Question for Moms Who Do or Did Co-sleep

I'm with manda F on this one! I didn't intentionally co sleep with my son it just ended up happening. It took up til I was pregnant with his baby sister, he was 5 1/2, to get him out if my bed. I couldn't have him kicking me. What we did was out a calender in his room. Every night he stayed in his bed he got a sticker. Every 3 days he got a small treat. Then at the end of the month he got to go somewhere special. Then we moved up to every 5 days, and then once a week. After a few months he was finally in his own room. He still comes and sleeps on the living room floor with my husband every now and then. Yep that's right my husband and I haven't slept in the same bed in over 2 years! And we have a great relationship! Good luck and remember its going to be tough, so you have to be tougher

I co-slept with my daughter, still do when she feels like it (she's 10 now). We share a room because we live in a one-bedroom apt. She's always had a crib/bed of her own and would sometimes sleep there, but mainly she's slept with me. Yes at stages she was a restless sleeper, and I would wake up frequently. But at 5, her father and I divorced and she was at his house 1/2 the time, so I got enough sleep. I do not regret co-sleeping with her. And no, my co-sleeping with my daughter had nothing to do with our divorce. He snored and had restless leg syndrome so badly that we couldn't sleep in the same room anyway.

I would hesitate to change your children's sleeping arrangement when you and their father are in a state of flux and stress. They feel the stress, too, and it could be a hard time to make the change. Have you thought of leaving them in your big bed and getting a new bed for you, in the next room? That would be less of a change for them. Or, you could buy twin beds, set up their own room, make a big deal of it, and encourage them to play and then sleep there. Kids can adjust with support. You know your kids best and what approach to change would be the least stressful for all.

I'd put a twin mattress in the floor beside of your bed and require them to sleep on it. After all goes well with that, transition the 5 year old into his bedroom. After you are successful with that, try it with the younger child.

If you can't get them to work with you to get out of the king sized bed, can you trade beds with a smaller one from another room? I'd even switch to a twin bed in order to get it done. They'll stop wanting to sleep with you if there's no room...

Dawn

We co-slept w/ out daughter until she was 3. One night we were reading a book before bed in our bed and she said, "I think I want to sleep in my bed tonight" (she had a twin bed in her room, ready to go). I looked at her, shocked, and said, "Ok, let's do it!" And that was it. Now, I did have to still lay down w/ her until she fell asleep, because that's what I would do w/ her in our bed. So we kept that tradition for maybe 6 months or so. Then at that point, I told her "Ok, time for you to go to sleep on your own now. All your cousins your age do it and you can do it, too." So for us, it was actually really easy.

I'd start preparing them w/ conversations about the move. Make it sound fun and like this is a step on to being a 'big kid.' Give them a goal the first night with the promise of something special after 7 nights of successfully sleeping in their own beds. Maybe a chest full of dress-up clothing, something fun.

Good luck, you all can do it!

it's appropriate whenever you want it to happen! and that sounds like now.
so work with 'em on making the process an exciting graduation for them rather than a sad banishment. let them participate in the bed shopping, and pick their own linens. maybe they'll start off by going to bed in their new room, but be allowed (with an agreed-upon time limit) to come snuggle with you if they get lonesome. add some fun incentives to make 'all night in your own bed!' a positive goal.
good luck mama!
khairete
S.

Okay, my 5yr old made the transition to his own bed easily after co-sleeping for 5 yrs. I think it took a week total. Grandma bought him the bed, her idea, I found bed sheets just like the ones in my bed so it felt he same. We also bought him a 5foot bear to hold on to when he needed to cuddle. The reward for a full night's sleep IN HIS bed was 1hr of video games in the morning, he usually had to wait until the afternoon to play. When he would come into our room in the middle of the night we would say Play Station ... typically he marched right back to his bed. So, yes incentive to stay in his bed helped. Now ofter 6months of happy, consistant independant sleeping he gets one weekend night a week, typically Friday to sleep in my bed with me, he also gets to when he is sick. It has been a great experience. Side note, we too tried many sleep training systems that failed.

My two boys slept together in one bed for the longest time. I think because they slept together they didn't need to sleep in mama's bed.

Maybe for the transition you can buy a double bed and have the two of them sleep together, but without you. They will still have someone to cuddle up to but it's not you.

My boys stopped sleeping in the same bed about 2 years ago when they were 6 and 9. It just happened naturally. At first they would go to bed at night in separate beds but end up in the same bed in the morning. But eventually that stopped too. I'm expecting them to ask for separate rooms soon.

