Potty Training Advice - Rochester,MN

I am a K teacher and I had a extremely bright student who did the same thing. It was a control thing with him. He only did it at post K daycare. I think the best thing to do would be to...
1. act as if it doesn't bother you (as hard as that may be) it is very possible he is doing it to get some extra attention from you.
2. make it as inconvenient as you can for him (when my daughter has a wetting accident I make her take her clothes to the laundry, wipe up the floor, take a bath, etc.)
3. later have a talk about it (tell him that you want to help him solve this problem and why)
good luck!!
I highly doubt he would do it at school! don't worry about that + we K teachers deal with all kinds of things discreetly...we are used to it!

Try making a chart with stickers or stars. When he uses the toilet he gets a star or sticker. after so many (you decide) he get a treat or prize. Be creative, you know your child better then anyone else. After sometime with many sucesses you can increase the rewards to ex: 1 week clean pants go to library or Mcdonald's(any restaurant) Then casually phase out the chart and tell him he is a big kid now & don't need it. It worked well for me for my son and kids love to visually see their sucesses. Oh lots of praise helps alot too!

J.,

I was reading your information and I noticed that you stated that the doctor said that your son should be past the stage of getting a new sibling. That may not be true, each child is different. When one of my daughters was 6 years old I had another child.At that time before the baby was born she was acting like a big girl. Then once the baby was born she started wanted all my attention and doing things that she have not done in a long time. She recently turned 9 and I think she has finally accepted the fact that she now have a younger sibling and she is not going anywhere. So just give him time, which I know is hard to do, he will come around. Wish you all the best.
J.

J.,
First of all, you are not alone. I teach preschool and typically have a few children each year with the same issues with b.m. as your son. It seems to almost always be with boys. Often times, there doesn't seem to be a reason for it. As long as you have ruled out the physical aspects of it with your physician, my advice would be to stick with rewards and avoid shaming or punishment.
One thing that many parents have found to work is to have the child clean himself up after having an accident and change into new clothes. This is done in a matter of fact way, "Oh, here are some new clothes. Your can go in the bathroom and change." Sometimes it is a way to get one on one time with parents. While your child may be past the typical regression stage, he is certainly not past the stage of wanting all of mom and dad's attention.
I hope this helps.
A.

J.-
Potty training for little boys is far more psychological than for it is for girls. From what I have read, your son's recent fear of having a bowel movement on the toilet indicates a higher level of cognitive thought--i.e. he has come to see his poop as an extension of himself, and fears it falling away from his body into the toilet. I know, it sounds crazy, but theoretically, it coincides with his age, and the fact that kindergarten is impending. He is probably telling you he is afraid/in pain because he is smart and knows you won't push him to do anything that hurts him. In other words, I think he is struggling with autonomy, his increasing awareness of his body as his, and a general fear of change. As for advice--you could try and wait it out, or maybe chat about how poop is waste and not him--the experts are mixed about it. Additionally, if you have been talking about going off to kindergarten for awhile, maybe he sees this as a means to prevent him from going--a way to control the unknown? Just a couple of thoughts--hope they shed some light!

It sounds like he might be afraid it is going to hurt when he goes. Try asking him about his feelings about sitting on the potty when it is time to go.

Seriously, I don't know a lot about this at all. But, I do know that one time I heard (on Nanny 911 or something) that when a child poops it can be scary to them b/c they think that they are losing a part of themselves down the toilet.
For whatever that's worth...

Hello,
I wish I knew what to tell you. As a mother of 2 a 6 and 12 yr old I have never had this problem. I know of others that did, like jelousy of a younger sibling but once they involved the older child then they didnt feel so left out. Maybe he wants to be that baby too. Talk to a therapist about maybe they have any sugestions and answers for you. I really hope things work out. I understand your frustrations best of luck.

