Problem with a Bully at School

I had a similar problem with my son in 6th grade. Some bullies at school tormented him and anyone who was friends with him. It was a new school for him so he ended up with no friends and was beginning to get very depressed in general, going and returning in tears every day.

Talking to the teacher is a start, but if that is not getting you anywhere, perhaps it needs to be elevated to the Principal of the school. I would suggest talking to the teacher again and letting her know your feelings and that things need to change or you will have to speak to the principal and/or put your daughter in a new class. This was hard for me to do as I did not want to upset the teacher either, but we have to do what is needed for the best interest of our children. Of course it should be done as respectfully as possible, but be firm and perhaps have some suggestions as to what specificially she can do to help the situation.

Unfortunately for my son, the principal was not able to help him. The kids at the school were too far out of hand and the parents were unresponsive and uncaring. I decided to go ahead and homeschool my two children now in 7th and 6th grades(actually a virtual school they work on from home with my help & supervision). My son is much happier now and has many friends at his new school who he meets with on field trips, etc. He has also formed some good friendships through church, boy scouts, and sports teams he is involved in and is bouncing back quite nicely. I hope the same for your daughter.

I go to a private school as well and although it was not so much a bully situation, I approached the teacher to spend some time sharing with the WHOLE class about how we all need to be kind to one another and to be the friends that God intended us all to be for one another. I felt some issues needed to be addressed because my child was not the only one that was feeling bad about things. The talk happened and the kids are getting a long so much better. I think the teacher addressing the issue to all the kids showed the kids that parents and teachers are aware of what is going on and that the school is an open book...that gave the children a second look as to how they treated eachother because they were somewhat being watched. I am at school all the time and looking over my child's shoulder to encourage her how to stand up for herself.... can you do that ?? I thought it helped a lot to be there unexpectatly to witness the way the kids play with eachother. I was bullied as a child and so I tend to take this pretty seriously. I would not ignore it, read scriptures, pray with your child to bring her to a strong level in dealing with this, go to the school, watch how the kids play with one another.....use words for her. It is only going to get worse if we don't intervene now. I think 3rd grade is a hard age and trying to fit in can become difficult. There is a lot of classes out there, or on christian websites that talk about good friendships and how to deal with unhealthy friendships that will encourage your daughter to hang in there to find the right types of girls to play with. All she needs is a sense of courage in herself and to be able to find a friend that loves her and enjoys her. email me anytime for support if you need it. Good luck.

Hi L..
I'm sorry your little one is having such problems at school. I know you have a lot of wonderful advice to follow under your responses...but here's a bit more that I found rather helpful for your situation in its entirety...check out bullypolice.org and also Jaredstory.com...it's a very serious thing happening with your daughter...this website gives valuable step by step information to help the both of you...I think you'll be happy for the discovery.
Take care and may all of your endeavors prove fruitful.

Sincerely,
Becky

Please let an administrator at the school know. If there is no nurse or anyone who can help, have a talk with the mother of the bully. If she is a teacher or not, she should be made aware of her child's actions. This affects more than a daily trial for your child, this is ruining her life and those around her.

This is a hard one. My daughter went through the similar problem. Except it was our nieghbor girl who was doing things to our daughter. I finally told her to just ignore the girl and not to even attempt to be friends with her. It is hard when a parent is also the teacher. Possibly you could talk to the school counseler or another teacher about the situation. I own a martial arts school and we do bully prevention clinics for the public, along with other things to help out our community. POssibly you could get your daughter involved in some out of school activities that might help with her self esteem and help her make some new friends. I hope this has been a little bit helpful.

You might want to spend time at school observing. While I have no doubt that this girl is at times giving your daughter trouble, I suspect that it isn't as one-sided as you are being led to believe. My dau went through the same thing (well, not the "teacher's" child...) with a couple of 'popular' girls.

The thing is, 3rd grade is really where kids start to discriminate (not the negative connotation of the word) and choose their friends based on similar personalities and interests. This can be a very bumpy road, particularly if one child is at a different developmental age than another, or if the the children have differing opinions about whom should be friends with who. And they usually don't have the social skills needed to assert their opinions in positive, not hurtful ways.

It's unfair to both children to force a friendship. However, you can teach your child to be polite, but avoid hanging around with the other child. Teach your child to look for other kids who she would prefer to hang around with. This will also bring to the surface 'true' bullying. If they are seeking her out to hassle her, it will become more apparent if they are having to cross the room or playground to do it.

The good news is that by 4th grade, my dau. had the bumps worked out. She and the girls she was having trouble with don't hang out with each other, but then again, they don't have similar interests, either, so why should they.

You said you've spoken with the teacher. Have you spoken with the principal? I was a teacher for nine years in Christian schools before becoming a SAHM. I know things can become very delicate when dealing with a child of a teacher, but if you talk about your child and what she is experiencing, her feelings, etc., then you won't be blaming. A good principal will listen and try to help. Blessings!

Im really sorry about this.
Im a christian also, I also have had this problem but at a christain school. Have you talked to the priciple about this? Thats what I would do,plus the best thing is school will be out in 3 months. Have you sat down and prayed with your daugher about this girl? I know its not easy.
Praying for you, C.

I know what you mean as I had this happen with both my daughters (not w/teacher's child, but other classmates who happen to be girls.) It is amazing how young this starts. Anyway, I unexpectedly went to class and asked to be part of the class with the intention of observing and helping. I also volunteered off and on as well attended field trips. I seen what was happening as I also wanted to ensure that my child was not initiating or doing something to provoke things. I also spoke with the principal of my concerns with an understanding that something be done w/out upsetting the teacher. This helped. There is an increasing bullying behavior among girls, which does not make you feel good, but it is out there. I also read books to help understand why girls/boys begin to bully other children. This helped as well. Just my thoughts in a nutshell, hope it helps a bit.

Try speaking with the teacher again about maybe talking with all of the students about not bullying. If the teacher doesn't respond then speak with the prinicple. The teacher's daughter is interferring with your daughter's education and that isn't right. This could really harm your daughter's enthusiasm for learning and it needs to be addressed by the school for all of the students.

It may sound harsh but I would suggest going over the teacher's head and straight to the principal. If your problem isn't solved, put it in writing and CC the teacher. If the teacher causes problems for your daughter, you may have to change schools. Your daughter is more important than any school or person's opinion of you/her. Your daughter will feel validated and special to see her mom care enough to go out on a limb for her. You also have the right to go to school and observe. I had to do some of these things, myself and my girls are so grateful. They know that I am on their team and will back them up. This has given them incredible confidence (one is now 14 the other 17) to make a stand (respectfully and properly) for their own rights. My husband and I are both ordained Christian ministers. We believe in protecting and standing beside our children, just as our Heavenly Father does us. Also, prayer goes a long way . . .