Preschool Friend

They're late picking up at pre-school so they're ON DRUGS? That's a leap!

With your added info..."smell like drugs," & the window sticker....we still don't know what's going on. Maybe they're Republicans? Or Preppers? Or Anarchists? LOL
Seriously, why not have the little guy over once, TALK to the parents and see what happens. I understand your reluctance having your son go to their house until you get a better read but I think you need more first hand experience and facts. You might be the soft place for this kid to land O. day a month, right?

Hi, I think it can be tough when you remember the hard times you had as a kid and you worry if your kid (or another kid ) will go through the same.

I do think you are worrying too early (and good for you for trying to get some input). But it also seems that you want you son to know about healthy boundaries and what makes someone a friend. Try to remember that you can teach that to your son and he wont have to go through what you went through. Not all your son's friends will come from ideal backgrounds, but really how many people do?

Also, some kids are more easily influenced than others...it might be good to figure out what type your son is and to proceed from there.

Right now, you have the most influence on your son, so rest easy. HTH

Wow, way to overreact! I don't think you have enough information to go on, or at least you didn't go into enough detail here. Just because the mom is always late, and their demeanor and the car window sticker, that means they are on drugs? Do you have another reason to believe this or are you jumping to conclusions? She could have a solid legit reason for being late - maybe she had a job she works at or someplace else she has to be, and that's the soonest she can come get him. And are we talking a few minutes late, or an hour? Is this an issue with the teacher or something she is aware of that the mom talked to about ahead of time?

Personally, I think you are overthinking this. Your son only just started preschool - it's great that he made a friend, but that doesn't mean they are going to be best buds all their lives. He is going to make LOTS of friends, some of whom you will like better than others, some of whom will have "better" parents or families than others. And parents don't have to be "ideal" parents for them to still be good parents. Raise your son the best way you know how, and don't worry about peer influence so much at this age. You still have a lot of control over who he hangs out with right now and if you notice him picking up some not-so-savory behavior because of a friend, talk with him about it, or start limiting their time together. Eventually you want a child who can make their own choices about the kinds of friends they have, instead of just letting Mom control everything, or at some point rebelling because Mom is overprotective.

Let him have a friend, and at this age, you would probably still go with him if he went to a friend's house for a play date - you wouldn't send him alone. I don't think you should worry yet, and you might even be wrong about the parents. Why not set up a play date for them at the other boys' house with you there, get to know the parents better, and see what happens? Or invite them over to your house?

Why do you think they are on drugs... because they are late at pick up?

You have known this child for less than a month and you are making giant leaps about him and his parents.
- His potential
- He's going to turn into a elementary school drug pusher
- Alleged drug use by the parents
- Unsafe home environment
- Not perfect

Wow. They are kids. Let them play and enjoy their relationship at school. If they invite your son over, then you wouldn't just drop him off at this age anyway, so go with him and get to know the mother a little bit before you make any more assumptions.

They may not ever see eachother again after this year... stop worrying about whether or not he is going to give your son his first beer at 15. Even if he does, if your son knows your expectations and your consequences HE will choose not to continue the friendship if it becomes toxic.

I'm wondering what you would think of me... my husband does drop-off and pick-up every day because I commute and hour to and from work. Am I negligent? Is my marriage falling apart and my poor husband destined to be a single parent?

This is how rumors get started. Get to know them and go from there.

No parents are "ideal" parents. Perhaps you could have "M" over for a playdate and get to know the parents better. It might just be that they are overworked and having a tough time in this very tough world.

As far as the window sticker? Big deal. I think you're jumping to conclusions. "F" the Fed could have to do with the economy, since they are taking loans from communist governments.

They can't be all that bad...after all, they care enough for their child to ensure he has a pre-school education, which is not required. If they were awful parents who didn't care about the well-being of their son, they'd leave him home or elsewhere.

You sound way to worried about this. If you don't know and/or approve of the parents, then fine, don't let your son visit. But to already be jumping to crazy conclusions and judging everyone - I think you need to hold back on those thoughts.

I wouldn't "worry about their friendship later in life." They are in PRE-SCHOOL. If they are still friends as twelve-year-olds and the kid has started to head down the wrong path, worry about it THEN.

