Question About Letting Baby Cry Himself to Sleep

There is a developmental theorist called Erick Erickson and in the first stage of his developmental theory, it is called "Trust vs. Mistrust"...This stage focuses on early infancy to about two years old. Erickson tells us that during this stage infants begin their quest in developing who to trust and who not to trust...they do this by crying out for food, wanting a diaper changed and by wanting to be loved. And, if the caregiver is not able to meets these needs, you are establishing "Mistrust" in your child...that no matter how long or hard he cries, he will not get picked up. Please, do not fall for old-wives tells that say "if you pick up your child too much, he will become spoiled"...The only form of communication infants have is through touch...please pick of your child and love and carry him constantly, you are building trust with him...let him know you'll always be there, no matter what time of day/night it is!!!!

Peace, Love and Babies
M. M.

This can be a touchy subject, with very strong opinions on either side.

I personally will not let my children "cry it out." If they're crying, they need something. Sometimes it's just an emotional need; they need to feel you and be close to you. That's the way of babies. :)

**I just wanted to add that we've coslept with our children. My eldest is 6 and she's been in her own bed since 3. She's never had any sleep problems and adjusted to being in her own bed just fine. Helping to soothe your child back to sleep does NOT mean he'll have problems later or be unable to sleep well on his own.**

In the end, you'll do what works best for you but I hope you'll read through these links:

http://www.drjen4kids.com/myths/crying%20it%20out.htm

http://babyparenting.about.com/cs/sleeping/f/cryitout.htm

http://babyparenting.about.com/b/2005/11/16/ferber-change...

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/handout2.asp

I went through a similar situation with my oldest child. Crying to sleep is not harmful, as long as you've checked on him and everything is good. But what you need to do is stop feeding him, because he'll continue to wake up thinking it is is privelege. Our doctor told us that to break our daughter of this habit, let her cry, and that after about 3-4 nights she would start sleeping all night. And it worked! When she she would wake up in the night, I would check on her to make sure everything was fine (no messy diaper, not tangled in her sheets, not sick, etc.), then I would put her back in her crib and leave. She cried for a good 30-45 minutes, and it was rough on my husband and me, but by golly, she was sleeping all night by the 4th night, and has ever after been a great sleeper (she is now 13).

So be consistent, and stick it out, and I think you will be pleased with the results, and your child will thank you in the future!

No its not a horrible thing to let him cry himself to sleep but you need to stay consistant with it. Create a pattern on the first night go in every 10 minutes, not picking him up, just to reassure. The next night 15 minutes and so on. Then eventually he should not need you to come in at all. I would invest in this book Sovle Your Childs Sleep Problem by Richard Ferber. It has some good ideas and a more detailed info on the "plan" I described above. Hope it helps.

I wonder,have you tried putting cereal in his bottle with his milk? I've been doing this since my daughter was about three months old,and thats when she started going to sleep all night(to my everlasting relief!!!). You may need to make the nipple very large,about as big as a single fork tong, our combonation is two scoops formula and three scoops gerber rice cereal to four oz. water...and walla!!sleep in a bottle. When it comes to the crying to sleep,its a common practice among mothers,though no one would admit it. Its labeled with pediatricians as self soothing and is harmless...sometimes sanity is preserved this way,at least for me!

good luck! -tabby

I never let my first child cry themselves to sleep. I felt like it was the worst thing anyone could do to their kids. That said, when my son was one, I visited my dr and she informed me the reason I was so sick and getting migranes was lack of sleep (still nursing and waking at night to nurse) and that I needed to let my son cio and not get up to nurse him. I thought I was going to die. He cried and cried for about a week and it was torture. But once he got the hang of it and understood I wasn't coming back in there, it was so much easier. Both of us are happier and it had absolutely no effect on our bond like I feared. If anything, it made it stronger.
I realize your son isn't quite as old as mine was, but I wanted to reasure you that you're not doing anything horrible. It won't traumatize him or anything (I know it feels like it sometimes- especially when they're screaming and you feel at fault.)My dr even said that she did it with all of hers, when they were right around a yr. Kids develop differently and maybe your's is just ready for the next step of independance. I say- Good for you for listening to your baby and being willing to take that step! He's going to cry at first, but he'll stop and will cry for shorter periods each time.
Good luck! And don't beat yourself up too bad. Just do what works and have no guilt. ;)

I'm wondering if you might want to feed him some food and give him a bottle shortly before going to bed. From what you say, it seems that he's waking up because he's hungry.

If he's waking up again at 5:30, I'd take him back to bed with me. That's what I did with my daughters. It was one of the wonderful things about nursing. At nine months, roll-overs should not be a problem especially if you are not grossly overweight.

