4-Yr. Old Potty-training Trouble

J.,

I have some really good information on this issue but can't attach it here (won't accept attachments). Please e-mail me directly and I would be happy to send it to you. ____@____.com

I dont knnow how you'll feel about this but for my son I didnt put underware on him and he had very lttle problems. I also have two girls and a boy except my boy is the middle child. He doesnt feel anything on and seems to therefore go on the potty, I tried the underware thing first and decided he might feel like hes wearing pull ups. I hope this helps.

B.

I have read all the advice you were given, it is good advice, except people are leaving out one thing. A child cannot be potty trained until THEY are ready. My daughter started going on the potty at about 1 1/2 but she was 3 1/2 almost 4 when she was completely potty trained. If you are going to send him to school when he is 5, he must be potty trained or he cannot go. If he is excited for school, tell him they wont let him go to school until he goes potty like a big boy all the time. That worked with my nephew. I did daycare for 4 year old twins that potty trained themselves. Their mom was not very pro active with it because her philosophy is they will do it when they are ready. Just be patient and don't let him see the frustration on your face. Good Luck!!

This is a copy/paste that I've sent to a few other mommas, so sorry if you've read it already. Maybe if he realizes that even if he goes in his underwear, it's still going to be his responsibility and he's going to have to clean it up and practice making it to the br on time. It sounds harsh, but it worked really well for everyone I know that's tried it.
Hi, my daughter started showing an interest at a very young age, (about 14 months) I let her sit when she wanted, but I never pushed the issue. Then at about 18-20 months she started crying and carrying on every time she messed her pull-up. So at 25 months I borrowed a book from the library called "Toilet training in less than a day" by Nathan Azrin and Richard Foxx. I thought it would be a bunch of nonsense, but I read it anyway. I liked it so much and believed it would work, maybe not in a day, but it did make sense, so I bought it. The next day we tried it, it's like a potty training boot camp. My daughter is so incredibly strong willed I was hesitiant about whether or not she would actually cooperate. With so many treats and rewards-just for that day though-she did really well. She went on the potty 4 times and had 4 accidents that day. The next day we went a little backwards. I was ready to give up, but we kept her in panties anyway. The following day she only had a couple accidents. We started on a Monday, and by that Thursday night she began a dry streak that lasted until Sunday afternoon. It's been four full months now and since that first week I can count the number of accidents on two hands. She was wet most nights before we trained, and now this is her first full week in panties over night. Her pull-up stayed dry most nights since we started, but there were still a few wet mornings. The main idea of this book is to teach them to teach a doll that wets how to use the potty. After they've taught the doll, it's time to start with them. They are allowed and encouraged as much to eat and drink as possible on the day of the boot camp, so make there more chances to have to use the potty. After they go on the potty chair it is there "responsibility" to dump the contents into the toilet, flush and resplace the bowl, wash their hands, and pull up and down their pants. When they have an accident it is also their "responsibility" to clean up the accident and to practice going from wherever they had the accident to the potty chair, pull down their pants sit down, stand up and pull their pants back up. It gives them a chance to really get used to getting to the potty in a hurry. I know this sounds harsh, but my daughter thought it was more of a game than anything. And after the results I've had, I would (and have) recommend it to anyone. I do home day care and I offered the book to one of my moms. Her daughter was in a diaper on a friday, and when she came on the following monday, she was in panties, and to this day has had one accident at my house. Anyway, sorry this is so lengthy good luck with the "Adventures in potty training."

If you ask a mother of children with both sexes almost all the time they will say it took quite a bit longer for their boys to train than their girls. There are exceptions to the rule but most often boys take longer. They just develop at a slower rate then girls so don't try to compare your girls being potty trained at 2.5 with your boy who is training. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact boys just don't care about being dirty and girls more often do. Neither one of my boys much cared if their diaper was dirty but I have twin girls now who are 10 months old and already they complain if their diaper is messy much more often than either one of my boys.
Even doctor's won't start addressing it as a problem until 5 years or so. All I can suggest is patience, patience, patience. Luckily my older son trained about 3 years old but I have a few friends who had boys who were still training well after their 4th birthday. Its totally normal and like I said until he's past his 5th birthday there really isn't a cause for concern.
It is a bummer when you have spent 2 years training but you are probably doing all the right things, yuo just have a boy this time instead of a girl. If you really do have concerns you can always see your doctor and there is a wealth of information as always at your library on potty training.
Good luck.

I am not sure if this will help because I only have a girl but I had her totaly potty trained by age two except at night and then she started going in her pants all the time and never going to the bathroom. This started all of a sudden. As it turns out after taking her to the doctor for a urinary tract infection that she had an abonormality that developed from her holding it when she was busy playing and such. She has been on meds for over a year now to keep her from getting any infections and she has done great. I also feel that it had a lot to do with other things going on that where very stressful. If you feel there maybe a medical reason for this then be sure to get into the doctor and get it checked out just to rule things out in that area.

