Advice About My Sons Situation

M.,
Does the girl want anything to do with you? You might offer to help and see where that leads you.
C. B

If he wants any rights with regard to the child he needs to file for paternity with the state. If he doesn't, he will have no legal rights.

It doesn't matter if she wants anything to do with him or not he has rights to that baby and if he wants to be there and take care of his kid she has to just deal with it.

He has the same legal rights concerning the child that any other grown man has, he is responsible for child support, medical ect,..but by the same token she can not keep him from his child, I would contact a lawyer before the child is born to make sure his name is put on the birth certificate, so he can claim all legal rights to his child. There are agencies that work pro-bono and a lot of county courthouses can help guide you to free legal help. good luck to your son I hope things get better! And you have done good if he is willing to step up to the plate.

Have you tried talking the parents of the girl? I mean seriously, now that they are taking on this huge step at such a young age, these decisions have to involve parents as well. You are rightfully the grand parent of this child too. You do have say so. I am not sure from a legal standpoint what legal rights a 15 year old has, however, you can call a lawyer and ask for a free consult. Sad as at 15 a girl cannot really make these decisions rationally while about to give birth. She has no idea what is in store for her I am sure. It is noble if your son is indeed willing to step up and help her out. Are they keeping the baby? Who will raise the baby? How are they going to support the baby? I would say try rationally having a sit down with the girls parents, if they won't budge or be reasonable, the contact an attorney.
Good luck.

I would try to talk with the girl's parents, maybe as a whole group. So that everyone understands everyone else's point of view. If your son is wanting to be a part of this baby's life then he has every right and the previous posts have all made great suggestions. I would suggest it is better he is a part of things in a civilized positive way now than a few years down the line when she decides she wants child support and he feels like he doesn't even know his child. Unless the baby is being put up for adoption and even then he should understand that decision and come to terms with it. What I would worry the most about is if he is not allowed to be involved or have any kind of say in this now there may be years of regrets later on. Have you talked to him? What does he want?
Good luck... Congratulations to you on being a soon to be grandma?

I she keeping the baby? He has parental rights to the baby he could go to court to protect his rights. It may be possible to go through ad lidum to get it. They are court appointed lawyers for the child rights. My mother in law went throught them to get visitation for herself to some granchildren when her daughter divorced the father and he got custody of the children. It is really best if a child can grow up with two parents who love each other and are together raising the child. The statistics are really quite high for the child to end up in the judicial system if not raised by two loving parents.

This must be a very difficult time for both you and your son. I'm sorry. I'm assuming that he wants a part in his childs life? If he doesn't, I believe he can sign over his rights as a biological father. If he does want to have rights to the child, he will likely have to pay some sort of child support, but he should have equal custody with the M.. She can't change the paternity of the child now. You might be able to get a public defender to help you out or at least some sort of county agency that can let you know of his rights.

You need to get in touch with a lawyer. Your son has rights. And if he is stepping up and being a man and wanting to take care of his child he should be given that chance. Try talking to the girls parents. That might help. It does not matter if this girl likes your son or not. They will be having a child together and she should be thankful that your son wants to be apart of its life. That is far and few between. Even with grown men. Maybe if you can have a sit down talk with yourself, your son, the girl and her parents. Explain why you made those suggestions. She is young and believe me does not have a clue how hard being a parent is.

Wow, you must be beside yourself with these incredible life changes. Please continue to breathe deeply. I would see a lawyer about this. Someone who does child custody, and child support issues, etc..perhpas your divorce lawyer can refer someone. You did not mention your son's girlfriend's parents. Since they are both minors, the two sets of parents should be figuring out what is going to happen to the baby. I would check to see if the law holds you responsible for your minor son's actions in this regard. The consequences are not going to go away just because she doesn't want to see him anymore, and there is nothing worse than having the past emerge at the worse times. You must know that child support, medical, living expenses, visitation are all part of the package of baby. Boxes of condoms in the future wouldn't hurt. I would certainly set your son in the direction of finding out many of these things. Depending on your state, may vary with respect to his rights. Are you sure the baby is his is also important to find out. These are hard questions, and I am sure you must be over the top stressed out. But in the big picture, life goes on, this is his life, in 3 years he will be considered an adult, and then this situation is solely his. Perhaps looking at it in those terms will be helpful. You also get to decide how to be part of this new child's life. My heart goes out to you, with much good luck. B.

