Do We Tell Them to Run or Hide? or Try to Be Heroes? CT Shooting.

I would tell my children to run and hide, and let the adults be the heroes. I would tell them to listen to their trusted adults and do what they are told IMMEDIATELY.

I would tell them it's okay to be afraid.

I would tell my kids to run and hide. There is no reason to face someone who is, at least for the moment, crazy and dangerous.

If you want to teach them about bravery, tell them to find a friend to run and hide with them. Rescuing a friend can make them feel safer and braver, without putting them any more in harm's way.

I would never put the responsibility of heroism on children. That is an unfair burden, to say the least. Run and hide is the best resort. They need to save themselves in such a situation and not feel guilty. The responsibility is solely on the assailant, not the victims. I understand that the father you were quoting doesn't want our children to feel like victims, however, if my child was in such a situation, I would not want him to hesitate because he felt obligated to save his classmate. That is an adult perspective, but not realistic to expect of children.

I think the caller's comment is rather contentious, personally. He feels that a kindergartener should fight an adult? Eff that. Would he hold his own kindergartener to the same standard? Hardly. This is one of those times when it's easy to criticize without offering concrete solutions. It's okay to be frustrated-- I think we all are, but his opinion is misguided (in my opinion.)

They are children. I don't think any child in elementary school has a chance going up against a madman with a gun--any gun.

Our teachers practice preparedness drills and I think the best thing I could go is to advise my 4th grader to listen to the authority figure that is in charge at the time!

I don't think you can instruct kids to run and hide anymore than you can instruct them to be heroes. They are who they are. To stop my older two from getting in the middle of things, from trying to help, from being the hero, would be like trying to stop the wind. I am not sure how my third would react and I know my youngest would not stand up to anyone but she would be trying to make sure her classmates got out safe.

These are just who my kids are, it is part of their personality. It doesn't make them better than others but the fact is I can't change them to spare myself the heartache of losing them either.

My older daughter teaches in a rough school. I worry about her but I know there was not a damn thing on earth I could have said that would have stopped her.

I suppose it would be easy for me to say, yes! all kids should try to be a hero. Wouldn't that make me look good since I have the hero types. Act like I have some control over that aspect of my kids. I don't have control over this so I know my kids would be standing tall regardless of what I say and if your kid is going to be hiding under a desk or jumping out a window then that is fine too.

I don't know, I guess I feel like as parents we really need to accept we don't have the level of control we think we have. Stop acting like some of us are better parents because we have kids that appear to possess better traits, stop looking down at those that seem average.....

*steps off soapbox*

The most important thing for kids to do at that age is listen to their teacher or whatever adult is in charge. Most schools have at least trained their staff for this and I think that those who haven't yet, will. According to a report I read, six of the children who died in CT tried to run. He shot their teacher and shot them. The seven who were in hiding in the classroom lived to tell the tale.

We just went through active shooter training at work. The three action steps for adults are 1) Get Out - know how to get out of your building and if the route is clear, go. If not clearn then 2) Hide Out and barricade your hideout if possible. If while you are hiding you become exposed to the shooter (he finds you under a desk or shoots his way into a conference room) then you go to 3) Take Out. At step 3, it's your life or his. In our training, this is where they emphasized that a group of adults hiding needs to be prepared to take down the shooter if possible - throw something at him, jump from behind, etc. and fight for your life.

With a school situation, obviously the training would differ because a teacher can't just run out and leave a class full of kids behind. I haven't gotten formal training in that but messages from our school district outline a plan of locking the classroom doors, drawing the shades, shutting off the lights, and ushering the kids into a safe spot - a bathroom or closet or storage area if there is one with a door, which should be locked barricaded with heavy furniture, or a corner of the room that can't be seen from the door or windows. For any of those steps to have even a chance of working, the kids have to know what to do, just like they would in a fire at school or on the bus. So my message to my kids, when I eventually talk to them about school safety in general, will be to follow the adult in charge.

That man is an idiot plain and simple or perhaps he has never had a child and doesn't understand that level of love.