I wouldn't worry to much. In my experience is raising boys & girls, boys take longer on the average. Don't sweat it. It will come. If you have concerns take to your doctor. Good luck!

This is just my suggestion because I'm no expert and I don't know what your son is thinking. But here goes...always reward a good try. Have a party when he does it right (he is a male they thrive on praise). When he misses, just ignore it. You don't want him to focus on his errors but on his successes. Try to help him see himself as successful in this area. Let him know how proud of him you are.

This is going to sound harsh but it really worked for our oldest son (infact, he still talks about it to his little brothers).
Our son was three and a half and knew when to use the potty. Just would not unless I made him. One day my husband told him, "that's it! If you go potty in your underpants you are going to bed for the rest of the night." (mind you he told him this when he got home from work about 4:30pm). At six pm he pooped in them. We cleaned him up and sent him to bed and ever since then... he has been completely potty trained.
Good luck, just be patient. His time will come.

I don't know if I have any advice, but I can definitely relate! My son will be 4 on Sunday and I am STILL having issues. He has only been "trained" for about a month. He just one day decided he wanted to wear underwear. He was doing great w/ no accidents until last week. I think a lot of it has to do w/ starting preschool. I think it is a lot of pressure to be a "big boy". I still am unable to get him to poop in the toilet and I am getting tired of cleaning it out of his underwear. Have you tried incentives? Every time we went to Target there was one toy my son always wanted and my response was always the same, "When you stop wearing diapers and can go in the big potty, you can have it." He finally got it a few weeks ago. As for the accidents, I wonder if it is a control issue. I found the less I react the better it is. I don't want it to become an attention getter. Good luck.

I have a 3 year old foster son that has been having a lot of trouble. We get him trained and then he visits his parents and it's gone. I have finally told him that big kids don't have to take naps but that little kids that potty in their pants have to take naps. As long as he keeps his pull up dry he doesn't have to take an afternoon nap with the 2 littler kids. He's doing really good now. Another thing I did was set the timer for every 30 minutes and made him go. He hated that but I told him that until he starts going by himself that he's going to have to go when I tell him to go.
I think at the age of 4 I would start taking away big boy priveledges because now he's just being lazy about it. Just tell him that if he's going to act like a baby that he gets treated like one too. I would also remind him that he isn't going to get to go to school unless he's a big boy.
All kids are different, you just have to keep changing your approach until something works.
Good luck,
J.

I have a 5 year old nephew who was a bear to potty train. I used to babysit for him while my sister was at work and I came across an article in a magazine about potty training. We put fruit loops in the toilet and asked him to try and sink them. He then went all the time...maybe too much. But after a few weeks of putting the fruit loops in the toilet he was used to going and then would just go on his own. I know it sounds a little weird but it worked for him.

It's a power struggle they know how to go but they also know it's in their power 100% if they chose to go on the potty.. They know you can't physically make them go on the potty that's impossible so it's like a game.

Have you tried reverse psychology?

My daughter did this and 2 other boys were potty training at the same time at daycare and we turned it into a competition. They would race and fight over who got to use the bathroom first. That along with telling her if she didn't potty train there would be no preschool for her worked wonders.

You could also leave him naked or in undies on the weekends and leave a potty chair in the middle of the room. I've never tried it but heard it works for some.

i also have a 4 year old and just got done potty training him. at frist he didnt want anything to do with it. my mom gave me some advise to put cheerios or fruit loops in the water and tell him to sink them.. that was a game for him. do stickers. put a chart in the bathroom and tell him he gets a sticker for going.. and after he gets so many stickers he gets a prize. and of course stick with time outs.. my son goes in his pants he sits for 4 mins. good luck and wish your boy good luck..

Potty training and eating are the only things a 4 yr old can have full control over. I know how stressful the potty training phase is, and they will do it when they are ready. The only thing a parent can do is be patient, and consistent. I just potty trained a three yr old and when he was at my houes (I am a daycare provider) I would ask him every hour if he needed to go, and I would take him to the bathroom every other hour. We also did a sticker chart, he got stickers every time he went. Then at the end of the week, you can count the stickers and show him how proud you are of him.
Going to the store and letting him pick out some underwear seems to get them excited also.
Hope that helps-
M.

All of this advice from everyone seems to be great.

When my son was 2 he showed interest so I tried harder and it just ended up failing....so when he was 3 and still not trained, I relaxed.
When I trained my son, I already knew it generally took longer for boys than girls to train, so I was patient.

Sometimes he would want training underwear on, and other times he would want a diaper on. I just asked him what he wanted at first. He would go on the toilet and wear underwear for a few days, then resort to diapers for a few weeks- or months even!! After awhile I realized he just wanted to be lazy and wear diapers- he outright told me when he had to go poop or pee he wanted me to put a diaper on him!!
With all the treats, praise, good rewards etc, it wasnt enough to make my son leave the joy of "hassle-free" potty (and going in a diaper or underwear). When he wore underwear, he would pee in those!! He wouldnt mind being wet!! I would see him playing with wet pants!! I would go through three pairs of pants a day.
He was already going poop in the toilet (even when wearing a diaper), but the problem was peeing.

