Potty Training a 3 Year 8 Month Old

Hi there, Im a stay at home mom of a 2 yr old he will be 3 in oct. I potty trained my son by letting him run around naked. I told him to not potty on mommys floor. He has done great. He was fully potty trained in a few weeks. Then we had company for a month and he regreesed and started in his pants again. I've had to do it all over again. And he is doing great. As long as hes not in a pull up. I hope this helps. Good luck!!!

I started the potty training process with letting my son run around in the backyard with no pants or underwear on. He was so excited when he went. The tt was fairly easy after that. The poop was a different story. I finally told him he would get a prize when he went. I gave really good prizes that he really wanted and when he went we made a huge deal out of it...dancing, high fives and a little singing. We still do actually. One other thing that might make a huge difference is if you took him to a mothers day out a couple of days a week where he could see other children his age going. Mine is in daycare and this is what made the biggest difference with him. Good Luck!

Try sitting him on the toliet till he goes and then if he goes in his training pants put him on the toliet again till he goes again, and he may learn his lesson and will be sick of sitting on the toliet all the time.

My sister-in-law had this exact same problem. Her son, my nephew, was like 2 weeks from being 4 when he finally got the hang of it. It was like the dr. said, it just clicked. He was to start 4 year old pre-k like a month after he turned 4 and she was worried about the same thing. He has not had any accidents and is doing great, this was just this summer. You should probably relax and do not stress about it, I know that is easy for me to say but this could also make him regress. My son was so much harder to train than my girls. They were a breeze compared to my son. It did take little over a year to get him fully trained. Keep your chin up!

First of all, I have a similar set of circumstances... I am a 29 year old stay-at-home mom and I have been married for 10 years. I have 3 wonderful kids; ages 8,7,and 5. And I potty trained them all.

I can definitely share in your frustration. Boys tend to be harder to potty train. However, I think your pediatrician was right...this is about control. He is almost 4 years old. At that age, they know when they are about to go (potty that is). He just doesn't want to go to the bathroom and do it. It seems, he may have stayed in diapers too long and now doesn't like the change. He was fine "going" in his pants and now you want to make him change that!

I agree with the other moms...use the cloth!

Stay consistent. There are many moms that have gone on before you so you can do this. You're at home so you can be creative and give yourself to the demands of parenting. It is a very consuming yet rewarding job.

He is old enough that there is absolutely no reason for him not to be able to control himself. Throw out all the pull-ups. Do not let him use them. Let him be uncomfortable. Cold pee stings. Let him piss himself. Let him know that it's disgusting and embarrassing, but don't give it any more attention than that. He old enough to undress his bottom half on his own. He's feeding off of the attention he gets for his accidents, and your inconsistency isn't helping. No method works if it's only applied for a day or even a week at a time. Keep the washer open to throw all the clothes in for small loads for the first days. Your doc is right to tell you to stop pushing the issue, but you don't have to enable the behavior either.

Hi R.,
Sorry you are having such a bad time with this potty training. I don't have a solution but can symphathize with you. Seems like it took forever to potty train my great granddaughter. Almost drove me insane (that's why they give children to younger people). LOL Just keep trying my dear. Where I live if children are not potty trained they will not take them in school-PreK4 or otherwise. I am a mother of 4, grand mother of 8 and great grandmother of 7-range in ages 7 months to 9 yrs. I am raising the the 9 yr old. Wishing you good luck.

R.,
My youngest son was very difficult to potty train. He was nearly 4 before we got it all together. I also talked to his pediatrician and she said boys can be difficult to potty train. My son had trouble with constipation and would sometimes not go every day. I tried pull ups, but he ended up using them just like a diaper. I finally put him in underwear (cheap ones from the dollar store). If he had an accident, I would just cut them off of him. It ended up being as cheap as pull ups. What finally worked was his pediatrician had me give him Miralax (stool softener). I didn't realize that he was actually holding his stools in because it was sometimes painful. I felt horrible!! Once the Miralax started to take affect and it wasn't painful...he was potty trained!! I make sure he gets extra fiber and sometimes give him a fiber supplement. I noticed in your letter that you mentioned constipation. I wouldn't start any fiber supplements or stool softners without talking to your pediatrician first, but it might be worth a try. Just don't let anyone make you or your son feel bad. He will get there!! Good Luck!

