Scared to Leave Son for the First Time!!

If you had no choice because you are going to work, fine, you have to do what works. But, since you are home, and you are thinking you need him to go to preschool for 'him'. I say forget it. Why spend the money or the time and the stress when there is not a need? He doesn't need to be taken away from you and the baby so he can feel right, he may not even feel right then. Maybe he will feel you are sending him away and keeping the baby. If this is for you, I understand, but if you are trying to sacrifice and do this for him, don't. He doesn't need it. It is good for children to see us put babies first. It is good for them to have to wait a bit and see that mommy is caring for the baby...now he knows how you took such great care of him too. I don't think your son is being neglected at all. I think he is learning what it means to be a brother, to have a baby in the house, and this is not something you should feel bad about. Maybe when you are with the baby you can also be with him. I found when I made a nursing corner and everytime I fed a baby I read another child a book it really helped...especially helped keep the older child from seeking mischief. Haha. Whenever the baby would be asleep, even for just ten minutes I would play with the older child(ren). My children probably missed being the center of the world when the new baby came, but that is a good thing. Teaches patience, teaches wait your turn, teaches babies come first always...because they do.

Just include him in all the things you do. Try not to refer to him as "the big boy now" so he doesn't feel replaced, and then just enjoy the two little ones. Thank him for snuggling with you and try not to separate him form you or the new baby. Soon the little one will be older and the two year old will be older, and this will all be much easier. I think I survive each new baby by wearing them...keeps me with free hands for the older ones. And ditto to the post that suggested finding a nice play group to go to with them so he can play with other children with his momma near. Kids really do not need preschool...but I bet lots of us mommies are sure we do. Haha.

By the way...one of my twin girls is an Olivia...nice name.

My son was 18 months when I had my daughter and it was hard. I never did this but a friend of mine did. Ask the center if you can bring your son in a few days before for a couple hours. My son didn't even cry when I left! I was upset thinking he didn't even miss me but then I realized whew he was having fun and that was ok. I wish you the best of luck!

Hi S.,
The transition will go a little smoother if you go with him and stay for about an hour, then move it up to 2 hours. Hopefully the daycare will accomodate you for a few days in this manner and not charge you an arm and a leg.
I had my kids in daycare when my daughter was 9 mos. and my son was 20 mos., but I had no choice because I had to go back to work. My son loved it but my daughter had separation issues for about 2 or 3 months, and broke my heart every day that I had to leave her there. After a while we all got used to it and they didn't fight to go there and they went there until they started Kindergarten and even went to aftercare there for a couple years after that. We always spent a lot of quality time after school and weekends.
They are now 11 and 12 and are both in middle school and are very well-adjusted and on honor roll and they love school!

I'm sure you will make the best choice for you and your family!
Good luck!

A.
www.mymonavie.com/A.
www.burnlounge.com/soflorida
www.youravon.com/asilverman

Hi S.,
My son was 18 months when my daughter was born and he requires a lot more attention than she does so we had a little adjusting to do as well around our home. Now that my daughter is 4 months things have gotten much better, he is still demanding of my time but now he realizes his sister will not be going anywhere...so there is hope for it getting better. As for child care, I volunteer in our church's nursery and I 've found that most kids will get better each time you drop them off and so will you. Somedays will be easier than others, but like anything else change is hard and it only gets easier with time. If you are interested we have a Tuesday morning bible study (10-12:00 p.m.)at my church where you can attend and the child care is free. YOu can keep the little one with you if you'd like. Email me if you would like some more info at ____@____.com
Blessings,
P.

FIND A CHILD HIS AGE THAT GOES TO A DAYCARE, LET THEM HAVE PAYDATES WHEN POSSABLE AND BECOME FRIENDS. THEN TAKE HIM TO THE SAME DAYCARE, HE WILL FEEL MORE COMFORTABLE. HE MAY CRY THE FIRST FEW MORNINGS, ALONG WITH YOU, BUT SOON AFTER YOU LEAVE HE WILL STOP AND BEGIN PLAYING WITH HIS NEW FRIEND. ALSO, YOU CAN TRY THIS WITH A STAY AT HOME MOM WITH A CHILD THE SAME AGE.

Hi there!!!

When we deiced on a place for our daughter we went and had "visits" with the preschool as this would be the first time away from s for a perios of time. She got to play with the kids and do the acitivites but I was right there then after the third time she was on her own so to speak(sounds mean but its not) I stayed for a little bit to make sure she would be ok and she is also allowed a lovey and her blankie. She does GREAT and this is her second year!! the place where you choose should allow you to make your child feel as comfy as possible before leaving them and if they dont allow it or say just GO then you take your child and leave!!!

Also make him aware of how proud you are of him and if he ever needs you,you will be right there!!!

Good Luck!!

N.

Dear S.

Having read your post I can't help but to wonder as to why you would believe it wold benefit your 2 year old to get out of the house two days a week. I'm sure that you are a great mother cause I can sense this by your concerns and it perfectly normal for a mother with multiple children to feel as if one is being neglected. As a parnet of 4- the last two being twins- I can honestly tell you that it would be to your benefit to spend quality time with both children and don't allow yourself to feel as if you are neglecting one or being a bad mommy because you can't spend equal time with both of them. As a mother there are many people and things wanting your attention, husband, children, friends, family, etc., and you just have to divide your time according to what is most important first. I took time for God first, husband second, children third, family & friends fourth, huse last. I mention husband before children because after those children have all grown up and are out of the house your husband will still be there, but only if you don't put him to one side just so you can be mom first. My children are now all grown up and off to college they are ages boy age 22, girl age 20 and twin boys ages 19 yrs old, so as you can see by their ages we had children very close in age and each with their own needs. As a young wife and mother ( we had all four children by age 25yrs old) I had to quickly learn how to be a great manager of life...good luck and the secret to my success was and is to seek God first in my life, a supporting husband- he cooked, did laundry, cleaned house, sewed, ironed clothes, wash dishes, changed diapers- so I wasn't left to do everything by my self. Hang in there it will get better I promise you.

