Should My Teenager Date This Boy?

This boy is a man, and if he is that nice an sweet why is he trying to high school girls. Her father is right on this one.

Personally, I think she's too young-- I would have her wait until she graduated from high school before she dates men that much older than her. I would also question this man's interest in a 17 year old.

I'm thinking of it in a reversed manner.
I am 22 years old, and I'd NEVER date a 17 year old.
That's just weird.

Hi M..

I really have to agree with your husband. As the mom of a 21-year-old young man, I would not want to see him dating a girl 5 years younger. Mind you, I think the world of my son, he is a fine young man. But 5 years is a bigger difference when you're talking 17-22, than it is if you were talking 22-27. You're also dealing with different legal issues, since your daughter is under-age.
Andy can drink legally. Angela can't. Angela probably has a curfew. Andy doesn't. He has "been around" some. She has not seen as much of life, and has not been on her own in the world the same way someone who is 22 has been, particularly if he's been to college or is living on his own. Are you ready to have Angela become sexually active? I think it's more likely with an older boy. Ready for a grandchild? STD's?
I know from when I taught high school years ago that even the "good" kids (the honor roll kids, the ones who go to church and come from good families and should go to college) have sex and get pregnant. And I know from talking to my son that most of the education kids get in health class on sex-ed & contraception is a joke.

I would also strongly advise you not to encourage her to sneak around behind her father's back. That has great potential to cause problems between her and her father, and between you and your husband. Losing the trust of someone you love just isn't worth it, and it's so hard to re-gain that trust.

If this young man is as great as you think he is, then he and your daughter can find group things to do, hang around at your home (chaperoned), etc. And if your husband gets to know Andy a bit more, that may help things along as well.
It may also be that your daughter's entranced by the "forbidden fruit" aspect of it all, and once they spend some time together, she may come to understand that the time is not yet ripe for them to be together.

Good luck!

Last question first. Never, ever do the secret dating thing. You will lose his trust and what if something goes very wrong? You'd never stop blaming yourself. As for your daughter, it is so precarious, the more you say no, the more attractive he becomes. But the reality is that even in some states, 17 and 22 presents legal problems. She is too young for him, in age and experience. Agree that they can be friends only and he's welcome to come around the house to visit, But dating should be out. Just because of his age alone, she will end up isolated from her school friends because he can't possibly be interested in doing what teens do, she can't go to nightclubs, bars, etc. because she is underage,if he's in college, do you really want her at the dorm and frat parties where temptation to do things to fit in is greater or so when one gets bored will sex end up being the recreation? Which takes you back to legal problems. Don't make this into more than it is; you seem to have a romantic vicarious thing going on. You and your husband need to agree on the decision and stick to it. But don't make it into a Romeo and Juliet situation. Make him very welcome to the house as a family friend. When she is twenty, they will be at least in the same decade and she can choose then. Right now you be the parent and set boundaries while respecting her age. Tricky, but can be done.

I would like to tell you from personal experience, when I was 17 I dated a guy that was 22. I know now that it probably wasn't the best thing, but it was a life experience and I learned a lot from it. Looking back I see that at 17 I was at a totally different stage in life than he was. He was in college and getting ready to graduate while I was a senior in high school. I think that 5 years is not too big of an age gap, but that it makes a big difference at those ages. It is a very different story when the ages are 21 and 26 or something else like that. I can't say that for your daughter that it would end badly or that it would lead to marriage, but I can say that there is a ton that changes between the age of 17 and 22. Some things you might ask before you give permission for her to carry on with this relationship are: Does your daughter see it leading to anything more than a boyfriend? What do they do together when they are alone on dates? What kind of relationship do you have with this boy?
And also, I don't advise you to present a divided front as parents. If your husband objects to her dating Andy, he must have a reason. If you disagree, then I think you should speak about it with your husband and come to an agreement that you both support. Maybe Andy and your daughter could "date" in a group or with family events, let it progress slowly. More of a courtship, so that it doesn't evolve into something that could be detrimental to your daughter and any future relationships she may have. Hope that helps some! Feel free to email me if you want more info from my personal experience.
Happy Easter!
-C.-

I would have to agree with the other posts I scanned through. DO NOT teach her it's ok to sneak around!! and PLEASE don't sneak around your husband yourself!!
If she is mature enough to date in the first place then she should be mature enough to be able to wait till she turns 18.

Is this a case of 'daddys little girl growing up' and he can't let go? If that's what you think then try to compromise, have him come over for family night, move night, 'whatever' night.... make him part of the family. If he doesn't want to do that then I would question his interest in your daughter in the first place.
TALK TO YOUR DAUGHTER!!!! Ask her to think about how much she would want to be in a relationship with a guy that is unwilling to spend time with her around her family.... let her come to her own conclusions (with a lil help from mom). Hope this helps. Good luck and my prayers are with you.

S.

Hello. First of all, never make a decision alone without your spouse. It shows a disalliance and your daughter will pick it up and use it against you. I would recommend you talk with your daughter about what it is that she likes about him. With him being 5 years older, it may be the appeal of an older man or there may really be some serious feelings there. Listen deep. Also, you might want to consider a "courtship". Thats what my parents did for me when I was in the exact same situation. Have him come over to your house for a couple of hours and they can "hang out" for a while on the porch or like I did- the end of the driveway. If after a predetermined time, they are still interested in dating, set a new medium ground (Saturday afternoons, or only 2 times a week but for short periods of time- not from schools out until midnight curfew). She has to know you trust her (whether you trust him or not). First discuss it with your husband and then TOGETHER discuss it with your daughter. Hope this helps out.