Hi R.,

A friend of mine had similar issues with her 3 1/2 year old son and her pediatrician recommended a "trick" that worked like a charm. The doctor said at this age, they need instant gratification rather than offering a prize at the end of an extended period of time. So he told my friend to go to the dollar store and buy a bunch of stuff like bouncy balls, rubber snakes, toy cars, etc...and wrap them individually in various wrapping papers. Every time he went to the potty he got to pick a potty prize from the prize basket (you could throw a few small ones in your purse for outings). He never knew what he was going to open and after a couple of days he was going all the time with no accidents just to get a prize. Once the prizes were gone within a week or so she took him to pick out a few packages of big boy underwear. By then he was completely trained and so proud of all the cool toys he earned. I thought it was a really cool idea! Good luck.

A.

You are describing my son!!! The only difference is he just turned 4. I spoke with his dr and he basically told me the same thing, but made one suggestion to help. Keep in mind I did everything you are describing to try to motivate him. Even started punishing him in the corner when he pottied on himself inbetween the 30 minutes he was supposed to go. What his pediatrician said is with a 4 year old or close to 4 you need to change the incentives. The dr said at that age, they become very curious in the world around them. A different kind of curious than when they were younger. More of a nosey than curious. He suggested to go to the dollar store or somewhere cheap. Buy a bunch of small toys or whatever and wrap them. Put them in a bag or box. Show him what is in the bag or box and tell him he can only pick a SURPRISE when he goes to the potty. Play it up. I did this, but with a twist. The dr said to remind him. I believed my son knew when he had to go, but was too lazy. So I told my son he got one when he went to the potty without me telling him to go. The first day we did this he went every 30 minutes or so. Got a surprise after each time. Gradually the time inbetween has increased. We have been doing this for about a month and it has been over a week since he pottied on himself with no reminders to go. He is also holding it up to four hours at times with no accidents. Also, I do not remind him to get the surprise and that is why they have lasted so long. In the beginning I did but I needed to play it up. Good Luck and hope you have as much success with what you choose as I did with this.

ok, I am a 32yr old stay at home mom also. I have 2 boys. My first one I pressured into potty training at 2 1/2 we had soo many issue with him using potty, we still do to this day at age 10! So with my 2nd son, I just let him decide when he was ready which was about 3yr 4months and have had very little issues with him. It did take a while for him to have a BM in the potty but that was completely normal. All children develop at different rates, maybe you need to back off for a while. Keep him in underwear tho' if you would like use the thicker training underware but DO NOT put him in pull ups. They are just like diapers he cannot tell the difference. Don't make a big fuss when he does wet in them, that will just scare him even more then he probably is already. Just clean it up and tell him to let you know when he has to go again, then move on with your day. I know this is very, very frustrating. I promise you he will get the hang of it when he is ready to. Another thing you might want to try, depending on where you live, is letting him use the potty outside. That really helped with my little one. Well best wish's in the land of potty training.

If he is still not fully potty trained by Aug 09 (I highly doubt that will be the case) they will not allow him in preschool at all - that is a requirement.

My little brother was a potty training nightmare. He was completely trained in the nick of time for kindergarten. My mother was desperate and tried everything just like you. What she wound up doing that worked was put my brother in regular underwear and when he messed himself she made HIM clean the mess. She even made him clean the poopy underwear.

With my son it was exactly like your doctor said. I pushed and pushed and was getting nowhere. A soon as I gave up and let him do his thing he just decided he wanted to use the toilet. It was an overnight type thing too. All of the sudden out of the blue he used the toilet all the time, not even an accident at night time since that day.

For my son's 2nd birthday we converted to his "big boy bed" and got him new Thomas the Train sheets, etc. So I was hoping to have him potty trained by then. I also worked in a daycare, in the 2 year old room- which is when they potty trained.

Here is my advice: If you are serious about potty training, get underwear- and LOTS OF IT!!! And ONLY use underwear. With my son, I would give him some water or juice or something and take him potty every 20 minutes or so. Sure, sometimes we didn't make it and sometimes there were accidents. Pooping was the worst- but he finally got it. My son is almost three- and is pretty much accident free. The other day we had a bday party and he was too busy playing to stop and potty so, yes, he had an accident. But remember, it's just an accident- not the end of the world. Try not to scold for "accidents" because it just makes them not want to go.

Also, my son does not wear pull-ups at night because I cut out drinks after dinner and let him have a few accidents at first until he learned to wake up. Sometimes, though, he does wear a pull up at night because either he drank too much or we are sleeping somewhere else and I don't want any accidents- but he wakes up dry in those now! You'll be amazed at what children can do when they have no other choice. Take away the diapers- and pull ups... they are basically the same- and it shouldn't be too long!

Good luck!