S.,
The best thing for your son is being with his mother. My kids are 22 months apart and it was especially hard in the beginning. Try to find a "nanny" type that can come over a couple of hours a week, even a neighborhood tween after school, that can help by either playing with your son, or better yet "watching" the baby while you spend some quality time with your son. It really made a difference for me and you also get to know someone and your kids get to know them for when your ready to go out again some day and need a babysitter. Good luck, it get's easier every month :)

THe best advice I can give for him is make it fun for him and dont let him know you are emotional over it, that will lead him to feeding off of your emotions...Make it sound like the funnest most exciting thing he will ever do and he will be pushing you out the door so he can play...The first time I took my daughter to daycare when she was 2 I thought she was gonna freak and she was just like "good bye mom I will see you later" also take him on a tour with you and kind of let him play for a min while you talk to the teachers...but dont sit there with him while he plays or he will think you will always stay..and only take him for like a few mins so he gets a taste of how fun it is and is begging to go back!!! as for your pain...I know it is hard but he will get so much from interacting with the other kids and he will have so much to tell you about his day when you pick him up...and you dont have to leave him for the hole time if you really start missing him go pick him up early...it will take adjusting on both your parts just dont make it something he has to do make it something he will want to do!!! Good luck and let us know how both of you do!!

Hi S.,
I know this will be hard to believe, but the transition is harder for us than it is for them. Just make sure that you never sneak out on him, let him know you are leaving but you will be back and give him a kiss and a hug. Soon he will learn that you are coming back and that it is only a temporary abscense. I would also talk to the caretakers you are going to leave him with and come to an agreement on what you expect them to do while he is in this transition time. With my daughter, they would pick her up and together they would say "bye bye" to mommy and then they would distract her with flowers or outside scenery. It will be hard, but believe me it gets easier. Hope this help.

Regards and Best of Luck.

Hey S.,
I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter, Molly, and a 7 week old daughter, Kate. I have started looking at preschools as well. My pediatrician (who I love!) suggested no major changes in your toddler's routine 3 months before/after the birth of your second, so I'm waiting a little longer for a drop off program. Another thing my pediatrician suggested is ensuring time alone with your toddler - even if it's only 5 minutes. Make sure that you say that it's "special time for you and mommy" etc. We are getting more involved with our local mom's club in playdates where I can bring her little sister. (Maybe you could do this instead of/as a supplement to a drop off program?) Every child is different, trust your instincts with Christian - talk to the director of the program ahead of time about your concerns and see if you can come up with a plan together. You'll get him/her on your side from the beginning and hopefully this will ensure a smoother transition.
Good luck! I'm nervous about sending my daughter too!
A.

Went through the same thing. My son is now 4...and loves going to school! Step 1: Make sure you are happy and comfortable with the environment and people you are leaving him with. Knowing that he is in a happy, supportive environment helps alot! Step 2: Explain to him where he is going and how much fun he is going to have. Take him to the school for a walk-thru to see the class, meet the teachers and see what fun the other kids are having (if they're not, it's probably not the right place). Step 3 (this is the hardest): Just do it. Bring him and leave him. You must be upbeat and happy and not show that you're scared or sad. He may cry or kick up a fuss. Talk to the teacher in advance. Let her know you are both tentative and you're concerned about a fuss. If they are any good, they will help to make this easy for both of you. You can stay with him for a few minutes, but don't coddle him, just help him to find out what he should be doing, put his stuff in his cubby and so on. Give him a big smile, a big hug, a big kiss, assure him you'll be back and leave. Don't look back. You will cry. You will most likely find when you come to pick him up that he had a wonderful time. It may take a few days or even a week of this routine, but you will both adjust quickly. He will be happy for the new experiences and learning and fun -- and so will you. I promise.
PS
Every once in a while, even after school becomes routine, he may have a backwards slip and cry about going to school. Check with the teacher to see if there are any issues. If no issues at school, go back to the above steps. Sometimes it's 2 steps forward, 3 steps back.

Hi S.,

I too have a 2 year old daughter, she will be my only child. I too was worried about her, thinking she needed to be out playing with other children her own age. I looked at several schools and put her on many lists. She got into a couple but a few days before she was to go my gut told me she was not ready. I truely believe she is better off with me now, they learn so much from 1-3 and need to be with their parents. I do take her to several play groups, how about that for your son or how about joining the Mothers group so he could go to someone's house and play. I would love to get a small group of woman together and we share our children, what a great idea. Don't worry, your son is where he wants to be I am sure of it. Have a nice day.

I'm having the same problem with my two and a half year old son. I also have a new baby girl addition. Mine is eight weeks old. I say to save a lille money on daycare for your son, you can find a playgroup to bring him to or just a friend with the same age boy to get together and play. My son gets so bored watching me brestfeed or hold Lilly all day. I might live close, so e-mail me!