It's also possible that he's missing having close physical contact with you like when you were nursing him which is why he's reluctant to go back to bed. Of course, he could just be an early bird, too. One of my daughters was.

The "cry it out" method will always be a touchy subject with other moms. I thinks it's just a personal decision you have to make for yourself. My daughter just turned 9 months and she is also still waking during the night, at least once. She goes down around 7pm. We've tried to let her cry it out a few times, but just can't seem to let her do it for very long....her cry is very loud (not just a fuss), which tells me she needs something---whether she just needs to nurse for "soothing" reasons or she's hungry, which at this age she doesn't need to it....so it's more for the sucking to put herself back to sleep and reassure her that mommy is still there. Not sure this really helped. Guess I was just letting you know that cry it out works for some but not for others.

Best of luck :)

I'm sure you will get LOTS of controversial answers to the question of letting them cry themselves to sleep. I think we all have to figure out what works best for us and our child, as they all respond differently. I believe in letting them cry, to an extent. 30 min to me is not that bad, as long as your neighbors don't complain. Have you tried music yet? I used a lot of lullaby CD's and classical music. Get an inexpensive cd player that will repeat and or play continuously. I would put my daughter to sleep with it, turn it off when I went to bed, but turn back on if she woke up thru the night. You didn't mention whether or not you use a plug, oh sorry I mean a pacifier. I've always referred to them as plugs, and even my daughter did as well. I used them, but they did NOT leave the bed. It only took a few times of having her take it out of her mouth and drop it in her bed to get the point accross, that it was NOT an all day thing, only for sleeping. Good luck! I also was a single Mom, not by choice, it's a difficult job at times, but remember you can always ask for help.

That moment in with my child was the worse thing earth! No, you are doing the right thing, it is just painful. Believe it or not you do and will know the difference between a cry for help, and just plain crying! Eventually, he will get shorter with, but he may never stop! I have friends that will announce, " He/She will cry for a few before they go bed. SORRY!" Look at this way, what will happen if you do not do this? My sister's child slept with her for 6 years! She is 10 and will not go to sleep overs! She really does not even like to go places without her Mommy! Starting school was crazy!

At this point, he really doesn't need the "room service" in the middle of the night. He can go from bedtime til morning just fine...just make sure he's on a good routine during the day for feeding, playing and napping...everything should happen at approximately the same time each day. I would recommend going into his room when he cries and patting him (don't pick him up), tell him you love him very much, but night time is for sleeping, and leave. He will probably howl for a good while the first few times, and it's ok to go back in every few minutes to check on him & remind him he's OK & go to sleep. He's going through several milestones right now--separation anxiety, teething, becoming more mobile & he is now aware that you are out there in the house hearing him cry. Whatever you do, don't give up and pick him up after an hour (maybe longer--be ready!) because that will just reinforce "persistence pays!" You are not being mean or being cruel--you are teaching him the first of many, many hard lessons you will teach him throughout his life...and as difficult as it is, you can't take shortcuts, or you both will suffer for it sooner or later. It's just one of the many aspects of parenting that we have to toughen up and face. You'll do fine--don't worry! Before you know it, he'll be a teenager that you have to practically dynamite out of bed!

it is hard when you have to let them cry to sleep but i have done it with my daughter and she eventually fell into a routine that once i laid her down she went to bed it is hard but there is nothing wrong with my daughter from me letting her cry her self to sleep

Hi! Well I think that every baby is different and mostly you need to listen to your heart. My 1st kiddo I had when I was 20 (he is 14 now) and when he cried in the night I just brought him to bed with me. Well that turned into me having a 3 year old who didn't want to sleep in his own bed when baby sister came along! Kiddo 2 then I thought I won't make that same mistake and she (now 11) was always in her own bed. If she cried in the night I would soothe her in her room for a moment after making sure all was ok then leave her to sleep or cry it out. Fast forward 10 years and I am now on kiddo 3 who is 20 months. And I have discovered that there is a happy medium. I still lean more towards soothing in her room then cry it out, but realize that there are still times where she just needs to be with mommy and daddy.
best of luck to you! oh, yeah and FYI my older two are great well adjusted kiddos so I guess neither method messed them up to badly! LOL

My baby is 20. He is training himself even at this early age to take care of himself. Let him cry. He's learned something new. Putting himself back to sleep. Otherwise, you will train him to look to you for this. You are doing great.

You might check with your doctor to see if he still needs formula in the middle of the night. One thing I've read - but never had to personally try b/c my son sleeps all night - is that when they wake up at night like this, to give them water instead of formula. Theory is that eventually they will figure it a "waste of time" to wake up for a sip of water and will sleep through the night.

