Problems with Potty Training!

I really liked what Donna L had to say. Children often have areas of regression; your daughter has adapted beautifully to a very large new change at school, so feel confident that, when she's ready, she'll make the change at home. It's important not to make this a control issue for a lot of reasons, but most significantly, she does need a chance to relax at home, and big part of toilet learning is stopping what one is doing (either through adult-guided transition or knowledge of one's body's cues, which takes a while to develop) and completely switch gears. Leaving off playing or any other sort of engagement is a challenge for two-year-olds, who live in the present.

When you do see signals that your daughter is ready to use the toilet at home, something you can do to help her is what the teacher is doing at school, inviting her (NOT asking) to use the toilet regularly. 2 year olds regularly answer "No" to any old question and "Do you have to go potty?" is no different. If stopping play is part of her issue with using the toiler, see if you can help her transition as smoothly as possible by continuing her play in the bathroom ("Does your baby need to go potty too? What about Mr. Giraffe?" "Let's run our trains into the bathroom. Do you want to be the leader?" etc). With a little imagination, you can honor her need to stay connected to what she's doing while helping her continue her toilet learning. Let her feel successful when she stays dry with some matter-of-fact comment ("Wow. Your pants have stayed dry all morning. You really know how to put your pee in the potty.") and, as Donna suggested, have her help in cleaning up her messes to the best of her ability, not as a punishment, but as a lesson that accidents happen and then we clean them up. Above all, take it easy, and gradually, she will too.

I think she wants more control over the situation when she's in the comfort of her own home. Our little girl is really independent and has been potty trained for a few months now. We have rare accidents and most times it's when I PUSH the subject and don't let her just follow the natural feelings of her own body. She'll resist me and then later have an accident while doing something else.

I would recommend just telling her throughout the day, "If you need to go pee (or poo), just go ahead and sit on the potty" (or something along those lines). Don't ask if she needs to go or try to put her on your schedule. Let her be in control and follow her body's signs. Also, if she does have an accident, don't make her feel bad but do have her help in the responsibly of cleaning up.

That puts the control back on her and gets rid of the power struggle between the two of you. I rarely have to go in and help our little girl. In fact, she'll either dump her own pee or just leave the toilet paper and pee in the potty for me to dump the next time in the bathroom. I just have to keep my ears peeled so she doesn't try to dump out her poops - too messy. I think this will help. Good luck! :-D

Maybe switch back to diapers @ home & explain to her that if she doesn't use the potty @ home she will have to wear diapers. Then we you get her ready to go to daycare, talk about how she is a big girl & wears big girl panties. When my daughter was potty training we bought her real panties that she wore over the pull up, as a reward for her success in using the toilet. I wouldn't push the issue a lot since she is doing it @ daycare, so obviously she knows what she needs to do. Especially since she gets upset. She will eventually start doing it @ home also. I know it is frustrating that she won't do it for you.
My daughter was so stubborn when we were potty training her, I am a SAHM so I worked with her everyday with using the toilet & she was only doing it about 1/4 of the time. She spent one day w/ my Mother-n-law & did it every time for her. The key with my daughter was that I was pushing her too much about it, trying to get her to go in & try every couple of hours. Grandma just let her be in control & decide when she needed to go or not. When I started doing that @ home she did great!
Good luck!

I think Donna has given you some wonderful insight. You might also want to consider asking her day care provider what kind of feedback she gives during those moments at daycare, what the "routine" is like. Also, is the potty seat the same kind as at daycare? That might help.

My daughter is 18 months and we are going through the beginning stages of training (she's definitely wanting to be a "big kid" like the others daycare). Her provider recommended the same potty chair, and I have to say--it has made a difference.

Also, in addition to the training pants, get the "rubber" covers--if she is allowed to "feel" uncomfortable after having an accident, that might be motivation enough to get her to stop playing Mom...and less mess for you to clean.

It could also be that they don't make as much of a deal about it at day care and she's overwhelmed with your attention/focus on her eliminations.

good luck!!

It sounds like there is routine at daycare. You might try being very consistent about when you take her to the potty at home. Give her some warning, then a 5 minute warning, a one minute warning, and then have her go. If she feels like she doesn't have to go, you might ask her just to try. Have you considered some extra motivation? If she doesn't have any accidents for a progressively longer amount, then she'll get x. I'd also ask your day care provider the process she takes with your daughter. Consistency is key. Good luck!

I think this is normal exertion of control. My daughter (who is almost 6 now) went through something like this. She potty trained easily, but sometimes refused when we reminded her. Usually, I would tell her that it was either sit on the potty or go back into a diaper. She loved her underwear so much that she usually would sit and go. I noticed, though, that it took her having a few accidents before she really got the hang of taking herself to the potty when she needed to go rather than needing a reminder. In a large way, accidents will teach her better than listening to your reminders. So let her resist and have the accident or offer her the choice of potty or diaper like I did and let her outgrow this phase. Congratulations that she's almost there, but remember that accidents will happen to some degree for years to come. Take care!

My daughter potty trained at around 22 months, then regressed. She has not been in a day care setting, but just so you know you are not alone! I refused to put her back into diapers as she was trained during the daytime for over a month. There was no major change in our home, btw. She decided she wanted more control. A friend suggested putting her in a very shallow BARELY warm tub because "since she was a big girl, the wipes just didn't do a good job at getting her clean enough." She tested me each day for about a week, with fewer accidents as the week went on. Finally, after a very long week and from 5 accidents ina day to none, she got the picture that things were just easier for everyone if she went on the toilet. The tub was NOT cold, just not a comfortable toasty warm temp that would normally be bath time water. Good luck!

Hi M.,

I am the mother of four, ranging in age from 5-20. The best advice I can give you is to let her set the pace. If she wants to use the potty at daycare, then praise her for a job well done at daycare. If she doesn't want to at home, it's not a big deal. She's quite young still and will certainly do it in her own time. Just continually praise her for what a great job she does at daycare, and then whenever she does it at home, praise her for that too. An accident is not a big deal, especially at the age of 2, so just let those go. She will eventually enjoy the praise so much that she'll want to do it at home as well. I would be very surprised if she got to the age of 3 and hadn't gotten it all down.

Good luck,

D.