My otherwise well-behaved (well...normally behaved) newly 3-year old son has a really annoying morning habit. When he wakes up in the morning, he starts yelling. He's in a perfectly good mood, he just yells. Some examples: "Mommy, I did my firetruck puzzle by myself, aren't you proud of me?!" "Guys, can you hear me? I'm awake!" and one of my favorites, "I'm not yelling guys, don't take my toys away!" at the top of his sweet little lungs.
I've posted before about morning struggles with him waking up earlier and earlier each day, about other moms' takes on letting him play a while in his room by himself before going in, etc. We have a clock that turns green at 7am (he wakes up as early as 6 but usually more like 6:30/6:45, close to 7 if we're lucky) and he knows we don't come in before its green. We have been very consistent about this and the yelling is a new thing.
He's going to become a big brother this summer so while right now this habit this annoying, I'm more concerned about him being this habit for when the baby gets here. I'm sure there will be times when he'll wake the baby and vice versa, but I'd like to avoid it being every single morning.
So we tried not letting him watch his one morning cartoon which seemed to make an impact for 2-3 days but then he just got used to it. He just had a bday so the last few mornings we've been trying taking away a fave new toy and giving it back the next day if he doesn't yell. And before anyone suggests that he doesn't know he's doing it, he does. Many times the first thing he says when we open the door if he's been yelling is "sorry I was yelling and I woke you up." And when he doesn't yell, he's proud of himself and wants praise.
So, any advice? We just can't seem to find a consequence that is making enough difference for him to really stop himself from doing it. I feel like I need as much rest as I can get right now and plus, its rude to yell especially when people are sleeping, period, and I think he is old enough to start learning how his actions affect others.
I'm looking forward to reading many words of wisdom! Thanks in advance!
**in response to some of the responses (thank you!), a couple clarifications...I completely get that he can't really understand empathy/respect for our sleep, etc at this age. I just meant that, as one of you pointed out, good manners and habits come from being taught and then waiting for the more sophisticated emotions to come later to take over for discipline. I don't agree that no matter when kids wake up we should hop right up with them at this age. My son has awoken at like 11pm before, sat up and said he was ready to play. As parents we have to set limits and boundaries. I'm just looking for some ideas on how on this one. I'm usually pretty good at coming up with natural, reasonable, NON-PHYSICAL (I'm not a spanking fan) discipline techniques but this one has me stumped. Also, we do tell him that he can get up and play with his toys, he can sing and talk quietly, he just can't yell. We don't let him yell anytime; yelling is bad manners. I'm afraid to go in and remind him because I think us coming in is what he's after so even if he gets negative attention, its still attention and so, in a way, a reward for his behavior. Keep the ideas coming, thank you!
I would tell him if he starts yelling, he has to stay in his room longer. Sooo if he starts yelling at 6:45, well that's 15 minutes before his 7:00 time... so he gets to stay in his room until 7:15. Let him keep playing, but he has to do it in his room, and quietly.
What if you give him a sticker every morning he does not yell. When he gets X # of stickers, he gets a treat- it doesn't have to be a new toy. Maybe he gets to do something that he loves, but doesn't get to do often- a special outing w/ Dad and/or Mom, a happy meal- whatever you think will work.
