JM, I understand what you're saying. I have done this with doctor appointments in the past when we were on vacation and not told him where we were going. It makes him mad that I've made an eye appointment for him during his time off, but glaucoma runs in his family and it's important to have him monitored, and he won't ever get the appointment made without a "problem" with his vision. (If he were to get glaucoma, by the time he would realize there was a "problem", that sight would already be lost for good...)
Anyway, I stopped getting appointments otherwise for him because I can no longer do it. He has a computerized schedule that must be looked at while on the phone making an appointment because of conference calls, meetings, business trips, etc. Instead, what I have endeavored to do is have a family network of doctors who are wonderful to work with - every time we move, I spend a great amount of time working on this, and I've been pretty happy with the network I have come up with, for the most part. That way, he can get help if something happens, like when he got an eye infection while I was out of town with the kids (loved it when he called me while I was driving across Ohio and said "Honey, who is our eye doctor?" Boy, did warning bells clang in my head! I said "What did you do to your eye!!!" LOL! Turned out he was cutting branches out of the tree and something fell in it and scratched his cornea...") And then there's the time that a spot on his leg turned into a systemic infection that covered his lower leg in just a weekend's time before a business trip. My dermatologist's office knew me and my kids, and got him in there with no notice because of our relationship, gave him massive antibiotics and an injection, and the doctor gave him his personal phone number so that he could talk to the hospital if my husband ended up getting worse while he was out of state.
JM, no amount of being "mom" for my husband is going to work as far as this is concerned. I'm NOT his mom. I don't control his schedule. I can't make him eat right or exercise. He has to do that on his own (and he does pretty good, by the way.) Since I don't badger him about it, when he comments about things, I remind him that if he didn't wait to find a dentist when his tooth is broken (like he did a year ago) and yes, my dentist's office brought him in as a favor to my and my kid's business with them, that he would have regular checkups. That has actually helped in getting him to manage his own health - me not being willing to do all the work for him on an ongoing basis.
As your husband gets older, he won't be able to keep up the late night stuff and the energy drink stuff. You can tell him, but he won't listen until it gets to be too much. If I were you, I'd quit trying. He's a grown man, not a child. I think that when we baby our husbands too much, they tend to act more like children.
Also, when you take all his responsibility at home away from him just because he goes out and works, you are affording him all this time to watch TV and stay up late. If you actually made him responsible for stuff at home, maybe he would change this dynamic. Remember, if you ended up in the hospital or God forbid, dead, he wouldn't know how to do ANYTHING because you never expected him to. That would be devastating for your family.
My point is not to be a "mom" to him at all. He is supposed to be in a partnership, but a partnership doesn't mean doing everything for him just because he works more outside the home than you do.
Dawn