Rude to Ask If Siblings Can Can Attend Birthday Party?

Not really appropriate, unless you were super close to this family.

I think it is a good time for Step daughter to get to spend some alone time with her dad.. They should take this opportunity to go and do something really fun!

When my parents divorced.. I never again , as a child, ever spent any alone time with my dad.. It was always with my sister or my fathers new family.

Completely rude. He should make plans with his daughter to do something fun, just the two of them. In my opinion, that would be the better option.

Well I think it's the perfect opportunity for Dad to spend some quality One on One with his daughter. Maybe they can go to a movie and dinner, just the two of them. Or bowling. How cool would that be?

:)

What a perfect opportunity for your SD to spend some quality time with you and her dad without the other girls around!

And, yeah, I'd feel mortified asking the other mother is SD can tag along to the party too.

I think this is a great time for your husband to take his daughter out for a special 'date'. Maybe a movie night out at a theater or a fun trip out for dinner and dessert... but certainly something she's appreciate and enjoy.

Your intuition is right on target: I think it would be very socially awkward, especially as your other two girls were very specifically asked for. You are teaching the girls proper etiquette, too. I know there's the popular imposition lately of the idea that 'if we invite one, we invite them all', however, that's not a realistic expectation to have of others, esp. in this situation. I'd encourage your husband to take advantage of this special time to love his little girl up and give her some focused one-on-one. Being the apple of Daddy's eye will be far more of a treat than attending a stranger's party.

I do think it its a little rude to ask and it does put the hostess on the spot. Why not use that 4 hours to do something fun one on one with your step-daughter?

Yes - it would be rude. And your step daughter might feel left out even if she goes because, like you said, she doesn't know them! I would do something else fun with her. It's a good opportunity for her to get some one on one time with you and her Dad.

I really don't think that you should ask her to include the 10 year old. Your husband doesn't "get it" - and you do.

Dawn

Tell DH that he should make a plan to take his daughter out to dinner or something while they are gone. Take advantage of this one on one time with is daughter vs spending some of her limited visit with strangers. Further, point out that the girls do not all have the same friends, so there will just be times where one or more of them is not on the invite. I wouldn't ask the mom to invite her.

I love Laurie's answer. I am not a child of divorce nor are my children but how fun to get to spend some one-on-one time with her Dad. Not saying you should be left out but could you use a nite to yourself? Maybe they could go to a movie, bowling, pizza, ice cream...whatever.

As a mom I would feel obligated to say yes even though my daughter doesn't know the birthday girl. Maybe suggest to your hubby he & his daughter have a nite to themselves. You may let him know since she doesnt' know the birthday girl, she may feel awkward going.

I'm with you on this one. Yes I think it is rude to put a hostess on the spot and ask if a sibling can attend.

However, you SD would more than likely no enjoy the party because she does not know the other people there. If I were SD, I would not want to go to a party where I didn't know anyone.

I do believe it is a great idea for SD to have some one on one time with dad and make some special memories for her and dad.

You sound like a very caring mom and step mom...

Hmmmm...being that it is at the friends house and the birthday child does not even know the step daughter I would think it just would be uncomfortable for the birthday child and the step daughter. If they knew each other or had met I don't think of it as rude. At least I wouldn't mind. But being they don't even know each other, I think of it more awkward then rude.

***Great ideas about the one on one time with step daughter!

nope wouldn't do it in your case... I would take the time and enjoy one on one with your step daughter...maybe even take her out for a special night alone

I would not ask if SD could go to the party. Instead, I would take the invited daughters to the party, and then I would take SD somewhere and we would have some quality time and a little party ourselves!

This is a good time to try to teach about being happy for a sibling who gets invited somewhere.

Maybe some time down the road you can have a kids' party at your house at a time when SD is there, so she can get to know some of her stepsisters' friends.

I agree with Sherry. Your girls don't go to sd's friend's parties right? Birthday parties are for the friends of the birthday child. Definitely use the opportunity to do something fun with your sd!

Can her dad (your husband) plan a special date with her? Maybe a cool movie or bowling. Yes, bowling would be better with all the girls, but I am just thinking of ideas. On another note; 6 to 10pm is late for a b-day party (my kids are 2 and 5 so i could be in for a surprise). Does your 8 year old really want to go or will she even relate to the older girls?

I agree it is awkward to ask since it puts the hostess on the spot and she will most likely say yes.

I'd make a special time at home with the stepdaughter. Maybe let her pick a place for dinner to eat at with just Dad and you. Maybe rent a movie of her choice. No, that'd be weird if some random 10 yr old came to the party. Tween girls are not so nice all the time and may not include her in their talk/games/fun. Your SD may feel WORSE going to the party than staying home in her comfort zone. I say don't ask the other mom. Just let your two girls go and make the evening a special "just you" time with your SD.

you are right. husband is not.
SD is not dumb. just explain situation to her and take her out for some special time.
khairete
S.