Hi. I'm a family law paralegal. Your son needs to file a paternity action as soon as the baby is born to establish parenting time. Because he is a juvenile, you as a parent have some grand parent rights. Do everything you can to encourage him to be involved in the baby's life and to use what legal avenues available to him to accomplish that. He has just as many rights as she does. Be supportive of your son, love him, and welcome your grandchild into your life.

Your son has legal rights no matter whether the young lady wants anything to do with your son or not.
She liked him well enough to get pregnant by him!
He has the right to be at the hospital at the time of birth and he has visitation rights once the child is born.
And MOM, my best advice, make sure your son is taking some kind of financial responsibility for this child.
Make him get some kind of a job and give half to the care and keep of that child.
He was grown up enough to get the young lady pregnant, he is grown up enough to help support it.
Sorry about your divorce, that can be a real stress factor.
But be strong with your son.
I have three sons and two were father's at 17 and 18.
It is hard, but it is harder to raise a child no days.
Make him take responsibility, no matter how much he gripes about it.
And you have rights as a Grandmother, do not let this young lady deprive you being a part of your Grandchilds life.
Good luck dear and God Bless you.

Your son (and your family) has a legal right to be part of his child's life, even if the girl doesn't agree. If speaking with the girl and her family about the fact that your son wishes to be actively involved doesn't work for you, you may eventually need to seek legal assistance.

I would suggest setting up a meeting with the girl's family, or if they don't agree to that, perhaps write a letter explaining your position and asking for an opportunity to speak with them in person about it. Save a copy of this letter as you may want to show it to an attorney in the future should you need to take that route. The fact is, this is a highly charged emotional issue that affects everyone involved, especially the baby, so trying to work things out peacefully with the girl's family is, in my opinion, the best place to start. Try to keep in mind that this is an incredibly challenging situation for them as well, and that compassion and understanding will take you much further than demands. If you approach them with that understanding, they may be willing to hear what you have to say and be open to looking at how a peaceful arrangement may be reach. Good luck to you and your family.

T.

I was pregnant at 17 and I know alot of girls who said the same. Its the fear, he is still the daddy and has the rights to see the child and he may have to help pay for it, but she can not shut him out unless he signs his rights away. He needs to talk to her and let her know what he wants, if they both love the baby they will work it out. it might not be right a way but it will happen.

Hire an attorney. Your son has as much right and responsibility to the baby as the mom. It may make things difficult for the mom, who cares. The baby is what matters now. If needed the "exchange" can happen with a third party. Do not let her dictate to you son what kind of father he gets to be. If she does that now, she will likely do that forever. Who says she is the better parent? Let a judge help. Good job for him wanting to stand like a man and not run.

Kids having kids is always hard. It maybe to your son's advantage to not get hopes up for a relationship. He can't even decide what to wear let alone what to do with a child. I am a mother of 5 boys. It is sad, and it will help him to think things through if you don't offer what you would do. Counciling may be good for all involved. What about the girls parants? It has been my experience that kids having kids is a very stressful, no win situtation. Love your son, let him think. Make him support the mom, in all ways $$$. He has to learn about sex and responsibility.

Congratulations, M.! How your heart must be all full of different emotions! And, your son... wow, for him, too! Blessings to both of you for keeping your hearts open and knowing the child will somehow be part of your lives. I imagine the baby's mom is young and going through the huge transition into motherhood. I encourage you to stay strong and loving toward her. She will need your support, even though she may not know it yet!

LDS Family Services have great resources for people with teenage pregnancy issues. I don't know where you live, but I know they have offices in Idaho and Utah-or you can call 1-800-537-2229 or go to their website-www.itsaboutlove.org I hope that helps and good luck.

Pray hard and do what you can. Take him to the hospital when she has the baby. Talk to the mother to be's parents and tell them you guys want a part in this baby's life and ask for at least one chance at it. maybe they will understand.
GOOD LUCK!!!

Hi, can you speak with the daughters parents to let them know your son needs or wants to be involved? Whether she likes it or not, he is the father and needs to take responsibility too if she plans on keeping the baby. It's a difficult situation all around, especially for their age, but it would be good for her too if she does have other help (baby's father and his family) She may appreciate his help at some point, probably not for a while, but if he sticks with it (with your help) it should work out in the long run. Make sure he gets there to the hospital for the birth, just because he's not carrying the baby, he needs to be just as involved. Boys/men need to learn to not run away from these things, don't you think?

