Playing with Other Children

I think he is just a little shy and needs to be around kids more often like a play group or a one on one play date. If he is with adults more often he will lean towards being with them instead of kids his own age. Good luck.

First, I would check into some of the other issues mentioned.

Also, I would enroll him in preschool, if he isn't already. I would also check into a playgroup. There is a great dad's group in Cincinnati, though I'm not sure where you live.

The other thing I would do is when he is approached by a child or you take him where there are other children you know, I would not only engage your SON with the children, but you should also play, too, especially if this is a shyness/peer issue. Invite him and another child to play a game they both can play - tag, hide n seek or if you are at home, a board game, like Sorry or other kids game.

Has he always been around adults? Is he in school or will he be starting school? It might be a good idea to get him into some sort of sport. Soccer or t-ball... There is a lot of interaction with other children and it doesnt really give him a choice, either have fun and play or sit during the game. a friend of mine had the same issue, however er son and daughter were/are always with adults so they dont really know how to interact with children. Her son is know doing football and her daughter is now in cheerleading and they are both doing wonderfully!!!
Good Luck and way to go single dad!!!
J.

Because at his age YOU are his world. He is growing up where he is around more adults (you) then he is around children. I have an 11 yr old boy who for the longest time would rather be up my butt (seemed like)all day than go out and play with the other kids. If you have any friends that have children, nieces or nephews that are close to his age, set up a BBQ. But only play kid games. Everyone, including the adults play right along with the children. He will have no choice but to learn to play along with the kids if he wants to be with you. After awhile he will require less of you and more kid time. This is not a quick fix and may take many BBQ's or outings where you only do kid things. So what if adults act childish or other adults say you are acting foolish. I have been told many more things than that when I acted more like my child's age then they did. But the way I looked at it and replied to such negative comments is: I am having fun with my child(ren) and so what if I am acting childish. It is these times that our children will remember when they are older. They don't remember the clean shelves or grocery shopping. They remember the fun times. Good Luck with your son. If this doesn't help he will over come his attachment when he starts kindergarden and is around children his age. When kids watch what others are doing...they are smarter in vocabulary, and when something doesn't add up in the household, you know who to go to for information. Because there is always one child who knows what the others are up to. Doesn't just work with siblings but with groups of friends also.

Kids are tough, and it is tougher being a single parent. I wonder how he would do if you scheduled one on one playdate time with another child. Perhaps one who is more on the calm side as opposed to one who likes to run around and be wild. Otherwise, just accept him as he is. Kids aren't an extension of us, they have their own minds and personalities. Some kids are naturally loners.
Enjoy,
R.

Poor dad, I really feel for you! Being the single parent of a child who is now 11 and having had and still having some of the same issues I understand your frustration with the situation!
The reality of the situation is that in a single child family they are obviously more in tune with adult conversation and frankly games etc. than they are with the child thought and game process. Even with a vivid imagination they aren't on the same level with other children until later. In the past year he is finally starting to make the major break through, however, he still gets bored with just riding his bike up and down the street, riding his skate board around the area with other children his age or children younger. Now that he has a video type game he and two of the area children in the area have and they can share play he is doing better. Half of the time if he goes out to play I find him standing by another adult holding down a conversation with them. I tried Little League, basketball, 4-H, etc and even at 4-H he would be with the older children or the adults instead of the other children in his bracket.
As for gritting his teeth when other children approach him you have to council him about good manners, being polite, etc.
I know how you feel, but some of it is because you are his security as are the other adults and he doesn't want to be away from the security. Some of it is his developed thought process and being bored with children.
Good luck I will be praying for you both.

Look into social groups. There are psychologists and speech/language therapists that hold groups where they help kids learn how to interact with each other. This would probably be great for your son. I would talk to a psychologist so they can oversee it for any issues that may come up.

my son was like that except he only wanted to play with kids younger than him. most of my friends who had kids, theirs' were all at least 3yrs younger than my son. when i tried taking him on playdates with kids his own age, when we got there he would go off in a corner & play alone & when the other kids tried to include him he would tell them he already had friends. i talked to my grandmother(she used to run a childcare center & was a nurse for almost 30 yrs) what to do & she said i was trying to put too much on him at once. she said to invite one child over his age and let him get used to that child before inviting someone different or adding more kids to the mix. before i knew it he was asking if we could start haivng playdates at our house so he could see all his friends. good luck.