Well I see from your So What Happened, that my advice won't be a new idea for you, lol. I was going to suggest (and think it is a great idea) to take the 10 yr old to a movie during that time. She may not even WANT to go to the party. So I wouldn't make it an issue. Just let her know that so & so's friend invited them to a birthday party and since it will take 4 hours, you and her dad have decided that she gets to choose a movie for the 3 of you to see.

Or some other thing she likes to do.
I don't see the problem. All the girls know that they don't share these friendships...that isn't news to them. The "get" that I'm sure. Hubby sounds like he is doing some wishful thinking about his weekend, though. lol

And kudos to YOU for thinking of the HOST(s) of the party and not wanting to put them on the spot. My husband is a lot like yours--- "oh, they won't care if we ____, and if they do, they'll say so". Ummm yeahhhhh, but it is RUDE to ASK. He ALWAYS thinks it isn't up to US to avoid something, that the other person can always say "no that doesn't work for me" but I always try to preempt and avoid rude requests. It must be a guy thing. :/

I would say no and take stepdaughter to do something with her dad special. some one on one time would probably not be a bad thing especially if every time she comes over she has to share dad with 2 other girls.

The 10 year old can handle the other girls going to the party why not plan something special for her and her father to do or her father and you and her to do or something for just her and you to do while the others are at the party. That is what I would do. It seems like the perfect opportunity for 1 on 1 bonding.

The stepdaughter should not go to the party. And after all, isn't she really there to spend some time with her dad? He should make fun plans for the two of them (or all three of you) to go out and do something she enjoys -dinner and a movie, skating, whatever. While your girls are at the party having fun -she will also be having fun!

I agree with everyone who says to let your stepdaughter have some one on one time with her dad. Going to a party where you don't know anyone would be awkward for her anyway, and yes I think it would be rude to ask.

Rude to ask

Have hubby set up a very special night for him and his daughter

Hang out at bday party or alone and enjoy the break.

I see no flaws in this plan's execution.

Make everyone happy- Your girls go. Your hubby and daughter go. And you, DO NOT butt in on the hubby/daughter time--instead rest, shop, eat bon bons!

If you go along with the hubby/daughter she will still feel like a third wheel.

I think you should ask if she can come. I am sure the mom would have included her had she known she would be with you for that weekend.

Also, you have one daughter who is 8 and is invited, so all your talk about "a new teen likely will not appreciate a complete stranger 10 yr old at her first teenage party..." If she doesn't mind an 8 year old, I don't think she'll mind a 10 year old.

To me, it sounds like you're making up excuses because you don't want to take her/don't want her to go.

The party was planned and the number of guest settled. SD was not in the picture for an invite as the honoree does not know her. Plan something different for her and her dad.

You mentioned that SD went to parties that your daughters were not invited to so it is even. We can't all go to the party every time someone has one. You could lose friends of "pushing" kids on to people who do not want them.

I am glad that you are planning to do something with her. Here's a thought if hubby wants free time see if you can have your daughters spend the night out while SD is not there.

Good luck.

The other S.

You do not ask if another kid, especially one who doesn't even know the honoree, can come.

On one hand she may have been invited if the mom had known, on the other hand I think she would be completely miserable going because she won't know anyone, ya know?

I would just do something with her while the girls are at the party, maybe see if she wants to hang out with friends.

1. I don't think it would be rude under the circumstances.

2. I think staying out at a party until 10 PM is a too late for your 8 year old. The birthday girl turning 13 would probably perfer that your 8 year old NOT be invited, anymore then wanting a 10 year old tagging along, but was probably forced to do so by her mother.

3. The way you refer to "my kids" versus "our children", makes you sound like a bit of a "wicked step-mother."

4. I would consider keeping the 8 year home and you and your husband do something special with her and the 10 year old.

5. OR, having your husband and his daughter go out and do something special on their own should you decide to let the 8 year old attend a "tween" party.

I could be wrong but I suspect the party your stepdaughter attended, that your children were not invited, was not when they were spending the weekend together.

Ya just gotta love when people have a comment that really has no bearing on your question.

She wasn't invited, plain and simple- her being a step child has no bearing on the situation. I wouldn't put the mom on the spot and ask her. I doubt the birthday girl would appreciate it and if your stepdaughter is shy, she probably wouldn't have fun anyway. I think your husband should take advantage of some alone time with his daughter, after all, he only sees her every other weekend and I doubt much of that time is one on one since there are other kids in the household.

I personally DO NOT think it is rude at all!

I would hate for anyone to be left out. If it is something that an extra kid would cost her extra money, offer to pay for that.

I had a mom call me and ask if she could bring her younger daughter to my daughters swimming party that we invited her older daughter to. She offered to pay for her younger daughter. Luckily, they didnt even charge us for her, so no one had to pay.