Occassionally my son will wake up at night and cry if he can't find his pacifer. I'll give it to him, pick him up and cuddle him for a minute or two and then lay him back down. He will usually cry but stops within a few minutes of me leaving his room.

S.,
Do not feel like a bad mother for letting him cry. It will be the first of many things you will have to do as a mom that he will not like, but are best for him. It is hard to be the "bad guy", but you have to do what's best for him.. even if it means you are the bad guy for a little while.
I read BabyWise when my son was about 7 weeks old. It really changed the way I looked at my child's sleep habits. We had to train him to sleep through the night, for his benefit. And it required 3 nights of 'toughing it out' for that usual middle of the night feeding. It was hard, but worth it. I kind of compare it to this: If you are used to eating lunch everyday at 11 a.m., you're stomach will automatically start to grumble if you haven't eaten by 11:30. You're not going to die if you don't eat. You've just trained your body to expect food at that time. And you have to re-train it if you want to make a change. It's not all together pleasant to do that, but in the big picture.. it's not a big deal.
Hope that helps in some way.

I think it hurt us alot more than it does them to cry themselves to sleep.

My son fights his sleep too. i think its ok to let them cry and my mom and mother in law both told me to let him do it. but if its unberable to listen to this is what i do with my son. i lay him in his crib (he likes to sleep on his tummy) i rub his head softly and i sing to him. hearing your voice and feeling your touch may make him feel better and fall asleep. or i'll lay him in my lap, his back up agains my chest with my legs proped up. i rock him back and forth so slighlty that he falls asleep. i doesnt let me cuddle him anymore when he's tired so thats usually what i do. good luck.

He should begin to sleep through the night soon after a couple of nights. Its OK to let him fuss a little after you have checked on him He will however continue to get up if he knows he is going to be held and get a bottle because he likes that. Its hard but you can do it.

My oldest son who's now 4 yrs old cried himself to sleep when he was a baby. It didn't hurt him i really feel like it makes their lungs stronger. If he cries for more than 30 mins you could still go in and comfort him and let him now you are still around. I would go in about that time and rub his back gently and he would stop for a few mins then fall fast asleep. These are just my experiences I hope they help.

Hi S., I feel that by letting you child cry you are NOT doing harm. I know that it can be hard cause that is our first response to help our child when they cry. Sometimes babies cry not knowing what they want this is the best way they know how to communicate with you. Sometimes my 10 1/2 month old still does this. I try to sooth her at times by walking around with her this does not always work and at times it can frustrate myself as well, so I take her to her crib and she cries for about 5 minutes and falls straight to sleep. My daughter has now learned that when she goes to crib she lies in her "spot", turns her head and goes to sleep. Don't get wrong she still has her days when she has to cry herself to sleep but when she wakes up, she is happy as can be!! And that is when I know that she is ok. So either way you choose, putting him to sleep or letting him fall asleep by himself you know what is best for your child. Hope this helps !!!!!

You are not hurting your baby by letting him cry himself to sleep; you are teaching him to comfort himself, which is an important skill. If you know that he's not uncomfortable, then you should feel free to break him of the habit of *you* putting him to sleep. It may be hard at first, because he's used to you giving in, but in can be done. Whether you want to transition gradually, or just let him cry it out is up to you. There's all sorts of books that have different methods, so you can try whatever feels comfortable for you.

I sleep-trained my son in two stages. I trained him to fall asleep in his crib for naps at 8 weeks, and I trained him to fall back to sleep at night time without a bottle at 5 months. In both cases, I should have done so earlier, and was SO MUCH happier when I had finally done it. My son was happier, too, because he was finally getting better rest.

Good luck!

I understand your frustration with letting him cry, and it does seem like they will cry forever, but it will pass and he will then learn to put himself back to sleep. With my first child I rocked, walked, begged, pleaded and cried with her to get her to sleep until she was 4! After that ordeal I said never again and when we had our second child I employed the strategies of the "Baby Wise" approach. You might check out that book, and there is also another Baby Wise book for 15 month old's and up that was very helpful. After doing the baby wise approach with my son, he always puts himself back to sleep when he wakes up and I am able to just lay him down at night or at naptime and walk away and he will put himself to sleep! It has been a total blessing! Good luck, practice patience, and know that babies cry, that is what they do!

What a tough thing to do. I had to do it with my first child, and it lasted about 1 week. It was hard, but I felt is was necessary. My second child went through this at nap, because I had to get the older one lunch and settled down for nap, so night was never a problem with her. It was only about three days. It worked for us and we felt it was right, but it may not be for everyone.

Do what YOU feel is best for you AND your child and family. It is hard, but as long as we love them and show them, it is all good.

