Parents: What Would You Do If You Found Out Your 15 Year Old Son Has?

Kick myself for being so out of touch and disconnected from my child that he went and fathered a child A YEAR AGO and I din't know.

Only Black Sheep? That's an interesting name...

How 'bout this? non alimentare il troll

Welcome to mamapedia...

ETA: On the off chance you are real...

I would be sorely disappointed in myself and my son for having sex so young and for not telling me about his child.

Then I would get a paternity test and hire a lawyer to get custody established and proper care for the child. I would LOVE to know my son is financially supporting a child at the age of 15 as well...I would ask my 15 year old son what his plans are and how he expects to pay for and raise the child...can't be too much of an amazing father if he's been lying to me for the past 2 years (9 months of pregnancy and 1 year of life)....I would love to know the age of the girl and what her parents are doing about it as well...

It sounds like the 15 yr old is barely living with you anymore.
Paternity test.
Chastity belt. (Just kidding - maybe).
HE has to raise the child on his own?
What, the baby mama (and her family) is giving up custody?
I'm not up for raising any grandchildren, and a 15 yr old isn't up for it either.
Sorry but the baby would be going up for adoption so the child can be wanted and raised in a loving home and so it's parents have a chance to finish growing up.
Additional:
If he's kept one child secret, how do you know there aren't more?
This isn't a puppy he's bringing home.

Ok... you say he is an "amazing father to that child" ...... has he been there at night to get up with the child, financially supporting that child and its mother, and being truthful about the whole situation?

I'm not so sure he is being an amazing father...

Being a good father is more than seeing the child every day, giving an occasional bottle, and changing a diaper here and there....

I would have been extremely disappointed that he kept such a lie for so long.....

So how does he plan to raise the child on his own? Where is the mother? I think everyone needs to sit down and discuss this together... both families.

I am with Cheryl O on this one - odd post for a first timer on a weekend - but its early, and I am game. LOL

I would wonder about a parent that allows so much freedom to a then 14 year old that the parent had no clue as to what the child was doing.

Really, I know that 14 year old children have sex - but where has the child's parent been the past 2 years - hiding in another room with their head buried in the sand?

My son is 16, he does not go anywhere that I do not know about. If he is going to a friend's I speak to the friend's parents first. He does not car date and if he has a girlfriend both her parents and I do not give them alone time - in order to prevent teen impulses and pregnancy.

So, for me - it is shame on the parents - of both children who have produced another child.

With that being said - the parent of the boy needs to get up off their A$$ and get over to the alleged baby's house - meet the girl, her parents, the baby,etc. etc. Have a paternity test done. Have some serious discussions with their child about what the plans are now. You know - step up and do some parenting before he fathers another child.

Well, I think I'd be pretty disappointed in MYSELF for not knowing something that major was going on in my kid's life. I think you'd have to be pretty out of tune with your kid to not know what was going on.

I would be mad at myself for not educating my child well enough about sexual intercourse & protecting himself from this sort of thing.

I don't know if you are referring to real life example, but I highly doubt any 15 year old with no money or a pot to piss in can be an "amazing" parent. It's easy to visit a few times a week & throw a pack of diapers the baby's way.

What would I do? After I got up off of the floor, I would figure out a game plan for my son, meet with the girl's parents, and support him as much as I could. I would NOT, however, assume parental duties for him. I would make him experience the natural consequences of his actions.

Where the hell have you been? My god.

I'd get a lawyer and establish paternity. I'd prepare myself to be a mother/grandmother. I'd SERIOUSLY take a look at my parenting, and figure out how all this could happen behind my back. I'd change my parenting, so that my child could be honest with me about something.

Not such an "amazing" father since the child's entire existence is based on lies and deceit, and the so-called "amazing" father can't even pay child support (since he can't legally work until he's 16) or take partial custody or take any real care of his own child.

If I found out any of my children were involved in such a situation, I would be establishing paternity immediately and arranging child support with lawyers and the whole 9 yards.

Family counseling ASAP. For my kids and myself. I'd be bending over backwards trying to figure out where I failed as a parent and wondering why my child has a child. Parenting classes for myself and my child. Especially since my own parenting clearly failed and is no example of how to parent to my own children.

Edit: I fully realize that this is likely a troll question, but ya know. Whatevs. :-)

Help him as much as I can as long as he is willing to help himself.