I would recommend a paternity test and call social services in your area for help with getting visitation. If he is the father he will have rights whether she likes it or not. I have a friend who walked away and 8 years later the girl came after him for child support and he is still trying to get his credit fixed. His son is 17 now. I commend you for trying to help him do the right thing. It is very hard when they are that young.
Hope this helps,

H. m

My children are still little, but I have been through similar things with the rest of my family. Your son, because he is the Dad, he has rights to see his child, and also you have rights as the child’s grandma.

Your son has rights, as do you being a grand parent. Is your son sure the child is his? If there is any doubt or even if there is not, have a paternity test done to establish paternity which will set those doubts aside. That is,if he and you want to have the baby some of the time. It will also make him accountable for paying child support.

You would need to contact an attorney if things can't be worked out with mom or grsndparent to grandparent.

Hope that helps some.

The very, very best thing for the baby would be adoption. Children are not competent to raise children, especially if they are bickering parents. If I were you, I would use all my influence to work with girl's parents to get both kids persuaded of this.

If one or the other (your son or his former girlfriend) won't consider adoption, then they have to start dealing with things as adults. Make sure there are legal rulings ensuring that your son has not just the right, but also the legal responsibility to take care of this baby. Your son should be financially responsible for child support. He needs to learn that rights and responsibilities go hand in hand. Also, the girl needs to realise that there are consequences for her actions. If she makes a baby with someone she doesn't want in her life, too bad. She should have thought of that before making the baby. Now, she has a responsibility to make sure that her baby gets what s/he needs - a dad. Children whose dads are not in the picture always wonder why their dads didn't want them.

I would start by listing the responsiblities of having a child. And I would explain that you're going to make sure they both are legally obligated to these responsibilities. Having to deal with an ex-boyfriend all her life might be the thing that sways the girl toward adoption. Both of these kids need to have a very real idea of what the responsibilities are going to be.

Your son has rights to his child whether the girl wants him to or not. I would first talk to her parents and see if you can all come to an agreement, if not then IU would turn to the court system. I think he should really be present at the birth so if it is important to him, fight for that. I had my first baby when I was 18 and for my boyfriend being in the room at the birth it helped him bond to the baby (he was also 18). Also I agree that he needs to take finacial responsibility for the baby. If he wants to have rights to the child he needs to help support the child.

That is really sad. I'm sorry to hear that. I have a 16-year-old son and he has had the same girlfriend for over two years. This has been a big concern for me as well. So far, we've been lucky as she has not gotten pregnant, though I know they are sexually active. I don't know what rights your son has, but I suspect that a father has some rights to visitation, even though he's only 15. I would check with an attorney who specializes in family issues to find out what his rights are concerning the child. Good luck!

Dear M.,

Congratulations on them both being brought up with enough love to know how precious life is. You have done a good job that he wants to be there. I am sure she is resentful to him thinking that it is all his fault when it does take two. Hang in there, don't let him give up. That baby needs your son!

Have him take actions to show how much he wants to be responsible. Have him start a savings account like a 91 day time savings account at Firstbank. (I assume you are in Colorado) These savings accounts are small up front deposits that he can add to but not withdrawal until maturity. Have the mother of the baby be listed as a beneficiary, heaven for bid something happens to your son. Next go to your insurance agent, because of his age you will have to own the policy until he is 18 or 21 depending on your state. But take a life policy out on your son. Preferably a Universal Life policy that has growth to it. Then list someone you would trust to be the informal trustee of the money for the baby. Your agent can explain all of this. These policies are great to use for college palnning. Make sure your son over funds it by about $5.00 a month now while he is young. Then as he gets older and his income increases he can add more money to it. Also consider getting one on the baby after she/he is born. With all of this then he can also help with diapers formula etc. As soon as this can be set up it can then be shown for any legal issues how he is being responsible and wants to provide.

She obviously cared for him at one time. Have him keep talking to her and her parents about how much he does care and wants to be there for her and the baby.

I hope this is a bit of help, God Bless all of you. Your love and his will overcome.

J.