Good luck! :)
First of all 3 year olds can learn respect, I have a 2 year old in my daycare care that hushes people when her brother (6 weeks) is sleeping, so don't think for one moment that he can not learn that. Never respond to his yelling by leting him get up, eat, or anything except going potty, I taught my children and my daycare children early about indoor voices, you don't have to be a fan of spanking for it to work. Today parents use punishment instead of discipline and that is why they/you have the same issues over and over and over again. Our children are grown now but we disciplined, (well my husband did I was the push over) but any way my husband always gave a loving warning, and then it was 2 good swats on the butt, no full out spanking just 2 swats, it was a very rare thing in our home if my husband had to discipline our children for the same thing more than once, If a parent has to put a child in time out for the same thing over and over TIMEOUT DOES NOT WORK, if you have to keep taking toys aways untill there is nothing left, TAKING TOYS AWAY DOES NOT WORK. And if you think he is loud at 3 wait until he is 4 and 5. J. L
Growing up, we were not allowed to come upstairs until my parents woke up. We had toys in our rooms, and we had a TV. I think it is perfectly acceptable to expect him to be able to entertain himself without yelling for the 15-30 minutes it takes for 7:00 to arrive. Now if you were leaving him for hours, I would have a different opinion.. While I wouldn't expect him to stay in bed, I agree with making him spend extra time in his room. It's a logical consequence... He gets you up early, he has to wait longer to come out and play.
You might get one of those baby monitors that has 2 recievers, and uses lights to show the noise. (I had one that would have one green light when it was quiet, and would go up to yellow for some noise, then R. for a loud noise.) Mount the monitor and one reciever in his room where he can see the reciever (have the volume muted, so he isn't tempted to make noise just to hear himself.) and have the other in your room (muted also...) and try a reward system... If he can go all morning without making the light turn R., he gets a sticker. If he gets a sticker every day for a week, he gets _____. (ice cream, toy, whatever you decide would be a good reward.) You could also say if he DOES make it turn R. by yelling, you take one of his favorite toys. Then that toy can be his reward the next time he gets a week's worth of stickers.
(ha ha Linda P... You posted yours while I was typing mine... great minds think alike!!! LOL!)
I think when your three year old child wakes up in the morning, you need to get up with him. I think allowing him to play by himself while you catch some extra zzz's is probably not such a great thing.
Granted, I do not get up a half hour before my children to have breakfast on the table (my mom did) but when they are up, I immediately get up...even if it's at six. Sometimes it's at five-thirty. Sometimes I only get four hours of sleep. Sometimes I try to go to bed earlier.
The problem with trying to punish this behavior is that you created this behavior, not him. He's still a toddler, and you are leaving him on his own when he wakes up. He wants YOU when he wakes up, so he is yelling to you in hopes that you will come "get" him. I have a feeling that if you went in to him right away when he wakes up, he wouldn't be yelling. I definitely don't think he's doing anything wrong...for one, he may understand he's yelling, but do you really think he understands why you don't want him to? No. He doesn't know what having a baby is going to be like.
If you really wanted to extend his morning wake up time to seven, try keeping him up a little later, or systematic awakening (where you set the alarm for before he wakes up, and then as he gets used to waking by an alarm gradually set it forward a bit at a time.)
I'm not trying to be harsh...how I would love an extra 20 minutes (hah, an extra two hours) every morning...but I don't get it. :( Really, I think your only solution is to go to bed a little earlier and get up when you child gets up.
I also can't believe someone suggested if "he wakes you up you should make him stay in bed." I mean, do you REALLY want to turn his bed into a punishment zone? Hah, good luck with that...he'll never want to sleep! Um...we're supposed to be awake with our children. If they wake up at six ready to go, then that's what time they wake up.
If you wait about 2 or 3 years it will stop on its own.
Sorry for being flip, but I think you are going to lose this battle. You can try ignoring him and maybe the thrill will wear out. He just wants company. I am totally not a morning person so I entirely empathize with you, but I also think you can't really do anything about it.
Good luck.
I disagree completely. This is not a losing battle. My first daycare children come in at 6am every day of the week. On Saturday and Sunday morning I still have kids coming in at this time. Those kids don't start making noise until I say so. I don't have to fight and fuss with them. They just know I mean business.
You need to take a very hard line with him. Once he's woke you up, you might as well be up. Do something you like to do, eat, watch tv YOUR shows etc. Tell him since he woke you he has to stay in bed. Make him wait on you. Get him a small snack and a potty break and send him back to bed. Each day he yells, make him stay in bed longer. He'll figure it out. You can't reason this one out with him. He isn't going to have empathy at this age. You'll have to start out with good sound discipline and let the empathy and good manners come a long as he ages.
