Relations Ship

Hi Sam, if you think that it's not going to work out, get out of it asap, it will be hard for awhile, but it will get better, NEVER stay in a relationship for a child, it will show sooner than later.

Best wishes

It is unfortunate that you brought your son into your relationship before you were serious and sure it would be long-term. For your child's sake, you should not make that mistake in the future. My advice is this:
1. Your son is only 11 months old, he will not remember this but he may FEEL some sort of abandonment temporarily. Give him extra hugs and attention and he'll be fine.
2. Since you are already feeling as if the relationship will not last why prolong it? Phase him out now so that you can create a more stable environment for you son as soon as possible.
3. Do not be so quick to invite your next date into your entire world. Your child is important and you need to be sure that the man is in it for the long-term before he is WORTHY of having a relationship with your child.
4. A grown man playing with your infant son is sure to tug at your heartstrings but that could be part of what is clouding your judgement. Make sure that the man LOVES YOU for who you are as a SEPARATE being from your son. After all, even if he has a great relationship with your son if you do not have a strong relationship with him apart from being a family your relationship will start to crumble. Just as you may be longing for a family and a father for your son your bf may want the same thing and you'll end up together for the completely wrong reasons. And ultimately you won't be happy.

I just re-read your question above and I think you should too. You definitely seem more worried about how your son will react to your bf no longer being around then you are. Your son can be perfectly happy without a "father" in his life as long as he has some sort of male presence (grandfather or friends or other relatives).
Good luck to you.

IMO, you are too young to have your son around a serious relationship. If it doesn't work out and you move on to the next, and that were to fail, and so on.As he gets older, he would feel as if many of the "father" figures in his life have abandoned him,. and have issues with that. Wait til the relationship is well established before introducing them. Can you have someone babysit while the two of you are together? I hope I'm not coming across in a bad way, I've just read an article in some magazine not too long ago about this.
My cousin is also going thru this exact same thing right now, she agrees with me now, to date the guy (she said she's going to wait for two full years to know if the guy is going to stick around now) She's been thru it 3x now. If I still had that article, I would send it to her, and tell you the name of magazine, but I don't.

Your son won't even remember him. And kids are very adaptable, it won't even phase him the your boyfriend is gone.

I hate to sound rude, but why would you waste yours and his time if now you think that things may not work for you guys? You need to make some major decisions quick for the sake of everyone involved. The longer you carry things on, the more your son will get attached. If you don't see a future, I would call it quits now! I agree with a previous poster who said that your son needs to have some permanent male role models like a grandfather or godfather. Make sure you don't stay in the relationship soley because you are scared of hurting your son. You will end up hurting him more that way. If you decide to break it off, your son WILL get over it as long as you make sure that you let him know that YOU are not leaving.

If you don't think this relationship is going to work, don't keep him around just for your sons sake. I've seen this several times with other friends of mine and it seems to work out best if your son doesn't have any contact with him after the break up. Get him involved with other stable men in your life, your father or grandfather. But let him see him after you break up it's only going to be make this worse in the long run if you meet and marry someone else. And next time you date someone remind them not to get close you your child unless they are serious about you. You need to think about what is best your your little guy and not let him think that every guy that comes around is going to be his new daddy. I hope this helps. Good luck.

Children don't have any lasting memories until they are 3.5 or 4 years old. Your son may notice something missing for a short while, but it won't bother him for long because you will still be with him. The older he gets, the more of an issue a situation like this will be.

At a 11 months old your son will not even remember.

S.,

As the child of a single mother, I can tell you that at your son's age, he won't even remember the guy. From the time I was an infant until I was 2, my mom dated a man, and I have only 1 very hazy memory of him.

As you move on with your life, be slow to introduce your son to your dates.

I had my son at 20 and having positive male role models in his life was important to me. So I got him around his grandfather and god father, stable men. But when I dated I wanted the men to accept me and that meant the most important part of me too, my son. I would make sure I was in the relationship for awhile before my son saw anymore than friendship (ie kissing or affection). But there were a couple guys that I was really close to and my son attached himself to. And when we parted he was sad just like I was but he knew mom wouldn't leave and he still had the other strong males in his life to look to. Now I have meet the man I am married to and granted it is not always perfect he does stupid stuff. But we are working it out and love each other, and my son loves him and calls him dad. My husband adopted my son when he was 4 and they are quite the pair.
I guess what I'm getting at is just surround him with strong male role models. If your bf and you can't work it out then your son may be sad and that's ok the important thing is that he has you. Just let him know that you love him.

A.

What makes you think this wonderful guy is not going to stay around? Do you want him to? If so, I recommend putting your energy on communicating with him your fears and goals--and listening to his. Dating relationships and love can be scary for both parties. Whether he is the guy who sticks around or not, you'll get to practice communicating with him, a gift/skill for all your future relationships including the one with your son. You are a great mom for being so concerned about your son. Now take care of you. :)

I know boys especially need that fatherly figure around. I wonder if maybe you could get him around his grandfather on a regular basis, or if that's not possible, maybe keep and open mind about allowing an older, trustworthy, male role model into your lives....someone who will be around longer than a potentially unstable boyfriend. (Not to say your boyfriend is unstable, but the relationship doesn't always last.)

Don't worry. I have been there. I got pregnant my last year in college. I started working full time at the hospital where my mom was working as a medical secretary. It was there that while I was pregnant I met my first husband. We started dating when I was 8 months pregnant and got married when my son was 2 1/2 years old. Our marriage did not last long, 4 months. He became controling and verbally abusive with me and I left when I felt he was not even good to my son. He would freak out when he got sick and threw up on his precious couch. Not even concerned as much about my son as his things. I left him in August, and started dating my now husband of 8 years very shortly after, probably too shortly as I had a lot of baggage to sort through, but we are very happily married and have two more children together.
Aaron, my oldest does not even remember my first husband even though he was there for the first two and a half years of his life. I've brought him up for whatever reason and Aaron doesn't know who or what I'm talking about. Your son is too young to remember this man for long. He will forget him pretty quickly. As for you, I would take a good hard look at why you are with your boyfriend. If you are only staying because he is great with your son, then you both deserve more. Believe me when your best friend comes along you will know.

There are many many single mothers that do not have a significant other... so there are many children that do not have a father figure in their lives. You need to do what's right for you and your son. Don't stay in a relationship on the account that your infant son may take the news poorly. Children also know when we (moms) are happy and when we are stressed or sad, and he will react to that too if there is any tension about your relationship with your boyfriend. If you know now that something is not right about your relationship, have a talk with him about it. Be upfront about your concerns about your son and his relationship with him, and how you think this is affecting him. Maybe he will shape up! Or if not, then you know it's time to move on! Good luck!

He's only 11 months old. He'll be fine at this age. Much older and he'll have a problem so if it's not working just end it now while he's too young to really notice much. Don't make drama for him though. Many parents do that by thinking it's really hard for their child and make it worse. Kind of like when a child starts school and the Mom is crying and carrying on and then wonders why the kid has a hard time, lol.
Best Wishes,
J.