it with my 9 year old but did not tell my 5 and 3 year olds.

Hi, Krista:

Why would any teacher tell a class of children about a tragedy like that?

She will have to deal with the fear of all the children.

They will be afraid to come to school.

Just concerned about the lack of love for our children
in our society. We are a nation of machines.

Respectfully,
D.

Can you talk to your principal or your child's teacher about it? Perhaps the school is communicating with the staff about how they will handle it.

I'd really want to know if there will be some school support. If you can, keep the TV off this weekend so they don't see news coverage of it. I'd rather my kids not hear about it from the TV, to be honest.

Dawn

I do not let small kids know. They don't need or know how to handle that unnecessary stress. If you were in the same town and they are hearing it all around them, then u should try to discuss.

Go to school with him on Monday, sit with him and hold him. Then answer his questions without a lot of elaboration. He can still keep his innocents for a time. Evil is in this world, but there is still more good then evil.

I know we will all pray for those children and people who lost their lives through a senseless act.

My son's in middle school (14 yr old).
They'll be talking about it - it's an unavoidable current event.
If your child is older, no doubt they'll hear about it on Twitter and/or Facebook or on the bus or email or someplace else on the internet (and lot's of people access it on their smart phones).
When my son came home I let him know something bad happened and we watched the news together.
It was his choice to turn it off when it became repetitive (which didn't take very long).
(They discussed 9/11 in 6th grade (he was not quite 3 when it happened).
We didn't talk to him about 9/11 till he was in about 5th grade.)
He tells me some kids in school will be very emotional about this but most will listen and not think too much about it.
You know your kids best.
You have to decide what level of information they can handle.
Young kids don't need a lot of specific details.

NO!!!! you do not tell them about it. It is something that they will not be able to process. And no I do not think it will be mentioned in your son's class. It absolutely should not. Everytime an elementary child hears it mentioned there is a good chance that they will process it as still happening. It will increase their fear. if your child brings it up let them tell you what they think and how they feel. Do not diminish their feelings. But really this is something they are too young to think about. All those poor kids that experienced will all be working with therapists for a while so they can get through. My 7 and 5 year olds have no clue. Although they sure got extra hugs and kisses last night.

We talked indirectly about it with my almost 7 year old first grader. We explained that a bad thing happened and 20 people died (that had been the last number we heard when we were talking to her). We didn't say they were children just left it at people. We didn't go into much detail but she had a few questions and we answered them the best we could. When she said her prayers she said one for them as well.

We didn't talk to our 4 year old. That is too young. I am sure he over heard us talking about it, but didn't process it.

Her school does drills for this kind of thing. Sad as it is, but they do. I guess I would rather them be somewhat prepared than blind sided. Good luck with which ever decision you choose. We told her so she would hear it from us. I am sure that it will come up at school at some point today. Even if it is just a say a prayer for them or a moment of silence

I've got a very mature 10 year old who just sat through and enjoyed the movie Lincoln. I'm not telling her as of now. I figure we've got the weekend and hopefully by Monday it'll blow over among her classmates.

She knows about war, she knows about child molesters, she watched her Grandma die a terrible death by cancer. How do you explain to a little kid that almost anyone, anywhere in her beloved country can purchase and carry a weapon so powerful it can blow away 20 of her classmates in a few minutes? Too much explaining for this Momma tonight.

I am not going to bring it up. If the kids hear stuff and ask I will glaze over the facts. They are kids and seriously have NO need to know about this. IF the kids in this class had any knowledge about kids in a similar situation and had talked about it and what would they do in the case of someone coming in with a gun, it would have made little or no difference. They were doomed the moment this man decided to start planning this.

As sad as it is this is not something that I will bring up and talk about with the kids.

The main reason is that I have one that cries each time the animal commercial comes on with the famous country and western performer comes on and talks about treating animals the right way. My granddaughter starts crying as soon as she hears that music. She would internalize this slaughter and it would be on her mind, she would dwell on it.

I don't know what I'm going to do about my younger boys, 6 & 8. The high schoolers heard about it already but have the good sense to not mention it. The boys don't have internet access and don't watch the news, so I thought about not mentioning it but it sort of came up already with my younger one. We were at a doctor's office waiting for one of my teens to have an x-ray and cnn was on, but he didn't pay any attention to it and can't read the captions so it was just sort of in the background. However, while we were at the registration desk, one of the office staff started talking at full volume about how "he shot those 20 little kids and heard most of them were like 5 or 6" and I had to shush her and ask her to change the subject. I don't raise my kids in a bubble, but there are some things that need to be explained delicately. I think it'll depend on how out and about we'll be this weekend.

FWIW my oldest were three when 9/11 happened. My SD lived near a nuclear plant and an airport, so they were evacuated from pre-school. My son was at my mom's house and my sister works in NYC, so she was glued to the TV and phone and he saw and heard every detail. But there's a difference between explaining bad guys flying a plane into a building and letting them believe that the victims were all adults and explaining that someone came into a school just like theirs in a neighborhood just like ours and killed kids just like them and their classmates. That's a little too real.