Good luck!

No, you are not doing your baby harm. I wouldn't let my babies cry either. It's our nature to want to comfort them. If you do not want him to wake in the middle of the night, you are going to have to stop getting him out of bed. He has you wrapped, sister!! He knows you will come get him out if he doesn't stop crying. I went through the same thing. I cant' remember exactly the method I used, but it's something like this. You go in and check on him, tell him night night, but don't pick him up and then you wait 5 minutes and do it again. Then you double the minutes every time until you are not going in there. Does that make sense? You will go in at 5 min., 10min, 20 min. My daughter caught on quickly that I wasn't going to pick her up and it stopped. You have to get your sleep. I hope this helps.

T.

I haven't read the other responses yet, so I apologize if this is a repeat. I would definitely let him cry. He's nine months old so I'm guessing that he knows that if he crys, you'll come and get him...? It will take a while to re-teach him how to comfort himself.

My pediatrician said that she let her newborn cry herself to sleep when she woke up through the night, the first night she was born. Now, I definitely don't agree withi that, and I did get up with my daughter to cuddle and comfort her when she cried, but after 2 months I was ready to get some sleep so we started letting her cry herself back to sleep a couple times a night. After a while she'd only wake up and cry for a few minutes then fall back asleep.

As a toddler she does well at bedtime and is able to go into her bed and fall asleep by herself. When Caelyn was a baby, I had many parents tell me about their experiences of having to lay in bed until their child falls asleep, so even though I really wanted to cuddle Caelyn, I waited it out and let her cry. As long as I knew she had everything she needed I knew she wasn't REALLY needing me. Of course it was hard, but now I am happy that she is pretty well adjusted as far as bedtime goes.

you're doing great! keep it up and don't give in!

Personally crying it out is HORRID. It breaks my heart to hear them cry. Think about it. If you couldn't settle down to sleep would you want to scream yourself to sleep? Do you like waking up with your head pounding because you have a headache from being so upset?
Ferber is a quack and has never had children yet he "knows" what's best for them? No thank you!

When DS was about 6 months old I would rock, bounce etc and it worked GREAT. Toook about a week but, I had a happy baby without putting him through that trama!

Try the no cry sleep solution! Much better approach and happy baby! That's all that matters right??

I was told that after 6 months of age it is ok to let them cry themselves to sleep. My son did the exact same thing, except he wasnt waking up to eat. He just would wake up. If you continue with what you are doing it will get better! It will take time and patience though! My son is almost 3 now and doing great!

we have 4 kids and all (except our 7mo old-yet) had to go through the same thing you are doing. it is so hard to lay him down and walk away but he will get use to what he's suppose to do. you can keep "babying" him but it won't get better that way...he'll think mom needs to walk him to sleep all the time. if it helps...i use to use this time to take a shower. that way you don't have to suffer while you sit and listen to him cry.

Has he started cuttin teeth yet?? If not,it could be he's getting ready. Is he putting things in his mouth and are his gums red?? If that isn't the problem, have you tried layin him on his tummy, and rubbing his back?? Once he's asleep, you can turn him over if your worried about that position. Have you put him in your bed with you? Is there a night light in the room? I'm a great grandma that has helped raise 15 kids, 23 grand, and workin on 13 great grands. I wouldn't let him cry everynight alone.

9 months is when my oldest son (21 years now and sleeps great!) started driving me crazy waking all the time in the night. i tried the let him cry it out and it pained me so much. Finally when he woke in the night, i just brought him to my bed and he fell right asleep and so did i. With my next two kids, i did the same thing and got so much more sleep and they are all now great sleepers and well adjusted teenagers and adults. Incidentally, i heard a woman on a talk show interview yesterday about Insomnia and she said she thought some of the cause of the problems people have with sleeping as adults stems from the childhood practice of "letting the baby cry it out".
J. K.

Is he teething? Do his gums fell swollen? Is he drooling more or has his pooh changed from drool passing? He may just need a teething tablet (homeopathic) or some Ambesol for teething pain? Thirty minutes seems like a long time. When a child is sleepy to put him down and let him fuss it out will not hurt him. In fact it will aid in his development of independence. It could be that his gums are hurting and that is not something easily seen.

I hope it's not bad for them - I do it. You could cosleep..I've done that too. Eventually you'll want to be able to sleep by yourself, though.. and once your baby gets used to putting himself to sleep, that's a whole lot easier than dealing with the logic of a four year old.

I had twins at age 41 after trying for 11.5 yrs. & several miscarriages myself. I know your struggle there. YOU HAVE TO LET THEM CRY IT OUT SEVERAL NIGHTS IN A ROW!

