Office drama...need Some Solid Advice

Just apologize. Tell her you sent the text because you were trying to be discreet. You weren't trying to offend, you thought she was looking for advice and that's what you were trying to provide. Then let it go at that.

I like what Marda said. Just tell you that since SHE brought it up, you wanted to elaborate privately so you did it via text. Then apologize to her and tell her that you didn't mean to make her feel bad. Then, if she says nothing, drop it completely. Good luck.

I so can't understand how you thought texting hygiene advice to your BOSS, was a good idea. Texting a superior at all, is really unprofessional. The content of your post was SO unprofessional."Girlfriend" to your boss? really?

You apologize that you were just sharing your experience and didn't meant to offend. You were sending it directly to her, and you are sorry if it seemed you were texting to someone else. It was a misunderstanding, and apologize. Leave it at that. She may be handling it all wrong, but you work FOR her...you are not her equal. You creating a big fuss by texting, and were totally in the wrong for doing that. If you have a big problem, talk to human resources. However, be prepared for being reprimanded...for texting coworkers and superiors with personal information, at work.

Apologize and put it behind you.
And then NEVER offer advice regarding anything personal about her even if she asks.
Just say you're not sure or you don't know.
If anyone needs to speak with her regarding her hygiene, it should be her boss and/or HR.
You need to stay out of it no matter how she tries to drag you into it.

Ouch. This seemed easy until you said that she is your boss.

Especially since she's your boss, I think you need to go to her and start with, "I'm sorry, I really did send that text to you. You asked me for my opinion about dandruff, and since I have tried a lot of hair products, I just wanted to share my experience. Sorry again if it sounded like anything else. I was just trying to be helpful, but I guess it backfired."

Make sure you say sorry at least twice.

And then let it go. You probably said just a little too much about the whole dandruff thing, and it touched a nerve with her and she got offended. She probably knows she's not the cleanest thing in the world and is sensitive about it. She'd rather think she's sunburned than face the fact that her unhygienic ways have caused her dandruff.

But since it's your boss, there's nothing to do but kiss a** and try to make nice.

Just tell her you are sorry if your text/advice offended her and leave it at that. Never give her advice again, if she asks say you don't know, and if she pushes the issue say you are not comfortable getting personal with her after the previous misunderstanding and leave it at that.

oh dear. you over-shared.
it's so tempting to do, especially since she asked you. but instead of just answering the question, you went on and on and gave her reams of advice that is undoubtedly good, but came off as ramming home to her just how gross she is. had you just stopped with your single 'girlfriend' sentence, you would have been golden.
trying to 'correct' it now by insisting that yes, it was meant for X, will only dig your hole deeper and deeper.
don't walk on eggshells. it happened. you didn't handle it badly, even if there were some ways it could have been better. you were asked, and you responded. smile, hold your head high, do your job, and decline the temptation to 'set the record straight' with the others in the office.
99% of office dramas can be avoided by simply refusing to indulge.
good luck!
khairete
S.

Take her aside and tell her non-confrontationally that it has come to your attention that she did not think the text was for her, then explain the situation. Since she is your boss you might want to apologize for the miscommunication. Hopefully she will do the same in return.

I am guessing that saying "girlfriend" is what threw her off.... most bosses would not expect to be addressed that way, even in an informal communication like a text.

Good luck

I'm sorry, but I think you were wrong to text her. Do you really talk to your boss like that? If you do, then that just seems very unprofessional! I have an amazing boss and she is sweet, kind, and just such a great positive person to be around, but I would NEVER text her and call her "girlfriend". You should have just left it at your conversation and not add to it and text her.

Oh man! Your boss brought up her nasty dandruff and you called her 'girlfriend' and then went to town on her! Yeah, you'll certainly be walking on eggshells for quite awhile. Why on Earth did you think you could be so forward and familiar with your boss? I love my boss to death, but she's my superior at work and there are lines you Just Don't Cross.

Lesson learned! Apologize profusely, never say anything personal to her again, and hopefully she won't hold it against you. Yikes. :)

It sounds like you used a jackhammer with your BOSS when a chisel would have been the better tool.

Did you think that maybe your boss received those over-sharing and intrusive texts while she was in the middle of a conversation with someone else and she felt she needed to offer an explanation for them if the other person saw them? She was probably very embarrassed about the whole ordeal.

I'm just having a little trouble viewing you as the "victim" in this scenario, I'm sorry. While it's a serious issue having a coworker... your boss no less... with some very bad hygiene issues you have to be more delicate than you were about it, and I would have handled it face to face to avoid this sort of problem. You just don't put things like that in print with your coworkers.