Hi J.,
I'm a doctor and a mom of two kids and think that you really need to see a good doctor who is experienced with this problem(called secondary encopresis) ASAP. This is a very common problem, and, importantly, not your childs fault.
The most common reason for this is retained stool/constipation but there are other causes too that need to be evaluated for. He has learned negative associations with pooping (it hurts!) and it is hard to unlearn. The pain associated with bowel movements leads to retaining stool (not having a bowel movement when his body signals him that he needs to), and this leads later to involuntary bowel movements that he CAN'T control. The constipation CAUSES incontinence of stool. He really can't help it. The stool has repeatedly distended his colon without evacuation, and the nerves/muscles don't work appropriately anymore (but it should revert to normal with time).
He and you/your husband need to see a good doctor that understands what's going on and explains it well to you. He needs a good history taken, physical exam, (looking for rectal fissures, etc.) and likely an abdominal X-ray. If it is just constipation/pain, he needs to have at least 3 months or longer of stool softeners/laxative (like Miralax, but there are many others) AND a behavior modification program using POSITIVE not negative reinforcement (like sticker charts, etc.). The biggest mistake doctors/parents make is not giving the stool softener for AT LEAST 3 months. It will take lots of work and time. He REALLY needs to see a doctor though just for this problem (don't go in for a well child check/kindergarden check or with other issues and expect it all to be handled adequately in the limited time). He needs a thourough work-up for this! I agree that you need to deal with this ASAP for his sake, especially since he's starting school so soon! If your doctor doesn't feel comfortable with this problem or you don't get what you/your son need, ask for a referral for someone who does. Good luck to you and especially your son.

B.

Hi J.,

I have a daughter that will also be starting Kindergarten this Fall, which is a BIG step. I was just thinking maybe this is really scary for him and by doing this he is in a way trying to be little again so he doesn't have to go to school and be away from you. Maybe you could walk him to the school if its nearby or drive there and play on the playground and just talk about going to school and how much fun he will have at school and all the new friends he'll be making at school. You could really stress that it would be hard for him to go to school if he wasn't using the potty seeing how he's a BIG boy now.

Another thing, with a third baby on the way this could also be bringing some more BIG changes getting ready for the new arrival, with shopping and getting the clothes ready for the new baby, etc.

So spend some time alone with just him if you can. One idea is the local library, I know ours stays open till 8 pm on Monday and Thursday.

Anyhow, good luck with it and let's hope that this doesn't continue!

K.

How consistant is he with his bowl movements? How firm are they? Does he seem constipated? My daughter has been potty trained since the day she turned two. Around two and a half she also started having problems, not going in the toilet for bms any more and complaining of pain. We brought her to the dr and they removed some of it digitally, (by finger) but she was still having problems. After doing some research we found out that she was backed up so far that it actually stretches the rectom out and they loose control of that function. Peices of bm actually break off and fall out and eventually more will come out at once. We finally broke down and gave her an enema and have not had any problems since! If you have any more questions feel free to email me!
K.
____@____.com

sometimes if they have a bad experience(poop hurting) they get scared of going in the potty, so i would try and make it into some thing fun, like you get to put a quarter in a jar every time you go and when the jar is full we go do something fun. and it could just be wanting attention from you. I would not go back to diapers because that would be back tracking. any way best of luck. liz

So, what did your pediatrician suggest you do? I am sure that there are alot of people who wouldn't agree with this but they do have diapers that are probably large enough... would that bother him enough to change his mind? I know my 4 year old was stubborn about pooping in the potty, and was almost 3 1/2 by the time we threw away the pull-ups. In the end, all I had to do was flash a diaper in his face and he was running to the bathroom to take care of business. The thought of putting on another diaper horrified him because he was much too "big" for them. You might try leaving the clean-up up to him. If mom or dad doesn't come to his aid and take care of the mess he may not find it so enjoyable. Send him to the bathroom hand him new underwear, or a pull up, and tell him to clean himself up. Then mom, don't back down! Try removing any fun stuff from his world that he couldn't do when he was three. Sports, later bedtimes, big boy toys, tv shows, video games, ect. Good luck, let us know how it goes!! S.

About 3 months before kindergarten started, my daughter started peeing in her pants. She has been potty trained since she was 2 1/2.

After sitting down with her and digging around a little bit, she told us that she knew that if she couldn't go in the potty she wouldn't be able to go to school. She was just nervous about going to kindergarten and thought that she wouldn't have to go.

Once we reassured her that kindergarten was just like preschool and that she would make friends and have a good time, just like preschool, she began going to the bathroom again.

He may just be nervous and thinks that if he poops in his pants, he won't have to go.

Good Luck.

Hi J.. My name is T. and I want to give you alittle hope about your son. My sisters boy had the same issue. Jonny would not use the potty for anything. My sister and her husband were so frustrated with him. Even the first few weeks of kindergarden he had "accidents". But he did grow out of it. Or else he was tired of being known as "Jonny Poopy-pants!!!":) If your son doesn't out grow it though, you may want to take him to the chiropractor. My husband was telling his chiropractor about Johnny and he said he sees this often where the nervers aren't fully developed and that certain moves can cause loss of bowel movements. Good luck to you and your son!!:)