I did this at 5 mos. old w/ my twins. Their pediatrician said if you love them, you'll let them cry.....really meaning learn to sleep on their how. At 9 mos. old, he's getting smarter every day. You have to do this now.

I wanted to prove my doctor wrong. He said it would take 3 days. My kids cried over an hour the first night, 40 min. the second night & 20 min. the 3rd night. Next nights, they slept on their own.

To distract myself, I put in ear plugs & took a tylenol pm. I still do this & my kids are 2 now.

Good luck & you just have to do it now if you love him. The older he gets the more dependant he'll become. He won't remember this later b/c this is what babies do....they cry. Their memory doesn't really start until age 2..........

Let me know....J.

Stacey,
Kids go through many cycles. My children still get into a cycle sometimes of getting up at certain times during the night and coming down to our room and they are 4 and 7! I would let him cry a little bit but sometimes it makes it worse for both of you and they just get more worked up. Try giving him less and less bottle when he does wake up, try a smaller nipple on a bottle or something so that it takes him longer. He really is not hungry it is just now what his body is used to. There is a book a friend of mine let me borrow and if you can believe it I had to read it twice for both kids cause I forgot the steps. BUT, it is called sleeping through the night. it is a paperback and I read it in the bathtub one night! Pretty easy read. It gives a good round about description to help you understand what your baby is doing and different ways to deal with it depending on the type of person you are, not what the doctors beieve! Good Luck I know you are tired and think this is going to last forever, but believe me one day very soon from now you will turn around and say please get up for school honey we are going to bed late, and they will say...Mom please five more minutes! Believe me mine used to wake up every morning screamin crying with colic at 5am, it was miserable but now I have to try to wake him up! It is just a phase and it will go away be patient! Good Luck!
K.

If he is crying himself back to sleep it isn't a problem. Especially if he's not hungry, wet or hurting.

"Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" By Marc Weissbluth is a wonderful book. I have gotten a lot of use out of it.

AR

My 1 year old still nurses at night and she sleeps with me. Most people have very strong opinions against it and I have to hear about it from family all the time. My doctor says at 1 year crying will not hurt her, but he wouldn't have recommended it sooner. I personally CAN'T let her cry and I don't feel bad about it. I will never look back when she's all grown up and say how awful it was that my beautiful, sweet perfect babies loved me so much they wanted to be near me. SO, you do what feels right to YOU. Someone said you can tell the difference between crying for help and just crying and that's very true. If he will cry a little and go to sleep just fine and that works for you, than that's great! But don't let anyone tell you that you are doing is wrong no matter what you decide!

I let my kids cry themselfs to sleep, he only crys cause he knows your going to come and get him. The time will get less and less each time you do it. It doesn't hurt them at all, it helps them, they won't be so attached to you, and have less trouble in the future leaving moma, to go to school or day care and such.

I beleive you are doing your son and yourself a big favor. If he is clean, fed and safe and you know he is still tired, it is perfectly okay to let him cry himself back to sleep. I have five children and only with the first one (who is now 14)did I not let him get himself back to sleep. All of them are good sleepers now. Even my 3 month old who sleeps from about 8:30pm to 7:30am. I do feed him a little extra right before I head to bed myself around 10:00. Formula and ceral mix, plus a lot of snuggling.

Some moms may be a fan of crying it out, but I am not. I am a mother of two children and this is something that I have a firm belief in. Crying it out is great for a child who is manipulating the bedtime situation. But, at nine months, that is hardly the case. Your child is possibly waking up and missing you. Access your bedtime routine. Are you rocking your child to sleep, or putting him to bed with a bottle or some other routine? Babies wake often in the night and if you are rocking him to sleep, it could be that when he wakes, that is the only way he knows to soothe himself to sleep. It is unlikely that your child is hungry, unless he is going through a growth spurt. If he has been a good sleeper up until now, then this is likely a three or four week phase for you. If you don't have a bedtime routine established, then start one (bath, bottle, books). My daughter is two and she has one of these crazy night waking schedules about every six months. Now that she is two, I can resort to more of the check on her and then tell her it's time for sleep and leave the room, but I wouldn't have done that at nine months. If you think your son is waking to feed, but shouldn't be hungry, try feeding him a bottle with only water the first couple of nights and then lessen the amount of water over a few days until you only wake to cuddle him without any bottle and then you just go in and pat him on his back in his crib for a few minutes until he goes back to sleep. The routine may take a week to wean him from waking to eat, but it is less heart breaking than listening to him cry every night for 30 minutes. And how do you know that he isn't caught in the crib or having a night terror and just needs reassurance from mom or dad? I couldn't do that with my daughter when I knew she was a good sleeper. I knew there had to be something wrong and she didn't have the communication skills to tell me yet. Good luck!

