Potty Training with a Split Home

Hi L.,
My daughter (who is now 3) also resisted potty training. I bought her the movie "Elmo's Potty Time" which she absolutely loved. Then I put her potty in the living room and played the movie for her. I let her run around the house in a shirt and panties (that she picked herself from the store). I also set my kitchen timer for every 20 minutes the entire day, and when the timer went off, she sat on the potty and eventually she had to go and went on the potty. This seemed to work for my daughter. I also used a book called "Big girls use the potty". It came with a sticker chart and every time my daughter used the potty she got to put a sticker on her chart. She liked that as well. Good Luck!

L. E - I am a mom of 4 beautiful girls ages 14, 11, 6, and 3. The best advice I ever received about potty training was from my first pediatrician, who knew me very well because he was my pediatrician when I was a child. I was only 24 at the time and pregnant with my 2nd daughter (very challenged with patients). He told be just what I did NOT want to hear, be patient!!!! He said she will learn about timing and her body sensations as she is ready. You can not force it, that only makes things worse. He also said, he had never met a child that didn't eventually become potty trained. It is a part of life that each person may understand at different ages. Each one of my girls were different ages within about a year or so when they learned to use the toilet instead of the floor. Good luck. And give her lots of love and praise as she starts to "get it".

We were having a hard time with my oldest daughter. She started going when she was 18 months, but the consistently wasn't there. We were staying at my parent's house after my ex and I split up and it was hard to get the consistently, especially because I was both working and going to school full time. She was in daycare and my mom watched her after hours if I had to work or had class (her dad wasn't there). When I got married, we were able to do her potty training more consistently. My husband hung a pair of big girl panties in the bathroom as motivation so she could look at them while she was going potty. Finally, he told her that if she went a week with no accidents, we would get her a goldfish. She has been going potty ever since. I know it's hard because you can't control what happens when she's not with you. Just continue to try and communicate with her caregivers and hopefully they are working with her. The best you can do is be consistent when she's with you. The other thing is she might be too young...some kids don't get it yet. My oldest daughter was finally finished potty training when she was 3 with no accidents. Good luck! If you need someone to talk to, I've been there.

I hope you know that 2 is young and though she may say she wants to go, she may not always know when to go. Also shuffling between two parents can be ultra stressful if you two aren't on the same page to a tee with what you are doing potty training wise. Don't ask her if she has to go, just put her on the potty every hour to hour and a half. She obviously doesn't care if she is wetting her panties so I would try pullups. Despite what a lot say they did wonders for my daughter and my son when potty training. I also did a sticker chart and that is something you can maybe send with her while at her dads so she has some consistency. If he isn't doing the same type training it is way too early and she is too confused right now. Just be patient.

Consider getting the book "Potty Training in a Day" (I think that's the title). Don't necessarily expect it to happen in a day, but the principles are really helpful. Also, if she's barely two and has no older siblings, she may just need a little more time. That's really ok. I have 3 girls and I struggled with my first, but the other two were a breeze in comparison. The difference? My expectations were more realistic and the other two had older siblings of the same gender to look up to. Keep your expectations realistic so you can enjoy the process as much as possible. :) Thanks for listening!

Sincerely,
G.

While we don't have a split home our daughter did the same thing sit on the potty, not go and the a minute after she got up she would pee on my floor. We ended up putting her in pullups for a couple weeks. She got mad when the music notes on the front would fade because she peed in them then two weeks ago she decided all on her own that she wasn't going to wear pullups anymore and she has been wearing her panties ever since and has an occassional accident.

Hi L. - wow I feel your pain. Our daughter, Kendall, turns 3 next week. This week she has successfully used the potty at home and at school every day and while she has had a few minor accidents, she is "ready". I say this because I have been in angst over this for a while, lots of wishful thinking on my part, and it just seemed to click for her right now. She was in the stage where she wanted to wear princess pants, but only over pull ups, and when she was in cotton training pants, she was devastated when she had an accident. Then it just clicked. My husband says I am the pee whisperer - a bit of frustration on his part as he was tending to get upset instead of being calm about it, but he is getting with it too. I think what has finally worked is that Kendall says she is ready, she has made the decision and she definitely knows she wants to do it.
Don't be too hard on yourself, and Bailey sounds like a very bright young girl - she will put the pieces together soon and in the meantime, I suggest you might try the heavier weight cotton pants, with the princess ones over them - at least it is a bit easier to clean up and while she recognizes she had an accident, maybe it will click for Bailey to next time run to the bathroom. Also, a great bit of advice from the moms on here, don't use pull ups - as scary as that is, it is an easy out for the kids to not recognize the need to pee or poop. I took a deep breath on that one - but the funny thing was Kendall told me she didn't like the pull ups and she didn't want to wear them! Ha - that was shocker!
Best of luck - sorry for the rambling but I am cheering you and Bailey on! :)

I recommend the book Potty Training In Less Than a Day by Nathan Azrin and Richard Foxx. I used this method with my two year old son and he has only had 2-3 accidents in the three months since training.

