Oldest Son Attitude

he is probably more worried that this guy is after your money or you to take care of him inhis old age. Its happen many times before. I wouldnt hide anything. You are the mom though and have a right to enjoy yourself. Just be careful there are a lot of bad people out there.

My parents divorced 6 years ago, after a 28yr marriage, that should not have lasted that long. Both began dating shortly afterward. My dad doesn't really tell me much about his social life, and in the beginning my mom didn't either. I knew she was seening someone, but she went away with him for 4 days & no one knew where she was. All of a sudden my hubby & I felt like we were raising a teenager. So my advice is be honest with your children & make sure that someone close to you (maybe your younger son) knows where you are & how to reach you-for emergencies & God forbid in case something happens to you. You are never to old to be happy, but there are bad people in the world, so you are also never too old to be worried about. If you are confortable with this man, go enjoy your getaway!

Life is too short for you to live it alone. My father remarried at age 64, very shortly after my mother passed away after battling cancer. It was a little soon for us kids, but our step-mom is a great woman, very kind & loving & most importantly, my dad is happy and active & participating in life once again. I say go for it & your kids will come around, they are adults. You have to please yourself & put yourself first. Good Luck!

ANY age is the right age to connect with people and relate to them in whatever way feels right to YOU. Rather than resist your son or hide from him, look at it from his perspective. It sounds as if he is trying to be protective, he cares about you, and he possibly feels frustrated because he is far away and cannot take care of you in a hands-on, practical way. You can thank him for caring, while knowing that you are an adult and you will make your own choices--and the consequences of your choices are yours, not his. You didn't say how old you are, but I'm guessing that you are younger than I am (61). I am in a delightful new relationship with a wonderful guy (67). It's very easy to be with him because of the relationship skills we have both learned over the years. You might remind your son that you have learned from the past and will not be repeating it. You've been through the meat and potatoes of life already, and now you can enjoy the dessert!

Your son is trying to protect you and does not want to see you in another relationship that was not so great again .I had a hard time thinking of my mother dating but I got use to it . Give him time to come around and once he meets this new guy he may like him .
I have found as I get older and I know have a family I worry more about my parents then I use to . It is like the rolls revearse some times .
Just give it time .

i would tell your son to stop telling you what to do with your life. you have already tried saying it nice and if you're happier than you've ever been, you deserve to enjoy that. your son is old enough to zip his lip and stay out of your personal life. especially if he's got his own family life. if you let him continue to bring you down, it may ruin this great relationship with this man. you are never too old to have fun. it's your choice how you want to live your life. your son is being selfish and immature and i think you need to set him straight. as for leaving town, i would tell him your planning a little get-a-way with friends and would like to plan on being home for his visit. he doesn'e need to know who your going with. after you set him straight to butt out of your personal life, i would be selective in what you tell him about you and this man. he is old enough to get upset about what you have to say, think about it, and get over it. good luck!

I am 48 and divorced with 2 children in their 20s and one 7 year-old and dating and enjoying it. My father, who was widowed, remarried at 70 and I couldn't have been happier for him. We are never too old for a reltionship. Our children are never too old to be told to mind their own business, in my opinion ;-)

I definitely wouldn't hide it from your son; if he finds out, things would get much worse.

You are not too old to have a relationship, or to want love, romance, and sex. You deserve to have those things, with the right man.

Given that you were married to the wrong man for 17 years, and those years had a painful impact on your children, I think you should consider therapy to figure out why you stayed in a not-so-great marriage for so long, and why you got into it in the first place. I would definitely not rush things with your new gentleman until you figure out a few things about yourself first.

But once you figure things out, and you can be sure that you are in a relationship with a great guy who loves and cherishes you and wants to be with you for all the right reasons, then yes, you have the right to date him and enjoy the relationship. You do not need your son's permission for any of these things.

Stand tall, and live your life. There is no reason to let your son into your romantic life; he has no place there, especially now that he is an adult with a family of his own. Don't get angry, just tell him that some things aren't about him, and aren't his business.

Good luck, and write again to let us know how it goes.

My Grandfather was 86 when my Grandma died and 88 when he got re-married. Some people thought the decision to re-marry was a little strange at that age but they were Christian and didn't want to live under the same roof at least without being married. No one had an issue with his dating at all and he was incredibly happy- that is all that matters is your happiness and if this man makes you happy- good for you. Regardless of your age- you are not too old to date! I agree with some of the other advice to put your sons first but don't let him interfere and try to stop you from dating. Good for you.