It would be near impossible for an unarmed adult to confront and overpower a person with a gun...no matter what kind of gun it is. A grown up who has their wits about them needs to access the situation and wait for a moment when the attacker is distracted and vulnerable to launch a counter attack.

While my 6 y/o is quite smart for her age she does not yet possess the skills to make such an assessment. I would absolutely instruct my child to 1st and foremost follow the teachers instructions and move quickly and quietly. If there is not an adult there giving you directions then you look for the best possible hiding place where no one would be able to see or hear you and hide. If hiding isn't an option then you run like the wind in a zig zag to escape. (I heard a police officer on Oprah years ago say that running in a zig zag makes it much harder for anyone to get a good shoot and you are more likely to get away unharmed or with a superficial wound.)

Do I hold my children to high standards? Absolutely do. Do I expect them to treat others kindly and take others needs into consideration? Yes, I do. Do I expect them to put others feelings ahead of their own at times? I sure do, that's part of taking turns and playing nicely. Do I intend to burden my child with being a savior? No, we already have a savior and it is not my 6 y/o. Why on earth would anyone in their right mind put that kind of pressure on a child?

Peace and Blessings,
T. B

Oh my God please don't "teach" them to do anything, they shouldn't even be THINKING about this, let alone the fact that something like that could happen to them!
Most schools have emergency drills and plans in place, that's all they need to know, that their school and teachers are there and prepared to protect them.
Please turn off the TV and radio, people are spinning and really going over the top with their opinions, advice and fear. The further you remove yourself from it the better you will feel.
And remember, as awful as this was, it just as easily could have happened in a mall, or a theater or a restaurant or a church. None of us are ever truly safe from random acts of violence.

In addition to the nice responses you have already received, I have taught my own children what I learned as an Officer in the US Army, and that is, statistically speaking, if you ever encounter anyone with a gun, you are always better off running in a zig-zag away from the shooter. The chances of being fatally injured reduce significantly.

I don't think many children would know how to be hero, let alone have the strength and maturity to execute a quick plan of attack. Run, run, and run as fast as you can and scream as loud as you. Attackers will usually not pursue. I think hiding in a closet is a potential sitting duck scenario.

I believe it doesn't really matter what you tell them to do. They will react in whatever way they deem necessary at the time. It's just like Lamaze (sp?) Most people say that when the labor really intensifies, all that breathing stuff goes right out the window.

I don't see any need to make a point to discuss a tragedy like this with my GD. If she sees it on the news, and brings it up, of course we'll have a discussion but I see no need in planting the seed of fear around going to school when she has no choice but to go and this is NOT something that happens on a regular or even an irregular basis.

My granddaughter has a HUGE heart and I believe that if she were in this situation and saw an opportunity to help someone, she would take that opportunity. I do not believe that she would cower away just because I may have told her to do that.

My kids are 9, 7, and 5. We sat them down last night to discuss what happened and prepare them for school today. Our school has different color codes that the kids learn and how to protect themselves from whatever danger it is. It may be a fire, a tornado, an earthquake, a bad man, etc.

My 9 year old practiced the bad guy code in 1st grade, but now she is in 4th. I fully expect the kids to have practiced what to do if a bad man comes into the school today. We didn't want them being scared at all. We also told them their job in a situation like that is the same as always, listen to the responisble adult...they will tell them what to do and how to stay safe.

Would I hope my kids would help someone in need? Absolutely. Do I want my kids to protect themselves first? Even more.

The adults in Connecticut did everything they possibly could to protect each and every child. They are heroes in my eyes. I'd rather the adults be heroes than one of my babies.

I am praying for everyone effected by this horrible tragedy. Especially today for the families of Noah Pozner and Jack Pinto as they are laid to rest far too soon.

Well, I'm not sure I'd say anything, because I would be concerned that that would be teaching them that they need to be afraid. The chances of something like this happening to any of us are so slim - tragic if it does, but unbelievable slim none the less.

