Potty Training Son

Whatever you do, DO NOT put him back in diapers! That will just confuse him. You aren't doing anything wrong. You have to think like a child when you are potty training one. It's very new and confusing to them. After all, they've always just gone potty whenever they feel the need, and now all of a sudden, you're telling them they have to do something completely different. Give it time, and continue doing exactly what you're doing. Don't worry, he won't go to kindergarten without being potty trained. :)

I had the same problem with my daughter. I found that when they do that they are no quite ready, don't give up when they want to do it they will. What helped with me was to have her around other kids her age ( a friend) that can do it by themselves. And watching and learning. They say oh I can do that too! Worked for me.

I don't know if you want to drop this amount of money... but my son loves the concept of peeing in a urinal just like daddy. We have ours attached to the wall. Try not to stress over potty training though; he'll do so when he's ready. (Our potty training efforts are futile... muahahahaha... j/k). And remember boys are slower than girls.

http://www.peterpotty.com/
(I got mine on Amazon.com with no tax/free shipping)

It sounds to me like your son just isn't ready. This is not a bad thing and nothing you're doing wrong, just nature. Everyone is different! I think you should ask him if he wants to wear underwear and keep trying with the chart or wear pullups until he's more ready. Unless there's some real reason to push it, just go with his time clock. That being said, when you're ready to start out we did the sticker charts also (I have 2 boys). But we did a more immediate reward which is what really works! The chart (a simple half sheet of paper with squares drawn on it)had 5 squares for pee and only 1 special square for poop! Yes, you will have to give a lot of prizes at first but it does keep them motivated!! Then as he gets better you say wow you're doing so great we get to add more squares to your chart!! (mine didn't seem to realize that this meant longer to get a prize, they were excited that they had earned more squares.)The prizes must be something either that he is really into or you can make it a big surprise (we did a mystery grab bag). I completely disagree with whoever below said it is a laziness or discipline issue!! That is ridiculous! Don't let someone's old school ideas make you feel bad about your parenting! You're doing a good job! Relax about this and your son will follow.

Hi A.,

Your son is ready to be potty trained. If you want to be done with the training part then this is full proof. Give your son a treat each time he goes to the potty. Give him a hot wheel or fruit snacks or a piece of candy after each success. He will want the treat so bad that he will remember to go potty to get the treat. Don't worry, he won't be hooked on the treat. He will go to the potty because he has been successful for 3 to 4 weeks. It worked three times for me. 2 girls, 1 boy.

The only thing that comes to mind is to give a more immediate reward. I have only one potty-trained child so far, but what worked with him was a cookie everytime he went on the toilet. My mom and my sisters say that M&M's are the best, but I don't give my kids sugar so I found some mini naturally-sweetened cookies, and they worked great. After about a month of potty-training success with the cookies, we switched to stickers on a chart with a reward once the chart was full. The stickers were a small motivation in and of themselves, but the real reward comes several days later. I think the little ones need a more immediate reinforcement sometimes.

If this doesn't help, I hope you do find the trick. Good luck!

The only reason I am going to give you the following advice is because I rushed potty training with my son, in order for him to start pre-school, and for 15 months now it has been a continuous struggle - he has wet his pants 1,2 sometimes 3 times a day - EVERY DAY. And he has also had pooping problems. On the other hand, my cousin waited until her son was 4 and 4 months, trained him in a week-end and has NEVER had a single problem, night or day.
STOP training and wait until he is ready. DON'T talk to anybody about this except your husband and other care givers, don't listen to others - that will cause you to be influenced by others and not follow your sons lead - train him when he is ready, not anybody else.
Good luck!

Hi A., I see a couple problems here sweeting, first of all you are starting him late, second of all i hear alot about rewards,but no discipline. At 3 I don't think this is about keeping him motivated, I think it'd more about he needs to obey you, and he's not doing that. If he is peeing and pooping on himself and you are telling him accidents happen, then there is no reason for him to not pee or poop on himself. Sweetie an accident is when they run to the bathroom and don't make it, that's an accident, anything other than that sweetie is pure defiance. Most 3 year olds have accident here and there but not daily or even weekly. This is a son, is the dad helping? as soon as i started our first child at 2o months, my husband started working with him to, by 21 months he was completely trained, when he turned 2 my husband taught him how to stand at the toilet and go. The key thing I see sweetie, is no discipline. J.

