Our Daughter Gets Mad at Me Because I Do Not Agree with Everything She Says

Not your circus not your monkey. Tell her to clean up her own messes and know she'll be talking about you behind your back.

I don't know what your question is, but I suggest you stop communicating with your daughter by text. Call her. Tell her you'd prefer to see her in person, rather than text. Make plans to meet for brunch, coffee, whatever. If you're on any group text list, take yourself out of the conversation. Stay out of her issues with other family members, for your own sanity.
If she wants to vent, just listen. Validate her feelings. And listen some more. You don't have to agree with her. She can hold differing opinions. She can be mad if she wants. Care about her, but don't get sucked into the drama.

she sounds simply delightful.

do you have a question?
khairete
S.

Is this going to be a running rant/whine about your daughter or are you going to ask an actual parenting question at some point?

1) This is not nearly the level of info we asked for.
2) Don't click "post" so often -your question posted twice.
3) Has she always been this way? You raised her and she is an adult. Has she always been hurtful or did something happen to trigger this? How have you responded so far? What has worked, what hasn't? What's your question?

please ask a question

ETA:
Ok your question has changed since I first answered. This just sounds like drama. I like Diane D's answer. It just sounds like nonsense.

__________________________________________________

My answer just disappeared! Try this again.

This isn't really a place to vent, but I assume you're asking us for advice on how to better communicate with your adult daughter.

I would guess she's upset by something you have done. She has communicated this to someone else in the family via text, which you have read. Either she intended you to read this or not. Regardless, you have.

How about you get in touch with your daughter, in a calm setting, and give her the opportunity to talk. Listen. Then say "I'm sorry you feel this way. It was not my intention" and then you clear up the misunderstanding, and apologize for your part in it.

If however, you feel she is being irrational, melodramatic, just being a sh!t disturber, whatever ... then ignore all this. Walk away. You don't have to participate. You choose to get involved and be upset.

Sometimes drama runs in families. You can opt out.

You cannot control what she does - especially where she is an adult. You cannot control how anyone reacts. Anyone who knows you (and her) will figure out who is being honest. Don't worry about it. It will sort itself out in time. I would not respond if she is just causing trouble.

If this is ongoing, and is a really big issue that causes a lot of grief, then counseling for the pair of you, or just for you if you find this upsetting.

Good luck

I would say let her deal with her own problems. If a family member complains to you tell them they should talk to her and not you. If your daughter wants to text to you and vent, tell her you love her but she will have to figure that out. Or give her a call and just let her vent...don't really say anything back negative or positive. Ask questions like oh, why do you feel that way? Or, that is too bad. Or, I'm sorry to hear it. Besides that don't take sides or get caught up in someone else's drama. Stay neutral.

Why would you confront her? What do you hope to gain from doing that?

I would tell my daughter that I would like to have better communication with her. I would then ask her what I could do to make her feel safe talking to me.

Then, I would listen to her.

Perhaps then you could share that you were hurt that you couldn’t hash things out between yourselves and she felt that she had to vent through a text.

Mind you, this will not work if you are not really listening and just going through the motions until you can share how upset you are.

I don’t know if you are to the point where you can talk to her. You seem very upset and in the mindset of placing blame rather than solving the problem.

Updated

I would tell my daughter that I would like to have better communication with her. I would then ask her what I could do to make her feel safe talking to me.

Then, I would listen to her.

Perhaps then you could share that you were hurt that you couldn’t hash things out between yourselves and she felt that she had to vent through a text.

Mind you, this will not work if you are not really listening and just going through the motions until you can share how upset you are.

I don’t know if you are to the point where you can talk to her. You seem very upset and in the mindset of placing blame rather than solving the problem.

Your daughter creates drama. Your family including you feed into her drama, thus creating more drama. You can choose to participate or not. You cannot change your daughter. You can change your response to her and the rest of the family. Ignore what your daughter says and does. Tell your family to not tell you their judgements. Don't listen to their complaints.

Ignore what they say. Change the conversation. Don't confront your daughter. You've learned that she always responds with anger and talks to others. Stop that cycle by staying out of it.

Changing one's attitude and learning a different way of relating to others is extremely difficult! Your family will not like it. I suggest getting support from a counselor.