Hi, I am late in answering your post. As a grandma, I can't stress enough how much joy my grandkids 4 and 2, have brought me. I did not approve of the guy she married. He is an atheist for one thing, and he just could never loose an argument, it only made him stronger. He challenged us from day one, coming out of the internet chat room. One day when he came to pick my daughter up he said that if we did not treat our daughter (then 17 1/2) right, that he would take her away and we would never see her again!)
I am here to tell ya, it was worth the pain, the wait and the prayers to see that marriage finally end, by him cheating on her.

Todays kids do definitely grow up fast or want to grow up too fast.
I think for the most part, they have way to much unsupervised social time.
My other two kids ages 17, and 15 are very aware of the ills in our society, and with their sister making the wrong choices, they have leaned far to the right. The kids at their school are raunchy, ill mannered, and disrespectful, I pity their parents.
I attribute this to the fact that for the most part the kids are void of any kind of spirituality in their lives. Their souls are starving and they keep searching for other things to fill their emptiness.

My oldest did not want to get a job while living at home, and she did not want to do anything after she graduated, and thought "I will just go live somewhere else." It cost her dearly.

I am hoping that your son will take responsibility for his baby, and that the girl will raise it better than she was raised, and that they will include you into their life.

You did not say if the girls parents approved...I am thinking that they did not voice their opinion...
You just have to pray for them and gather strength from above in this matter.

Blessings,
C.

It sounds like a very tough situation. I commend you for reaching out for help where most would not....Depending on the mother of the unborn, if she decides to keep the child, then it would only seem moral for your son to save aside some money for the upkeep of this child, maybe this money could go into a CD account to acknowlege his responsibility for this child. It's an awsome responsibility to raise a child as being so young a father. But maybe this child fund would be a start....
Good luck, and good health, A.

Hi, wow- lots for you to deal with. There is the fatherhood foundation (www.fatherhoodfoundation.org) which is in Colo Springs but has great info on their website. Also, Parent Pathways in Denver has a young father's program. Both are great jumping off points. Best of luck in everything you're going through.

He's the father, that should give him some rights. Talk to a lawyer.
good luck!

Hi M. - I'm very sorry to hear about the whole situation. I suggest that you not try to turn her around right now. I would let her have the baby and do that on her own. (I believe she will) Try to be there for your son. he is awfully young and has a long hard road ahead of him.

T.

I can so understand what you and your son are going through! My heart goes out to you and your family. My husband has a child from a divorce, and we fought for years in court so he could see him, but it's still not what he wanted, or should have been. I agree with the others, on getting a lawyer, and fast. But I do send a word of caution. The money involved here, especially when such emotions are included, is staggering. Fight, but don't lose your home over it.

My son had a daughter when he was 17 but the mother has been pretty good to me. I have a great relationship with my grandaughter and I love her with all my heart. There have been times when it seems like she tries to keep her away from me and has been very stressful, but overall it has worked good. I'm also divorced and I understand the stress that causes. I feel for you and the only advice I can give you is pray about it. Try to stay in touch with the mother to be and let her know you want to be part of this baby's life. My daughter just had a baby the end of Janruary and thought it would be different but it has been VERY stressful. My heart aches for you and hope everything works out for you. Just let your feelings about the baby be known...that you are the grandma and you want to be part of this baby's life. Good luck.

M.,
What is the girl doing with the baby? Is she keeping the baby? Your son does have legal rights. This is a tough situation for all of you. Is it the girl that does not want contact or is it her parents? I don't know what state you are in, but I would contact your local DFS and see what rights your son will have when the baby is born.
I will be thinking of you.
S.

M., First of all I want to say I can't imagine the pain and dillemma you are going through. I have no experience in this department, eventhough i do have teenagers in the home.
I don't know how old this girl is, but nevertheless they are both kids and don't know enough about life, love and families in order to make it on their own. They both will need much support throughout this ordeal and for a longtime to come.
I suggest you talk to her parents, because the truth of the matter is you are all family now, whether or not you like eachother or want to accept it.
This girl might not want a relationship with your son for now, but she needs to realize it took 2 to bring a baby into this world... a female (mom) and a male (dad) and that is exactly what it will take to raise this baby... both mom and dad and in this case grandparents as well. She can't keep him away from his own child, if he is willing to love the child, and support the child. If he is of no harm to the baby or the baby's mom, then I'm pretty sure courts will not be on her side if he decided to get legal action. He does need to finish school, if he wants a better life for himself and his child.
Airforce would be a great stepping stone for him as well. The child would have the best health care benefits and so would your son. The child would have consistent support and it would also be a chance to turn things around for the better. My husband and I both served our country through the Army and we encourage all our 6 children to do the same but through the airforce. There are more advantages through this particular branch.

