Parent Has Not Reciprocated Hosting Playdate

Hi A.,
I wouldn't take it personal. After all, she is probably wondering the same thing. If the boys want to get together again, just make arrangements. I've always had my daughters' friends over all the time without it being reciprocated at their house. A lot of their friends parents are working parents and don't have the time. They always express to me how much they appreciate me having the kids get together at my house and for me, I am just glad my kids have wonderful friends to play with. It beats being stuck at home by themselves with nothing to do.

Their interests in school might be very different from
those at home. I would not lose any sleep over it and
have some other children over to play. Sometimes it
takes a while to find a friend that just clicks. Now
that the nice weather is here, everyone can be outside.
He will probably have more friends than he knows what
to do with.

She might not feel comfortable with inviting people into her home. Maybe there is problems at home and she is embarrassed, maybe her finances prevent her from being able to provide things that she feels her children should be able to share or maybe there is a medicial issue at hoe, or maybe she is just shy, or not hostess type material. I would just continue to invite her to encourage the boys to be friends and enjoy her company and make sure she does not feel judged. ask her for her favorite recipie etc. I was accussed of being arrogant in school, and I was picked on terrible, later years my classmates became my friends and found out I was just shy. LOL. Now we are good friends. I have learned that when i expect of others and they don't follow through, or maybe can't follow through, that is when I get upset or angry or hurt. I have to accept people at face value and then i can expect to be accepted at face value. YOu never know how the other people perceive you.

Why don't you just invite the child over to your house? Usually the reason for a lack of a second invite is more time management than dislike of a child or their parent. Families are really busy with a lot of different activities. The other mom probably is just trying to get several different play experiences for her son. Don't wait for an invite to her house because there may be problems or issues which make it uncomfortable for her to have kids over. My daughter's house is undergoing some renovations and will be in various states of construction for the next 2-3 yrs. She sets up meet ups at the library or local playgrounds. Works well.

do you like this other kid? do you think he is a good friend for your son? if so, dont take it personally, some people just dont like to host, or cant. i would rather have the kids at my house anyway, messy as it can be afterward. think of it, if your house is the house they all hang out at when they get older, there is that much less worrying that you will have as to who their friends are and what they are up to, as well as concerns about who else is at the other persons house, do they have drugs in the house? firearms? etc etc... of course its nice to be reciprocated, but what is more important? i can deal with the mess, i try to make my house as kid friendly as possible and i pray my house is the hang out house as they get older.

Hi A.
I have the same situation and I do not know at all what the other mother thinks. I figure people can think a million different things and am trying not to take it personally. At the same time, I have decided to move on, which means that the kids probably won't play together anymore (not a big deal, the other kid will be going to a different school next year anyway). For me, it's not worth getting into anything with her or asking about it, as annoying as it is. Good luck!

There's probably nothing personal going on, just a busy mom, although I must admit I once felt as you do and thought there was something wrong with me or my child. I had to put my own fears and insecurities aside for the benefit of my children. I just invited kids over to play and never kept track of whose "turn" it was. Occasionally, a mom would say she felt unwilling to have her child over to my house again because it was her turn, but I responded that taking turns doesn't matter and usually we arranged a playdate at my house. Taking turns is nice but it's sometimes impractical and that shouldn't stand in the way of children getting together. So just call this mom and in an upbeat way say your son wants to get together with her child at your house and when could it be arranged.

If your children like playing together, then invite the whole family over for a BBQ. Maybe she needs to get to know you and your family a little better. If it goes well, end the dinner with some kind of, "the boys have so much fun together and we should get them together more often". See if she reciprocates at that time.

If she doesn't reciprocate the invite within a few weeks, I would call and ask if you or your child did something to offend her.

A.,
I think I understand your dilemma. She's been to your house, has had other boys at her house, but has not invited you and your son over. I don't think you should ask if you did anything wrong. If you did, you'd know it. I think maybe she just thinks (hopes) since you had the first playdate you'd have more. I wouldn't invite her at this point. See if there are other boys your son likes and invite someone else. I personally wouldn't mind having a few playdates at my house but at some point I'd stop those if I didn't get the invite back
Good luck

It may not be anything personal against your or your child. I'm very busy working full time and all and have limited time to host playdates. Just yesterday I finally had the chance to reciprocate a playdate that my son had about 2 months ago. It had been on my mind but I just never was able to schedule it in. And yes like this person, I've had other kids over before I had time to recipricote for various reasons. One was the other child I invited over had my son over about 4 months ago! So it could be she's so behind in reciprocating that it's not your child's turn yet. It could also be that she has other kids over because she's babysitting. My son has had another friend over more often than some of his classmates who he is much closer with because the mom & I watch each others kids every now and then. So it looks on the outside, like he's having a playdate but in fact I'm sitting, although they are playing.

