Parental Advice....

We started a sticker chart for my daughter when she was 3 and it has worked great. We have 5 behaviors on her chart that we have had problems with and at the end of each day she gets to put her earned stickers on the chart. If she starts acting up, we warn her once that she will lose her sticker for that particular behavior and she usually stops instantly. She loves seeing all of the stickers on her chart and it makes her proud when people come to visit and see them too. We reward her at the end of the week for her stickers. We start with $5.00 and we subtract .25 for each missing sticker. We also let her pick out what kind of stickers she wants for her chart and that makes her want to earn them even more.

Raising a second family....hubby's granddaughters....& the oldest is so defiante ! I use push ups..jumping jacks & set ups....25 each rapid fire! Helps some...!

I my field, research indicates that time outs are the most effective way of curbing bad behavior, however, most parents do not know how to use the procedure properly.

You must have a timer, and you must have a time out spot that is free from all distractions or reinforcements (ex, toys, tv, phone, etc.). This could be a stair way (bottom step), bathroom, or a corner of a room where they can not see TV etc.

Some parents use benches or chairs, I have found a rug used specifically for time out works fine and is a cheap alternative to the "time out seats" on the market.

Give the child 1 minute of time out for each year of age, if the child gets up, back talks, cries, etc. give an additional minute up to 10 minutes. They key is to remain calm during this time, no yelling on your end, just simply say you don't want to sit, you get another minute (this is the hardest part for most parents).

If you reach 10 minutes, you take away something that they value, a favorite toy, tv time, phone, etc. it all depends on what your child values and of course their age.

It takes about 2 weeks of doing this consistantly (consistancy is they key)for it to begin working, so don't give up if it isn't working the first few times.

An alternative option is a token economy system where you reward good behavior rather than punish bad behavior. You can use stickers, actual tokens, puzzle pieces etc. When they get a certain number (determined by you) they get rewarded (a predetermined reward that they value, so they know what they are working towards). Again, consistancy is they key and these two interventions work well together.

The number one answer to this question is to have a conversation with youir hubby and find common ground on how you both plan to parent your children. It never should beI am easy or harsh, it should be we are easy...harsh. Basic ground rules with basic consequnces... or as I like to say ruleswith relationship. If your children are older even 3 and up include them in the process of setting guidelines and learning right from wrong. Often times they will let you in on how much they know is wrong. With that you and your husband set realistic guidelines for your children and your home. when you and your husband get the plan in motion keep a close eye on it in case it needs to be tweeked.

Five easy rules anyone can learn. Use the shortest amount of words possible.
1. Mind the boss! Relate to them that a boss is someone who cares for them like mom and dad teacher granny.ect.
2. Be nice!
3. Take care of yourself. (brush teeth, dont run in the st.)
4. Take care of your stuff. (toys to be picked up... If not done take them up in a garbage bag. Length of time up to you)
5. Work before play. (i know you want to ride your bike but work before play means this room has to be picked up first.)

teach it to them and then stay on this track. Use things like "why are you sitting in time out?" make them tell you what rule they broke and how they can fix it. Interactive is a better learning tool.
A granny

M., if your kids are respectful and mind most of the time it sounds like you're doing something right......if you really are going to one extreme or another you probably need to figure out how to find a consistant medium......i'm a fan of spanking when needed...and there are times that it's needed...i'm assuming you've tried all of the "taking this or that away"...etc....Keep on keeping on.....good luck, R.

The most important thing is consistency. If you tell them to do something and don't back it up immediately, you're never going to get anywhere. Humans are manipulative by nature-kids are going to push you to see how far they get every time. If you say do it now or ... , then you MUST follow through every time or they will learn-'Mommy's not really serious until she starts yelling it at us, or until the third time she says it, etc'. They're going to test you at first, but once they see you're serious and you aren't backing down, they'll pick it up quick.

Try spending 15 minutes out of every hour you are around them completely focused on them and what they are playing. It worked wonders for me. The fact that my boys could expect my complete attention every 45 minutes made me feel like several hours had been added to my day. They quit whining around me and arguing at my feet and fighting over stuff so much. It gave me a lot more time to get everything else done and I enjoyed the time I spent with a lot more because they were playing happily.

I find that whispering helps me. I mentioned this to another woman today asking about her hyper 4 year old. It works really well to whisper when I am getting on to the kids because they nearly always stop yelling so they can hear me and it keeps the whole world from judging your parenting when you are in a public place. It also keeps me from getting all hot under the collar in a shouting match. It makes me seem calm cool and in control. A good image to have with your kids, yourself and others.