I.e. I'll help raise the baby, if you stay in school.

Amazing father? For real? A 15 year old is just that. He's a kid with a kid. His life is going to be full of challenges and his parents are left to pick up the pieces and fill in the blanks because cognitively he has the mind of a young teen. He's not the first 15 year old dad and won't be the last -unfortunately. I would demand to meet girl, baby and the girl's parents and help get him through school, but would not assume lead responsibility for caring for the baby. And pray that he doesn't repeat this mistake again. I'm sure I would faint first.

I think I would have a heart attack! Oh my gosh I have a 15 year old son myself and can't even imagine it.

Assuming everything you say is true, I would march my son straight to a lawyer to figure out a way to establish paternity and get legal custody. He would need a job to support his child. I would be loving but firm with him. And I would help him as much as I could without enabling.

Wow my heart is pounding just thinking about such a scenario.

Well, first I would be mad at myself for not figuring out that something was up. Then I would have a loooooonnnggg talk with my son. Then I would figure out a way for everyone to be involved in the child's life. Then I would find out a way for my 15 year old to help financially support his child.

Hmmm, so many unanswered questions....Is this your son? Did he finally decide to tell you, because "now he has to raise the child on his own" so he needs your help. Does he live with you? Because if so, you will be helping him to raise this child. Do you want to help raise your grandchild? What will he do while he's in school?? Where is the child's mother and why can't she take care of him any longer???? Need more info.

Interesting first question.

I would be FLOORED because I can't imagine not knowing that my child wasn't really somewhere other than a friend's house every single day and holidays. And I would take a long look at why he felt he should 1. be having sex at 13/14, and 2. why he hid the child for a year and lied to me all that time. I would sit down and want him to come clean with everything, including if he's had a paternity test and what else he might be hiding. I would not be happy, for certain, but I would also be incredibly sad that my child could not come to me for advice and support. That would be an enormous failing on my part.

Where is the mother?

At this point, if he intends to raise this child, find out what programs are available for teen parents in your area and encourage him to take care of his child, and continue his education since they will both benefit from it. Or if you and he cannot raise this child, there are adoption options. Friend of mine and her then-fiance placed their son for adoption 11 years ago. It was not an easy choice, but it was the right choice not only for them (they did not last - they were broken up by the time he was born) but for the child.

If he has not had a paternity test, he needs one and needs to establish legal parenthood and custody of the child. A friend of mine did not do this and when the child was 3, she took him back and friend has never seen the child he believes to be his son again.

I don't believe this is a real question.

NO WAY! Are you a single mom?

There is no way, my kids would have kids and me not know about it. I am always up in there business. We do not live in a society that allows for us to leave our children to their own accord. I'm sorry you are going through this, but unless you are a single mom and working 2 jobs, there is no way that you should not know this, and even then, do you not speak with your child? Like Bug wrote down below.....get yourself a lawyer, establish paternity and get ready to become a grandmom/mom, and above all....start communicating with your son. Good luck!

There isn't a lot of information here, but it's not far reaching because one of our nephews fathered a baby at just about the same age and is now in his last year of highschool. The fact that he hid it so well and the fact that you stated that he is NOW fifteen makes me wonder how he managed this at age fourteen. While it is not common it is more common than ever for these situations in some cultures and it seems perfectly acceptable. In our case the parents (grandparents) were very angry at first, but once they had the baby in their lives the love affair began and all including the mother, young father and grandparents on both sides have been helping raise this baby who is about eight months old now. But seriously who is this young man if this is real and why is the mother of the baby not involved? I am trying to not see this as trolling but need more info.

I would support my son in every way possible... after I have passed out from shock.

And what does it matter if it is her son or not. She is asking a general question.

Well, my son would never have been away from me or his father long enough to pull any of this off.
Although my son was a child of divorce and he was certainly allowed to have friends, weekends and holidays especially, were very much reserved for family time. I've always been a single working mother, but even as such, I always knew where my son was. He often went after school to friends' homes to do homework or work on school projects, but it was cleared with the mothers and they always brought him home afterwards or I picked him up at their houses.

My point is, he wouldn't have been able to keep a child a secret, especially if he was seeing the child on a regular basis. Also, we live in an incredibly small community. These types of secrets are impossible to keep.

