Seeking Potty Training Advice for 3 1/2 Year Old Boy

Try letting him wear a pull up, but sit on the toilet. This will create the toilet habit, and eventually you can just fade the pull up out.

Good luck!

S.,

I could have written this same post about 6 months ago with my daughter (who is 3 1/2). She was potty trained to pee in the toilet just before she was 2 1/2. Her twin brother was potty trained (completely) just before turning 3. Although her brother would do bowel movements in the toilet, my daughter REFUSED!!! One thing I learned early in the potty-training process was to eliminate pull-ups completely.

My daughter wore a diaper only at night, and she would wait until that time to go #2. I was told not to nag at her and eventually she would just decide to go on her own. As we were preparing for a trip to Disneyland, I told her that the Princesses at Disneyland don't use a diaper and go potty in the toilet. Soon afterwards, she decided that she wanted to go #2 and we haven't had an accident since.

Although it is frustrating, and appears that it will be a never-ending process, don't buy into the belief that boys are harder to potty-train than girls. All children develop at their own rate.

Hang in there, try to avoid nagging (as hard as that is) or harsh discipline if there is an accident. Just remind him that bowel movements go in the potty; not in diapers/pull-ups. It will definitely happen...and there is no one magic combination that makes it happen.

After he does his business make him dump it in the toilet and flush it down so he can see and smell. Make him clean himself or bend over and you do it all while in the bathroom putting clean up material in the toilet, again letting him flush it while telling him this is how everyone goes #2 or poop in the world, in the toilet. Make him then clean his hands very well of course. After doing this several times who knows he might just get it and give in. Good luck!

S., I too had major difficulties getting my son to go #2 on the potty. He kept telling me "when I'm four I'll do it." Part of the motivation I had with him was that in order for him to go to preschool he had to go on the toilet like the big kids. I swear -- on his birthday when he turned four he went in the bathroom and did it. (And he's been doing it ever since --he's 17 now. tee-hee) I have 5 neices and they all were potty-trained a year beofre my 3 nephews were. It's just a funny phenomenon. I don't know if this helps but do know that you are definitely not alone with this problem. Hang in there. M. :)

In a way he is already trained -- trained to put his own pull up on when he needs to go. I'd encourage him to stand in the bathroom next too the toilet when he does this, and like another mom said, get him more involved in cleaning himself up! It sounds to me like he knows the hardest part -- knowing when he needs to go. I'm guessing it will transition to going in the toilet -- hopefully sooner, not later for your sake!

Give him the time he needs. He will get there when he is ready - as with everything ahead of him. Just let it go and grin and bear all the diaper changes. Especially keep it from becoming a power struggle. It may just need to be his own goal to acheive, not yours.

I am learning after years of similar, societally-whats-right-motivated, power struggles, that my son, now 9, knows much of what he needs and what is right for him if I would only listen to him and not so much to what I have been lead to believe is "right", or what my experience was with my daugther. It is not always easy, but it is great to see him shine when he has done it his way and in the end his way (not my/or his dads way) really is fine. No biggie. Love him for who he is, stand back and watch him shine. Let it go.

So, my first bit of advise: don't nag him or get angry cuz this will just turn it into a power struggle. Keep it a emotion-less. Second, have him clean it up himself completely but w/supervision. This means wiping his tushy himself, flushing it down the toilet (if possible) & then disposing of the Pull-up in the garbage somewhere. I have to say, I agreew/the no pull-up. I used them sparingly w/our 1st son & not at all w/our second son. I feel they are a crutch & too much like having a diaper on so you may just wanna go cold turkey, as anther mom suggested. Just be prepared w/lotsa pairs of underwear & wipes to clean up. My other thougth; if he know he has the the ability to hold it until he has on a pull-up he should be able to poop on the potty. But it could also be fear of letting go. Many kids have issues w/pooping on the potty & this not only boys; girls can have this fear as well. Potty training is one area where kids can exert a lot of control & if pushed or scared, it will turn into a huge battle so the trick is to stay calm & have patience. Best of luck!

