Desperate Mom - 15 m.o. Repeated Night Wakings

M.,

My experience with this is almost IDENTICAL to yours. My son never slept through the night, I gave him a bottle to get him to sleep and I gave him a bottle once during the night. Around 13 months, I couldn't take it anymore and we decided to read all the books you did. We finally decided to let him cry when we put him down and then go in every 15 or 20 minutes to pat him on the back. The first night was horrible, he probably cried/screamed for over an hour. The second night was bad too, but the time he cried decreased until the third or fourth night he just laid down and went to sleep. I cried the first couple nights as he cried because I felt so horrible, BUT I also cried the first night that he fell asleep on his own without crying!!! It worked for us and although he occassionally will cry for a minute or two when we first put him down, that is it. Occassionally he wakes up during the night, but we just go in to check to make sure there isn't a poopy diaper or some other issue and then we just pat him on the back and walk out. The key is not to pick him up unless you have to take him out his crib to change him.

Hang in there and know that it will get better!! You will be so glad you did this!

Hi M.. I feel bad that the two of you are not getting good sleep at night. I work fulltime and my son is 14 months old. I started working on my son sleeping through the night when he was 4 months old. I used the FERBER method and it really worked great for my son and I. The ferber method is putting your child to bed when it is bedtime. (No feedings in the middle of the night.) The child will cry. You let them cry and just keep checking on them till they are asleep. You don't move them or hold them. You can rub the childs back. No lights on. You have to make sure you are doing a nightly routine and put your child to bed at the same time each night. The ferber method says to give it 2 weeks for an honest try. I did this and my son started sleeping through the night at 4 months old. Yes, it was hard to hear my son cry but he now knows how to fall asleep on his own. This means better sleep for both of us! Good Luck.

We nipped this problem earlier on and I've read that you make the change more difficult by waiting to change the behavior, so you'll probably have a more difficult time of breaking your child of this. My husband was the soft one for comforting our child, but we made the point of uniting on this issue to make our household operate in a smoother manner. We developed a routine, where we brushed our daughter's teeth, followed by a diaper change and then story time with daddy. After that, I would enter my daughter's room to do tucky time. I put on a night light and some lullabies on the cd player (We love the Amelie soundtrack.). Then I give her a kiss and tuck her in with a water sippy, her teddy and her blankie. She now just goes to bed with this routine. When we began the routine, she would stand in her crib and cry. You need to let them do this so they learn to comfort themselves. Until you are ready to do this, you will continue to have fun with the throughout the night wakings. My daughter fussed for a couple of nights and then stopped. When we moved her into a twin bed with a guard rail when she was 14 months old, we repeated this tactic. She didn't fuss at all, which surprised and delighted us. Routine is everything. Children are a product of what you teach them.

Dear M.,

We went through something very similar with my daughter, a couple times. At four months, no one could put her to bed but me, she screamed and cried for over two hours the first night my husband tried to put her to bed. But it got better reasonably quickly, the second night it was an hour, the third half an hour, and so on. We went through it again at ten months, putting her in bed awake, and it took closer to a week for her to get used to it, but within two month she was asking to be put in her crib. It is tough at any age, at fifteen months, it is very, very important that you don't give in and pick him up or rock him, because he will know that all he has too do is cry long enough, and all the work you've done already will be undone.

It's not a question of love, of course you love him, but as you said, both of you need this. It will get better quickly, but you have to be firm. If your husband can take it, you might want to take a walk, or get out of the house for the first couple times if it will help you not break down.

Good Luck!!

Hi M.,

My first child I never let her cry...my second child - I got smart and read Dr. Ferber's book on getting your child to sleep. It was the best advice ever! Sounds similar to the one you read.
The goal is getting your child to learn how to put themself to sleep. Dr. Ferber says lay them down before they are asleep. After tucking them in, say good night and leave the room. I then went into the other room (with Dr. Ferbers book - read for distraction)and waited 2 minutes (you can choose how long you can stand it up to five minutes) - go back in and rub their back or say 'it's night time' but do not pick them up. This reassures them that you are still there and you didn't abanden them. But it's not time to play. Then leave and double the time. I went from 2 minutes to waiting 4 minutes before going back in....then 8 minutes but never wait longer than 15 minutes. Each time I went in I didn't talk to my son, other than 'Shhhhh".....This 'training' could take over an hour the first night. In my case my 8 month old only took 45 minutes and he was alseep. The next night was a similar routine but he was asleep much faster...by 3rd or 4th night - he never cried more than 5 minutes and I never went back in - Ahhhh...did that feel good.

He also was one to wake up in the middle of night. I did wait a full 5 minutes and found that it was a bad dream or something where he wasn't fully awake and he was able to go back to sleep within 5 minutes without me having to go into his room.

I really looked at it as 'training' my child to learn to put themself to sleep which was really the best thing for the child (and my sleep schedule).

With my third child - I just started the Ferber method much sooner - around 5 or 6 months. I think the book recommends that the child is at least 4+ months.