R., my granddaughter was also a late bloomer when it came to potty training, in fact it wasn't until her parents decided to put her in daycare did she really start getting it. Seeing her peers go potty easily was a major boost. She is now two weeks away from being 4 and she does both of her businesses in the potty. She also was one who fought all the way to the potty, we finally let it go and she started going on her own. It seemed as soon as we stopped pressuring her she started telling us she needed to go potty. As far as pooing in the potty, we make sure she has a book or two to read while going. Does your husband allow your son to go to the potty with him? My sons found it very fun to see dad go potty, and wanted to do just what dad did. Your pediatrician is telling you correctly that children will train when they want, but seeing others their age go helps, at least it did my granddaughter. We didn't punish her into going potty, but always rewarded her for doing so. Be patient, he will get it. You might consider letting him go to mother's day out so that he can see others his age potty. I hope this helps.

S.

A little about me:
I am 43 years old with one granddaughter. She is 3 years 11 months and 2 weeks old. I am completeing my teaching certificate in English and History with a minor in child psychology.

I feel your pain! Just went through all this. We have a potty trained little boy now. You will get there! Here's what I tried...
we live down south...so I let him pee outside...made it fun. Sounds uncouth but...he was in control and it started from there. Also, the Elmo Potty game (go to pbs.org) free and let him watch it...we always would say...what would Elmo do...stop what you're doing and go, or you might have an accident! That too worked like a charm.

Keep me posted.

R.,

Please know that my advice is only my opinion and although I don't agree with your peditirician's advice, I am not a peditirican.

Potty training around our house starts at about 2 years of age. I have three children and although they each took to it differently, they all were completely potty trained by 2 1/2. I feel that if you miss this window, they have sort-a trained themselves to go in their diaper. It sounds like your son likes going in his diaper because it is clean, of course I would too - he is old enough to totally understand what is going on and a clean diaper is much easier than a messy bed. I defintely do not belive in pull ups, we have never used them as we feel that the kids don't get the idea of "this is wrong" when they go in their pull up.

So what I would do is get some thick training underwear - you can find it from Wal-Mart. (We did get the plastic pants too but rarely used them) and let him know that he is old enough now to go in the potty. Just getting rid of the diapers is half the battle. I don't disagree with rewards, we just used something simple like m-n-ms or jelly beans. Because to kids this is the first thing in their life that they are in total control of and they are working hard at it.

And yeah, you will have to suck it up and visit MANY public restrooms. That was really hard for me and on some long driving trips we would even take a plastic potty in the car! But in order to have diaper freedom, you just gotta do it! You can read my blog all about potty training this month at: http://www.seekingsitters.com/blog/blog.html

Good Luck!!

Hi, I have a 6 year old son, who was not potty trained until he was 3 yrs and 4 months, so I can sympathize. I would definately get the thick underwear with the plastic pants on top. They worked for us. They are a little messier for mom, but helped my son get the hang of it faster, because he could tell when he was dirty and didn't like it. I still would use pull ups for night time and road trips, until he learned to really hold it. I also used lots of positive rewards, stickers and candy are great. Also a neat trick for TT with a boy is, let him stand to TT and put a couple cherios or something similar in the toilet and let him aim! Kinda strange I know, but when you're desprate, you get creative! And my son loved this trick. Well anyway best of luck to you and your son, and remember all kids are different, and the good news is he will get it eventually!

R.,

I'm not sure if I got lucky or if this works with all boys, but we sit my son on the potty backwards. We did it with his big brother too. We tried everything to get him to go and he just would not do it. But once my husband turned him around facing the back of the potty he has been going every since with no potty chairs or insert seats.

Good luck.
A. K

R.-
Potty training can be so hard at times. I would go ahead and put him in underwear ALL the time. We trained my son (he was 2 in June) on the 4th of July weekend. We told him he's a big boy now and doesn't need a baby diaper. We let him pick out his own underwear and he was so excited. Also, if he has an accident, HE has to clean it up. I told him it was his responsibility to go to the potty when his body told him to. The first day he thought it was a game, loved every minute of cleaning it up, then he got upset that he had to and stopped peeing in his pants. This worked really well for us. He does have a few accidents at school, but he's 2 and very active, so I understand things happen. Good luck!!