You don't say how old you are but I am assuming that you are in your late 40's to early 50's. I am 43 and have a 2 1/2 year old daughter. I am not married. I have a niece and nephew who are in their 20's and I don't think they see me as old and their father (my brother) is younger than me. Age is an attitude and your son is your son... he is not your father and he doesn't have the right to dictate to you. You should tell him... Look, I know that you are concerned, but I am still young and will continue seeing myself as young until they close the coffin on me. Just because I am a mom and grandmother does not mean that my social/intimate life needs to stop. Please have the courtesy to trust my judgement (after all haven't I raised two wonderful boys) in that respect... and leave it at that. He does not need to know what you are doing every moment that you are doing it- that is NOT his right. If he comes home unannounced, don't try to explain yourself... you don't have to... say... You should have called to let me know when you were coming... come on in and get comfortable and tell me about what is going on with you..... There you go. End of conversation about your life. Good Luck!

I dont think that there is anything wrong with you dating again! If someone doesnt want to be alone than that is their choice! Try to reassure your son that you arent going to just jump into a serious relationship so soon, and that you are taking things slow. Maybe even try talking to your sons wife, that way she understands the situation and maybe she can help matters. He is over seas and cant see how happy you are, hes probably just worried that youll get hurt. Maybe your youngest son could talk to him and explain how happy you have been. Either way you are the mom, he shouldnt be able to tell you how to live your life! Best of luck !

I'd say, just live your life and be happy. eventually your oldest will see how happy you are and learn to deal with it. you're a grown woman and know what you want/what's best for you.

He is "gun shy" so to say. You didn't say if your late husband had a drinking problem but if he did that could be where that is coming from. At 25 son's seem to take on the attitude that they have to take care of their mom. My son is 28 and sometimes I want to shake him because he doesn't think I have a brain in my head. What I tell him is "that is ok.. you only have 10 years before you become the most stupid person in the world too" since he has a 3 year old. In your case I would just tell him each time he starts ranting "this isn't up for discussion" and change the subject. If he doesn't let it go, don't acknowlege any of his rants after you tell him that. You shouldn't have to hide the fact that you are going out of town with him. If he is in the service he might not get much of a notice on what date he is home so make sure that you can change the date of your out of town weekend to be home with your son. He needs to know that you aren't going to put him second in your life or push him aside for the new man. Also take it slow. Make sure the guy is not just charming, sweet and loving while trying to "catch" you.

So sorry for your loss of your husband of 17 years, but it sounds like you've coped and are ready to move on and live life... I agree that it's healthy to be happy and find what makes you fulfilled, although I don't agree with pushing your children away over any man. This man may be wonderful, but he needs to support your love for your boys and respect your decisions. You still have a dependent especially if he has ADHD. I don't think this is the time in your life to be leaving him and taking a trip with a man you don't know all that well, especially if your son from overseas may be coming home during that time. Your boyfriend should respect/understand that. This could be the beginning of how he treats your boys if he feels comfortable leaving your youngest, and not being present for your oldest. You'd feel terrible if you missed your son while he was home from being overseas, and something could happen to him when he heads back and you weren't around to see him when he was here.

My parents are in the same phase right now as you seem to be, and a lot of their behaviors are selfish, but they don't realize it because they don't want to be held back. They had us kids when they were young and now they are 52 and 51 years old with all grown children (29,27 & 24). I don't have a problem with many of their decisions, but for example for Christmas I'm having Christmas here at my house with my brother and his family and my parents were going to go up to their cabin 9 hours north????? Doesn't make sense, but after talking with the both of them they realized that it didn't make sense that they would want to go by themselves to their cabin instead of spend Christmas with their 5 grandkids.

I think your oldest son is very sensitive and mature. Appreciate that he does care so much about his mom. Show him your appreciation and the communication will get better, and support will follow. You need to think like a mom because that's all your 25 year old knows you as.

Anyways, good luck with that one. Enjoy your family and good luck with your new relationship.

Overtime, with your son knowing your love and support for him he will accept you dating and eventually support it if your decisions are rational and loving...

Hope I helped, I don't mean to be rude, I can be pretty straight-foward and my mom sometimes doesn't like what I may say....

L.