If you have a kiddo who is really happy in the morning and you are going to be up listening to either his very quiet playing or the happy yelling rants anyway, why not just make his day and go in there and play with him or make him a special breakfast?
Also, he is newly three per your post. If he was 7 I would agree that he should understand that yelling is rude and that he should let others sleep but I think this is too much expectation of a three year old. I wouldn't try to squash his spirit too much at such a young age. In fact, before I gave in and joined him I would try to record some of those morning rant sessions for future blackmail/enjoyment ;)
Good luck
My son is 5 and it is still a struggle to get him to be quiet (he is the only morning person in the household). He is getting better in the mornings but we have been working on this one a while. On the other hand when I had the second baby (mine are also 3 years apart)--she slept through almost anything! As a newborn she had an apnea monitor that was really loud (woke me from a sound, exhausted sleep) and she would stir a bit and not really wake up. So I hope some of the tips here work but if not, it may work out okay anyway.
Also, you could try putting out a special morning toy after he falls asleep. Rotate a few things and put them away at breakfast time. My son is now on a Lego kick and can play with them quietly for a while in the morning (this started at about 4 though). If he likes the wooden trains like Thomas you could set up a new layout at night.
I am just wanting to know...what time does he go to bed? Does he still nap? I think that might be important information on the problem...I know my DD stopped with naps early...perhaps there are some clue's there?
I think you're doing all the right things, so at this point it is all about patience and consistency. At that age I've learned that the reward system usually works better than discipline by taking things away, etc. So a reward chart is a good idea . . . post it in his room so he'll see it when he wakes up and be reminded of whatever reward/rewards he'll earn. And I don't mean anything big and expensive. We used reward charts for potty training, and started off with putting a sticker on the good days, and then after a certain number of good days a reward was given (dollar store stuff usually). There was a "big" reward at the end of the cycle . . . when it was clear they were potty trained.
My 4 year old daughter does something similar . . . she starts yelling "is anybody going to wake me up?" It cracks me up . . . but then again, she usually wakes up after me vs. being my alarm clock. But I tell her she's a big girl and can get out of bed herself. And she has been doing that more and more . . . so I think with age comes the maturily and understanding that's necessary to be successful.
You need to go in there and tell hem, use your "whisper voices" in the morning. We will come in your room when WE wake up.
"YOU ARE Yelling." You need to use quiet voices in the morning so we can sleep.
Remind him it is ok for him to play quietly without waking anyone up in the morning. He may not realize this.
He may think he is supposed to wake you all up.
Whisper "to him" when you speak to him.
Talk quietly.
Start a chart and mark it when he's quiet in the mornings.
When you get to a certain point, reward w/a small gift.
Get things ready for him the night before: clothes, lunch, part of non perishable breakfast items on counter etc.
When he does this, do you go in even if it means that you punish him after the fact with no cartoons or confiscating toys? If so, you are still "rewarding" his yelling by giving him the thing he most wants: your attention. I'd say ignore it completely. When he screams, don't go in under any circumstance. If you don't go in, he'll soon find out there's no point in doing it.
Meanwhile, give him other acceptable alternatives. When he wakes up, can he turn on cartoons for himself or help himself to snacks? Look at books or play with a special toy? And absolutely, praise him when he doesn't yell.
Good luck.
My 3 1/2 yo twins cried every morning when waking up and it drove me crazy!!!! So after talking to the school counselor, I purchased a reward chart from Lakeshore Learning that includes star stickers and reward certificates. Every time they wake up happy they get a star, and when they get five in a row, they get a reward certificate for anything they want (within limits). So far it is working like magic! Hope this helps!!
This is April. His yelling thing is a phase. I'm sure if you don't give him attention for it, it will pass before this summer when the new sibling arrives :)