Does he have a friend or relative who's a couple of years older who would be a willing "role model?" We had a neighbor with a boy who was 2 years older than my son. My son really admired this other child and wanted to be like him. When my son was potty training, we let him watch our friend's son using the toilet, which gave him motivation to be like his pal. The older child also emphasized that he used the toilet and wore underwear instead of diapers.

Another thing that motivated my son was to let him pick out his own underwear. If your son has trouble staying dry, perhaps you could use the "cool" underwear as a reward for using the toilet. While we as adults think that Bob the Builder or Spiderman underwear is hokey, kids really love it.

It sounds like he's not ready. My daughters trained at 3 1/2 years and it only took a couple days. My nephew, same thing. Let your son be the one to decided when to potty train. I would let my girls give a go every now and then, and if they had more than 2 accidents in one day, then I knew they weren't ready. No one goes to kindergarten in diapers. It'll happen. Just give him time.

Maybe leave it up to him about whether he wants big boy underwear or pull ups. Tell him if he will pee and poo in the toilet he can wear underwear, if not, he has to wear a pull up. Since he knows how already, it's probably just a control or laziness or too busy issue.

If you want to motivate your child, try showing him that if you can do it, he can do it too.

Hi A.,

Wow--I'm sorry you've received some negative comments. This site is supposed to be about support, after all...

Anyway--I agree with the majority of moms here. You are doing a great job.

There are many ways to potty-train, and many definitions of what "potty-trained" means (i.e. using the toilet during the day, pee-trained vs. poop-trained, staying dry at night, in underwear, in pull-ups, etc.). I waited training my son until the day after his 3rd birthday. He just wasn't ready until then. It took about 2-3 months before he was pretty confident during the day in underwear. I used pull-ups during nap time and when we went on errands (some moms don't believe in pull-ups, but you know what? you have to do what you are comfortable with). I put away the diapers--my son seemed to respond to pull-ups and underwear being more of a big-boy thing. I took him to the bathroom regularly in the beginning (a bit more often than when I went myself) and we sung a lot of songs and read a lot of stories in there and offered a lot of praise and used a reward chart.

It sounds like you are doing your best! Pooping on the potty was scary for my son. After two months, one day my husband and I camped in the bathroom with him when we knew he had to poop. There were a lot of tears, but he did it and we went straight to the frozen yogurt shop afterward. :-) After that, it was a lot easier. There was the occasional accident, but no big deal--that's normal. Using the potty is a big thing!

Now my son is four and just fine during the day, but still wearing pull-ups at night--he sleeps so soundly that he doesn't wake up to use the bathroom. I asked the pediatrician about this at his four-year check-up--she said to just relax about the whole thing. Boys in general take longer and some kids' bodies just develop more slowly. She said no one goes to kindergarten without being potty-trained and not to worry about a boy who needs a pull-up at night until the age of 6--some bodies just aren't ready to hold it all night long or wake up in the middle of the night until then. A friend of mine who has an almost four year-old girl told me that her daughter still poops every day in a diaper--she asks for a diaper to poop in, but she stays dry all night and wears underwear the rest of the time. So--all kids are different and develop at their own pace.

I just think it's important to remain calm like you have been doing. Cleaning up accidents is gross, but it will end! :-) I put down plastic painter's tarp over my carpets for a couple of months which helped with the clean-up. I also carry Potty Toppers and Kandoo wipes in my purse for my son for using public potties. Some people might think I'm crazy--but I don't care. Those items make the bathroom experience a lot easier for both me and my son. Isn't that what it's all about? I want my son to feel comfortable--not to develop anxiety about the toilet!

Good luck, A.! Your son will get the hang of this--just keep up the good work!
:-) D.

P.S. I don't believe in making potty-trainees clean up their own accidents. They are "accidents," after all...

he knows by now what the potty chair is used for, it might be time for time out , or taking his toys away, he goes potty then the toy come backs, kids have full control over two things eating and potty, you have mastered his potty now he is doing it on purpose to get your reaction, see if he is in trouble for being lazy, since so far he isnt in trouble then he is getting away with it... pretty smart cookie I say

I understand how you feel. I felt I failed too when my son had his potty training, but it's not unusual at all. I'd recommend you to ask him to go potty quite regularly like every one hour and he'd get used to it before he really wants to go. You may get him to drink more water to do this. If he doesn't want to go, you shouldn't push him to do so though. Hope he'll get ready for this daily routine.

