Privacy or No Privacy?

They can choose wether the door is open or close once they are old enough to open and close doors by themselves.

That doesn't mean I won't come in to offer a snack or something throughout the day but I know that kids want to be able to have the privacy and I am a minimalist in terms of rules.

I have never thought of it I guess. My daughter is 11 and when her friends are over they often close the door so my sons don't bother them. I trust my kids though, so I guess that plays a part.

Either way is fine with me. Mine tend to close theirs so sister doesn't butt in. I just listen outside at times to see what they're up to and also open the door to check periodically. Same age as yours. So far it's all been fine. I'm not sure what people are really worried about. When they're 16 and have a boy over, that will be different...

Kids need to have their own space. Telling them that they must keep their doors open at all times won't stop them from misbehaving, but it will make them work at ways to misbehave under your nose and get away with it.
As for sex, my mom insisted on all contact with boys at the house being in the living room. Didn't stop me from getting laid outside the house.

My daughter is almost 10 and I let her close her door. My 7 year old son likes to bug his sister, so she closes it to keep him out lol.

I allow our kids to close their doors, but I'm not too much of a helicopter-style parent. I think it's valuable for them to have some privacy to bond with their friends.

There's no need to address "privacy" when friends are over, unless they're spending the night. Then there is privacy when people are changing clothes or using the bathroom. That's it. When the boys have friends over and they get loud I ask them to close the door or go outside.

They are 12 and 13.

It totally depends on what kids are over. Most of my kids' friends they've had for years and I know what they like to do and what they're up to. I trust them.

But if it's a new friend, I check in from time to time. I've been surprised a few times. Nothing crazy, just a little too much potty talk or something. I like to let some kids (you know the ones!) know I'm around just so they don't get too rambunctious.

I started that early because I do the same with my teens. They know I respect their privacy but if I get my mom's instinct going, or my gut is saying "hmm.. it's too quiet .." then I'm allowed to knock and enter.

So far, so good!

I also really encourage them to use our den, kitchen, play room - they usually only go to their bedrooms to get away from the younger kids. So I make sure the den (which we can easily walk by) is free when the older ones have friends over.

It depends on the friend.

I think my kids almost always had the door open. I didn't demand it, they just rarely or never felt the need to close them.

I say open. Always open, irrespective of the room, mine often plays with his friends in the office and that door and the browsing history are both completely open. I trust my DS but he's only 13 and continues to need guidance. Sorry if I sound heavy handed..I'm just passionate about this topic. Have a great day. :-) S.

No friends over playing in the bedroom ever - doesn't matter what the age is.
They can play in the playroom or some other public place in the house and yeah - the doors are always open.

I never cared. My boys are 10 and 17 and they have always been the kind of kids that like to have the doors open. They don't have technology in their rooms, so that has never been an issue. We live in an old farmhouse, and wi-fi doesn't work in their bedrooms. We didn't plan it that way; it just worked out that way, so we've never had to worry about monitoring in there.

I think kids need some privacy, though. Our boys usually go outside when they want privacy. The trampoline has always been the place for private talks; I don't know why. They like to wander through the nearby woods, too, and I'm fine with that. They're good kids.

Now, our oldest is good about keeping the door open when his girlfriend is over. They usually hang out in the kitchen or living room with the rest of us.

Open. I do not allow the kids to be in the room with the door closed period. If there is more than one kid in the bedroom the doors are open or they lose the door.

Kids will play games and go astray even if they're good kids. Other kids have seen stuff your kids haven't seen and they've done things your kids haven't done just like your kiddo had done stuff you have no idea about.

I don't go back and stand in the doorway but I can be in the dining area or in the kitchen and hear everything they're saying and see what they're doing if I walk by.

For the most part they play outside where I can see them and they don't stay inside getting into trouble.

Door open. I always let my daughter know that I would invade her privacy if I felt like I needed to. I let her know that I would most certainly search her room if I thought she was doing anything illegal. I also insisted on passwords to social media. She didn't like it much, but IMO it's my job to raise her to be a respectful, healthy, productive member of society, and letting her think she could keep secrets that could potentially ruin her life was doing her no favors. I'm happy to report she is now 18, a freshman in college, getting outstanding grades, has wonderful and respectful friends and has never been in trouble either in school or otherwise. And for what it's worth, I never did feel like I needed to search her room or invade her privacy. I think her knowing I would was enough.

my boys didn't get up to anything heinous (that i know of<G>) and i think privacy is pretty important. i honestly don't remember this being an issue.
that is, of course, until sex became a looming possibility. then it was an open-door policy.
:) khairete
S.

My kids have never closed their doors to play. If they did when friends were over, I'd go knock gently, and open it, and ask why it was closed. It isn't necessary to close it. I'm not standing in the hallway eavesdropping.

They close it to change clothes (after swimming or getting changed for bed), and both kids like their doors closed at night when they go to sleep now (they are 13 and 16). Daughter likes hers closed at night b/c she doesn't like the light from the family room ... she likes her room DARK to sleep. Son, he closes his for privacy.

But really, it's never been an issue for us. I would probably say that if your status quo is different then I'd work on changing the status quo before I made a rule about when friends are over. Make sense?

We close doors in our house when we use the bathroom, or go to sleep. That's pretty much it. And always has been. If your family has a habit of closing doors at other times, then I would work on changing that so that "normal" is for doors to be open. It makes it a non-issue for the most part, when friends are over, in my experience.