Potty Training a 4 Year Old (Bms)

My daughter was really scared to poop in the toilet even though she watched me alot. I finally took her to the toy store let her pick out something she really wanted, bought it, put it over the toilet and told her when she was ready to poop in the toilet she could have it. It took almost a week and I would ask her every once in a while are you ready to poop in the toilet to get your toy and she would say no. Finally I caught her when she was trying to poop and I said quick lets sit on the toilet so you can get your toy. I didn't give her a chance to say no just sat her on it. And since she was already pushing it came out and she said "That was easy!" She's been pooping ever since. I did get a couple of more toys at the dollar store to keep encouraging her to poop, then jelly beans until she got into a routine.

We struggled with bms from the time my 2nd child was almost 3 until he was nearly 4. It was the worst part of parenting so far! We had him sit on the toilet after every meal since he would have a bm within an hour of one of the meals. Someone suggested I tell him he can't go to school until he is potty trained. We have some preschool books we were working on every day so he could do school like a big boy and it was the highlight of his world. I told him we could not do school until he was going in the toilet like a big boy. It was 3 days and he was almost accident free. It was enlightening to know WHY he was not going- pure laziness and a control issue. Some kids may have fear or lack of ability, but at 4 these are much less likely. Hope this helps. Sounds like you handling it really well so far...you will make it through!

my daughter was having BM's every night at that age in her bed, and sometimes during the day. We found out that she was holding it until she couldn't anymore. So we started having her sit on the toilet until she went. It has worked so well. No more # 2 accidents. Sometimes it can take a long time but we just give her some books and check on her every once and a while. Hope that helps. I know it can be frustrating.

HI P., have you tried talking to your daughter and asking her why she doesn't like to poop in the potty? Is she scared of it or does she think its a bad thing? Did she see something scary happen to someone who did poop in the potty? YOu might just try and talk things out with her, calmly, cooly, and be very respecful of her feelings and reassure her that pooping is a good thing. When my now 5yr old daughter first potty trained she was the same way. Peeing just fine but would not poop in the potty and it got the the point that she would hold it in and get very constipated then I had to give her meds to clear her out,not pretty. So when she was almost 4yrs old I had a talk with her and it turned out she thought that pooping in itself was a bad thing. So my husband, older child, parents and myself went through this phase that everytime someone went #2 we would call her into the bathroom and show her what we did and show her that everybody goes #2 and doing so is normal and fine as long as you do it in the toilet. It took about 3 days and she was cured. I haven't had a problem since. I know it sounds really gross but kids that age don't think its gross, maybe its scary but once they get over that then its funny. Really try to see things from her point of view and talk with her. I think you will be able to figure things out from there. Good luck!

C.

I feel your pain. My grandson pees just fine without accidents until he needs to poop, He refuses to even let it out even in a pull up. we give him fiber everyday so he is not constipated. Do not know what to do!

I would first talk to a doctor to see if there is any medical issue that causes her to not be able to control or to sense her bms like she should be able to. Then I'd try a chart with stickers for successful uses of the potty with a private date with mommy as a reward after earning so many stickers. Either there is a medical reason, or a psychological one. The psychological reasons fall into three categories: 1) She has some aversion to having a bm and so tries to avoid it until it's too late or 2) She is trying to exhert some control over you or whoever is with her during the day or 3) She is seeking negative attention. In any case, a reward system could distract her from these reasons long enough to set a habit. If it is #2, you could try to give her control over something else as a reward for using the potty. My son, brought home from a Russian orphanage about a year ago, completely regressed and was back in diapers for months after we got home. He was also 4 when he finally started using the toilet again just about a month ago. It was soooo frustrating! 4 yr old poop is just nastier than baby poop. I feel your pain. I finally had to just tell him that he was too big for diapers and then wouldn't let him sit on any of the furniture (except the kitchen chairs) until he'd gone 3 full days with no accidents. He sat on the floor for like a week. Sounds cruel, I know, but it didn't involve yelling, spanking, anger of any sort. It was just logical that he couldn't sit on my furniture if I couldn't trust him not to soil it. And amazingly, after nine months of stress, pressure, patience, and being at my wits end, that was all it took.

Best wishes.

Try sticker or stars for every day she does it right and then after she get 5 or 10 (or whatever number you choose) sticker/stars she gets special time with you, a trip to MD's, a movie, a trip to the zoo, or whatever she want to do within reason. You can also try Santa, or grandma (who ever she would want to impress) would like her to be a big girl. Maybe Santa could bring her something really special too (this could be a star/sticker reward/bribery). My son finally did it when grandma was here last year and he show her how he was a big boy

Hi Patsy,

Okay, I understand your frustration. I have a 3 y/o doing the same. My husband came up with this idea and we have been using it for the last 2 weeks. Yesterday we saw our hairdresser and she has done the same thing and has quite the success w/her 4 y/o for the last year.

Here gos:
Each time my daughter has an accident we will take something away from her that has meaning and put it at the top of her closet so she can see it but can't get it. We explained to her that each time she has an accident that she will lose access to one of her dolls or her toys until she stops having accidents. My hairdresser would pretend to throw it away and hide it.

So far my daughter has lost access to her teddy bear...next time it will be big Dora, then Elmo, then little dora, then baby. We explained we will continue until she has no toys if we have to. No accidents for a week and a half so far.

Good Luck!

J.