My opinion is that when a baby is crying, there is something wrong. 9 months is one of the ages where separation anxiety can set in. Do you have a problem at that 5:30 hour just tucking him under your arm in your bed and both drifting back to sleep? There will be many nay-sayers about ever putting your baby in bed with you...however, I firmly believe that if your baby is crying he is either hungry, needs a diaper change, sleepy and or lonely. Perhaps he is just going through a phase that snuggling with you can help. I think 30 minutes, especially if he is crying hard, is too long. I am speaking from vast experience that they won't stay in your bed forever...my 2 sons are 20 and 18 and my beautiful daughter is 16!! They grow up so very fast to look back and have any regrets. Just love on that fella through whatever he is going through. Also, it seems that waking twice during the night for bottles is excessive for a 9 month old. Are you feeding him cereal before his nightly bottle? A good routine may be to give him cereal and a veggie or fruit and then a warm bath, then rock him with his bottle and put him to bed asleep. See if maybe a more full tummy with a definite routine for "sleepy time" will help him sleep through the night. Best wishes with your little one...enjoy every moment because in the blink of an eye he will be a big boy! ~ K. K

Hi, S.. I'm not sure how long you've been letting your son cry himself to sleep, but know that you are not harming him and it should cease gradually. I did this for all of my kids and they learned very quickly that the crib was for sleeping/napping.

I think you will know if he is in pain or if something isn't quite right with him, so continue what you're doing; you'll be glad you did.

Hi S.,

Sounds like you are doing just the right thing in letting him soothe himself back to sleep. I know it feels awful tho!

It is fine to let him cry himself to sleep. He is waking up from one type of sleep and then going back into another deep sleep. It is very normal. If you keep getting him up you wont let him go into the deep sleep that is so good for him. I read all about this in the "Baby Wise" book. I have twin 20 month olds and I had to do everything I could to get some sleep. I hope this helps!

S., letting him cry himself back to sleep is not harmful. Actually you are just teaching him to fall back to sleep on his own. I am the mother of three boys, now 11,9,& 8. After just a few nights of crying it will not take him long to fall back to sleep on his own. I know that 30 mins. of crying can seem like an eternity...but hang in there, this is just a natural stage of development.

Sometimes babies need the nutrition around the clock till they are about a year old. It depends on how much he weighs and how much he is taking in during the day. How often do you feed him during the day? How much in each bottle? What else does he eat? How much does he weigh? After we figure this part out, we may find that he has gotten in the habit of waking and is looking for a little mommy time. Be sure not to turn on any more light than you have to at night. Try not to make eye contact or talk to him during the night, unless he is scared or sick. This keeps him from getting into complete wake and play mode. What ever the reason he is waking, he is telling you something. This is the only way he has to communicate with you.

You are doing absolutely no harm what-so-ever to your child by letting him cry himself to sleep. he is fine and will eventually cry less and less. he's just mad and he'll get un-mad.

I agree that you are doing no harm!! I am a first time mother as well and my son is now 18 months old and a great sleeper, when it bed time we can lay him down and he goes right to sleep and that is because he knows how to "put himself" to sleep. When he was about 6 months old is when we started letting him cry it out. We spoke to our pediatrician about this and what he told us to do was at bedtime tell him nite-nite, you can also get a little night light, and lay him in his bed and pull the door closed (don't latch it shut, b/c if you want to check on him you don't want to wake him up). Then wait about 15 minutes, if he is still crying go in there pat him and tell him nite-nite and walk back out, just keep doing this and after about 3-5 days he should be right on track. The first night it took our son 45 minutes, but he was safe and secure and after a week we had no problems! Good luck!!

My mother in law insisted I do this---I couldn't do it with any of my three--try a water bottle at night( to ween him from the formula) And remember he might still need to eat more breast milk during growth spurts--I would also like to say that my breast fed babies woke up for about the first seven to nine months and I have talked to many other moms who were in the same situation. Because of the smaller protein chains on the breast milk.

S.,
I understand how you feel. I was once a single mom and didn't know how to deal with the stages. Being a first time mom is scary enough, and having to do it alone was hard for me also. I think your doing the right thing by letting him cry himself to sleep. It hurts your heart, but it's the right thing to do. You can't get him to used to falling asleep in your arms or he'll want that all the time. You need to stay strong and hold off on wanting to always pick him up after every cry or fuss. Letting him cry himself to sleep will also help him to fall asleep alone. Don't feel overwhelmed. Give it the 30 minute period and they usually drift back off.