I guess, assuming this is a hypothetical question, my first thought would be utter shock. I would be angry that my son felt he couldn't come to me, but I'd mostly be angry with myself for all of this having happened without me having the slightest clue.

A 15 year old boy is in no position to raise a child on his own. He's still just a child himself. If I found myself in the position you describe, I'd have to find resources including the possibility of an open adoption so that my son could continue to have a relationship with his child while continuing his education, etc. I struggle as a single mom just supporting my son. I could never stay home to raise a baby and I certainly couldn't afford the expenses of another child. My head would be spinning off with all the realities and torn feelings.

I'm thankful this is not a scenario I will ever have to face.

I can't think of many circumstances in which a 15 year old could self sufficiently "support" a child. Financially, psychologically OR emotionally.
Said 15 year old would need various help and support of his parents, guardians, society, and/or extended family.
How "amazing" of a father could a 15 year old actually BE, I wonder?
Personally, I'd be disappointed in my son for not knowing better, completing his education AND hiding my geandchilds existence for a year!

God, help me accept what I cannot change.

Wow, Id be HIGHLY upset if I found out my son had a child without me knowing!! (I dont have one well soon I will) I would hate to become a grandmother so soon!! I agree with everyone else I would take a Paternity Test. But Im not sure if I would stress on finding someone else to raise his child. Thats my opinion and here's why: I had my almost 14 year old daughter at 16 it was hard and I raised her on my own. Well I still lived with my mother during the week and father on the weekends, but I was responsible of finding a daycare to watch my daughter while I was at school, and instead of hanging out with friends, I stayed home to watch my daughter. I was responsible for buying diapers,bottles , clothing, etc. Yea, it might sound harsh, but Im glad my mother made me do that. Then I learned what having unprotected sex can do to you.

Im happy that I had my daughter and Im married and pregnant again. Of course I graduated from HighSchool and Graduated from College because my dad pushed me to do my very best so I can actually do something with my life. I hope your son is always there for your grandson/granddaughter. Now it may not sound like a great plan for your son to raise his child on his own but hey thats the consequences! Where's the mother?? How come her parents didnt tell you?? I find this impossible for you not to know but it can happen.

When I told my mother and father that I was pregnant I was about 2 months pregnant I shouldve told them ahead of time but I was worried about what they would say. Talk to your son, I would be hurt if I found out my child couldnt talk to me about whats going on in his life, talk to him, tell him what will go on for now, and welcome your new grandson/granddaughter. I know what he's going through and tell him that I wish him the best, let me know what happens, good luck!!!

K. B.

ow i am so sorry for him just br there for him i know how hard it is to raise a kid at that age and instead of going off at him take a momnet to breathe and think if that was u what would be going through your brain he is probally scared that u would yell at him and that dosnet change anything thats why he didnt tell u i beat just support him

Be shocked and hurt and then hug my grandbaby!!! Congratulations!!! Any child is a gift from God!!! Jump in both feet into being a grandparent and support your son (at least mentally) in being the best Dad he can!!!

I would try to figure out how I could change our relationship to make him feel feel comfortable telling me things that I might find difficult to hear. And then I'd grit my teeth, smile and get comfortable with the name "Grandma". Good luck to you, it sounds like a difficult situation.

first thing to do is demand a blood test to make certain the child is actually his, and get a lawyer, to make certain that if indeed the child is his, his rights as a parent are protected and he does his part, if the child is found not be his, then he needs to protect himself to make certain the girl doesnt try to come after him anyway, lots of young girls will try to do this
K. h.

God bless this little baby, first and foremost. He or she didn't ask to be put on this earth.

I guess if I were in your shoes, I'd be furious. I'd lay the guilt down but I'd also lay off the Why's?! Because it's too late. I'm sure he's realizing all the responsibility. And now that he'll be raising the child alone, you can't ask for more of a lesson. I'd guess I'd also have to start treating him like an adult. Is he a responsible kid for the most part?

I'd also pitch in, even though I wasn't asked. Nothing would prevent me from allowing my son to have a shot at college, a good career. But he would have to promise me. Help him graduate high school first. Then let the kids work and go to school. Millions of single parents did it. He can too with your support.

What's done is done. I hope and pray it works out okay for all of you. He was so terrified he kept a deep secret from you. Forgive him, understand and most of all support him. They need it. And we are all here for you when you feel tired or confused. God bless.