This is controversial, but I believe in spanking. And what no one else has mentioned here, is spanking. That is what finally worked for my son. You have to know your child, to see if this might be the solution. But for my child, I KNEW he could tell when he had to go, he was capable of going potty, but he was too lazy was the problem- it was easier to go in his pants and give up treats and have mom clean it up instead. He was diliberatly peeing his pants- because he could.

It only took a few days of saying every morning.."you are going to wear underwear today, and if you pee in them, you will get a spanking. You tell mommy if you have to go potty, and you can get a (treat)."
Of course at first he didnt want to, he would cry for me to put a diaper on him. But all he needed to know, was that peeing his in pants deliberately, got negative consequences. It was not cool.
It was a matter of days or maybe one week that he started going potty all on his own. When I used "Pull-Ups" I never called them DIAPERS..I called them SPECIAL UNDIES. And I told everyone else to also. I didnt want him thinking that it was OK to pee in the Pull-Up. He was still expected to go in the potty even when wearing a Pull-Up. NOw, in the night, he is doing great and has peed in the bed once after a good 4 months of being "offically trained" at night and in the day.
Good Luck.

I'm sorry for you, I know how frustrating this can be. My son trained just before his 4th birthday. He'd try to use the potty, nothing, then immediately following take down his pants and pee or poop on the floor! I was getting so angry. It totally became a power struggle and I realized that we just needed to lay off and eventually he'd decide on his own when he was ready. It didn't take long. For him, it just had to be his decision.

Good luck, and don't worry about putting your 4 year old back in diapers or pull-ups until he decides he completely ready. It'll happen soon.

M.

J. s
My son wasn't fully potty trained until he was 7. Boys sometimes take longer than girls to potty train.
Have you thought of a reward system for when he does go?
I know this is all I pretty much say, but there are great rewards to giving a rewards to your son. We tried EVERYTHING!
If you come up with a system that you and the child can come up with, it may be beneficial for both. You both win. Don't go out and buy a load of prizes, but rahter give him extra time at what he likes the most. My son was a different situation, but he tried harder when there were rewards involved.
I hope this helps a little.

Boys are known to be harder to learn to potty train than girls. I have two grown boys and the one was 3 when he learned. I believe that when they are ready they will do it. Society puts to much pressure on what age kids should be potty trained by. Don't sweat it. As long as they are potty trained before going to school, don't sweat it.
Good luck
Jamie Isaacon

Hello,
My son went through the same thing and I was freaking out. I went out and bought the cheapest pull-ups, thinking they wouldn't be all that comfortable. About a couple of weeks of that and ignoring the potty training thing he came out one morning with his "big boy" underwear on and never had an accident. Oh, every morning when he would get dressed I'd lay his underwear out with his clothes and let him choose the underwear or the pull-up. For my son, it was something he'd do when he was ready, the harder I tried to think of bribes and all of the tricks he went further backwards. I don't know your child but that worked for us.

My daughter was about 4-4 1/2 when we FINALLY got her to consistantly use the toilet. Our problem stemmed from an accident with the potty and another little girl putting her on it without help and she fell in and hurt herself. So that was our issue, but what we finally did was took the time to take her and put her on the toilet every 1 1/2-2 hours from wake up to bed time religiously and no liquids after supper. That was the only way we could get it to where she was going on the potty more than her pants and then she finally realized it was much easier to just use the potty rather than have wet or stinky pants. It's an extreme, I know, but it worked for us. She is now just 5 and hasn't had an accident in a LONG time. Hope that helps you out...I feel for you!!!

Something I know works for some is to set a timer for 1/2 hour. Make him go sit on the toilet and try every time it goes off. After a few weeks or so, start asking him when the timer goes off instead of making him go. If he starts wetting his pants again, go back to making him go each time.Eventually, he will know what it feels like to have to go and will start going without the timer. Hope this works

P.

Have you talked to his pediatrician? Recently I was having problems with my 5 year old pooping his pants. It turned out that he wasn't doing it on purpose, it's that he had encopresis and couldn't feel when he needed to use the toilet. The same can happen with the urinary tract as with the bowels, so that could be the issue. He may not even know it's happening till it's too late. I'd make an appointment to see if that's the case.

I wish I could says that boys are easy, but they are not. I don't have much advice for you but just moral suport. I have three boys. My oldest is 4 in two weeks. It has been a night mare with him also. I have been told that boys take alot of time. Even from my doctor. He said on average that boys don't get trained untill the age of three and three and a half and for some it is alittle longer. When he is busy, it is the worst to try to get him to go. He has made considerable progress on his own when we stoped yelling at him and just let him kinda do it on his own with reminders to try and make it next time. He still is terable at night and will only where undies. So all I can say is that you are not alone, and hang in there. Most importantly is to keep your cool. Its helped us. Also I do relize that on the days I didn't pay as much attention to him or he is very made at one of us, it is worse. I hope this helped alittle and good luck in the future.