I know it is too late now but don't start at two years to potty train. Babies are born potty trained and we train them to use diapers by ignoring the cues they as they tell us when they need to use the potty. And when they are 2-3, the American culture tries to break them of this. To learn more about natural infant hygiene check out
www.diaperfreebaby.com

forget everything you have been doing buy the big boy underwear and call me i will tell you what will work it is too long to put here ###-###-#### gail good

I know this is frustrating. My daughter will turn 3 next weekend. We've been potty training for about 6 months now. I had to get rid of the pull ups during the day. She treated them as diapers and wasn't realizing when she had to go. What I did was just let her go naked from the waist down. The first day i had to clean peepee from the floor several times, but she was realizing when she had to go and after she started going, she would run to the potty. The second day I did the same and only had to clean pee pee 4 times. The third day only once. The fourth day she made it every time. I let her go naked for about 2 weeks while at home before I put panties on her. She would have accidents in her panties until she got used to pulling them down in time to make it to the potty. We used a sticker reward chart as incentive. when she filled up the chart (which had 25 squares on it) she would get to go to the store and pick out a toy that she wanted. It worked great! She still has trouble making it to the potty sometimes if she is distracted by playing with a new toy or her friends. And we still put either pull ups or good nights on her at night on most nights... we are working on not using them at all. We had the most trouble with bowel movements. She would wait until she had a pull up on at night to go poo poo. But the sticker chart worked for that too! It will just take some time and he will eventually get it.

They have collapsable potty seats at walmart that are great for the nasty public bathrooms. They just fold right up and are easy to carry with you. I keep germ x wipes to wipe down the toilet seat before i put the potty seat on and her potty seat after she is done. they are also great for wiping her hands when the public sinks are filthy also...

Good luck and just hang in there! He'll get it! I think the key is patience, support, and priase.

Don't go back and forth from pull ups to underwear!! That totally confuses him. I understand the laundry and the nasty dirty underwear-most of us moms have dealt with that too! I bought the thick training pants and the plastic pants-(those are not great in hot weather, but fall is coming soon) When you go away from the house take the potty seat with you. Last year we went from Arkansas to South Dakota and took the potty seat with us, our daughter was potty trained, but we didn't have to worry about dirty toilet seats because hers just sat on top of it. You may have to stay home a few weekends until he's more consistently keeping his underwear dry and using the potty. I recommend not going overboard with rewards, we used a sticker chart and a few M&M's or a Hershey's kiss for using the potty the for the first few months, then just for #2. For the first full week without an accident we went to Wal-Mart and she got to pick out a toy under $5. Potty training isn't supposed to be fun, it can be difficult, frustrating and inconvienient, but we gotta do it! I'm starting with my second daughter-I'm hoping she'll be easier than the 1st! She peed in the potty Wednesday for the first time, it was quite exciting for mommy-she wasn't all that impressed! God Bless!!

R., I'm sorry to hear you are going through the same nightmare I did. I have three daughters, now, 26,19,and 11. The first two girls were a breeze, and I didn't understand the fuss people made about training, until the last one came along. She broke the mold and had muscles of steele in her bottom,ha. She never had constipation problems until she was two and I started the training process. TT was no problem and she seldom wet her pants, and hasn't wet the bed since her bottle was taken away. She would hold it and hold it and I had to give enemas and stool softeners and believe it or not it went on for yrs. I know this is not very encouraging. but I am telling you this because I know what he's doing. My daughter told me since she has finally stopped holding it that she was afraid it would hurt, I just couldn't get it through to her that when she held it it would hurt more and if she would just go when the urg hit, it would get easier. I told her she should be in the Guiness book of world records for the hardest child to train. So, my advice is if you could give him a couple of tbs. of karo in a cup of milk each day, it will help soften, maybe his muscles aren't as strong as hers, but, the more he holds it the stronger they will get. His pediatrician might could tell you a stoole softener you can give him a small amount of each day for a while if the Karo don't work. good luck!!Hope it's better than mine.

Let it go. You have made a big deal out of it and now he's trying to manipluate you into more rewards/attention, etc. It's time for some tough love. When he goes on the potty, casually say, "oh, good job" and walk away. When he doesn't, say NOTHING. Later, when he wants to go to the park or do something "big boy", just explain that only big boys get to go to the park. This would be a good time to sit down and explain to your son that he is old enough to go potty like a big boy and you know he can do it, so until he chooses to do it, there will be no big boy rewards. Stop buying toys and other rewards that are special treats - use the everyday things and remind him they are privileges for big boys.

Put him in uderwear, and when he wets make him change his underwear and tell him next time to try and go TT. Most children give cues that they need to go before they have an accident learn them, and when he show the signs take him to the potty. Do not ask if he needs to go tell him he needs to go and make him go.

For constipation prune juice helps, I used glycerine tablets with my youngest. Then he and I would read books till something happened, if nothing did then he would have to clean his self up when he made a mess.