Potty Training.....I Feel Hopeless!

I have two boys and they both trained at a little over 3 - the best thing I found was letting them be naked. Neither would go without a diaper on so they had to use the potty. We just spent a weekend that way and we were done. Good luck.

Just a head's up, this is going to be long. Thorough, but long.

First, I'm going to refer you to a website which has to do with readiness assessment.

http://www.betterkidcare.psu.edu/AngelUnits/OneHour/Toile...

Forgive me if this seems remedial for your situation, but when helping families with this challenge, this is always where I start. Readiness is first and foremost the biggest factor.

Next, I want to make a suggestion in how you are thinking about this: is this YOUR challenge or HIS? If you are feeling that it's your job to fix it, it's likely that you are going to be stuck for a while, because this is HIS challenge to master.

If it were me, and you feel that he hits all the points for readiness, move him into underpants all day, full time (you could still use diapers at night, if need be). If he can't stay dry because he is choosing not to use the toilet, limit his playspaces to places where wet underpants won't be a problem. (For example, one of my preschoolers was holding and wetting; I explained to them that if they didn't want to make it to the toilet on time, they couldn't sit at the big rug, or on the cushions, because I wasn't having pee on them because they were choosing not to use the toilet.) Make this HIS challenge.

I'd be clear, if you are going out, that he might have to put a diaper on. NO pull-ups. He's not inclined to use the toilet? Make it his job to use it when he's out and about. If not, diapers. Not to shame him, but to protect other people's property.

Here's the biggest game changer, and you will have to be firmly committed to it if you want to see results: NO MORE REWARDS. Period. No stickers. No toys. NOTHING! This might have worked for a different child, who was just needing 'a little encouragement', but this is not your situation. It's likely that your son is using this ability as 'currency', because you state that he IS capable of doing what you ask. Think about it, for just a minute: when he chooses NOT to go, he is actually "upping the value" of going. It's like supply and demand: he's actually decreasing the supply (by not going) to up the demand (your desire for him to go) and you are giving him exactly what he wants. He's actually learned that it's in HIS best interest NOT to use the toilet. Talk about motivation! He's motivated NOT to go!

Do you see where I'm going here? I'm all for kids taking their time, but I think this might be a situation where a little disinterest and tough love on your end could go a long way. No more toys for "going". Just tell him (don't ask him) to go use the toilet every so often, and when he doesn't pee, let it go. No attention for not peeing. When he pees on the floor, he has to stop what he's doing and help change his clothes and clean up the mess. (I don't believe in making kids clean up a big puddle of pee, but he needs to be your 'helper' by holding open plastic bags for the paper towels or wet clothes, holding doors open for you... he doesn't get to play until cleanup is finished and he MUST change himself.)

I've worked with children for years, and this isn't 'pushing too hard', this is 'laying down some boundaries'. He obviously has the capability and just no intrinsic sense of motivation. Using toys and rewards to motivate has backfired here completely, because it's allowing him to control this dynamic. You must take back your share of the balance. For what it's worth, it's not a concious thought on his end "I'm going to withhold using the toilet and play them so I can get toys", it's just something that presented itself and is working to his advantage, so how can he help himself, right?:) Kids are good at finding opportunities to get what they want. At this age, though, and with his level of ability, using the toilet should be more of an 'expectation' on your end instead of something you are bargaining for.

Good luck!

Our daughter was an early walker talker, reader, but she was in no way interested in the potty. There was no way to get her interested.. The when she was almost 4, she was ready and let us know.

She was in Daycare and saw all of the little potty chairs lined up and finally decided to give it a try.. She was potty trained in less than a week.

Yes, I had tried many times before, but knew she was not going to participate. It was just making her frustrated.
We even had neighbors who's twins were trained at 18 months!So I did feel some pressure.

The potty training really made me realize, I needed to encourage, but not push and that I needed to follow her lead.

Give it a break and do not tell him he is a baby until he can potty and become a big boy. Some children honestly are afraid of having to be a big boy.

First of all.... every child is different. What works for one may not do squat for another. You know you're child the best so go with your gut.

