Preschooler Attracted to the Trouble Maker

It's only preschool. It's a little early to start worrying about her being a follower or hanging with trouble makers. Raise her with lots of love and model kindness and good ethics and she will follow suit.

Meanwhile, let her choose her friends.

How sad that you're already labeling "M" as a troublemaker when she's only in preschool. That means she's what, between 2 and 4 years old? She sounds like a little girl behaving like a little girl that needs some direction in socialization, not a "troublemaker." Good grief.

What you should do is allow the teacher to handle this until and unless the daycare worker brings it to you as a behavior issue for your daughter.

EDIT: Also, your daughter is making her own choices in behavior. Don't label HER as a "follower." Hold her accountable for her own behavior rather than blaming someone else.

Oh My goodness preschool and its already someone elses fault. Be thankful your child has a friend and they get along so fabulously. I agree with Diane. Instead of blaming the other child work on your childs behavior.

You're not there, so I think you have to let the teacher handle it. Kids this age need to have their behavior corrected at the time of the "infraction" anyway, and it's part of preschool (and later grade school) for the parent to have to step back so the kid learns what's acceptable in the educational system. It's not all Mom's rules, it's societies rules, you know?

If she ASKS about it, you can step her through it so she figures it out herself. Okay, you got sent the carpet. What made the teacher do that? (I was running around) Why did the teacher do that? (It's against the rules to run around during story time.) Why is that a rule? (Because the other kids can't listen to the story) Why did you decide to run around anyway (Because M did it) Did M do the right thing? (No). Did you do the right thing (No). How did you feel when you got sent to the carpet (Sad. I missed out on ____) What can you do next time?.....and so on. Don't just tell her what to do. Get her to verbalize the sequence of events and the decision she made, and to identify at what point her decision-making went astray. Then focus on going forward. "So the next time M or anyone else decides to run around, what will you do?" You can get into following just anyone no matter what they do if you want to. But this discussion will take several opportunities to penetrate. Once you have a pattern of "So every time you run around, you get sent to the carpet. You don't like the carpet. But you decided again today to run around" then you can put it as HER DECISION to go to the carpet. Action = Consequence. It's a good lesson for life. She'll figure it out. Try not to be judgmental about her choice of friends, but more about her choice of actions.

I'd encourage you to let her be. My oldest son sounds like the "trouble maker" you describe, and I SHUDDER to think that any parent would tell their child NOT to hang around with my son. He is not a mean kid; not deliberately disrespectful--just has self-control issues that we are working on right now. How unfair to be labeled (by an adult) as a "trouble maker" and to be shunned at the urging of a grown up.

My middle son was VERY shy, until he started learning from his big brother that he can speak up. My oldest is kinda like the wing-man for his little brother, and little bro is coming out of his shell.

It's not unusual for a quiet child to be attracted to a not so quiet friend. Opposites definitely attract! I wouldn't worry about it too much. If your daughter finds that she's getting into trouble and decides she doesn't like it, she'll make the changes on her own. Just encourage her to be a leader; maybe find some kid books that talk about that to read to her. She'll get it once she gets a bit more experience in the world.

I think you missed a golden opportunity to ask the teacher to go ahead and separate them anyway. Don't say yikes - say yea!

One thing you will need to learn to do is work WITH your teacher to advocate for your daughter. Start now.

Dawn

I remind my kids that if they hang around the kids that get in trouble they are bound to get into trouble too. And I leave it at that. Other than that....not much you can do. I'm sure the teacher realizes your daughter is well behaved when separated, as to why she mentioned about splitting them up. I wouldn't worry about it.

It's pretty unlikely that your quiet little girl is going to help M behave. That would require her to tell M to stop misbehaving...and that's hard for a follower to do.

Just curious: Where is your daughter in the family? Only child? Oldest child? Middle? Youngest?

For now, I would advise that the teacher separate M and your daughter with the simple expanation to them both that they can play outside together, but sitting together in class is a distraction for them both.

i'm going to have to read your other responses on this one (haven't yet) but i'm surprised that you felt the need to write an entire apology in another post.

i have one of those rowdy, rambunctious kids, and i didn't take offense lol.

but i do want to say that in this case, i'd leave it alone. let her know that you still expect her to behave regardless of what M is doing. hold HER accountable for her actions. she may decide that M isn't that great of a friend. it's all a process...we teach them as we go along. good luck.

-also, as Dawn says, make friends with her teacher. if they need separated, great. you sound like me. i was so quiet and well behaved in school, the first little infractions from my lively, energetic, silly little boy mortified me. but make friends with the teacher. she can be your best friend and ally, or your biggest enemy. you DON'T want that. she's there, she has to deal with them. as someone else also said, you can't discipline such a small child, hours later after you get home. it's really on her to deal with.