Postpartum Depression: Husband Not Very Supportive

This is the time to reach out to the women in your life! Mother, aunt, sister, friends (?) this is what women do, we take care of each other in times of stress because husbands simply don't understand, and of course our children need US to take care of them.
Gather your ladies, let them know how hard things are for you, they WANT to be there!
You can't rely on your husband for all of your emotional support, especially if he is struggling with his own issues, you need to spread it around.

Women who think the world revolves around them and that other people can't make it without their care are only making hard work, both mentally, physically, for themselves.

Your husband won't drop dead if you don't act like his mother. Your husband is an adult and is capable of getting hungry enough to go get food for himself, he's also capable of capable of eating junk food 24 hours a day.

Why???

Because he doesn't have to be an adult and do anything for himself.

Please stop doing for him, if you were my wife and were always telling me to eat healthy or go to bed because it's my bedtime I'd quickly realize you have no respect for me and that you feel that I'm not competent to do anything.

You have to stop and allow him to be an adult or you will find yourself not having any life at all.

I really don't mean to be rude or mean but he is an adult but you're treating him like he's 4 or 5.

As for the baby and pre-schooler in your home, he's an adult and can be handed the baby and told "I'm going to go take a nap, don't wake me up unless it's time for you to leave for work" or "I'm going out for a while, the baby's been fed and bigger kiddo is ready to play for a while".

I know that the whole day revolves around when he's asleep and everything has to be quiet. But there are times when everyone is awake or there should be.

When I worked late evenings into the wee hours or overnights I would come home and want to eat dinner then watch TV for a while. Everyone wants to come home from work and unwind. I'd stay up until 10, 11, or even noon. Then I'd go to bed and sleep at least 6 hours straight. I'd wake up when I woke up. If I slept 9 hours then I'd wake up then. I did not have a set time to get up. I did set my alarm for an hour before I needed to start getting ready to leave so I'd have time to eat, shower, and take my time.

So if I had to be at work at 11pm and had to leave by 10:30pm I'd set my alarm for 8:00-8:30pm. Then I had plenty of time to shower, get dressed, and wake up.

With kids and a spouse he's lucky for now that everyone is home during the morning hours. He can have the normal family time that we all have before bedtime but just at another time of day. If he goes to bed as soon as he gets home then at some point he's up for a while, adjust that family time to a small portion of his awake time. Even if you simply have to hand him the baby and leave for a little while you do need some time alone too. Not running errands or things for the family all the time either. Some of it should be just for you, like getting your hair trimmed or going to the Y to work out or go to a class.

The reason you are resenting him and the things you feel compelled to do is that you are doing things that are not your job. Then because he lets you do all the work you are mad at him.

You will need to talk to your therapist about what I've suggested and I feel confident they will agree, even if it's just a few points, because your resentment is a huge part of your depression, also the hormones and other biological things, but depression is mostly due to repressed anger. Pushing it down and pushing it down and pushing it down makes this hard box of resentment and depression that takes over our life.

Your body will eventually heal but your emotions and your attitudes toward life in general will effect you and your husband for some time.

There are guys that are more understanding but it's just hard for guys to relate.
They don't deal with the hormone surges/cycles that we deal with.
Guys tend to want to fix things and if it's something they can't fix - it's just off their radar.
I think older guys who goes through prostate issues suddenly understand like they never did before.
There's been more than one time I've told my husband "I'm not mad AT YOU - I'm just frustrated - Can you listen and commiserate without feeling defensive or wanting to suggest fixes?".
Really - girlfriends are better at this.

What can you do?
You just changed/upped your meds so give them a chance to work.
Find a Mommy and Me group and talk/listen to other Moms who are going through the same thing.
Find a baby sitter or relative to come over for a few hours to watch the kids while you catch up on some sleep - sleep can really go a long way to help make you feel a lot better.
Hope you feel better soon!

I agree with the three responses below: stop doing so much for your husband, and reach out to women for support. When I need emotional support, I always go to my female friends, and not to my husband. He really isn't very good at it.

Both you and your husband come to your PPD with your own mental health ailments and diagnosis. While you are suffering for his lack of attention and support, query, did you realistically expect it from him? Is he capable of being more present, observant, supportive?

I prefer to think that the people in my life aren't deliberately mean or callous. They are giving me their best, even though it might not amount to all I might want or need at this time. It is up to me, and in your case, together with support and treament for your PPD to get over, make up for, make due with the deficiet.

Best,
F. B.

The psychiatric nurse who came to visit me in the throes of PPD told me that a man will NEVER understand PPD. Don't try to figure it out, don't be angry or upset - just know that he will NEVER get it and keep moving forward.

You've only been on meds for 10 days. It takes at least two weeks to start to feel the effects. So hang in there. Focus on you and your baby and son and let hubby focus on himself.

And you therapist and female friends are your best defense against PPD. Keep talking. That will help the most.

Feel better!!