Our 3 year old was delaying herself in a different way. She was using pullups but still didn't care if she peed of pooped in them. She would keep her pullup dry throughout the day if we took her to the bathroom every two hours, but if we left it up to her she would go in her pullup. Finally we just put her in panties. She did have many accidents but was completely potty train in two weeks. She didn't like the feeling of pee going down her leg.

Just a side note..... We didn't make a big deal out of it when she peed herself (happened in a resturant, in her stroller, a toy store and on the carpet at home) We just calmly helped her cleanup and get dry clothes on. She didn't feel ashamed because of the calm way we handled it. She just needed that extra little push to get to the finish line of the potty race... :)

No child has ever 'not' potty trained eventually, so relax mama :)

My youngest brother wasn't fully potty trained until about 6 or so... but the kid was crazy smart!! He just wouldn't be bothered with something as simple as using the potty. It didn't challenge him enough. Seriously.

I usually say persistance is key, but sometimes pushing potty training does make the child rebel. Have you asked him WHY he doesn't want to use the potty? Other than not wanting to be a big boy? I know 'why' isn't a very fair question for a child, but it seems important here. Maybe he has some kind of anxiety? Maybe he wants privacy? Does he watch you or your husband use the bathroom? Have you tried sending him outside bottomless to 'water the plants'?

I promise he won't go off to college in Depends. Call the pediatricians office and get another doc on the phone and get some suggestions. No, it's not something to worry about, but it was wrong of them to send you off without even a suggestion! Best wishes :)

Forgive me if this is a repeat post, I haven't read all the other posts...

My son is 3 years 3 months and we are finally day time potty trained. We haven't had an accident in the past 2.5 weeks (except for the few naptime accidents) With that said, as hard as it was for me to trust all the other mom's who told me "it will just one day happen--they'll do it when they're ready" they were all right on. He literally woke up one day and told me I have to go potty and the rest was history!

Mind you I wasn't really on board with fully potty training him, I gave him mixed signals with using diapers, and pull ups. Once I made the decision of just using big boy undies it seemed like it clicked better. I eventually stopped making a fuss or pressuring him to go potty--Once I knew he understood how things worked ie. he knew where his potty/poopy was supposed to go, he knew how to turn on the lights and pull the toilet lid up I let it go. If he had an accident I made his clothes and underwear easily accessible and I told him to go put some dry clothes on and we can try it again. It was so much easier this way! No pressure on me and no pressure on him. Now mind you we have laminate flooring so I wasn't too worried about the "messes"!

The other route I took was instead of reminding him to "go potty" I simply asked if he was "dry". If he was I let it be. If I could tell he "needed" to go but didn't want to stop what he was doing...I would simply say "AJ, you're pants are dry right? ...Okay how do we keep them dry?" He'd usually say I have to go "pee pee in the potty" and I'd say that's right, so let's keep your pants dry! Within a few minutes I would always find him in bathroom!

I'd just take a step back, let him gain some control back. BTW my gf was so jealous (our boys are only a week apart in age) that mine was potty training so well. I told her literally he just woke up one day and did it. A few days latter she said, "I so know what you mean, it was like one day it just clicked!" I assure you one day it will just click for your little guy! Hang in there!

Ok, so from one mom to another who does not want to hear this, I certainly did not, it will come. Take a 3month break, do not talk about it do not do it ... just have the underwear available and the other tools needed there where he can access it if he wants. My son literally woke up one morning in a full pee pull up and when I told him to change his butt he asked for his big boy underwear and I told him he can wear it if he uses the big potty he said "I know" and we went over the big boy potty rules from there it took 3 weeks and he was 75% there (still had poo accidents) that day started the last week of Jan and it is now near the end of Mar and I can confidently say he is potty trained. My son turned 4 in Oct and I had been stressing over it since he was 2. So, give yourself a break, keep the tools available and do not push it one day it will click! I know you do not want to hear this I HATED hearing it but it is true.

You've discovered the big drawback of using rewards or bribes to move the process along.