Really, it was the best thing I did!!! Now my kids are all really good sleepers. ;)

Good luck!!

My son is the same way! He is almost 15 months and has not one day slept through the night. I wouldn't totally blame the way you are doing things, as my son breastfeeds and sleeps with us (we are trying to get him in his room.) Last night he was in his own room for 4 hours, his personal best! I would just say be consistant becase it takes like 20 days to break a habit and develop a new one. I will be watching your post! Good Luck!

M.-

I feel for you alot, it must be tough not getting the sleep and then having work the next day. As well for your little boy, he probably is not his self totally from not sleeping. I was taught that letting your baby cry it out is a OK thing to do. I realize that it will be hard but it is something that will be a good thing in the end. It will also take probably a week for you both to adjust to letting him cry. It is a very stressful time, but don't give in that only reassures him that you will continue the bad pattern you have already started and want to get rid of. I hope this works for you! I gave the same advise to my cousin and it was hard but it paid off in the end. T.

When my daughter was about 20 months or so, we went through a horrible time as well. She went from going down great, and sleeping all night to crying when we put her down and waking up all night long. We tried everything we could think of, nothing worked. Finally, when it got to the point of her waking up every hour and sometimes every 20 minutes, I couldn't take it. It was not good for me, and it certainly was not good for her. Her behavior proved it. I read a book by Kim West, aka the Sleep Lady. She says to start out in a chair next to the bed and every 2-3 nights move it closer to the door and within 2 weeks they are going to bed on their own and sleeping through the night. We were so far gone, that I had to sleep on the floor for 3 weeks. I made myself a little bed and it wasn't too bad. It was sleep! But anyway, it took a week just for her to quit waking every hour. Once she knew that I was there and started sleeping all night, I would move my "bed" a foot or two closer to the door. Pretty soon I just quit being in there and it was fine. You may need to be in the room with him versus making him cry it out (we did that too!). We'd let her cry it out and it would last for 3 hours and we'd go in there and she'd take off all her clothes, including her diaper. Crying it out with her never worked. He still may not like you there and not holding him, but he'll get used to it. I highly recommend her book(s). Good luck. I know how desparate you are, I've been there and it's not fun. The good news is you get out of it at some point! Good luck.

Hi M.!

Are you feeding your 15 month old table food yet? I found that even though my son was eating, I had to feed him a little more at bed time. Well, he feeds himself but if he wasn't full enough he would wake in the middle of the night to eat again. This is just when I started him on table food. He had slept through the night since the day he was born. So, I am thinking that at a certain age it may be related to what and how much they are eating for dinner. I don't know if this will work for you, but it's always worth the try. You have to get some sleep to take care of you kids. I see a lot of good suggestion replies to your question. Then again it may be something that he has to outgrow. Let me know what you found out.

This becomes a early lesson on "tough love".
I know it is soooo hard to listen to him cry, but if you stick with it and stay tough - you will be rewarded with a nights sleep. Also, stay consistent- give him a bottle, read him a story, hugs and kisses then into bed he goes, the end. or however your routine may go, but be consistent so he knows what to expect each night at bedtime. He will eventually understand that after a story, I get hugs and kisses and then it's time to sleep. GOOD LUCK and hang in there.

I rocked my daughter until she was 14 months what a mistake that was, so I completely understand where you are coming from. My daughter hated her crib so we bought her a toddler bed. We would put her in bed and then sit and rub her back until she fell asleep. After a month of that then we would just sit by her bed but not rub her. After a month of that we would just sit out side her bed room door until she fell asleep. Eventually we got to the point where we could put her in bed and walk away. Not every night was perfect some nights it would take her an hour of wiggling before she went to sleep. It takes time so be patient. Good Luck.

Try "Goodnight, Sleep Tight" by Kim West. My daughter was a terrible sleeper with frequent wakings - lasting from 1 to 4 hours. I used to rock her to sleep. The technique in West's book - no crying! - took a while, but worked for me. My daughter now goes to sleep by herself. There are still some night time wakenings and she calls for me. But they are infrequent. Good Luck. I know how you feel.

M.,

This sounds a lot like my house, except I am a SAHM. My son is 14 mo and I still BF him. Since day one he has fallen asleep while BF and I never changed that pattern. He also woke up very frequently at night. I just recently started to break him of his night time feedings/comfortings. I fed him at his normal bedtime and then that night I just refused to feed him. The first night was the worst! He cried in my arms for almost 2 1/2 hours! He finally when't to sleep. Only to wake about 1 1/2 hours later. The second night I put the glidder in the room. Everytime he woke I would go sit and rock in the glidder. This time he didn't ever really cry and fell asleep within a few minutes. The third night he slept for the first time for 4 1/2 hours before waking. Which then I rocked him again. We are now on day five. He now sleeps for about 6 1/2 hours before waking. I then rock him to put him back to sleep. I am working towards weaning him but I want to do it slow. I can complately understand having to deal with the crying. I did that with my daughter and it was hard. Keep up the work and they will switch themselves. In the end you will both get the sleep you're needing. Good luck!

