Potty Training Poop Trouble

Hi T.~

Yes, everybody is right. The pooping part of potty training doesn't always come when the pee part does. As a matter of fact, it is usually the last thing to happen. Not only is it embarassing and they know it is wrong, the fact is that many children do not have 'control' over it yet. It is very hard for them to connect with how to 'know' when the pee is coming let alone the poo. It will come though. Many times when the child knows the poo is coming, it is already too late and they know it, so they go and hide to finish the job. Totally normal. Just hang in there!

Happy Parenting!
K.

My son is in almost the exact same boat. I will pass along what I have learned from my next door neighbor, who has three children, with the youngest about 6 months older than my son.

It is great that he is doing so well with the pee in the toilet! It is very common for them to not poop in the toilet yet even if they are peeing in the toilet. The potty training often comes in 3 phases: 1) peeing in toilet; 2) pooping in toilet; 3) keeping dry at night and being able to wear undies at night. Your son has mastered phase one!

First of all, what he is doing (hiding when he poops) is not "wrong." Do not chastise him for it. He probably feels that pooping in ANY environment is wrong, and this is why he hides it. Until he feels better about pooping being ok (whether or not it is in his diaper), he will be unlikely to poop "out in the open" on the potty.

To help him get over the stigma of the poop, take the poopy undies and say "great! you went poop! Let's take it to the potty where it belongs!" and have him help you put it in the potty or toilet and flush it down.

Then suggest that he might want to poop in a diaper or in the potty when he needs to, so that he can keep his underwear clean. This would be an appropriate time to use Pull-Ups even if you have not used them for potty training, because he can run and change into the pull-ups himself, and then poop, and then go back to underwear.

My son has started asking for a diaper when he needs to go poop, and I think this is great! As soon as the diaper is on, he goes somewhere alone to poop and then asks me to wipe his bottom and give him underwear again. He got to this place after a few "accidents" in his undies, and I suggested that he might like to poop in the toilet or a diaper instead of underwear.

And guess what, even after they are fully potty trained, you will still have to wipe their butts for a long time.... Fun times!

Good luck.

This is very common in kids his age. I agree with Sunshine, don't make him feel badly. We gave our older son a fair amount of grief for pooping in his pants, and as a result he decided to not poop. Then he got super constipated, which was no fun for any of us. It will happen, try not to push too hard, just be patient. Heck, be grateful that he's got the pee thing down already. My son was almost 3 1/2 before he accepted the potty.

He is totally normal. Pooping always comes a little harder for kids. They have an emotionally hard time with it. But it will come with time. Don't make him feel badly about that. That would be the worst thing to do. Just keep encouraging him in a kind way.

At far as I know, this is fairly common, and you might be able to get through it easily with a little creativity and patience. I've read that it can be difficult for small children to "let go" of their poo, as it's a part of themselves that they've grown quite accustomed to having in their pants. Then, this is compounded by the fact that the child knows, as you say, that going in his underwear is wrong, and so he gets embarrassed, which only serves to make matters worse.

I tried a number of things that seemed to help with my kids' potty training. First, I encouraged my toddlers to tune in to and talk about what was happening -- "I have poop in my bottom" became an amusing rallying cry for both of my kids as they trotted off to the loo. I'd also have them learn about and talk about the commode itself -- How does it work? Where does the poo go? What if I fall in? Knowledge is power, I believe. I'd encourage the kids to just hang out on the potty and wait -- great moment to read a book or magazine, talk about activities of the day, etc. (Careful here, though. My son wanted company while he pooped until he was about 9.) Finally, we'd have a short but not meaningless "bon voyage" for the poo as we flushed it -- "Bye-bye poo! See you never!" All these things seemed to work for our family to get the kids comfortable with the whole idea of letting it go into its proper place and moving on.

Hope this helps. Good luck!

Hi T.,

My advice would be not to push it. Perhaps remind him after he's done and show him where it goes by just dumping it in...our son is 4 and he HATES pooping on the toilet, yet he doesn't use diapers either. The result has become holding it, which is worse than diapers!!! I think the more relaxed we are, the better. Our anxiety only makes the situation worse. Plus, he's still little and it's only been a coupld weeks, so perhaps the situation will resolve itself. Do you have the book,"Everyone Poops?" It's really simple and funny and very blunt. He might get a kick out of it!

J. B

My daughter had the same issue. She was holding her poop until we put her pull up on at night which made me think she knew she had to go but didn't want to. She is 3 and finally poops in the potty. The motivator I used I got off here and worked great for us. I went and bought a few rooms of furniture for her dollhouse. I talked to her about what was in our house but did not waive them in front of her. Suddenly she wanted to try and poop all the time and in a matter of days she was using the potty and earning her furniture one peice at a time. Good luck!

Get a piece of paper and draw paralell curvy lines from one corner, to the opposite corner, going back and forth. Every time he poops he gets a sticker on the path. When he gets to the end, he picks a prize.

Worked like a charm for my boy. He was so excited and proud!

With 5 kids complete in that area I can tell you just let it be.. I can assure you that he will not go on his first date pooping in his pants. Boys tend to train later than girls. If there are no obvious neurological or motor development issues then let nature and his personality do its thing. Soft reminders occas. are ok, but remember in the scheme of parenting this too shall pass and it really is very quick. 31/2 yrs is not al all uncommon especially with little boys. Also remember...diapers actually are a blessing sometimes!

yes poop your self out jajaja!!!

I am a Mom, a Step Mom, and a grandmother. I think if you don't try so hard to pottytrain, it will happen sooner. When your son comes to you with dirty pants, ask him if he likes how that feels. Is it cold? Does it feel messy against his skin? Is it stinky? If you talk to him about it while you change him, you are planting the seeds of change. It might take a while, but he'll start coming to you before he goes, so that you can put him on the toilet.

I tried to force the potty training thing on my young son, and it didn't work. When I backed off, he started coming to me because he didn't really like wearing dirty pants. He was potty trained before I knew it was over.

Deb M.

We always called the undies, Big boy underware so that he would associate it to being a big boy and not a baby anymore.
When you poop in the toilet, you get to wear big boy underware like daddy!

I have three boys two potty trained. Both were different in the way they potty trained. My oldest did #1 at 2 1/2 with few accidents, but would ask for a diaper to poop. That lasted until his fourth bday when I told him that he now had to poop on the potty and he said okay. My second son just did both right at three. He had more accidents because he liked to play and would forget he needed to go. He slept all night potty trained pretty quick too. My oldest has bladder issues still and sees a urologist. Sometimes it is hard for them to sit on a big potty and not be afraid. At 2 1/2 he may not know how to put the words together to tell you what he is feeling. Maybe the diaper thing could work for you when he needs to go. Don't worry, this is only a phase, one we all have to go through. And as my mother says, "They won't be in diapers when they go to first grade!"

A little about me:
34 1/2 (holding onto that half!) 8 1/2 year old, 4 3/4, 2 yr old crazy, energetic, and cuddly munchkins!

I have a 3.5 year old son who started peeing in the potty when he was 2.5, and just would not poop in the potty. His 3rd birthday came and went and he was still pooping in a pull up (yes, asking for one and my husband or I giving him one to poop in). We were just beside ourselves at this behavior, knowing that he understood exactly "where" he was to poop. We tried rewarding him with the notion of a "surprise gift" if he used the potty for poop...didn't work. We then put the toy we had bought for him and set it on the back of the toilet so he looked at it every time he went pee. It took a few surprising weeks for him to want the toy bad enough to give in and just poop on the potty, but it worked. Good luck, it was very frustrating for my husband and I, so I feel for what you are dealing with. It will just take time :)