I hope this helps, and i pray your son is open to this advice. Having a baby this young can be a hindrance or a blessing... depending all on everyone's thinking, attitudes, and decisions!

Wish you the best.

One thing you need to keep in mind is that your son is legally financially responsible for this child. She may not want anything to do with him now, but at any time she can ask your son to help financially support the child and he will have to do it. Because of this, he has every right to be involved with his child. You should talk to the girls parents and try to work out a way to involve your son that is best for both parties.

Hi M.. What a difficult situation you are in. Unfortunately some folks believe only the mother has rights to a child. However, that is simply not true. Your son has as many rights to that child as the mother. The mother does not have to be with your son, but she certainly was able to sleep with him at one time, and now has to deal with the consequences of that decision. I'm not sure if you should seek legal council, but that may be what you need. If you have not tried talking to the girl's parents, perhaps that would help. Letting the mother's family know that you intend to be a part of the child's life is important. Good luck with your dilemma. I'll pray for you.

See an attorney. You and your son need to know all of the ramifications in the state you live. Rights for juveniles differ substantially from state to state. Don't be surprised and formulate a plan for how to respond BEFORE the child is born. This can be very nasty. I have been the observant spectator in a couple of these situations in my family. It would also be a good time to take your son to Planned Parenthood, have him tested for STD'S and get a good understanding of contraception so this situation does not emerge in his life again.

If your son wants to be part of his child's life and the mother doesn't want him there, then your son should take her to court and demand his rights as a father. I hope everything works out for your son.

Dear M.,
This should be a joyous time. I am sorry that it is full of problems.
Regardless of your son's choice, the baby needs to know it is loved. He does have paternity rights. That means if he can prove through testing he is the father and there is no dispute about him being the father, then he can see the baby through the courts if need be. It is a hard situation for sure.
I would recommend praying a lot. You need extra help for sure.

Some questions to consider: How involved does he want to be? Is the mom going to nurse? Have you spoken to her parents? Do you need a lawyer? How mature is your son? Does he realize what it means to be a father?

I talked with a young man the other day that made some mistakes when he was younger. He is trying hard to be a good Dad even though he lives a long way from his young daughter. He sends tapes to her through the mail. He reads children's books to her on the tape. It is a great way to keep in touch an be a part of her life.

Tell your son that he isn't alone. He is very young, but he can still be effective and needs to be there for his new baby as much as he can.

I can imagine that it is very hard for you. You probably want to enjoy your little grandbaby to-be also- that's where the prayer comes in. Hopefully you will be guided as to what you should do. Listen carefully after you pray and then try to follow the best course for you, your son and your Grandbaby.

My son is adopting his wife's little girl soon. My Granddaughter's biological father realizes that it is better for my son to adopt her so they can become a family. Sometimes the choice may be later to have the mom of your Grandbaby marry someone that will want to adopt her. Those choices are hard, but in my son's case it is the best thing.

Maybe the mom of your Grandchild should adopt the baby out. I know many wonderful families that need a baby. It's a hard choice, but it may be the best for the baby. Again, pray about it.

It must be heart wrenching for you. Hang in there and tell your son that people that have sex are parents. Guilt is not a good motivator, teach him that sex is a responsibility, not a recreational activity. He needs to wait until he is married. He can wait, difficult as it is.

God Bless you and yours!
H. B. MOM (mother of many-9) Four of which are boys

You may want to contact social services or the DFS (Department of Family Servies) in your area. They can provide you information on legal assistance, and/or counseling.

Make sure you get invovled soon...the longer you wait the harder it will be and the longer it will take to become active members of the childs life.

Every child should have a dad/father that wants to be involved and if you son wants that then you should help him (even if it's just emotional support). He will need to get job as he WILL have to start paying her support and keep up with it otherwise she can go back to court and sever his rights. Make sure he pays through the system and if he doesn't that everytime he pays her to get a receipt.

My stepfather went through this situation with his ex over my stepbrother. It is not fun. It's now 30 years later and there are still emotional issues between both families.

Fight hard if this is really what he wants.