Also, has your son been INVITED to their house? Sounds like you're stressing about a lot that is really a non-issue. Most kids in pre-school DON'T go over to eachothers' houses, really. Birthday parties or a playdate at the park, yes, but going over to a kids house is more for older kids or families YOU are friends with.

Relax. Let the kids enjoy each other at school, and think no more of it.

i wouldnt worry at all about them being friends.. but if you are pretty positive about your suspicions then i think youre right to not let your son go to their house to play.. but i wouldnt let any of that stop you from allowing the little boy from coming to your house to play.. dont take it out on him because he doesnt exactly have the best parents

This is only preschool.
This is your child, so naturally you worry.
Fine.

But... per friends and your child: ever since my kids were Toddlers (I'm talking from 2 years old), I spoke to them about friends... and how to discern "choosing" friends. Not that I expected them to choose friends to my liking or not... but it was to "teach" them, about how to "analyze" people in general. My kids are now 5 and 9... and they are very good at choosing friends and discerning people/kids/other parents in general. I also taught them how to speak up. And they are not "followers" or copy-cats, per other kids. Even if they do hang out with them. They also know what is right and wrong.

So, the point is: in addition to how our kids make friends or with whom, YOU also have to... teach and guide a child on people and social situations and how to "think" about it.
I am very honest with my kids, without bad-mouthing others. About others. They are now wise, about "analyzing" social situations and the "intentions" of friends.

And, there will ALWAYS be other kids, that may gravitate, toward our own child, to play with. It just happens. So, again, if you teach your child how to analyze and discern other people, your child will have "skills" on how to manage.... situations with others.
There is for example, a girl in my daughter's class... that is a known Bully and inappropriate. This girl, "likes" my daughter. That doesn't mean my daughter is her friend. But, my daughter is darn well aware... of the situation... and how this girl is. So, my daughter is able to manage... her interactions with this girl or not. SHE.... is not just sucked into... the behavior of that other girl. SHE... can limit her interactions with her and whatever dialogue occurs between the two of them. AND, my daughter tells me, what goes on in school, per this girl.
THAT is also, what you want to encourage in your child... that they can TELL you things, about others or other kids/parents... that they may see or what they see happens. At school.
..I, do not have to worry... that other kids are going to influence my kids... or that my kids are push-overs. Why? Because, I have taught them... all about discerning people, and how to speak up... since they were very young.

Also, just because your child is a friend with some kid, that you do not like the parents... it does NOT mean, you "have to" have play dates with that family/child. It can just be kept, as an IN school friend. You dont' have to socialize outside of school.

I think you are worrying early. First of all, her running late could mean lack of time management skills - not necessarily drug use. Even if they are not ideal parents - does he seem to be a good kid? Is he nice, considerate, have manners? If so - why not invite him and his mom over for a play date. Maybe she's just misunderstood. Maybe she has more kids at home and is up to her eyes and ears in kid stuff. I'm not defending her - just looking at the other side of the coin.

Even if she is on drugs and you do not want your child at her house (understandable) it does not mean that the kids cannot be friends now or even later in life. It also does not mean that the son will go down the wrong path. Many times kids who come from privledged and close families end up doing 'wrong things'.

But I would not worry that these two boys will be lifelong friends and end up rooming together in college (well if that happens - maybe that little boy went further than you thought he would? LOL).

It's good to be observant and good for you for noticing this mom is different. Maybe just take a little more time to see why she is different. It may be better than what you originally thought :)

old preacher of mine use to say; "If you worry, you are going to die, if you don't worry, you are still going to die, so why worry?"

If I was you, I would let the friend be just that, by the time he starts kindergarten he may have another best friend. Teach your son to be nice to others but respect himself. Give him the tools to be a leader.

Good Luck!

Okay, first - it's only preschool. Second, if you have issues invite them to a play date on neutral territory, try a park and bring a picnic and make sure the mom knows you expect her to be there too! Take interest in them, but do not judge her or she will not be willing to open up. If you find things that are alarming, discuss these with the teacher, she may have more insite or be feeling/suspecting the same things as you. If you DO suspect issues then I think you have a phone call to make.