It could also be that the parent is embarassed to have your child over her place if she thinks her place is not up to par with yours. Or her place doesn't offer as many choices as yours.

If your child would like to have another playdate with the child just invite the child over again. Yes it would be nice if she hosted as well, but don't let that stop the kids from having playtime outside of school. It's about the kids and sometimes we have to remove our emotions for the better of the children. There could be a myriad of reasons but its not worth contemplating when the kids could be having a good time together.

However, if you feel strongly about her hosting, just come out and say "hey, my son would love to come over your place and play with _______. Does next week Tuesday or Thursday work for you?" And see what she says.

When I was a kid, we didn't have "Play dates". If we wanted to play together, we just asked our parents if we could invite that person over or call to see if we could go there to play.
I would just let your son ask when they can play together and then set up a time with the other mom... doesn't matter whose home it is at as long as they can play.

Kids shouldn't have to have 'dates' to be able to play with their friends, it should be allowed to happen naturally.

Hi Alli,
Not every playdate gets reciprocated, and I don't keep count. If your son likes playing with the other boy, invite him over again. It could be that the other kids somehow invite themselves over, or that her son asks for specific kids or that there are siblings that play together or any number of reasons. Don't make yourself crazy trying to come up with reasons that are about you. If your son enjoys playing with the boy, invite him over again.

Why not just ask her? Say something like, "Would it be ok if Billy comes over to your house next weekend for a couple hours? He had a really great time when Bobby came over the last time!" Maybe she doesn't feel she needs to reciprocate. If she says "No", then casually ask her why.

Hello,
I would try not to take it so personal. Maybe this mother has not had the time to have your child over since the play date. I am sure when you invited this child to your home to play with your son you did not do so with the intention of expecting her to reciprocate. If you did, was she aware of that fact?
If this is really troubling you, I would invite her and her son over for a little playdate together. Maybe even add a couple of those other mothers and make a day of it. If they attend then you know it is not you or your child just maybe the fact that the mother was not aware that you were expecting her to reciprocate.
Good Luck and think positive. Be glad that you are raising a good boy and that he has friends to play with.

I'm not good at thinking of those things, and I'm not good at hosting. I'd much rather go to someone else's house, so maybe you should just ask her.

I don't think I would say anything. From personal experience I can say that sometimes children do not have the same interests in school as they do at home. When my son was little he once invited this lovely boy over for a playdate. They really had nothing in common out of school. I remember when we went to the little boys house after our playdat he handed my son a word search book to do and wanted to watch the weather channel. Please don't misunderstand there is nothing wrong with that it just wasn't my son's thing. They basically ended up playing separately. This little boy was brilliant and had very different interests as my son did in school they played wonderfully together just not at home. It could also just be she is busy and just hasn't gotten around to it. I would maybe try one more play date and observe yourself to see how they get along and if it doesn't workout just invite a different child to play. I would not ask because she may become defensive and think she has no obligation to reciprocate.

A.--make some cookies and deliver them to her at home. If she does not invite you and your kids in, then I would assume there is a problem. If you don't mind having her son over at your house all the time, then there is nothing to worry about. Don't let one person get to you, it's not worth it.

Invite him over once more... if they have fun.. when the mom comes to pick him up... tell her they had a great time. Tell her that your son wants to come see his friends house next time. ... if that's ok with her. Tell her they had fun.. and ask her to call you with when would be good to get together again.. see what her reaction is.. if she doesn't call within 2 weeks.. then oh well.. her loss. Keep inviting other boys over... and see how it goes. If you son likes this kid.. best... then I guess you should have him over again.. maybe even invite the mom once.. or meet out for pizza or something.. You never know why someone doesn't invite someone over.. Don't worry about it.. just go with the flow.. have fun with the kids..

I wouldn't worry - I have two kids and I work full time and can't do playdates during the week, only weekends...so people are okay with it.
Why not chat with her more? :)

there could be a million reasons not having anything to do with your son...or maybe it does...I wouldn't worry about it, if you want to invite him over again do...I don't think everything has to be even in that aspect. I live with my inlaws so we don't ever have anyone over...most of my friends are awre and my kids go there to play or we meet at a central location(the park) so they don't always have to host...and I try to bring something when we all go over...I really wouldn't worry to much about it.