Having the Worst Time Getting My Daughter to Fully Potty Train

try putting a small container of chocolate chips in the medicine cabinet. If she is good, give her ONE -- I used chocolate chips for just one week with each of my kids, it worked great -- but they were much younger too. Most American children are in diapers way longer than they need to be; we are victims of marketing!

Maybe it is also the attention ... perhaps some cuddling after she does the right thing?


Warm Regards,
C.

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(: have an awesome day :)
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My daughter refused to poop on the potty also. I knew when she was going to poop because she would hide behind something - also 3 at the time. So one day - I kept her by my side the whole day and told her she was not leaving my side till she pooped on the potty. I saw her start to squat and picked her up and ran to the bathroom - sat her on the toilet and she wouldn't go. I told her she was not getting off the potty till she pooped. A few tears and 15 minutes later she pooped on the potty. We never used a diaper again and no accidents! It was truly amazing. Sometimes you just need the tough love. Good luck and I hope whatever you decide to do works for you!!!!

Hi J.! My son is almost 4 & he's FINALLY getting it. At least she's doing the pee thing...the poop thing WILL come. We tried the bribery thing, with a new thing "waiting" in the bathroom & that helped for one day...ha... the M & M thing sort of helps... the "Big boy" thing kind of helps too even though you hate to use that. He if finally out of pull ups. I know she will be out of them soon... she just needs time...when she's ready, she will do it! I was SO frustrated & now he's finally getting it!! I hear ya about "wits end" but she will get here & you'll be like... what happened? My little girl is all grown up! Good luck to you!

Hi J.,
It sounds like you are more stressed about this than your daughter is, and she is probably picking that up. A theory around potty training is to give it as little encouragement and energy as possible- like its not a big deal. She will eventually learn how to go on her own, and it does need to be at her own pace. She will not stay in diapers forever. It sounds like she already knows how, but for whatever reason, is choosing not to. Could be that she wants to feel in control, and this is how she can be. Try to calm down around this, let her run around naked as much as possible, show her where the potty is and take the stress of it off you and her.
Good Luck
N.

I have a 2.5 yr old boy. had lots of the same drama. heres the thing, which im sure you know: the more you make it a deal, and show it, the more they resist.

then one day i was at a friends house whose son is exactly the same age as mine, and she wondered why i had my son in pullups. she said because he was using the potty at home, and was also asking "do i have a diaper on"? before peeing or pooping, he was ready. i thought she was crazy, but took a chance, and the next day had him in underpants the whole day. it was amazing. we didnt make a fuss about it, and he was dry the whole day, and has been using the potty ever since. maybe you just need to keep her in underpants, and know that the accidents are important for her to learn. they are necessary and if you can carry a change or two around they will be easy and, if you can appear to not be stressed about them, they will pass.

the other thing ive realized and heard from lots of moms, and from my son's teachers: pullups feel like diapers, so they actually hinder potty training.

good luck!

my daughter turned 3 in december and only two weeks ago started using the potty. even though she had her own potty chair for a year and knew how to use it she didn't. finally i showed her pictures of pottys online and she picked one and i got it and she's used it since. i'll admit that i wasn't in a hurry to "train" her because it was easy for me when she wore diapers but as a result of my laziness, she did it in her own time and has a really good feeling about it-like she came to it herself instead of me making her do it. in fact, since i sat down to write this she pooped on the "big potty" for the first time! (she'd been going in the little one). 3 days ago when she had to poop she was asking me for a diaper (i said no but sat down and read to her while she sat on the potty). honestly i thought it'd be forever before she was out of diapers but here it is two weeks later and she just pooped on the toilet! and i'm surrounded by urine scented clothes and towels from an accident that happened earlier today. we win some we lose some.