Hi S.. My son was 3 1/2 and still doing #1 & #2 in a pullup!! I went cold turkey with him and that was the only thing that worked.. it was messy for a while but he didn't like pee running down his pants anymore so he started going in the toilet. He had a few accidents after he was potty trained but that's normal...In retrospect I never would've used pullups ..at this point I think they are just a selling gimmick!! Boys are sooo much harder too! My daughter on the other hand was potty trained at about 2 1/2 with me not even doing anything! Good luck!

I started potty training my son at 3 1/2 and for the first 6 weeks he refused to go poop in the toilet. When he had to go, he'd hide somewhere and go. It got old dealing with dirty underware. After six or seven weeks, I looked for one of his cues that he was going to poo. I picked him up and sat him on the toilet and held him there. He cried, screamed and kicked. I held him and reassured him the entire time (like 30 seconds) and when it was over, he had tears in his eyes and the biggest smile "see, mom, it wasn't bad." I had to do that two times and he's gone poop in the potty ever since (that was nine months ago). We tried the whole reward thing and waiting until he was ready, but the rewards weren't working so it was time to step up and just be a parent - I wasn't going to wait around for ever, especially not until he was 4 or 5.

In my experience, boys are definitely harder to train. I thought for a long time our son would go to his prom wearing Pull-Ups! It was a painful process training him and nothing worked until he really decided he wanted to train. Moving from Pull-Ups to underwear was key in moving him along (although we ended up doing major laundry and went through tons of supplies cleaning accidents). At six, he still has accidents sometimes. Sigh ...

His three-year-old sister was trained at 2 1/2. Can't recall when she last had an accident. Piece of cake training her compared to her brother and we didn't do anything different.

I don't have any real advice for you, but just wanted you to know you're not alone in dealing with a boy who just doesn't want to be potty-trained.

I also have a son that will turn 4 in January. We were waiting for him to show interest in the potty, but at this age felt it was time to push the matter. We watched potty training videos (Potty Power, Potty Train, Elmo's Potty time)for a week together then showed him the potty and gave him a wrapped present of big boy underwear. We sang the No More Diapers for Me song from Potty Power and stuck with our decision. I have used pullups on my other boys (I have 5) and found that they greatly prolonged the potty training process, so since I have wood floors I decided to go straight for the underwear. The first couple of days he wouldn't even sit on the potty, I would try to gently hold him and he would scream. I discovered he has an iron bladder and can hold it for 12 hours! It became a power struggle. He didn't want to and I couldn't make him. I then bought him a potty chair at the thrift store because they had them in the videos. He had the power now, he could take his potty chair wherever he wanted, he could sit on it and watch his potty videos or whatever he liked. He sat on it with no problem, as long as he didn't have to go. But as soon as he felt the urge to go he would get up and go in a corner or another room to be alone and go on the floor. I was getting a bit frustrated, so I decided to put him on his potty chair and leave the room. I came back 15 minutes later to discover he had gone! Most of it was on the floor in front of the potty, but some made it in. We gave him a reward and a ton of praise, but the power struggle continued the rest of the time so I decided to let it go. He knew what to do, we would ask him if he had to go but not make him go. If he had an accident we would clean him up and tell him that his poop is supposed to go in the potty. Then one day he walked into the bathroom on his own and peed standing up. He thought he was alone, but grandma was watching and started praising him. He got made at that and threw a tantrum, he had been caught. Since then we just let him do it on his own and he's started using the potty on his own, as long as he can take his pants off he'll stop what he's doing and go when he's ready.
All of that to say this, try to end the power struggle. Get rid of the pull ups, that's only enabling him to stay in them with no consequences. He knows what to do, he knows when he has to go. Give him nice "big boy underwear" and if he has an accident in them make him help you clean it up and tell him his poop goes in the potty. He'll get it, but he wants it to be his choice.
God bless,
J.