Potty Training- I Need Advice

I've been dealing with this for 2 months now. My son was pee-trained in about 5 days, and I am still working on the pooping. If I'm quick enough, I can catch him in the act and put him on the potty to poop. Most times he still goes in his pants. I have been through everything from bribery to punishment, but nothing really works. It is all about time and patience. When he does poop in his pants, though, I do make him clean himself up. He empties his underwear in the potty and cleans himself up (I help a little). At least he shares in the cleaning! Good Luck!

This may sound crazy....My daughter was the same way. One day, after yet another bowel movement in her panties, I told her she needed to go in the bathroom and get cleaned up. "But Mommy, it's gross, it stinks", "Yes", I replied. "I think it is stinky too." So I put her in the bathtub, with the drain open and the water running on low(just wanted to contain the mess), handed her a washcloth and told her to clean herself up. It was a mess, but from that day forward, she has used the potty (she is 13 years old now!)

Good Luck!

Hi K.,

First try and calm down because your child
feels what you feel.(I know, this is not all that
easy to do). Try asking him why he is afraid to
poop in the potty. Take time to do this when your
calm and your doing some cuddle time.
There is a book called "I'm a big kid now" that
did help us ( reading it every time it was potty
time, by request after the first 5 or 10 times when she "knew" it was her special book). It was kept in the reading spot
of the bathroom being a constant.
It also helped that my daughter saw me doing the
pooping. She got to look at it and we said bye bye
as I flushed then she helped me flush.
Check on the balance that he is able to do on the
pot.
We had to use a toddler seat on the seat with one.
Keep the bathroom time calm a nice time. Ah, that includes
all the outside the bathroom time mistakes.
Bringing underwear with a cartoon picture on it for
some added help, and just finding his time and
helping him through it.
I have never given anyone on line any kind of
"helpful" information before. I hope there is some
here or someone else's that is.
Take Care,
C. M.

have you tried just holding him and praying with him or comforting him while he is on the potty and going #2? i did this a lot to get my son over his various potty fears, esp while going in public. i know crouching down in front of the potty to hold a child is not the most enjoyable experience, but they have to contend with fears of falling in and getting swallowed up by it. blessings. it will come. be patient.

I would feed him full of foods that help promote using the bathroom. Lots of grapes and roughage. Stay away from foods that bind like apples,cheese, and chocolate. Look up a list (google it)and feed him those foods. Do this for a few days and eventually he will have to go #2. Make sure he has no diaper on so he can't use that. He will eventually have to go. If he does constrict it and get all constipated then he will have to have an enema. he will NOT enjoy that much and he is def. old enough to understand that it all happened bc he would not go to the potty. Good Luck!

Hi K., I am so sorry your having these proublems.
Have you tried to take your 5 yr old into the bathroom with you when you poop, and him/or that there is nothing to be afraid of that LOOK you have pottied in potty and nothing bad happened to you? And or have you tried to reward for potting in the potty, speacial something that he or she really likeds?
Or set the potty in front of his favorit cartoon and let him set on it there, st to get him use to going on it to poop.
Have you tried to set there while he or she is on the potty?

Good luck, try to not fouce so hard on it, my son did the same thing and the harder we pushed the worse it was, Once we stopped pushing so hard he finally did potty on the potty chair (while watching his favorit cartoon (I think he forgot what he was sitting on heheh) I made a BIG deal over it and everytime after that...and he could not wait to go.
Good Luck.
M. from Indiana.

Doing Passion Parties and spreading Love to Couples.
www.funtoys2go.com

Dear KD, You didn't say if it hurts when he goes. If it does then maybe I can help.
When my great grand son was little he wouldn't use the toilet except to pee. He would mess his underwear several times a day. We were at our witt's end. We tried everything except spanking and you were allowed to do that then. My husband said we are just not going to do that so we took him to the doctor. We were very lucky, it just happened one of his sons had had the same problem. He laid him on the exam table and pushed on his stomach. He told us that there was a blockage in his bowels that acted like a plunger going up and down letting just enough poop through to make messes.
He sent us to children's hospital to make sure of his diagnosis. They told us he was right.
We had to first clean him out using a anemia of warm milk and molasses. 1/4th. cup molasses and 8oz. milk. This was a job in it self holding him down. But it worked and he felt better getting all that out. Next, every day we had to put 2teaspoons of Dulcolax in his sippy cup of milk. You can now buy this over the counter at Wal Mart. Next you have to sit him on the toilet every day and give him a balloon to blow on and that blowing action will make his bowels to work. Don't let him keep the balloon it's only to be used for this purpose and don't make him sit there very long at a time or you will defeat the purpose.
The doctor said that this is common for boys.
Good luck, VR

My son had the same problem at that age. He refused to go on the potty and he wanted to go in a pull-up. I finally told him that there would be no more pull-ups, so he decided to hold it. I eventually had to give him a suppository which made him go. I watched him and when i knew he was ready i put him on the toilet and made him sit there. He finally went and has been fine ever since. He will be 7 this weekend. Good luck! I know it is very frustrating but hang in there.