I think that you should go to her and tell her that you understand that she is upset about your texts. (This will tell her that you did actually mean to send her the texts. She KNOWS you meant them for her. She just wants to pretend that she doesn't have dandruff.) Tell her that she asked your advice about her hair (dandruff) and you thought you were helping her. Tell her since she doesn't see it that way, you are sorry you bothered her. Then leave it alone.

Believe me, NO ONE buys her sunburn remarks. Everyone knows about her poor hygiene, and then some. She looks ridiculous showing your texts to others. Even more ridiculous is that she isn't going to listen to you.

Continue with your work exactly like you have. Clearing the air with her is all you have to do. She will continue to have dirty hair and smelly body because she is in denial and will ignore your advice, and you will continue to do your work. Don't walk on eggshells around her because that just makes things worse. After you have issued your apology, go on as you have before.

Really stupid of her, mom. She asked for advice, and has no interest in listening. Why on earth would she ask?

I think you were wrong to send her the text. She asked you a question and you answered it. It is when you 'added on' to the answer, through text, that this problem was created.

Honestly, I would walk in to the office as if the text wasn't sent. If you don't acknowledge it, she won't either. I doubt she is going to bring it up.

A great example of why one shouldn't text sensitive or personal stuff, and a hard lesson to learn.

Take ownership and apologize for texting to the co-worker who discussed her problem with you with no confrontation, take her poor hygiene up with human resources and let them deal with her, accept that your actions resulted in you being accused of having done something you didn't, offer your side only if asked, keep your opinions to yourself unless you're dealing face-to-face, and lay low until this blows over.

When it comes to personal stuff, especially hygiene...I would just stay out of it. Probably the first part of your conversation was okay....I wouldn't have texted though.

Chronic dandruff can be caused by fungus and a dandruff shampoo won't fix it. She needs to see a dermatologist.

I would've done the same as you did. I would find a way to talk with her in private and tell her that you texted her and did not send the message in error because you like her, she asked for help, and you were trying to help her. Apologize for the misunderstanding. Then see what she says.

It is important to work this out with her. Emphasize that you were trying to be helpful and sorry that you sent her the message since it apparently wasn't helpful.

Sounds like this woman is lacking not only in grooming but also in people skills. I'm sorry she's your boss. I suggest that if she continues to be "weird" about it that you go to her supervisor and ask what to do. That supervisor knows that this woman has grooming difficulties and will most likely understand your doing this. (S)he should be able to help you.

i agree that you should explain and say sorry and go on with work like normally. make sure you keep notes on every thing and don't talk about any personal stuff.

i'm in the camp of just dropping the --whole- thing. i would confront / apologize/ rehash it maybe if she were not your superior.
Another reason to drop it is that, she seems a little unstable or out of touch with reality, if she can't handle hygene, doesnt' want to admit the text is for her, and shares it......

it's like she is so far in denial that you bringing it up would be forcing her to face reality again. and i get the feeling she doesn't want to do that.
if she did she would have read what you said, then went oh better stop on the way home and get some head and shoulders. instead she played games that it wasn't for her.

Honesty is always best. Talk to her in person and let her know that text WAS to her!

~And if she wasn't your boss I would remind her & say that the only person who shared it was her!! Dumb-A$$! She obviously wasn't that embarrassed about it if SHE SHARED it herself!!!

Hi, Mom:

Apologize to both women.

If the boss' hygiene is offensive to you, you need to confide In her
boss.

If it is a co-worker, you need to confide in your boss.

Children are taught to go to their parents when they are affected by something or someone.

This is the same thing when you work. The boss is your parent.

Good luck.
D.

Sorry this has happened to you. Tell her, "Whoops, I'm sorry, I meant to send that text to my girlfriend and I accidentally sent it to you!" The lady with the dandruff/poor hygiene is probably having other problems which are beyond your ability to help or change. As you said, it is drama so step off the stage go on your merry way and do your job.

Though this is after the fact, never text or email something that you may not want anyone else to read. I often self-censor my emails before I sent them. I think: "What would happen if this is forwarded? Does it express my tone of voice? Is it too harsh?" Once sent it can go anywhere. Also, I personally don't text because of the lost nuances. If you can't see the face, and/or hear the voice you often miss the "rest" of the message. If you can't hear the voice write an email but it still can be misinterpreted. Texting is for quick, short, uncomplicated messages.

Good Luck.

I don't have any advice but I think you got a lot of really good advice from those that have responded so far. I just wanted to tell you that personally I appreciate your honesty. Maybe the office setting and with your boss isn't appropriate but still, I love my friends that I know will really tell me where I stand, what I really look like in "that" color or whatever. Not enough women like you out there!