I personally dont know why people would get their panties in a bunch over this. If she is a nice lady, I can assure you, she would be more than happy to have your step daughter!
People need to get a grip if something like this EXTREMELY rude. Come on...Its a kids party, not a wedding you are inviting everyone and their date too. It will be ok.

Under the circumstances.. I would ask the mother. Then I would ask your step daughter what she thinks and let the mother know for sure. Who knows she may not want to even go... but I would ask the mom first instead of the girl getting her hopes up then getting let down.

I think 10pm is late for an 8yr old. When you talk to the mother about what is going on with the step daughter I would tell her I will be there by 8 to get both the 8 & 10 yr olds (if the 10 yr old wants to go).

Let your oldest daughter have some fun with her friend with out her little sisters hanging around since they are all about the same age ;)

You said the mom is a great lady and Im sure she wont have a problem letting the step daughter come if she is inviting the 8 yr old... I know I wouldn't. I would feel more bad about missing the step daughter!

I agree with everyone else. I would say, "Hey since the girls are going to be out, why don't we (insert activity that step daughter likes to do)!" I think that would be fine.

On the flip side, if I were throwing the party, I wouldn't care if another kid came along. We were always pretty much an open door house, growing up and I plan to keep that going. :)

Do something special with your step daughter the 10yr old instead but at the same time

I would not ask. She is not in this child's circle in any way. I would expect dad to enjoy some alone time with his child that he normally would not have. She is his daughter right?

I think he could just do a date night with her and you go with the other girls for their party. They could bring her something back that was a nice treat. Maybe a piece of cake? Or even a little token from them to her.

I think it is kinda rude if the kid doesnt know the birthday girl.. just do something fun for the step daughter thats what i would do

I would ask your step-daughter if she wants to go to the party or wants to do something special with the two of you instead. I would find that out before worrying about asking the mom for an invite. If she wants to go to the party, I wouldn't hesitate to ask the mom. I bet it was an oversight on her part because she didn't know your step-daughter would be visiting.

I would however, offer to pay for her way in case she is over the limit on number of kids at the party or something. That would only apply if they are doing a party somewhere where they pay by the number of kids. And if all three kids attend, bring a very nice gift!

Hmm, I always ask if my other kids can come, but I pay for them and keep them away from the party unless the parents invite them over, which normally happens. But my kids are still young and at the age where we stay, for the most part.

I definitely don't think you sound like an evil stepmother and it's a shame people made you feel that way.

I would ask your SD what she wants to do, but offer up a night of just the three of you or just her and dad. She may prefer that. I'd have felt out of place at 10 to go to a party of a 13 year old I had never met...so I'm guessing as a shy girl that will be her thought as well. If she wants to go, ask the mom. If not, do something fun with her :).

I think you can do this either way. I do not think its rude to ask. I might just ask then give your step daughter a choice. Would she rather have a father and daughter night or go to the party. I think she might pick her dad since maybe they do not get one on one time to much. I know my kids loved one on one time with their dad! I wish you luck, but either way is just fine.

No its not rude. I wouldnt mind at all. Ive had friends bring their nephews who were visiting to my kids birthday parties. She is a part of your family and your girls sister. It would be mean to exclude her dont you think? Shes not Cinderella is she???

I wouldn't ask, take her out to the movies or something else for fun.

I would not ask if she could attend. Actually this is a perfect time for you
to spend some special time alone with your step daughter. Have fun.

I think you should first find out if your stepdaughter even wants to go. If she doesn't know the girl and doesn't want to go, then there is no need to make her go. You can just take her out and go do something fun. If she does want to go, though I don't see anything wrong with her going to the party. If she wants to go to a party where she won't know anyone she probably has the right kind of personality to have fun regardless. If the birthday girl has a problem with it, then personally I think this will be a good life lesson for her that we can meet new friends where we didn't expect to. Sure it's her birthday, she should have some say so, but if she feels like her birthday is ruined because one of her friends had to bring her stepsister, then she sounds like a dramatic brat. I'm sure she won't think that though. I say don't worry about asking the mom if she can go if the stepdaughter doesn't even want to go. If she does want to go swallow your fear of being socially awkward and ask the birthday girl's mom.

I agree with Kristin C. Spend some good quality time with her while the other girls are gone! :-)

If this is your friend I don't think it's rude to ask. You might let her know you understand if she would rather her not but that she will be with ya'll that weekend.

Good luck and God Bless!

Sounds like you need to buck up and put on your big girl step mamma panties on. Seriously? It might feel weird for you to ask your friend, but how do you think a ten year old girl will feel if she was completely excluded. She might not even want to go, but to assume it would be rude to ask if another MEMBER OF YOUR FAMILY can go to a little girls party... Well that's just selfish and mean.

Oh and to all the moms who think its not appropriate to even ask... Shame on you. She's a ten year old girl, did you even consider or wonder how she would feel about this?