You are never too old to be in a happy, intimate relationship. If this person makes you happy and treats you right, then you should definately go for it! I am sorry that your son is giving you such difficulties, but you are right in believing that it is no one else's business but yours. Sometimes, we are so close to our family that it feels like they have a right to make or influence our decisions. That just isn't so. From your post, it sounds like you have a very reasonable head on your shoulders. I would not change a thing about this relationship. If you are concerned about the trip and how your son might react, you could just say simply, "I am going out of town on this date. I just wanted to pass along that information in case you were at home then, so we can make sure to meet up at another time." He will probably pressure you as to where you are going, with whom etc, but don't give in. He is not your parent, your husband, or your lover. You really don't owe any explanation to him. Just be firm but gentle. It will probably be hardest on you at first because you will not want to argue and you might feel like you have to give him an answer, but you don't. Hope it works out for the best and again, you are never too old for anything!!!

“Life is not a journey to the grave, with the intention of arriving safely, in one pretty and well-preserved piece, but to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, worn out and defiantly shouting ‘Geronimo!!!’

If your oldest is 25, I'm assuming you are well under 85? You're never too old to seek companionship and possibly love again. Your son is the one who needs to adjust his thinking.

Maybe you could talk to his wife about it. She might be able to convince him that he's being unreasonable. Or maybe your younger son could talk to him. If the rest of the family is on your side, then he'll very likely see that he's got to change his expectations.

Otherwise, just tell him that there are limits to what he can control in this world and that as a grown woman you will make your own choices. There is no reason for you to sneak around. Find your bliss. It sounds like your 17 year marriage was probably a lonely one for you. It's time you got to live again.

A) you should be able to live your life how you want.
B) your son is overseas, and should not be interferring with your life from afar.
C) your youngest is supportive, which is really important given that he lives at home (I'm assuming)

Seriously. If you are happy, then that is wonderful. You need to stand up for yourself. I wouldn't hide your relationship from your oldest. I don't think you necessarily need to tell him everything, either. Good luck and Be happy!!!

Well, you don't say how old you are but since you have a 25 year old (I'm 26) I'll assume you are around my mother's age which is neither young nor old and a perfect age for doing as she wishes. My advice, do what you want. Don't worry about your son. He just doesn't want to see you get hurt. Your son is 25. Time he realizes mommy is a woman, not just a mom.

Sorry but I think your son is wrong. You have the right to be happy even if your 80. You have the right not to be alone. There are many people that start over in relationships when they are older. I don't think you are doing anything wrong. You are being mature about it by not wanting to get the families involved yet. I think your son needs to grow up a bit. I doubt he would want to be alone when he's your age. I think you would be a more content grandma if all your needs were being met. There is nothing wrong with hanging out at a club with friends or going out with a man at any age. You are an adult and capable of making decisions for yourself. I say go for it.

You mention that you are tired of his dictation on how to live your life. Has he been like this for a very long time? Maybe even always to some degree? There are some people who are naturally much more controlling than others. I have a 7-yr-old who I can see it so clearly in right now. Just like all other temperaments, this one has many wonderful strengths. But it can be very difficult constantly resisting their control. If it is truly the way he is wired, I would recommend trying to use an understanding approach. No, it is not appropriate for him to control how you live your life. But if you don't allow him to, he won't no matter how hard he tries. If possible, I would live your life your way and up front. Allow him to have negative reactions to that if he must. Maybe it's very difficult to not be in control of something that he cares deeply about. But don't get too wrapped up in his negative reactions. Make sure he always knows that he is deeply loved and respected and that you will be making your own decisions and taking responsibility yourself for how they turn out.

Stop worrying about keeping the peace, right now that may be impossible. Tell your son about the weekend so that he and his family do not come to see you when you are not home. He is probably just trying to protect you, and if you lie about your relationship, even a lie of omission, then he will turn that against you by claiming that you must be ashamed to be honest. You are an adult and have earned the right to make your own decisions, he must not treat you as if you were a child. You may get hurt, that is part of life, tell him that you appreciate how he is trying to protect you, but that protection is not what you need or want at this time. Let him know that if you love another man that will not deminish your love for him and his family.

Adult childern gotta love them. I have a 27 year old daughter who is almost as bad. The last one I dated was too young for me as far as she was concern now for the last 5 months I've been dating a guy who did hurt me bad 7 years ago but he makes me happy so I think I've finally got her to back off. I'm not sure if they are being protective or just controlling. What it boils down to it is your life and even at our age we are intitled to lead it as such and if this gentleman makes you happy I say go for it. There is no place we can go to tell us how long we are going to live and I say we should grab any happiness we can get for however long it is going to last when we can. Hopefully if your son can see how happy this man makes you he'll come around. In the mean time go on your weekend with your friend, enjoy yourself. Assure your son that you still love him, however you need some joy in your life too. we do get lonely. we are old not dead as I love to tell my daughter.

Good luck, have fun and the best of luck to you wiht your gentleman friend.