We did not co-sleep. I've never been able to get a good nights sleep with baby near. I couldn't let myself relax for fear of smushing him. So my tips are not grounded in personal experience, and actually, have less to do with sleeping in one's own bed, and more about general parenting advice.

Sometimes, I find myself worried that a change is going to be difficult for my DS, and he proves me wrong. I thought it was going to really difficult to get him to keep away from the X-mas tree (he showed little interest and wasn't the least bit destructive). I thought it was going to be really difficult to get him to stay in his crib when we removed the crib tent (recently recalled). after 3 nights he's sleeping the night through again.

Tell yourself, and tell your kid that you think he/she is capable. They might just surprise you and prove that they are.

BTW, we used Ferber, it worked for us.

LSHA

I feel your pain. I don't really mind the kids coming and crawling in bed with me though. I like having the snuggles because I know they'll be older and not want to do that anymore in just a short time.

I know how hard it is to try and rest while my granddaughter is tossing and turning. She didn't sleep with us for a very long time though. My grandson went to bed in his own room then would wake up and bounce from wall to wall with his eyes closed and his blanket dragging almost every night about the same time.

We had both kids in our room for a long time. We had her in the toddler bed until she was about 2 1/2 and then he was about 14-15 months old and still in the baby bed. We fixed up the room next to ours for her and hubby would go in with her, lay down with her, and when she was asleep he'd get up and come to bed. The boy was in the toddler bed then at the foot of our bed. When he went hunting for us he only had to climb on the foot of the bed and get under our covers.

We waited until he was about 2, maybe 2 1/2 then put him in a twin bed. So they've had their own rooms for years.

When they're going through a lot of stress they'll tend to come find us and crawl in to bed. I think it's a huge comfort to them.

I know that when life calms down again they will like their own rooms at night and be happy to be in there.

I would put a twin bed next to your king and slowly transition them there. and then eventually move it into their own room. I would just do it slowly and see how you and they feel over time with the changes. There isn't any set time that you have to have kids apart or to stop co-sleeping. GL

APPROPRIATE TIME TO STOP: whenever you and/or husband and/or kids are ready.

IF KIDS ARE CRAWLING INTO YOUR BED AND YOU HATE IT: Then quietly (no words) take them by the hand, walk them to their bedroom and climb in their twin. They are afraid. They just want to cuddle (I love to cuddle) and EVERYONE values sleep. So sleep. I don't mind my 8.5 yr old coming to my bed. And trust me, if I'm too dead tired, I just say come in. But I will usually go to her bed so she * knows * her bed is safe and the best place to sleep in. Put positive associations with nighttime sleep. Her bed is a GREAT place to sleep and when she needs you, you'll go there.

HOW TO DO IT: If you want them out of your bed and bedroom (which I think is the best thing here) you need to set up twin mattresses in their rooms. I transitioned my son to his own twin mattress/bedroom when he was 2. (DH insisted. I wasn't happy about it at the time, but it was the right call.) From now on, all sleep happens in THEIR room, so they get used to it. What would help with this transition is you STILL co-sleeping with them (and slowly weaning that off) in their rooms.

My daughter was born when my son was 4. She co-slept with DH & I for about a year and then I started putting her to sleep (nursing her to sleep) on the twin mattress (pulled out from under my son's twin) next to my son. I had a barrier up so he never fell on her the first year because I was nervous. He remembers liking having her in his bedroom because it helped him feel less afraid.

When I'd nurse my daughter to sleep, he'd come down and cuddle with us. Eventually he got sick of that (too crowded on a twin) and on his own went to sleep on his own bed.

I used to cuddle my son to sleep and then sneak away. If he woke up (and he always did - around 2am) looking for me, I'd never invite him to our bed. I'd go to his room and stay in his bed.

My son eventually started sleeping through the night.

My daughter was always a solid sleeper. But when she used to wake up at 5am, walking across the house to our bedroom, I'd get up and lie back with her. No arguing, no fights.

I still lie with my 8.5 yr old daughter (I wish I didn't have to) to get her to relax to sleep.

I gave them each separate bedrooms the summer before she entered Kindergarden. I knew she'd have playdates and I didn't want my son feel like he was being invaded by strange kids he didn't know.

MARRIAGE: I don't know what's going on in your marriage. But, I'd recommend looking into this. People have said they were on the brink of divorced and after attending this, things change.

http://newlife.com/newlifemarriageweekend
They have a call in radio show and give excellent advice. You can listen to previous podcasts to hear what it's like.

