*Please Help Me Figure This Out*

okay first off relax about his crying - like others have said, i am also sure that it was purely due to the change in routine. this will be the first of MANY disruptions in his routine that will upset him...it's our job as mommies to realize that, be calm, and show him it's no big deal.

as far as childcare is concerned, if you want, you can email me your general area, because i might be able to help. my sitter is awesome and she has an opening but she doesn't do full time, just to warn you. the other thing is, as uncomfortable as your MIL makes you, and even if you are right about your suspicions about what she may tell your child, it probably means a lot to her, the time she gets to spend with him. just because you two aren't best friends doesn't mean she wouldn't be a good sitter for your son. you can work on your relationship with her, seeing her every day at drop-off and pick-up. sorry to play devil's advocate, but i do believe family is important and it might be worth "playing nice" for your son to have a close relationship with his grandma. a little personality conflict between the two of you shouldn't get in the way of that. (and of course, maybe i'm just glossing it over and there truly is a problem, that you shouldn't be taking your child there- that is completely up to your judgement)

my advice is to relax about it, but keep looking around and when you find something, tell her something about how you (you AND your husband) want him to be around other kids. if you stress out about it it will only transfer to him and make him unhappy. good luck!

Part of me agrees with what the other ladies have said. If you don't feel comfortable with her, then you should not use her. And yet, by the way you are describing your feelings leading up to this and the situation yesterday, I can't help but wonder if you aren't just looking for problems. Please understand that my thoughts on this come from over 20 years of dealing with new moms. I've seen some so against daycare of any kind that they work very hard to find things to complain about. Some come right out and admit they are looking for problems even before they start doing it. They at least admit that they feel bad about leaving their kids and don't know what to do with those feelings. But most moms in this situation don't even realize they are doing it.

A 3 month old child can have a gas pain or other pain and skip a bottle or cry out and sleep a lot and all can mean something or mean nothing at all. They are changing still so much right now.

I also have to ask, are you paying this woman? I mean you don't have to answer that. It's just that I sometimes get the impression that a lot of people will use family for free and then turn around and complain about them. It just sort of sticks in my craw when they do that.

THEN, there are situations that are definitely dangerous. I had a woman come to me a few weeks back. She said her relatives were a bit too old to be watching her 2 year old son. She said he gets out of bed and wanders around the house at night and grandparents aren't used to getting up or sleeping light enough to hear him. So I cared for him for a couple of weeks and had to make a bed in my room because this boy did indeed get up in the middle of the night and I did have to sleep very light when he was with me. But the almighty dollar won out. In just a few weeks she decided that grandpa should care for him after all.

It sounds like you don't get a long with your mother-in-law and I am truly sorry about that. It might be that you should not use a person that you obviously don't care for unless you can heal that relationship first.

I think you really need to relax a bit...ok, alot! I have a VERY strange mil too, but she is a wonderful grandma to our son and she did raise a good man. And yes there are times when our son doesn't want to come home because he loves his gramma. I think perhaps you lack self confidence and want your son to only love you. Don't you remember the fun times you had at your grandparents house? My mil really changed when our son was born and our relationship changed too, but she will never be somebody that I love to see, but my son loves her and she loves him. So, w/ that said, don't take away any joy your son may have w/ his gramma because of your insecurities. Also, be careful what you say to him (about her) when he starts talking...I learned that the hard way! :) Just sit back and watch his love for her develop just like it will develop for you too!

If you do not feel comfortable letting your mother-in-law watch your son then you definitely shouldn't have her watch him. I agree it is super difficult leaving your child with someone you do not trust. I would ask friends and family to recommend a good daycare--be it a facility or in-home. I've always gone off recommendations from people I trust. Don't feel bad that he was fussy with you. His routine has been changed. He's used to seeing mom all day and now mom is at work. He's still so small. He's probably just overwhelmed and misses mom. Good luck!

I agree that his routine has changed and that was probably why he was fussy... Again, if you don't feel comfortable using your MIL DON'T...that simple...now as for finding another sitter...why not advertise on Craigslist and see if there is someone else locally that is working PT and needs babysitting...maybe you could swap services yours for theirs if you can coordinate days??? That way no one has to pay anything and you are both getting services you need??? Or if not through Craigslist, what about asking around at the local churches? Pastors generally have a pretty good pulse on the population of their church and know their people well enough...maybe one of them could offer a suggestion as to someone who may be able to help out. Good luck!

If you do not feel comfortable with your mother-in-law watching him then do not have her watch him. Kids sometimes can be fine all day until they see their parents then they break down for some reason or another. Try the familyconsevancy. com; they are a GREAT resource for finding daycare for your child around your area. Good Luck!!!

well i personally would find a way to at least record any talking. that away you can rest assure she isnt bad mouthing you. otherwise since it is your house lay down the laws make sure she understands that its your house you are in control. but it also sounds like you two need to sit down have a heart to heart with a mediator to smooth over any misunderstandings. truly you need to figure out what it is between you two and fix it. I know you may never be friends but you do need to at least come to an understanding of each other.

as for your son Most grandma's wont do anything to damage the time that they get to spend with their grandchildren. Plus even if she did say something to him at this point in his development he won't understand what truly is said but he will pick up on emotions and especially facial expressions. Otherwise you are going to have to spend money and find a decent daycare of which can be very hard.

If you feel uncomfortable with the situation then you need to change it because it won't do you or your baby any good if, while at work, all you do is worry. That being said, if your MIL raised your husband, then chances are she will do a good job with your son. Also your son just went through a routine change. Going from you as the provider to grandma intermittently.

My MIL is awesome and we get along really well, but when my son was little and she would watch him, a part of me worried about his safety, obviously not for my MIL's lack of competence, but just the feeling that what if something happened. It's just what we do as a mother. Worry.

Good luck with your new bundle of joy. They really do grow so fast!

Your son is 3 months old the only care taker has been you you left him for a while to go to work in care of someone else HE MISSED YOU and his crying was very normal like stranger anxiety.If you don't want your MIL to watch your children you have your reasons there is know reason to let other family know because I have mine as well and so does everyother mom in the wolrd so you have options quit work become a SAHM or find a Daycare that is well known if you live in Topeka call the ERC or maybe that resource is everywhere they have all the daycare facilities and can let you know a great deal of information on them.Talk to others see where they take their kiddos.Good Luck as time goes by it'll get easier for ya.I recently sent my oldest to kindergarten and its all day I think about him all day long but time goes by so fast he's home.