Hi J.,

I'd suggest that if you want your daughter to be consistent about using the toilet, you need to be consistent too. That means no more pullups or diapers. It sends her a mixed message. Pullups aren't underwear, they're a diaper and she won't just decide to stop going to bathroom in them. I'd use underwear all the time and take her to the toilet every hour and a half or so. Don't ask her if she has to go or wait for her to tell you or make it an option, this is simply when we go to the bathroom. Don't force her to sit a long time. I did this with my son just before 3 year old, and it took a couple of weeks but he figured out that it felt better to wait to go til I took him to the bathroom rather than being wet. To minimize the mess, you can use the heavy duty cloth training pants with waterproof outer layer (I did) or regular underwear with plastic pants like you'd use for cloth diapers over them
Good luck

Potty Parties!! Little party hats for you and the child and little candy rewards(or cookie,or wahtever they like)with clapping and praise all around.Kids love parties.At the end of a week of steady going on the potty,you take them out to buy a little gift(toy,treat,etc.).They love it!

I had a hard time with potty training also. Once I learned my daughter's bathroom schedule, it became easy. Also everytime she uses the toilet, she gets a cheer (Hooray) and we clap our hands. She really enjoys the noises so she wants to use the bathroom even when she doesn't have to go.

With my other daughter, she was scared to use the toilet. I explained to her the toilet is there to help her stay dry. I would take her to the bathroom everytime I went so she wouldn't be scared.

hi J.
The big thing is dont worry. I have 4 year old twins and one is totally trained while the other has no idea. They are at kindy this year and i was so worried about the whole deal. All my friends kids have been dry for years and so it was always a huge drama. The more i tried or bribed or pushed the worse she got. She would only do poos in her pull up so I went to the doctor, she told me its a common problem and that the bigger the deal the worse it gets. Anyway that very afternoon she decided to go to the toilet and was rewarded with a chocolate. Dont try bribes but reward after the event.. main thing is dont pressure and try to relax about it

I too had a hard time potty training my 3 year old son. I tried everything you did. What worked the best for me was I went to the dollar store and the dollar section at target, I got a few items and wrapped them. I told him if he went all day in his big boy underwear he could have a present at the end of the day. It took a bit for him to get the idea but, as soon as he did he took off with it. I hope this helps!!!

you have to be consistent. use the bribery (my pediatrician suggested m&m's), keep the big girl pants on during the day (use pullups at night)and don't give up. i have 2 boys and used these suggestions. after a while, they forget about the bribery and just do it.

Get rid of the pull-ups. the accidents will stop. Pull-ups are just diapers so she'll continue to poop in them.

If she has nothing medically wrong with her, I have a few suggestions. I used to work with Autistic children and some children with developmental disabilities that had similar issues. When you said you used bribery was it more of a reward for going on the toilet? What we did was we would take something the kids enjoyed suck as skittles, or m&m's. They would only get this treat right after they used the toilet successfully. It has to be consistent and it can not be something she will get at any other time such as snack or a treat for anything else. If it is not consistently given to her every time she successfully voids on the toilet it will not work. Also make a big deal when she does go on the toilet, like a celebration then give her the treat. As for when she does have accidents she should be the one to help clean it up. I know it seems like more of a hassel for you but she needs to see the natural consequences of what happens when there is an accident. So if it is just urine she can do something as simple as put her underware in the washer and dryer. Also we used ruber underpants over underware. This may not be something you want to try but just a suggestion. If she is capable of holding it and going to the bathroom she should not really need pullups anymore. If she poops in her underware then she should also help to clean that up too. Such as put it in the toilet, rinse out the underware, take a shower if needed. I hope this helps. These are only suggestions and they did work with the kids that had disabilities as long as you are consistent and stick it out when it gets tough I have confidence they will work for you too.

Hi J.! Potty training can be frustrating! Try a chart. For each day she doesn't have an accident......either treat her to a special dinner (she picks) I didn't mean out to dinner, but sometimes they like to pick what to eat, or if she likes a particular video, she can watch...you know what her favorite things are and you can find the one thing that will excite her. Each kid has their own trigger and I usually find what they want the most and either give it to them, or take away the activity. She can keep track and see her own results, keep her involved. Good luck. N.