This is another one, similar concept:
http://www.familylife.com/events/featured-events/weekend-...

I would love to attend one of these one day. I think everyone (from blah marriages to horrible marriages) can use a tune up.

Nobody's marriage is perfect. People struggle. I think there is help. Don't give up on it without getting help first.

PS I think this is more common (co-sleeping AND marital problems BTW) than you think. With co-sleeping, a lot of people end up doing some combination (not in infancy, maybe later) and struggle also. You are definitely not alone. :)

I feel your pain! Honestly I do. I also co sleep with my son, he is (four years old by the way) and its getting to the point where it is beginning to bug me. Don't get me wrong I love to have my Spider-Man cuddle with me but I honestly regret the whole co sleeping thing. We have is crib which he never used at all up together (it turns into a toddler bed and we transitioned it already) we put Spider-Man sheets and pillows to try and lure him to like it, we've tried the you are a big boy now and big boys sleep in their own bed. We tried the transferring him from our bed to his. We tried so much and so many times that I kinda want to give up and just let it take its course. My husband and I both sleep with him by the way in a king size bed aswell. Most of the bed belongs to him he has the whole right side and half of the left side, his dad sleeps on the left and doesn't move so he's good there, but Im a diferente story... I sleep in the bottom piece where horizontal to their legs. It's awful but since I don't get to sleep much because of my husbands annoying ⏰ at 3am (i posted a qs last week)I only suffer maybe 3 hours💤💤💤. I'm a night owl so I don't mind staying up most of the night and doing chores or taking advantage of my alone time to meditate, think and journal. If I could do this all over again I would take a different route in a heart beat. I will not do this co sleep again👎(if and when I have another child). The bonding experience is great but the cons to this are out weighing all the pros in my opinion. And yes it also leaves Hubby and I with limited alone time to get frisky🙀. Good thing is we have a spare room and its fully furnished for guests, so 👫 take a trip down the hall when we are in need of some privacy.
Sorry I don't have much advice/ non really, but I do feel your pain and know what you are going through.

I just worked with our daughter on a good bed time routine...she loved to fall asleep to the books we read..if she tried to sleep with us, no stories for her.

Made sure if she came into our bed to walk her back to her room... Either me or my husband. Every time.. She realized she was just getting too big to fit with us.. We have always had a queen sized bed.

Sometimes, I would let her make a palette on the floor next to our bed...but the taking her back to her room, was what finally worked..

The only appropriate time to transition your kids into sleeping in their own space is when the current arrangements aren't working any longer. It doesn't matter that you have a boy and a girl, and I think it's so sad that society has driven this whole gender thing into parents that a mom will question having her 3 and 5 yo in the same bed!! Heck, my kids are 6 and 3, and they just stopped bathing together a couple of months ago! It has to do what works for YOU and YOUR family, NOT what works for everyone else's family or what your peers, or even doctors, are telling you is appropriate. After all, most doctors say to NEVER sleep with your babies....

I will also use a breastfeeding analogy here. If everyone were to stop breastfeeding when society feels it's appropriate, no baby in the US would nurse past 6 months of age (and maybe younger!!). However, the WHO and the AAP both recommend breastfeeding AT LEAST until age 2, and the world wide natural age of weaning is between the ages of 5 and 7. Years, not months. As we well know, there are many moms who breastfeed past age 3, and even up to 4, 5, 6 and 7.

It all depends on what works for YOU! That being said, if you feel ready (search your heart, not the advice of your friends and family), try the suggestions below, such as putting twin mattresses in your room. However, if the room is close enough, you could always put the mattresses in that room and leave the doors open.

And keep an open mind if things don't go as planned. *ironic smile* I say this because we recently tried to put our 3yo daughter in a toddler bed. It didn't go so well, and we ended up putting the crib back up after 2 weeks. Evidently, she enjoyed her newfound freedom because on the very first night, she figured out how to climb out of the crib (having never even tried to do that before).....

I co slept with my daughter and stoppedwhen she was about 3 ish. I transformed her crib(that she never really used) into a toddler bed and then put it right next to the bed and I would sleep to the side closest to her. Slowly moving to the furthest side and then about a week later pushed her bed further away and further away after. Im sure some may think its just best to do it another way but this worked a treat for me.

I loved the book The No-Cry Sleep Solution. She definitely addresses your type of situation (more on the 'how' not as much the 'when').

Good luck

timing: when you decide, not the kids. :)

please remember you are in charge, & life has to follow your rule...not theirs.