If I really felt like I needed to talk to them, I would tell them to listen to authority figures. The ones I've heard interviewed have always said "run." Most police officers don't want kids (or most civilians) to try to play hero. The results are usually not good.

Hide under a desk, hide in a closet, whatever. But don't try to be a hero.

I taught my daughter to run and hide. She asked me how she could run away if someone else was left behind. That's just the type of person she is. She ran out into traffic to save an injured dog lying in the street. So I told her to run and hide and take as many people with her as she could get to come.

I don't have the option of not telling my daughters about what happened. The Sandy Hook shooting is on more than just national news updates, but it's plastered all over my local news stations... all of them. This happened in MY state. This happened several towns away in a town just like the one I grew up in and the one my daughters are growing up in.

If I didn't tell them myself over the weekend and have separate conversations with each of my three daughters appropriate for their ages and comprehension levels, I would have been negligent as a parent. I also would have risked allowing the girls to accidentally find out through the radio, flipping through the TV, hearing from someone else when we were out in public over the weekend, or at school today. They HAD to hear it from me and their father. They HAD to hear how we felt about it, and be able to ask their questions in a safe place. They HAD to be able to go through whatever emotions they needed to go through without being sucker-punched at school today.

Our school district sent out automated messages all weekend, and let us know that there were already discussions going on regarding keeping campuses safe... increased police presence, increase security measures, and that there will be much more to come. The children in our district have already gone through lockdowns due to the fact that there are bears and wildcats and such that like to play on the playgrounds and wander up to the doors. There have been lockdowns due to gun-wielding suspects in particular neighborhoods that a particular school is in. The children go through these lockdowns without panicking, and they know the procedures.

Now, there will probably be some added urgency. The children will wonder if it's a bear or a person with a gun. I don't like it, and I don't like that it's the world we live in, but I do want my children to be prepared and know that they must obey the adult that's in charge of protecting them. That means "no playing hero." I know my daughters.... they would do whatever they could for others, and wouldn't think of helping someone in a crisis as being a hero... but I would never ever want them to move toward danger such as a gunman regardless of anyone else. That wouldn't be their responsibility. Their shoulders are too small for that.

So the lesson is, "Help, but do it within the rules of the person taking care of you. Stay safe above all else."

Most importantly, as parents we MUST communicate with the schools about what their procedures are so that we're aware of them and so that we're not lost and floundering if something happens. And we can direct our children on the best course of action regarding the school, waiting things out, and recognizing first responders.

In that particular situation, what could a little tiny kid have done? There are scenarios where it makes sense to talk about this kind of choice, but I don't think this is one of them.

I didn't want to talk to my 6-year-old about this, but I knew a lot of his friends and classmates would know, so I felt like I had to. What I wound up emphasizing was that when the teachers figured what happened, they did lockdowns, and most of the kids in the school were saved.

Which is true, though it's not consistent with the way the story registers emotionally for me. But for young kids, I think it's important to let them identify with a kid who lived. And on a very practical level, kid-heroism is probably not a good idea in something like this. The safest bet is to listen to the teacher and work as a team.

We went through a whole drill with my 6-year-old. Run and hide, get low if there are bullets. Get in a closet, whatever is available. But of course in a fire get out and don't hide! A 6-year-old cant stop a gun man, but if he gets low he can protect himself the best he can.

Little boys play guns all the time. So I explained that if a bad guy is there and shooting, what to do. It was very easy.

Does your school have an emergency preparedness plan? Tell them to do what the teacher says. There's no way to predict what what the best thing to do in an unexpected emergency will be, but a person who panics and/or refuses to follow directions in an emergency is almost guaranteed to compromise his or her safety as well as the safety of others.