Kids will use the potty when ready, and it will be their own process. Too much urging, pushing, or manipulation by parents does, unfortunately, often result in a power struggle that is stressful and counterproductive for all, and the process ends up taking longer.

Your son has expressed his wish to still be a little boy for awhile longer. If I were in your position, I would sit down for a talk and tell him it's his choice – he'll get to grow up when he's ready. You will trust him to make that decision when he's ready, and you are very proud of the ways he's already getting bigger and learning all the time. Then let him be. It may take only a few more weeks (or maybe another 6-8 months), but at some point, he'll decide he's ready.

Potty learning is not only physical and neurological, it's also emotional. The desire will be there at some point when your son is convinced that he gets to decide. When that day comes, many children are trained in only a few days, joyfully and without stress. And the accomplishment will be all the reward that's needed.

Good luck to you all.

Hmm....well instead of me re-writing a bunch of ideas, check out these great potty training tips and they should help you get some ideas. Good luck!

http://www.theskinnyscoop.com/search/potty+training?utm_c...

I had the same issue with one of my twins ... one was trained within a day (no problems....) The other (the younger by 23 minutes) just didn't want to deal with it at all.
So I left him in diapers a bit longer than the other twin and waited. One day I said to him, "Sweetie, you know you will ALWAYS be my baby even if you wear big boy underwear." And you know what, he potty trained that day!!
Try it... maybe it will work. He just wanted reassurance that he'd always be my baby!

This is tough because you don't want to push them too hard. Is he in pull ups? Our day care really helped with potty training. We put our son in pull ups and they religiously sat him on the potty every 30-40 minutes, then every hour, until he started to pee each time and then started to tell us when he had to pee. We also tried to make the potty entertaining so we sat down with him and chatted when we first put him on the potty. Then we gave him books and cars to play with, while he was on the potty, to keep him on the potty. It took some time. He finally weaned himself off the pull ups and become potty trained after three months of us working on it but not pushing him too hard. He will come around in his own due time.

I just took the diapers away for one full weekend (not nighttime or naps though) and I went in the kitchen or outside all day and pretty much just let her pee on herself. She didnt have any bottoms on either. I had the potty near by and told her she would get M&Ms as rewards if she used the potty (1 for sitting, 2 for going pee and 5 for going #2)
I started this (shoot I kind of forget exactly when) but last August (ish) You can read my questions about potty training. we had some accidents (meaning about 1 or 2 per week for 4 or 5 months) but otherwise she was good. I just have a routine starting first thing in the morning...she gets out of bed and the first thing we do is potty and brush our teeth....starts to become second nature.
Maybe if you do the candy (or star) reward and if he goes all day or 2 days on the potty..he will get that certain toy.
Good luck.

If you give him a choice, I suppose you have to be satisfied with his answer that he doesn't want to. I would stop talking about it for a few weeks or even a month. Don't bring it up at all. Then, take him to get his own chosen undies. Talk about it for a day like it's a HUGE DEAL. pick something he likes for rewards (small candies). talk to him about keeping his pants dry. tell him he will get a candy if he keeps his pants dry and DOUBLE if he goes potty. Then, start the next day in undies. give him lots of his favorite drinks so he'll have lots of opportunities to go. DON'T LOOK BACK! you know he is ready, so he can do it. don't give him a choice anymore. just make it positive. if he starts to pee, put him on the potty (keep nearby) and then have a big show of excitement. he will start to get it. it does take a week or so, so make sure you don't have any plans, or anything where you'll be tempted to put him back into a diaper or pull up(HUGE WASTE OF MONEY).

it sounds like you're not going to get him to "want" to get potty trained. it's not important to him, so you just have to decide to do it. he will eventually get it that he doesn't have a choice.

My son was a little over three years old before we finally got him all the way trained I admit fault for this he is the youngest and allowed to be more of a baby than the oldest first was not even two when he was trained. My second son is very head strong honestly it took a weekend of almost camping in the bathroom taking away all promises of rewards and literally going head to head with a three year old. If he messed his pants he had to clean it up, any mess he made while refusing to potty he had to clean up ( yes I helped) it took me 48 hours and it wasn't pretty but it worked.