My daughter was exactly like this until a week after she turned one. I can not let her cry it out, it is just something I am not comfortable doing because it makes me feel horrible. Now my daughter is 15 months old and she does sleep through the night. She just did it on her own one night, and never woke up after that. I still rock her to sleep at night with a bottle, and I am in the process of weening her off the bottle, which is not going too bad so far. I guess I don't have much advice other than I know what you are going through. He may just sleep through the night on his own when he is ready. Don't feel bad if you can't or don't want to let him cry himself to sleep.

Hi M....I'm mom to a 7-month old and he hasn't fully slept through the night either. He does sleep in 4-5 hour blocks but he's never been the baby that sleeps from 7-7. But for me, when he wakes it's not to fuss and be active, he wakes because he's hungry because for some reason he doesn't eat as much as I know he can (and should) when he's at day care all day and I can't just deny him food. My son tends to wake either 1-2 times a night but after a quick feeding he goes right back to sleep. As he gets closer to a year old I will be offering him just water in a bottle and not breastmilk as I do plan to stop offering him the breast at a year. Our pediatrician assured me that his waking is because he is such a big kid (32 inches, 20 lbs!) and although I feed him a nice amount of solids and breast milk before bed his metabolism is so speedy that he needs to wake again...she told me not to blame myself because some kids need more sleep and others need less. There's no magic solution, despite all the books, you can't MAKE a baby sleep more, you can just check that his needs are met and go from there.

At 8 months, we read The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems by Teaching You to Ask the Right Questions (got it at the library). He's been sleeping through since 9 months. Her program takes some dedication and teaching on your part, but definately teaches baby to sleep. And, no leaving to cry for hours on end.
Best of luck!
:) M.

I was never able to let my kids cry themselves to sleep. The one time I tried, my son got so upset he threw up all over himself and the bed and it took an hour to clean it all up and get him back to sleep... using a bottle. I never tried again.

My mother loved telling me, I know with the best intentions, that she let me cry myself to sleep all the time and I'm just fine. And though I don't fault her for it, I also remember many times as a child waking up in the middle of the night and being afraid to call out for her. I don't know if letting me cry myself to sleep was the reason for this but I do know that I never want my children to wake up in the middle of the night and not feel like they can call for me.

What I have done for both of my sons is to buy one of those musical light toys to attach to the crib/bed. It only takes a couple of times for the child to learn how to turn it on. My 4 year old still uses it at night to fall asleep and I will frequently hear the 2 year old's music going off in the middle of the night. But I don't hear him crying, he's managed to use the toy to put himself back to sleep. Just be sure to find one that has soothing music and isn't too loud or too bright.

I understand how frustrated and, I'm sure at times, angry you feel. Just remember that whether your child sleeps consistently through the night or not, it is not a reflection on how good of a parent you are. You can't make a child sleep. Just like you can't make a child eat. You can only do everything you can to create an environment so that the child can fall asleep or eat. And also try to keep in mind that your child will reach a point that he will be sleeping through the night, regardless of what you do now. Both of my children, despite being lousy sleepers the first two years, now sleep consistently through the night with no problem.

One immediate solution may be to alternate nights with your husband so that you can get at least a full nights sleep every few days. My husband and I did that and it really helps. Sometimes, only one full nights sleep will make all the difference in the world.

Good luck.

I know it's hard to hear your baby cry but you have to remember that he's crying because he's mad just like he cries when you take something away that he shouldn't have. It's not because he's hungry or needs anything during the night. Kids easily get into bad habits because we let them. We learned this over and over with our first. Now that we have 4 we are pretty good at keeping with good habits. As far as the rocking, you can keep doing it but just do it for 15 minutes before bed while reading a book or something and then it's off to bed.
If I were you I'd pick a bedtime and stick with it. Our kids ages 5, 4, 3 and 1 all go to bed at 6:30 and sleep until 6:30 am. Put him in there awake with a toy, shut the door and let him get to sleep. We play cd's in our kids' rooms at bedtime too. When he wakes at night just let him get himself back to sleep. At this age he shouldn't need any drinks at night but maybe cut back one at a time if that's easier or give him a sippy cup of water. But just walk in and give it to him and leave. In a short few nights he should be sleeping much better but you have to stick with it because one time of caving in and he'll be right back to it again :o)
I don't know if you are interested in getting rid of bottles or not but what worked for us was to only allow water in bottles and sippy cups could have juice and milk. You're not starving them, they are making a choice to not take the cup and they can get quit cranky about it, lol.
With our one daughter it was really easy. I gave her a bottle of milk and then when she was half way done with it I pulled it out and quickly stuck the sippy cup in her mouth and she just continued with it. I washed up all the bottles and put them away and she never saw another one. One great sippy cup for transitioning is the Nuby one a Walmart. They are in the bin at the bottom sitting on the shelf. They've got the flexible silicone top and cost about $1.75
Anyways, good luck and you can do it :o)
J.