Does he go in his pants or just hold it? My niece held hers and would get very full and hard, we had to use suppositories to get the movement to come out. What is his biggest wish? Maybe if you promise him a BIG thing for going on the pot (bm) for, say a 2 week period, this would make him less afraid. Hope that helps. Accidents are one thing but continually is another.

I know how frustrating it is. I've had many different potty training problems. What exactly is he doing? Does he ask for a diaper/pull-up when he needs to go, just goes in his underwear? I think you have to not let him see your frustration. Explain to him that this is not his fault and you are going to work with him to fix the problem. Does he know when he has to poop? If he knows when he has to poop, have him put a pull up on. Have him go sit on the potty with pull up on until he is not afraid to sit on the potty while pooping. After he goes, put the poop in the toilet and flush it down so he can see this all. After he is comfortable sitting on the potty, watching his poop be flushed away, (this might take a few days- a few weeks) set his goal to poop in the potty. Let him know of a reward once he does it. Count down the days until he has to poop in the potty.

I realize that none of this advice may help. I don't know the details. What have you tried? What exactly is he doing. Update us if you can. Good luck.

I have posted this same response several times to mommy's who are at their wit's end. Luckily, several have replied that it worked! It's silly, but silly works with kids. I used to sit with my son and we'd start talking about how great it would be to have such a good poop that it made the water splash up and hit his bottom. I would go first, he would sit in anticipation to see if I could accomplish it. I would (or so he thought) and we would crack up. His turn! It worked for us. I hope it works for you. A little laughter, lightheartedness, and a cold splash on the hiney just might loosen him up a bit. Good luck!

My husband came up with this idea of telling our little boy that if he poops in the potty that the water will turn blue. Which we kept a little bottle of liquid food coloring by the potty but it was hidden and when we would go to wipe him we would put a few drops in the potty and the water turned blue. Our son didn't see us do this, so he was amazed. Also you can try a chart on the fridge and put big, cool stickers on it everytime he goes. My son enjoyed that. Or you can try a popcicle or a sucker as a reward for going poop on the potty. I did that for a little bit but I thought stickers would be better so it didn't rot his teeth like suckers would. I hoped I helped, Good Luck!

Hi,

I had the same problem with my son when he was 4 years old. He had been peeing on the toilet for months but was afraid to poop. He would go and get a diaper to put on when he needed to go. At that same time he was begging us for a big boy bike so we bribed him. We told him if he started to poop on the toilet and keep doing it he could get a bike. I know they say you should not bribe your kids but it worked. We got rid of the diapers and told him he had to use the toilet. At first he refused to go and would hold it, but we bought the pedisure drinks with fiber so eventually he had to go. After pooping on the toilet 2 times he was fine and he was excited about getting the the bike if he kept it up. We also told him after he got the bike that if he stopped pooping on the toilet he bike would be taken away. I hope this works for you, just make sure its a big enough reward that it makes an impact.

K.,

That is a tough one. You know your child better than anyone. If you think she can handle seeing her grandmother in a casket, then allow her to go. Personally, I don't think young children should go to funerals because it is a scary, traumatic experience for them. I was an attendant at a funeral home and have witnessed parents making thier young children view bodies and it usually is not a very good experience for the child. It is difficult for youngsters to grasp the concept of the death of a family member and it is really confusing seeing a "corpse" and not fully understanding that what they see is NOT their relative. Again, you know your child better than anyone and I pray your maternal instincts kick in and you make the right decision.

You have my deepest sympathy.

J. N (Indianapolis)

Let him look at books on the potty. It may help relax him if he is not focusing on pooping.

I noticed noone gave you feedback on the "toll on your marriage part". Your husband should know that this is not abnormal. As you can see from the responses, many, many children have this "problem". Are you disagreeing about the magic solution? Hopefully you can talk to him about patience in the process and make him see that "this too shall pass." I don't know if this will help but, good luck!
LB