Have you ever had him tested for Asburgers or Autism Spectrum? He could be very highly functioning as far as intelligence and sociability, but have the issues with his own peer group. But some kids just don't identify with their peers and do better around adults. Talk to his doctor about it.

It sounds like he is shy! My son just turned 3 and despite being at day care full time (since he was 2 months old), he still takes a long time to adjust to new people. Even at school, when I drop him off every morning he acts a little stand offish...it takes him time to warm up! And he doesn't really play with other kids...he will play around them but i think they are still young to play together so to speak!

P.,

I don't mean to alarm you, but this presentation could be something much more than shyness. It is not developmentally on target for your son to avoid eye contact with kids his own age, and not having peer relationships is a symptom that you should not ignore. My question to you is: what if it is not just shyness or the result of being raised in by a single parent and there is something you can do to help him develop typical relationships? You owe it to yourself, and your son to find out.

His ability to converse with adults and preference for them is also a concern that fits a profile of a child with social development issues, and since he has yet to start kindergarten, you really do not yet know what other skills might be involved.

Just like sitting up and walking, social development follows a pattern and a time line, and your son has missed this one. Call your nearest children's hospital and make an appointment for him with a developmental pediatrician for a developmental evaluation and tell them that you have concerns about his social development. You will be very glad you did, most developmental issues can be helped with therapy, but only if you start them early. Time is the most important thing you have on your side right now, so don't wait and see. Find out for sure from an expert, the very best thing that could happen is that the expert will tell you that he is just a shy kid being raised by a single Dad. Find out from experts, developmental issues like this one are too important to risk on "wait and see" advice.

M.

My son (3 1/2) takes a while to warm up to other children. It took him almost a year in preschool before I felt he was totally adjusted to his classmates. We go to a birthday party and he will stand on the sidelines for a good 20 minutes before he will start to play with the others. Your son just might not be the type of person who can walk up to kids at the playground and start playing. You should find a small play group (or take him to an art class or get him involved in a sport) where he can be consistently exposed to the same group of kids. Over time he will make friends. I personally have always prefered to have several close friends instead of being chummy with everyone I meet. It takes me a while of getting to know someone before I can open up and trust them. I think it is a smarter way to make friends, quality over quantity. Try out the play group thing and if you still feel like he is having problems, talk to you pediatricain.

And what does your son say when you ask him what he thinks of other kids, whether he would like to play with them and why does he feel like grinding his teeth when meeting them? If you haven't found out his side of the story yet, this is a place to start.

My youngest son was not a social butterfly either. He would prefer to sit and read a book at recess rather than play with others. He was and still is ahead of his class in his educational abilities at school. He does have a few close friends now but he is not keen on the idea of having many more. That's ok, he is social with his friends. One thing I did for him, I put him in football (which he loves). I think this has helped him expand his wings in the social arena. He is 8 now and this is his third year in football and he is much better at socializing. Over this past summer, we found out that he has some OCD issues. This does contribute to a child's social skills. BUT, because he is in football and does have some friends that he is close to now, the doctor is not concerned about the social aspects. Another idea, if he seems afraid or resistant to participate in a sport, you should try to be an assistant coach for his team. Little leagues are always looking for dads to help. Help him get up the courage to try it out. I firmly believe that sports is a great arena for kids to socialize and learn life lessons. Keeps them out of trouble when they are older too! I would not recommend that you rush to conclusions about this. It would be good to look into possible underlying issues but don't get yourself upset. All kids are different, they mature, grow and develop differently. Their are guidelines to keep an eye on but these guidelines are not the sole rule for development. Each child develops at his/her own pace. Good luck!