Six year olds should not face down someone with a gun. They should run or hide. Facing down a gunman is how people get killed and no baby needs to be a hero like that. It's not being cowardly to do what saves your life. They tell adults that if you are mugged, give them what they want. No wallet, purse, phone....is worth your life if it spares you to give it to them. What you could do is remind them safety protocols in general. Ask the schools what kinds of drills they already have as a starting point. For example, in a tornado, children should go to an interior room without windows and cover their heads. My DD has had fire drills. We didn't talk to her about the shootings in particular. But we have said this is why we practice fire drills and how to be safe. We tell her to follow her teachers' directions (in the CT case, it would be getting into a closet). I would keep it very high level for a 6 yr old and get into more details with a 12 yr old who probably has more questions.

Personally if someone comes in with a gun, knife or any type of weapon...run and hide. An adult needs to be the action taker not the children.

I would love to "run and hide" and not talk to my children about this. I however, have a seven year old who is a news junkie. We did not want her sitting down and watching the news about this without one of us having told her before hand. She is highly aware of what is going on around her. This was not an option for me to not tell her. She asked her questions and we discussed that at school this is not something you talk about with your friends as many parents are not telling there second/third/first graders. I said " Do not talk to your friends about this, if they speak about it say this is not something we should talk about right now"...

I respect parents who do not wish to tell their children...however, for me I felt not telling her would have been far worse. She did watch some of the coverage with me yesterday...and she she asked a few more questions.

I asked her if she was scared to go to school and she said "no"...she did not ask what she should do but when/if she does I will tell her to listen to the teachers/school aides and if they're not around run and find somewhere to hide until a policeman/fireman shows you his badge.

I don't think young children should be responsible for staying put and fighting.

We do not have guns in our house and I've had many conversations with my 6 year old son that if he EVER sees a gun when he is at a friend's house or elsewhere he is to get away from it as fast as possible. All of these conversations have assumed that a friend might bring a gun somewhere to "play with" or "show off" and there might be an accident.

When I sat down to talk with him about what happened Friday, I tried to tell him in age appropriate terms. We talked about the different drills that they do at school and that he MUST always, always obey his teacher and the adults who work at his school. In a way, this felt like conflicting advice, as I also have to try to protect him from molesters - but we do the best we can.

Your private parts are PRIVATE.
Run away from a gun.
Obey your teachers and adults at school.

What a world we live in....I just pray my children are safe. C.

my child's job is to save herself. she is my only and we have worked on selfdefense from age 5 on. I don't want her to try to save a puppy or anyone else. her survival is number one and call 911.

Run and hide. Absolutely. As a child, that's the only thing they can do- try to protect themselves. That and be quiet and listen to your teacher (or other trusted adult, police officer, etc) because they are better able to assess the situation and give helpful instructions. (As they all seemed to in this situation, from what I've heard, by the way).
But what I would really say is not to worry, nothing like this will ever happen to you. For the most part it's true, but mostly there's no reason to make think any more about or imagine the situation and what they would do. It makes me tear up just thinking about it and I'm an adult.

I try to teach my kids to be situationally aware . . . what might work in one context won't be a good option in another.

I also try to teach them to trust their own inner voice.

My final effort is to impart confidence in themselves. They are young men who have good heads on their shoulders. Obviously your girls are younger so you will have to adjust this to a certain extent. Trust yourself.

I think we can talk and instruct until we are blue in the face, and when something terrible happens their natural instincts are going to take over anyway. It takes a lot of repetitive training to overcome the natural instinct that most people have to run and hide. Both of my children have learned in the martial arts 3 different methods for disarming a person yielding a knife and a gun. They've practiced these techniques hundreds of time so the 'muscle memory' is there if/when needed. They've had to demonstrate they can use the techiques on a fully grown man coming at them full speed. They've also learned techniques for other attack modes like headlocks, chokes, wrist grabs, etc. Again, they practice over and over again so they don't have to 'think' how to react if they are ever attacked.

But their instructors have been very straight forward with both them and us - don't expect a child to be able to execute these techniques in a high-stress situation. It takes a lot more than a couple hundred reps to overcome the natural instinct to retreat to a safe situation.

And they are always, always taught that they use self defense only to the point that they need to get away. Incapcitate the attacker so you can run away or take cover. They are lectured this in every class, every day. Again, all part of the 'muscle memory' training.