Hi I have an almost 3 year old and she isn't potty trained yet either. not for a lack of trying! but right now we aren't trying. why? becuase she sounds alot like the situation you are in. In my opinion your daughter doesn't sound ready yet. Just becuase she can tell you AFTER she went doesn't mean she can recognize the feeling BEFORE she goes. My little girl will also go sit on the potty but it is useually after she has already got she gets the concept but can't recognize the feeling yet.

You want to make sure you are not just potty training yourself (by asking her to go every 1/2 hour)(which really isn't potty training anyways)since she spends so much time at grandmas and dads.

I would say give her more time as not to traumatize her and try again later.

Mother to two little girls one that will be 3 in april and the other 1 in april. married 4 years in june

Have you tried putting a potty chair by the pantry where she has been going anyway? Once you get her used to that, you can move it back to the bathroom.

Your daughter isn't really considered resistant until age 3 so be patient but it is also very important that you and your ex are on the same page about training.
My son was truly potty training resistant and didn't train until almost 4. This was because when he was at dads, dad pushed training, punished for not going and started the power struggle.
It was only after he got on board with what the pediatrician recommended that our son trained so my advice is, she's still young enough that she may not be ready yet. Take a break from training and let her be the guide about when she's ready. When she does tell you she needs to go, reward her (potty chart, singing and dancing etc) but don't push and make sure dad is doing the same thing.
Having a 4 year old who is not trained is far worse than having a 2 year old who is not trained but remember, no child ever went to college in a diaper :)

Hi L.,
We have a 2 and a half year old boy who will also sit on the potty but not do anything on it. He has hd a few episodes where after getting off it, he goes to the bathroom on the floor. This is a sure indication to me he is not ready. My advice to you is to let her sit on the potty but don't push the issue. You don't want it to become a battle of the wills. Good luck.

I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter courtney. When I started potty training her I was having the same problems you are having. I started a reward system. I made a potty chart, everytime she went to the potty Courtney got to put a sticker on the chart. When she got a paticular amount of stickers she got a gift. I also made sure she was getting many praises. I would make sure everyone is on the same page as you with the potty training. So everyone your daughter is with has a chart with them to use as well. I also made sure I ask her all the time if she has to go potty. This worked for my daughter she is potty trained now and only uses night time pull ups, that will take longer to learn. I hope this helps you, please let me know how is goes. Good luck!

You and the dad have got to get on the same page about how to handle the potty training. It's so difficult to do it in one home, and with daycare...I know cuz we are doin it right now, but it can be done. Set some guidelines, and make sure he realizes this has to be done in the best interest of your daughter. Hopefully he'll jump right on board.

As far as the getting her to actually use the potty, I started potty training Madison when she started showing the same signs. I would put her on the potty, give her something to drink while she sat on the potty and read a book (or two or three). Then she would pee, and I would get so excited, do a dance with her, and she would get a treat. We had naked time for a few days, so she didn't have to worry so much about pulling anything up and down, and once she got the hang of tha, we have put panties on while we are at home.

Good luck!

have you tried letting her run around with nothing on? I know it sounds strange, but, know it worked for my daughter, she didn't want to go potty all over herself. When I would put panties on her, she would wet herself. Good Luck!

My daughter is 4 now but when I potty trained her, I put a clear jar with jelly beans in it in the bathroom. Up high, of course. She could see them and when she would go potty on the "big potty" she would get a jelly bean. When she went No. 2, she got 2 jelly beans. Sometimes she would just sit on the potty and try but not go. She would get a jelly bean for trying also. Maybe you could tell your two year old how much fun and rewarding this would be and that if she goes on the floor instead of going in the potty then you won't be able to keep playing and having so much fun. Good luck!

I am currently potty training my fourth child. I have found that if you take them to the bathroom right when they get up in the morning or after a nap, they always have to go. I am not a morning person so sometimes it is hard. Wait about five minutes on the potty. Take a book with you that she likes and read it to her or sing some fun songs so that she is more willing to sit on the potty.

Hope this helps.
K.