I picked up a book called How to Outsmart Your Toddler, and I really should have bought it on the spot. For parents of kids of any age, the way of thinking that it introduces to parenting seems ingenious!!

L.

The Supernanny technique works for my son every time! You should give it a try.

1-2-3 magic is a fantastic book/dvd for discipline. It was recommended to us from the schools.

Hi M....and bless you for being such a caring Mom! As I review and consider results of discipline in my child and grandchildren, my opinion is pretty basic on this one. Consistency ~ structure.... Making a decision prior to misbehavior as to how you and their Dad want to handle it and always, ALWAYS following through is key. It may be considered "too easy" or "too harsh" by onlookers, just find the plan that works for your boys, individually, and provide the security of consistency..
Thanks for taking my response..

M., you didn't mention the ages of your boys but, discipline is different from punishment. Discipline involves teaching. When the boys misbehave ask them if they know what they did wrong and have them tell you what it is. With young children, you may ask them which they think should happen, no TV or go to bed with no supper. That is just an example. When my son was a teenager, he was told to come straight home from a school event.
He decided to take his girlfriend home first. The car slid on some ice. He flat a tire and bent a rim. The girl called her dad to come and change the tire.
The next day I took him to the tire store where he had to BUY me a new tire and rim. When he asked why I didn't just take away the keys for a week I told him that was too easy.
Once he went to the gym at school instead of study hall and got caught shooting baskets. The priccipal had him report to the office everyday he had study hall. From there he took my son to the cafeteria to mop the floors and wash off tables. this took up study hall time.
This is what teaches that wrong doing means consequences to pay. Good luck.

Hi, Whenever you get an answer, please email me at ____@____.com. I have a 5 year old daughter and she has a beautiful spirit, however, she's so strong minded. She's very respectful and pretty much knows when enough is enough, but I guess the problem is, since she acts so grown, I forget she's 5 and expect more out of her. Maybe I should be posting this to the site for other mothers. Please you and anyone else who may read this, please give me some helpful hints because I KNOW I'm tooooo harsh at times when it comes to telling her things. SIncerely...Oh! How old are your sons???

It is important for you and your husband to agree on the type of battles you want to pick with your kids and which ones to let go. Once you decide then you need to be consistent with whatever the punishment might be. Not all behaviors should get the exact same punishment but being consistent in whatever you decide and being on a united front is best. Good luck!

hi M. r. try taking something from them. like a favorite toy or not letting them watch their favorite tv show.

I really found the book "positive disciple" by Jane Nelsen very helpful.

I am not an expert child raiser , but my husband and I have 3 sons who are now married and have given us 10 grands .... I will come from a christian perspective , its the only way I know ..... the Bible tells us to raise our children for the Lord , to teach them , be consistant , day in and day out , always ..its not just the mother who raises them , the father has the biggest part to play as He's to be the godly example/ leader for the family ..... our children are the biggest mission field we have on this earth ..
I would suggest , don't scream at them , have them look at you when you speak, make sure you have their full attention , get down to their level , speak softly , let them know you mean what you say without being harsh , and yes, you must punish when needed and that means a flop on the you- know - what , as it seems that gets their attention more than talking or doing anything else at times....God provided that "place" more than just for sitting ..... you don't have to beat them in order to make them listen , but flop hard enuf that they know you mean what you said , but never in anger .....pray alot , ask God to give you wisdom in raising your children ..... happy mothering ..... Mir.

I'm confused. You said they mind and are good kids. Why do they need spanking? I used punishment that was what I felt I could police. Like dont tell them they can't watch TV for a month--cause the stress on you would be intolerable and there might be a breakdown and then they won't have any faith in your threats of punishment. Punishing them to solitude also works some times.

Also much depends on the age of your children. I think you both should discuss this with a counselor. A professional you trust would be best. But by all means be sure and work to make sure you and your spouse can agree on punishment as much as possible. And above everything don't criticize each others style of punishment in front of the kids. ( And don't discuss it in the bedroom. It;ll tarnish your nest! :) Parenting is the hardes job you'll every have. Just make sure the two of you take time for each other and have discussions with love. May God Bless. It is evident you are both good parents.

M., I don't know how old your kids are but I have found a FABULOUS book! It's called Creative Correction and it's by Lisa Wechel who played Blair on the Facts of Life. I went to a parenting seminar of hers that was FANTASTIC!!!