How to Host My Stepdaughter' Birthday Party

I can kind of see what you're getting at with the "honoring." I'm reading it as you want to be standing with her father while she blows out her candles, opens her presents, etc...right? Not fading into the background like a "lesser" person. You don't mean like you actually want her to DO something to honor you, you just want to be on the same level as her biological parents.
Here's the thing...you are getting trampled on, my dear. You need to sit your husband down and tell him that you are NOT a lesser person than your stepdaughter's mother. You are a big part of her life and he needs to recognize that. As long as you let yourself be treated as a lesser, you will be. I think it's great that you are going to such an extent to plan a great party for your stepdaughter. Kudos to you!
Take your rightful place right beside your husband. Don't let anyone tell you that you don't belong there because you are "just" the stepmom. That's a total load of bull!

There is NOTHING about being "just" a step-parent and there it is no way being "lesser". Being a step-parent is one of the hardest roles to play in the world and you should be proud to stand next to your step-daughter while she cuts the cake, etc. and not let anyone treat you as less. It takes more than a blood connection to be a mom and you doing all that you do to make sure she is happy on her birthday shows that you have IT and so much more.

I applaud you in doing all that you describe that you are doing, but I think that in backing off during these family events, you may be adding to your SD's confusion about your role in her life. If you are backing down and letting your hubby, MIL, and SD's mom treat you like a "lesser" parent, she will see this and therefore interpret you as such and in the end possibly respect you less. So I say, take step up and step into the family circle and let all those people know that you aren't there just as a pretty decoration, you are there for that little girl.

Additionally, if your hubby also treats you as a "lesser" parent because you didn't birth his little girl, I think it's time to sit him down for a little talk about things. That is disrespecting you. When you married him, it is because he also thought you would be a good mom to his daughter, not just a temporary stand-in for the female role. I understand SD's mom treating you like that, but your husband and his mother should not be treating you like that. You have stepped into the biggest role of your life and they have no reason to look down on you because of the lack of blood ties.

Now that we live so far apart,mMy step-son has a separate party at his mom's house and at our's, but in the beginning we would do a combined party. His mom would promise to pay us half of everything for years but never did, so now this works out better for all.

On a better note...enjoy the birthday party and hope the weather works well for it and don't feel bad if SD doesn't pay attention to anyone but her friends. That's the joys of being a kid, you can be as selfish as you want without getting into trouble. LOL Good luck and God bless.

I don't want to sound rude, but the party is for the STEPDAUGHTER, not for you and not for the other parents or grandparents. How can the SD honor the three of you without offending you guys? You shouldn't be offended by a child, nor should there be any expectation for a child to 'act' differently in front of the three parents. She should tell each person "thank you" for the gift and for coming to her party. That's enough.

Let the girl have her party, let her open presents, eat cake, play with friends. You be a host and fill up the punchbowl and answer the door and light the candles. Let dad or mom carry the cake outside. Even if you TELL your husband "It's time for the cake, will you carry it out please?"

I don't see the big deal. If bio-mom doesn't come to the party, that's her problem, not yours. If your SD is upset, tell her, depending on her age, to either call her mom to invite her, or tell her that her mom wants to just do a personal party at her house, and not attend this party. The positive side of that is extra presents, another cake, and more personal time with her mom.

I am going to come across as mean & harsh but it's not intended that way. This is a kids party, there shouldn't be any "honoring". Your SD should say thank you at some point before or after the party, but she doesnt need to stand up in front of all the guest & Say "everyone can I have your attention please, I would like to thank.....". This all sounds silly to me. It sounds to me like you really want a pat on the back & for everyone to notice & tell you what a wonderful step mom you are. But that is not the job of your young SD, that's the job of your husband.

Re-read your last sentence. Your SD focus should only be on having fun with her friends not worrying about showing one parent or step parent to much attention. Her friends won't care about who thru the party & planned the games & she shouldn't have to thank anyone in front of all her friends. As a mom I know the rewards/recognition will come later & that's ok with me, so learn to be ok with NOT being honored by a young child til she's much older.

You have done a wonderful job with raising this child & showing her the love she deserves & stepping in since her mother is not a big part of her life. Your SD will on day be so thankful & grateful that you have such a big heart & I am sure will honor you when the time comes.

Frankly, her mom needs to get over it and accept that there are 2 mothers in her daughter life, and she loves them both. Your SD should never be made to feel like she is not allowed to love and respect you because her mother may be hurt. Her mother needs to grow up and do what is best for her child by accepting your role in her daughters life. It sounds like maybe it would do some good for you, her, and your husband to sit and talk so you can all be on the same page regarding the fact that SD needs to be free to love and respect and honor BOTH of her mothers.

it doesn't say how old your step daughter is but there are a couple things I am unclear on. Is this a kids party? whats with all the honoring etc etc. if she is a kid you plan games the kids eat, play games go home. why is she messing with cutting the cake? kids won't know the difference about who "hosts" the party. they are kids. Not being rude just don't really understand the problem here. my parents have been divorced forever. everyone is together for holidays and birthdays and no one has to be "honored" "given honor" etc. I just don't get the big problem. you throw the food out on the table and play the games. not one of those kids is going to ask so who is throwing this party.

i would act just like she is ur child.not 2 be rude but sounds like you are more of a mother 2 her then her own mom is:) dont worry what others think honey she will love you the same.good luck and i wish yalls party well

I guess I am confused because you are married to her father. You are her second mother. You should be in the front lines with her biological parents. You help raise her, you love her, you are a part of her everyday life, yes?
Your SD should not have to worry about showing love to you and you should not be worried about how involved you are in the party.
I would run the party like you would if she was your biological daughter. You planned it, you know what's going on.
I hope this party goes well for all involved. Have a good time and enjoy the day WITH your SD

This is going to be a hard one Momma. This is the way I see it. You are the stepmother and you are very important to her. Your doing this for your SD. Your not doing this to show how much you do. Her mom will be at the party....so this will be hard but you do not want to upset SD on HER DAY. Even thou you have done everything. Your asking way to much of a young girl to honer all 3 at one time. Way to much stress for her. What I am going to suggest because it does sound like you love her dearly. You-your husband-SD have a special dinner alone also. This way you will feel appreciated and have a wonderful photo taken with just the three of you. A lot of what mothers/stepmothers do is thankless. But we do it because we love our children. I hope your doing this party because you WANT to and not for recognition. Believe me the thanks will come when she is older and remembers how wonderful and selfless you are. Good luck.