K.D.
As a SAHM, I don't ask a lot of my husband with housework (he does do dishes nightly because I despise that chore) and he will help with other chores when I ask. He does do almost all the yard work during the summer and we shares the finances. After work, he does help with the kids (plays with them, bathes them, puts them to bed) and he does cook on the weekends. But after he's home, I usually stop "working" and we just spend time together as a family/couple.
There's obviously a lot more to your situation than you can post here, but how often does he work on the remodel? Every day? Once a week? If he's working on the house all day (and taking care of kids) he's not going to have a lot of time for housework and cooking, so you should BOTH take care of that in the evenings or weekends (and learn to live with messes until the remodel is done). If he's not doing much on the remodel, then you need to talk about that and come to some compromise on what you both expect of each other.
I don't know if you are okay with him being out with friends so much. I try to get out with friends 2-3 times a MONTH and my husband goes out golfing or whatever 2-3 times a month, too, and I think we both feel that's a fair amount of personal time. But if you're okay with your husband being gone 3-4 times a week, then that's okay, too. (Just make sure you get time away with friends, and time to just do whatever you want - play with the kids, read a book, watch a movie.)
Lastly, you need to ask him point blank if he's happy. And if he is, you need to try to find out why. If you can't do it on your own, you might need to go to a therapist for some help/support. The problem won't go away if you just let it be.
I don't know if I was much help, but at least you know one SAHM's expectation of her spouse. Good luck!