You are NOT horrible to let him cry! If you peek in on him and he's fine, let him cry. After a while, he'll quit waking up and will continue to sleep. When my 3rd child continued to wake through the night at 5 months, I told my mom (she has had 5 kids) and she told me to let him cry. After about 3-4 nights of letting him cry, he quit and I finally got a decent nights sleep.

It's no differnt than when he gets older and you put him down for a nap and he cries because he doesn't want to take one. You still make them take their nap and after a bit they quit crying and fall asleep! Don't beat yourself up!!

S., It's not a horrible thing to do letting him cry some. It help strengthen their lungs and also he is sleepy or he wouldn't go back to sleep. My grandson plays in his crib and then he might cry a bit but he goes back to sleep and will sleep for about an hour or two if he gets up too early. He shouldn't be getting up twice during the night to drink a bottle if hes already eating. Is he trying to get a cold or something unusual happened in his eating habits lately. That will usually throw a child off his schedule. He should not get up during the night unless he might have had a bad dream or he's wet. I would try just changing his diaper and then putting him back in the bed. I hope it helps L.

S.,
I know it is hard letting the little guy cry when you put him down. Most of the literature about sleeping that I have read says that babies take about 25-30 minutes to get back to sleep when put down. This actually can be good for the child as well because they learn to self-soothe. (they don't need a person to calm down, they learn to do it on their own) This helps the child to become more independent and also learn they CAN do it....their life is not dependant on another person to comfort them. That can be an amazing lesson to us all! I also read a few things that can help him (and you too) is to go into his room as he is crying and rub his head/tummy and talk to him so he knows you are there for a minute or two if he is crying, but Do Not pick him up. Then leave the room, repeat every five minutes if he continues to cry. Another bit of advice was to leave a special (and safe) comfort item in his crib for him to hold on to when he is getting himself back to sleep... the book recommends a special teddy, blanket, large toy, etc. The book I read this information from is What to Expect the First Year.....and it has answered many of my question in an easy to read format. Also keep in mind each child's needs are different, but you, as his momma, knows best what he needs - regardless of what a book says! I will be praying for you for consistency and grace! It sure is hard to let him cry, but as long as all of his needs are met (full tummy, fresh diaper, warm) he will be just fine! Best wishes!

In my opinion, a 9 month old should not be getting up for any night time feedings. My little girl is 4 months old and has been sleeping through the night for a month and a half. She goes down at 10pm, and doesn't wake up until 8am. She is breastfed and I had some trouble getting her to bed before 2am, but we finally let her cry it out for a few days, it didn't work. We would have to go in every few minutes or so and console her, and usually ended up just getting her up. Then, just one day, I laid her down, and bam! she was asleep in 5 minutes. I would try to just let him cry. A 9 month old knows how to push mammas buttons. Just make sure that he's had enough to eat, and a clean diaper and then, just try to let him learn how to soothe himself. My baby won't sleep without her blankie and her thumb! Good luck!

Hi S.,

Have you taken your baby to the doctor to make sure he doesn't have an ear ache? My kids did not run fever when they had one. They would not want to eat and would wake up crying in the night. Just a thought.

There are lots of Mom's who agree with the cry it out and as many that do not. Do what your heart tells you.

I hope you find your answer.

If you are comfortale enough with it (or you are so frustrated that you need to step away from him) then crying it out might be okay for you. I couldn't do it with my little one (now 11 months old)- until 3 weeks ago she was waking 5 to 7 times most nights. If he is sleeping 5 hours straight pediatritions say that is sleeping through the night for a baby. If you don't like cry it out, read the book "The No Cry Sleep Solution" , that's what worked for us. It takes a few weeks to teach your child to sleep that way, but you don't have to let him be miserable.

He may be going through a growth spurt (needing more calories) or a particularly painful teething spell if he previously slept well. Most doctors say cry it out is not harmful at all, but Dr. Sears (a well known author, I don't know that I agree with him entirely but won't risk it...) presents scary information against letting baby cry it out that was enough to convince me I can't do it.

Alot of moms will tell you letting baby cry it out is best for him- and good for his lungs (a bunch of bunk- babies can strengthen their lungs just fine squealing with glee and babbling during the day it isn't necessary to force crying for that reason). Don't listen to anyone who tells you what you should do- listen to your own heart. If you feel it's best in your situation then do that, but if you are at all uncomfortable with that option don't do it simply because so many other parents say to. You are the authority on what is best for your little guy. Once you make your sleep plan, stick to it and feel confident that you are doing what's right for you two. If your plan doesn't work, you can change it without the guilt of feeling like a dumb sheep following the crowd blindly. Good luck mom- I know how hard it is to be so tired!