I guess my first question would be to say...why are you letting where your daughter poops have such control over your emotions? Does it really make a difference over the long haul if it takes them 2 years or 4 years to learn to poop on the pot? I've never heard of a child who didn't have a physical reason for using diapers going to kindergarten in diapers, or even getting close to that age without using the toilet.

I never did the whole potty training thing. I have 5 kids and the first 3 decided to start using the potty when they turned 3 (all boys) and rarely had accidents. Now I have a 3 year old girl and she absolutely refuses to go on the potty at all. I really don't want to force it, although I would love to go back to buying diapers for only one child. I'm planning on sending her to preschool a few days a week next fall, and if she is not potty trained by then she will not be able to go to school. We have started talking with her about it now. She is very familiar with the concept of school, so I have been telling her that when she is big enough to go on the potty, she is big enough to get to go to school. Hopefully she will make that step as we get closer to fall.

Although she is my 4th child, this is the first time that I have had one not want to use the potty at all. If your daughter tolerates wearing underwear (mine just sits in place and screams if I put underwear on her), then I would suggest having her wear underwear while home, diapers or pull ups when leaving the house. That way you are not cleaning up a mess when you are out. That's just me. I'd rather change a diaper than clean up after a major accident.

I'm sure as a single mom you are getting lots of unsolicited advice about this topic, and that may be putting pressure on you or make you feel like you are doing something wrong, but it sounds to me like you are a great mom who has tried many things and maybe you are overinvested emotionally in the whole potty training thing. I try to think about it like this...I don't want my husband telling me when and where I should relieve myself, so why would I force my child? This is intensely personal for the child. When she is ready, she will do it. If she sees it upsetting you suddenly it does become a control issue, and one that she wants to win. Kids love to find something that makes you crazy and then use it whenevery convenient for them. I would say, don't give her that much power over you. Don't make a big deal about it, actually make it a non issue, and I believe she will get bored of it and just do it. She obviously knows what to do and even how to do it. Hope some of what I said (or even all of it!) will be of some help to you. Good luck with that.

Hi J.,

This is normal love. She is attached to the poop. I know it sounds strange, but she is. It is an issue with all that potty train. She will outgrow it, have patience. I know it is gross, but she will. She is trying to understand the detachment part of body fluids. I have to be honest, I was trained. I used to write on my walls as a small child. The babysitter did not know what to do. I got over it. It is an emotional connection for her, and she is trying to deal with it the best she can. I mean the poop, it is part of her. She will outgrow it. Just keep alot of bleach around. LOL

i am a mother of a three year old boy and a 16 month old girl i dont have any advise for you but i do have sympathy i am going through the same thing my son has been totally potty trained since befor he was three when it comes to peeing in the potty even through bed time, but when it comes to pooping he wont go unless it is in a diaper/pullup i have tried to hold out and he will hold it and wait for a diaper/pullup he would even go and get his own pullup and put it on and go, i have recently run out of them and he knows it because the bag is empty, but have hope he has gone in the toilet for me since we ran out, he told me he had to go, and that it was coming out i had him sit onthe potty while i got him a diaper, he asked for a diaper and i told him i was looking for one for him, then he said he needed me to come in with him, i sat with him for about 3-4 minutes he told me he wasnt going to go, so i gave in and helped hi down so he could put on a diaper and low and behold he went in the toilet it even suprized him, we hooted and hugged him, he got to call him grandmothers to tell them the news, he even got a special present i had for him
he was excited now i am just waiting for him to go again,
so have patients it will happen,,,,,

kathy

I think it's time to lose the pull-ups. That's what ultimately worked for us. My son - who turns 4 on Monday - resisted every gimmeck we tried (stickers, M&Ms, potty parties....etc). It wasn't until I just made the move to big boy underware did he really get it. Once he got it - he became completely independent and would go to the potty all by himself, wipe, flush and wash his hands! I was astounded that in just a couple of weeks we went from completely resisting the potty to being completely trained!

Good luck - it will happen!

