Puberty

Hey S.

This story kinda reminds me of myself at 13. The only difference I had just started to have my period. They were very irregular and boy did I have the mood swings. My mom took me to her gyn. and he put me on a low does BC and that helped control my hormones so my mood swings were few to none.

She may be getting ready to start. She just stared practicing early on the mood swings.

S., I am a little slow in offering my help - but I wanted to send you what I told another mom having daughter problems...hope you find another encouragin word.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You have probably gotten the picture from all these good responses that your daughter is normal. I was that way with my mom and my daughter tended to be that way with me.

Those hormones are not in balance during this stage of life and it throws the thinking off. Even as a grandmom, I went through a hormone imbalance for a bit, and NO one could do anything right during that time.

I would like to add something to all this good advice...it is a phase that we in the 20th-21st centuries have accepted as a passing phase. But, I truly believe it does not have to be.

These young people are not mature enough to control themselves...they are still reacting according to their feelings - not what they know is right. I personally feel they are screaming for parents to control them, for they cannot do it themselves. The key, as others have said, is a calm, warm loving control. I think you do not have to worry about loosing a child's heart, no matter how strict you are if you work with a calm, loving spirit.

When my daughter would be in those argumentive modes, I would often say, "This conversation has ended and we will continue it when you get your attitude adjusted." Honestly, those teens admire YOU for being the responsible one. They will butt everything you do and say...but you are earning their trust and respect by not lowering your self to THEIR level.

It takes energy and work to do this - but my three adult children are honorary credentials. It's worth the sacrifice...

Hi S.,
Boy do I understand how you feel. One thing I will say right away is stand your ground and do not take it. Girls seem to not like their moms starting at age 12 and goes through 17.
Start taking things away from her that she adores.(clothes, phone, internet, stereo, tv) I have had 3 gone through and a boy 13 now .. I tell him that the only thing I have to give him is a bed to sleep in not all the other "fun" stuff in life. (they have all been down to just a bed in their room and 3 changes of clothes) I find to much phone, computer or television time makes mine more if a smart butt. If she has a friend that is leading her wrong they must go
I tell them all you have to give respect to get it and they need to but their brain in action before they put their mouth in gear.
Mostly .. do you have her in a church. Youth groups are so beneficial in this time.
I hope this helps ...... S.

Here is what I did when I saw this happening to my oldest and with two more daughters coming up I knew I had better get this right! lol

I sat her down. Told her about what puberty does to a women. Makes us crazy, makes us cry, causes us to fall in and out of love, hate someone. Causes us to act plain mean sometimes. Causes headaches, stomach aches and our bodies just plain hurt for no reason. It makes us very irritable so we have to learn to control that. (this is what i am saying to her) When we feel like lashing out, we have to stop right then and there and realize what is causing it. It's not that you didn't get an ice cream bar, it's because of puberty and one little wrong thought can turn into a huge fight if you let it. Understand that growing up means learning how to control your anger. It's all apart of this cycle that we as women go through for the rest of our life. You are in the beginning stages so if you realize now what causes your anger, which puberty plays a large deal in, our bodies change because of puberty and can cause us to act strangely and lash out at others.

This info has been so WONDERFUL in helping both my girls control themselves. And.....might i add that you have your hands full. wow! god bless you girl

Boy, do I hear you! I have a 12-year-old, and I swear it's like she has a split personality. Half of the time, she's mature and responsible, almost beyond belief. I find my heart swelling with pride because of many, many of the things she does. Then, out of the blue, she'll turn into an insolent, sullen brat. It's GOT to be hormones! (She hasn't started her period yet, either, but I expect it every day.)

The thing that works best for me is to just try my best not to let the bad situations escalate. When she gets in one of those moods, I just say, "I love you, but I can't cope with your attitude right now. Let's discuss it when you feel better." Of course, she glares and sulks away, but half the time she's back to "super daughter" within 10 minutes. Try to enjoy the good times whenever you can, and give her lots of praise and encouragement. Then, just try to get through the bad times without lowering yourself to her level or letting her get her way by misbehaving. I know it's easier said than done! Good luck!

Well you are right by saying hormones and attitudes. I think she is just at the age where she knows everything or well she thinks she does. It also might be the friends she is hanging with. If you think she needs disipline then take away something she loves perhaps a cell phone or computer. At this point no matter how you approach her she will be "miss attitude" .. unless it is what she wants YOU to do.. Good luck ... and congrats on the education...

Hi S. P,

Try this website. It helpful info that might help with your problem.

http://shelley67.1stratefam.hop.clickbank.net
http://shelley67.drake333.hop.clickbank.net

You may have to copy and paste the address to your browser.

Good luck,
S.

Beat the snot out of her. Just Kidding. Listen to her and be there for her no matter how she pulls away or pushes you away. She will soon realize that you are the only one that is going to be there for her. Sometimes it comes easy, sometimes it takes awhile. Give her the space she needs but make sure she knows her boundaries. Wish you well.

Hey S., I remember very well being 13. It is the hardest time in a girl's life. you want to be big and tough, yet still look back and know Mom is still there and loves you. You want to prove yourself to the world, yet still be Mama's little girl. It is hard for her and a little scary the world being so big and new with all the changes physically and emotionally. Just give her lots of love and hugs and just help her through this. The best thing you can do right know is to just let her know in small ways that no matter what you will be there for her. And the attitude, well it is her way of trying to grow up and prove that she is older now and knows more. Good luck and just keep in mind she is going through the same thing we all have gone through at her age.

Maybe she feels neglected due to the fact your other child does need so much more care. My 7 year old was a premature and has had alot of trouble since he has been born... Also, when My 17 yr. old went through puberty. I didn't even realize what was going on. Then it hit me. Hey this happens at the same time every month..lol..It gets better. After she started her period. She really was much more pleasent to be around. Not saying it's all her either. Sometimes as mothers...exaustion, frustration, and stress can cause us to be a little hateful without us realizing it. I really had to pay close attention to those things. I am a single mother of three and have had to work two and three jobs at a time. Praise God not anymore. But, when I would ask for help or tell the kids to do something the first time and it didn't get done. I was so stressed out that I just started yelling. Soooo, Approach it as a lets help each other situation. If she knows your willing to except some of the blame and as parents we have too..lol..Maybe she'll open up and things won't be so hard. God Bless.

Do yourself and your daughter both a favor: get her some really good vitamins. She really needs a supplement of B-Complex. It helps regulate the emotion hormones in the brain and keep them on an even level instead of swinging up and down.

I didn't discover them until I was pregnant, but it works so well. I could actually FEEL my body calm down. (And everyone around me liked me much more too :)

I wish my mother and I had known about these when I was a teenager. We might have avoided many arguments if I'd only had something to help ME.

Good luck!!!

being not to long out of teenager years myself I can tell u that taking things away at her age with her minset, she will just rebel more. Try acting like u understand that "to her" things in general are tough. Take her out and let hr buy a nice APPROPRIATE shirt or skirt..maybe even a new bra or some eye shadow or purfume. Show her ur with her not against her. And u dont have to buy her something to show that. But if u think about it, u being a women urself u should be able to think up what might put a smile on her face. Its not about her wanting everything, just like anyone they want to look and feel good and they only want people around them that encourage that. If u just yell at her she will be against u like she would be to anyone, even girls her age. She feels grown up so do things with her that accent that in a positive way.Give her slack but not on those things that are ultimately damaging to her self esteem and future goals.

S.,
i dont have any advice for you my daughter is going to be 12 in jan. and i'm not sure about the attitude and mood swings just now....but good luck to you......