You are doing great! Potty training is a tough job. There are set backs. Don't get discouraged!! Even after you think you have them completely done, there could still be an accident or two (and it sometimes seems like they do it on purpose). What is most important is that now that you have decided it is time to get him out of diapers DON'T TURN BACK! Everything you are doing sounds like you are on the right track. Just keep going. Even though it sucks to wash poop out of underwear, it will not last long.

I haven't read all of the responses but I've seen some that seem quite off the mark. Our pediatrician informed us that most boys don't potty train until 3 1/2 on average. Of course, some do so more quickly, but this is the norm. I would not make a big deal out of the accidents, but really give him praise when he goes in the potty. He'll take to it fully when he's developmentally ready to do so. I highly suggest picking up the book "Everybody Poops" as my son potty trained around the age of three as well and this book he found very entertaining and motivating. It seemed help the whole principle of where to go click for him. That's not to say we didn't still have some accidents, but they started to really subside. An accident here or there will still occur, and don't make a big deal out of it when it does. Just gently remind him that his toys will still be there waiting for him if he takes a play break to use the restroom. The more gentle and loving you are about the process the more smoothly it will go. Believe it or not, lasting issues can be caused by forcing the issue and trying to hurry the process. I have a couple of friends that used that approach and seriously regret it now as it caused their sons to have a complex about going to the restroom and they have had major constipation issues for years afterwards. If you allow the process to progress naturally, you'll be much happier in the long run.

Best of luck to you!!!

A.,

Sounds like you've been doing a really good job. I applaude you on walking away when you get frustrated. You are doing good when he does have an accident by not making it a big deal. I learned quickly with my son that if I didn't pack a ton of patience for this journey that we'd fail! My son pottied train at the age of 3. We went through the same thing as you. When my son just didn't really seem in to it, I took a couple of months off. I read The No Cry Potty Solution by Elizabeth Pantley and when we tried again it was a huge success! No tears, no frustration for either of us. I can say it was actually fun! He only pooped his pants once and that was my fault (he really had to go and the trip to the potty was far away).

At this age instant gratification might work better. The sticker chart is a great idea but maybe 3 poops and he gets a prize or something along those lines. For a day or two, I filled a basket with dollar toys from Target, I wrapped them and each time he pottied on the toilet (poop - he had mastered the pee) he got to pick one out of the basket.

Wishing you the best!
M.

My son did the same thing and lost motivation. We had the same issues with our son at the same age (around 3-3 1/2). Be patient and consistent. They already know how to do it, but are sometimes lazy, preoccupied, curious, or stubborn. Sometimes they want to see cause and effect. It is frustrating, but he will eventually learn. You may also want to surround him with other kids who are already potty trained so that he sees all kids go to the potty and no kids pee on the floor or on toys on purpose.
Keep your son in pull ups. If he refuses to wear Pull ups, well there's motivation #1. The underwear idea worked for us with our daughter, but our son is a different ball of wax. Also, genetics may contribute to the whole potty training frustration. My husband had a lot of issues potty training when he was little. He bedwetted a LOT, had a small bladder, etc. I notice the same issues with my son. Last thing, don't put too much pressure on your little tyke or on yourself. It'll come in time. Patience and consistency. Have you ever seen an adult who is not potty trained?

He is obviously not ready. Wait three months and try again. If he is still not ready, wait three more months and try again. If you wait until a child is ready, potty training takes a few days and is the easiest thing in the world. I have four boys. I know this to be a fact. If it is a struggle, a trauma, a stressful situation for anyone involved - if it takes more than a few weeks, the child IS NOT READY.

i'm having a super easy time w/ my 31 month old son and potty training..he started months ago on his own..what i do/did...is i let him run around the house bottomless..my doc told me to..he has a little potty and a seat that goes on the big potty..he naturally just goes to the little potty ..it's easier b/c he's already naked. i don't do any kind of reward thing..except i cheered in the beginning and told him what a big boy he is..i use pullups when we go out..or when he naps..they're almost always dry when i take them off of him. Why don't u just use the pull ups?
then when your son gets the hang of it more he'll take them off when he has to go..my son did that today..he still doesn't tell me when he has to go..
i think the nude thing and the pull ups are the way to go..and i use an over night diaper..
take it slowly..no pressure..and i think it's good to say."wow you're really a big boy now" i also used to have him go with me to flush his pee or poo and we'd say "bye bye pee pee" etc..he now stands when he uses the big toilet..lifts the seat..flushes..and puts the seat back down. just show him..and i say praise instead of stickers.