It's hard to say and really hard to do...but you know, they do it on their own time! I don't think rewards help and i think that it puts into their minds the idea of do and reward, which is not realistic in the "real world". I just stated things matter-of-factly. Like when my girl wanted to do or wear something her older cousins did, i would have to point out that she couldn't because she wouldn't use the potty. That sort of thing. We didn't punish but did give her positive feedback for going to the potty. And she trained fairly quickly. I do believe that it's a type of child "control" behavior...one she's trying to perpetrate on her parents. I think by not making a big deal out of it and letting them "think" their way through is less stressful to both parties. Good luck tho! It's very maddening when there's an accident on your couch or bed!

There is a great book that really worked for me. Once Upon a Potty (I forgot the name of the author) Good luck

Hi J.- I have a "almost 3 yr old" boy. (he turns 3 in April). He was doing really good until we moved- then he back tracked, which I expected. He was doing REALLY good with peeing- but he would not poo in the potty- and so I kept pull ups on him. We told him he couldn't go in the hottub if he poohed in his undies. I also decided to go with out the pullups. It took a couple of accidents, but he now goes in the potty. I'm all for rewarding when they do a good job too! As soon as goes pooh in the potty he says- "I can go in the hot tub now?" ABSOLUTELY! (mind you, we don't keep the hot tub over 100 degrees and he can't go when it's really cold out.) If there is something you know she likes- make sure she knows she will get it if she continues the good work. Hope it helps.

I have a 3 year old girl as well. We just finished potty training. I was soo frustrated. We trained for 1 year with pull ups. What I did was just stop the pull ups and use underware. When she had an accident, I would take my time changing her. She didn't like staying in the wet pants. Then I made a chart and bought star stickers. Everytime she went pee on the potty she would get 1 star and if she pooped she would get 2 stars. At the end of the day if she had 5 stars she would get a prize. Ususally m&ms her favorite or an ice pop. This really worked. She no longer has a chart but everytime she goes potty we cheer and she says mommy I get a star right. I say yes and by the time she leaves the bathroom she forgets about the star. It took about 1 week and cleaning up after alot of accidents, but it really paid off. No more pull ups not even at night.
Let me know how you make out.

Have you tried switching to cloth diapers? The problem with disposibles is that they are so absorbant that children don't notice any difference when they go. I think that is one reason why children are potty training later and later. There just isn't much incentive! She was probably doing better naked and in underware because she FELT something. If you have to use a diaper, cloth ones will let your daughter feel the difference.

Hi J.,

We had the same scenario with my son when he turned 3--he'd pee in the potty, but wouldn't poop. This is going to sound unbelievable but it worked. We went out on my brother in law's boat one day. In all the lead up to it, we kept telling my son that Uncle Marty is the captain, and we all have to follow Uncle Marty's rules. When we got to the boat, Uncle Marty went over all his rules (life vests, etc) and then announced the most important one: everyone on his boat goes pee pee and poopy in the potty. About 5 minutes later, my son went into the head, pooped in the potty, and that was it. Finished. Trained. See if you can find something in a contained area like that where someone else is clearly in charge and everyone, not just kids, has to obey that person. I was shocked, but it worked. Good luck!

Oh, one other thing. I would flush the contents of the pull up with her every time so she gets the idea that a)that's where it goes and b) that's where it's going even if she doesn't go there.

hi J.!! I, too, had a hard time with my son (he'll be4 next month) and he just started pooping on the potty about 3 months or so ago. I tried with my older son to "make" him poop on the potty and he got so constipated that it wasn't worth it. he still has a hard time pooping. I just let my 3 year old take the time until he was ready. He was trained for pee and would wear underwear all day (I'm not a big fan of pull ups). he would ask for a diaper when he had to poop. then one day he just asked to go on the potty and that was the end of diapers!!! I say just let your daughter go at her own pace. remember, she won't be going to college in diapers!! LOL good luck!!