Hi New Mom,

First, let me tell you that I am 42 years old and have had much experience with those little one. I have 5 nephews that I have had hands on and I have one son who is 12 years old now. No, it is not harmful to let him cry, but he may be hungry. I have found in the years past that if you feed them something feeling right before they go to bed it will aid them in sleeping alnight long and alleviate them from being sleepy the next morning. I used to spray a pillow with my scent and put it in the bed with my son and tuck it close to him to give him the impression that I was close to him at night and that also helped.

I hope this will help.

V. J.

Hi S.,

Congrats on the baby. I too am a single mom to an 11 y/o girl and a 4mth old girl. What a joy after so many years to experience motherhood again, my 2nd was not planned but loved and welcomed so much.
Anyway, although it will break your heart to hear him cry I think you need to let it be. If you have already done all you can for him and he does actually go back to sleep you need to let him work it out like I say. You need to rest too. Since you already know it usually lasts for a half hour it probably has become normal for him to do that. You also know that if it lasts more than that something is wrong with him. He could also be suffering gas, I use something called Gripe water since my girl is very gassy, I put it in her milk. You can usually find it at your local supermarket or pharmacy. It may also be called something else but what you're looking for is amix of Fennel and ginger. Works like a charm. Good luck.

Hi S.! I really think you are doing the right thing by letting him cry himself to sleep, especially if he is going back to sleep within 30 minutes. I really believe that babies this age need to learn to self-soothe, if only for that short of time. Even if he doesn't fall back asleep, but just learns to play a little and be content until you are ready to go in there. You know he is safe, and you did go in there, hold and feed him, so he knows he is being taken care of. Best of luck to you during this trying time! My prayers go out to you!! (Also, praying for patience is a must at any stage!:) )

It's hard to let them cry, but I believe it's the right thing to do. My baby is 10 mths old, and I think it's a way to let off steam before settling down. Being consistent in the way I put him down helps. After he wakes up, he eats, then plays or run errands with me, then we read a few books, then he goes night night. It's the same routine each time, and he knows what to expect.

He use to cry about 15-30 minutes a long long time ago, but now he just fusses (not really a cry) maybe 2-3 minutes then lays down and goes to bed. He's a breastfed baby and has slept thru the night 11-12 hrs unless he's sick or teething. In the past when he did wake up in the middle of night, I checked on him but didn't feed him (as long as I knew he had a good dinner). Later, I would let him cry a couple of nights in a row (maybe 10-15 min), and eventually he stopped waking up in the middle of night. Hang in there...some days are wonderful and some are tougher than others.

after 3 brutal nights of crying, he will sleep through the night. he is ready & does not need to wake up to eat or snuggle. get some rest- we are all better moms when we are well rested. he can snuggle with you all day, but no need at night. good luck...

This is always a touchy and contraversial subject for moms. All I can tell you is my opinion. I personally hate the cry-it-out method. I feel like we are in such a hurry for our children to be independent in this society. However, when they finally reach that stage, we complain about them growing up too quickly. You say it makes you feel horrible to let him cry. I say, listen to your gut and tend to him. You don't let him cry during the day, so why should it be any different at night. I let my son cry it out once, and we ended up in the ER that night. It turned out he had croup (we didn't know it), and the crying and screaming put strain on his windpipe which lead to a bout of stridor. I will never do that again. I think when a baby cries, he is trying to tell you something.

Ultimately, it is your decision. Are you somehow causing him psychological damage. There are experts on both sides of the fence there. Who knows! There are so many environmental factors that play into shaping a child's personality. May be I am somehow damaging my child by not letting him cry, but that's not what my gut is telling me. I say go with your gut.

Good luck to you!

It's not harmful to let him cry, but I know it's accompanied by guilt. Is there any way you could wear him out or let him stay up more during the day? Maybe if he was very tired he wouldn't get up at that time in the morning. It's hard to judge these things, because kids out grow stages of comfort all the time and need different schedules. I'm sorry for your frustration.

You are doing the right thing, it is perfectly fine to let a baby cry to sleep. Some research even says it is healthy, because it releases the last og the energy and they sleep better. You have started a habit of walking him to sleep, he will never learn to put himself to sleep unless you give him the chance, do you want to be walking your toddler to sleep? Put him down at 9:00 after a bottle and don't get him out until mornng, he is eating at night from habit to sooth, no because he is hungry. He will cry the 1st few nights but then he will sleep 9-11 hrs straight, which is what he needs at this age. I know how how hard it is, with my first I cried when I did it, but it paid off and was better fo him. I have 3 kids 7,4,19mo and I have let them all cry themselves to sleep and they are great sleepers at night and nap, and have been since they were 3 months old.