J.,

Try a calander. I used this with my daughter and it worked great. I used a peice of poster board and made a one moth calander. I taped it to the bathroom door so it was down to her reach. Then I bought her star stickers (walmart, real cheap). Everytime she went potty she got to put up a sticker. We started out with a goal of 5 times a day. If she could meet her goal we would do something fun at the end of the week, her choice. It was spring/summer so it was normally going to the ice cream shop. We kept make the goal higher every week. She loved to look at her calander while she was on the potty and see all her stickers it make her try harder to get more. They say seeing is believeing and it's true. By the end of summer she was potty trained and when she hit her first month of no accidents I made a big deal out of it and we went to the bronx zoo. I really do think that she has to see how she is doing though for it to mean anything. I did the m&m brib with my daughter and that only worked some of the time. It wasn't until she saw all the stickers that she really tried. My sister did the same thing with both of my nephews and it worked.

First, don't think of anything as "bribery". The world revolves around behavior/results. If I work I expect to be paid, my boss doesn't bribe me. When my daughter reached the "not quite" phase we wanted to go to Disney. She was told we couldn't go until she was able to use the toilet. I know this is a big ticket item you may not be able to get but there is probably something that she wants, a special doll, a tricycle, even a cute dress. It is not bribery to hold off giving this item. It is waiting for her to learn the next behavior necessary in her life.
Eventually she'll get there, it just seems like forever.
Chris V.

My son seemed to be choosing when he would go in the toilet, and when he would not - also at 3. We were lucky enough to have a preschool program he wanted to start as well as his birthday, all in one month. I told him that he could not go to school if he pottied in his pants. (You do have to be toilet trained for preschool here). Again, I think we got lucky because he wanted to go to school, but if it hadn't been school that required toilet use, I am sure I would have found some other cool opportunity - available only to kids who did not poop in their pants. Prior to getting him to use the toilet, I did declare that I was done with poop. I handed over the wipes, pull-ups, pampers, toilet paper, etc. I made the official decalration that it was not my poop, and not my problem. If it did not reduce the numebr of 'accidents', it reduced the number of times I had to clean them up... (Yes, I was also at my wit's end - but I can't say I'd do anything differently if I had to do it again, other than doing it sooner.)
S.

I'm in the same boat - my daughter is 3years old. Has successful pooped on the potty and now insists on a pull-up. The pee part is fine - just poop. If I don;t put a pull-up on - she holds it and won't go - so I gave in. Have tried everything and like your daughter - she knows exactly what she's doing.

If you hear any advice - woukd love to know... sympathetic to your problem

I work full-time and travel a lot for my job - feel guilty that I'm not there moment to moment to work more with her,

P. L

HI J., you just have to be patient and stick to one thing. I found that pull-ups were the worst thing as my daughter (then 3 now 4.5) felt she had a "back up plan" if she missed the potty or didn't feel like going. But one weekend when my sitter told me we were out of diapers I said no more. That weekend we went cold turkey, I took her to pick out her own big girl panties and let her get which ever she wanted. We also put together a potty book. (just took some paper and folded in half and drew boxes on it.) Everytime she would go on the potty she would get a sticker to put in the box. if she had an accident we took a sticker away. Once she filled a whole sheet she was able to pick a toy from a box I filled with some things from the dollar store. This worked well. I mean we had many, many accidents the first week or 2. And I had to wash many bed sheets too. But after about 2 weeks we never had anymore and she has been doing great ever since. I am hoping that this will work with my now 2 1/2 yr old too as we are due (yesterday) to have baby #3. Good luck with the potty training!

Hi I believe all children will potty train in thier own time. Some older than others but Your daughter will get the hang of it . For my grandaughter I bought her a little gift for when she went in the potty, WE also used stickers as a reward. You will be surprised when she decides its better to be a big girl and go in the potty. They are only little once, enjoy every minute. God bless, K. P.S We had coins for her piggy bank when she went in the potty too.

Is she really busy with an activity when she has the accident? I know with both my kids when they were absorbed or having fun, they didnt want to take the time to stop to go to the bathroom and have an accident. Or they would not make it onto the toilet and pee on the floor in front of it. So what we did was put their potty in the play living room, might sound weird, but they didnt have to go all the way into the bathroom and 'miss anything'. Obviously we cleaned it right after they were done and had wipes and antibacterial hand cleaner there. It worked.

Best of Luck.