I would say no. First of all if you would let you daughter date this boy and keep it from her father you are teaching her that it is okay to lie and be deceitful. If she is 17 years old and if they really like each other, when she is 18 years old, she is old enough to make up her own mind. If he isn't around maybe he isn't as sweet as you thought he is. Are you willing to risk your marriage? Because if my husband kept something like that from me I would think what else does he lie about.

I don't think you should keep anything from your husband. If you did keep this from him and he found out it could cause big problems with your marriage. I think you should tell your daughter to wait until she is at least 18 to date him. If they are meant to be then he will wait for her. I don't think you should let her think that it is ok to do things behind her father's back. If you teach her that example she may one day do something behind your back. You and your husband are her parents and you need to make decisions together and support one another in whatever decision is made.

That's a great question and one that many parents struggle with. What is most important in this situation is not so much weather or not she should date Andy but that you and your husband are on the same page and in agreement. The worst thing you could do is allow her to date behind your husbands back because not only will you bring distrust into the marriage but it will also send a message to your other kids that what their fater says doesn't matter. See if he'd be open to the 3 of you sitting down and coming up with a compromise like Andy spending time at your house with your daughter (ie eating dinner, watching a movie etc. where you can be present) vs. going who knows where else. It may not be the "cool thing to do" at her age but more than that she needs to see how a marriage should be - husbands and wives supporting each other. God bless.

As someone that has married a man 20 years older than her and found more happiness than ever and we are very much in love and have a wonderful family! I was never raised to date older men like I have but once I was 18 I knew I was my boss! At first I dated men more my age but came to the man I have now and knew in the matter of a few months that this man was perfect! Now 2 years of this month later I am happily married to my wonderful older man! You can't choose who you love, you're not supposed to! So I would say give it a shot and then introduce dad again!

I think he's too old for her. There is a lot of growing up that is done in those 5 years. Andy may be the perfect gentleman, but the average 22 year old is about to graduate college, and you have to wonder how many college age guys would want to date a high school student. And, what their motive would be. If it's meant to be, they won't mind waiting, at least until she's no longer a minor. Good luck.

I'm of a different mind set than some of the other posters. I don't think that you should keep it from your husband, but I don't see a problem with the age difference. If he's in school, they are probably at different stages in their life, but let them find out for themselves! Is your husband just reluctant to let her date cause he's an overprotective dad? What if Andy were to come and hang out at your house with your daughter. Maybe watch a movie or have dinner with the family? Or a Saturday afternoon at your house? Perhaps if your husband sees that Andy is a nice guy, then he'll be more willing to let your daughter go out with Andy alone. I would make sure that he understands your house dating rules before he is allowed to take your daughter out (curfew, acceptable places to go, etc). Chances are, if you tell her she can't see him, she will anyway. So, dad may as well give them his blessing so he can keep an eye on things. Hope it all works out! :)

M., ask yourself what a 22 yr.old is doing sniffing
around a 17 yr. old! Your husband is absolutely correct and
as a man he recognizes the problem which you apparently don't.
Don't even think about encouraging her to sneak around. What
kind of message does that send?? Stop trying to live your
life through your daughter and say no. A 17 yr. old's brain
isn't capable of forseeing consequences of her actions. This
is a wide spread study of the brain and is supported by all
the studies.

You don't provide any information about how your daughter and this young man met. I am curious because that could add to your husband's misgivings. Allowing your daughter to sneak behind her father's back to see this boy would be the most unwise and destructive thing you could do. first, when your husband finds out, and he will, both of you will have heck to pay. How could he ever trust either of you again? Secondly, you would be teaching your daughter that it's okay to do what she has been told not to do by her father, as long as she doesn't get caught.

Encourage her to be friendly to this young man and keep their relationship platonic. Perhaps her father would allow him to visit her at your home when you are both there. If he is really interested in her, he'll wait until she is 18 years old and legally an adult!

C. P.

I think that if you let her date this boy without dad knowing and he finds out it wont be good. I would suggest talking to dad and letting him get to know the boy. I can't really say that it is too old because I met my husband when I was 16 and he was 21. I met him a little over a month before I turned 17. I would tell dad that he should let her give it a try with this guy and maybe she'll find that he isn't really all what she thinks and maybe things will go great. Also, as crazy as it may sound wait until she turns 18 then there can't really be a whole lot said because she will be an adult then. I really think dad should meet the boy and get to know him before he says no.
D.
I am 31 and I have been married going on 12 yrs. My husband and I have 3 boys ages 10,7 and 4.

Just a question when will she be 18? There is nothing wrong with a 17 yr old girl and a very great 22 dating. This happened to my stepbrother years ago he was 21 and she was 16 they talked but never dated until they got to 18 and 23 now they are getting married in july. So it is ok for them to be friend first and be around mom and dad then after she turns 18, dad can't butt in any more on what she is doing Oh and I went through this to but my mom had me date the guy privately and then have dad talk to him once I was older.

This is a tough one! If you tell her not to date him, she may do it without your knowledge...or she'd obey and "hate you." Too bad we always think we know everything when we're young! LOL

If he's as courteous as he appears, he should have no problem with dating the family. Maybe invite him over on weekends to hang out with all of you. I wouldn't even advise group dating b/c chances are, he's older than all of her friends/their boyfriends. Unless he is incredibly immature (which you wouldn't want for your daughter anyway), he won't fit in with her "crowd" and they may have too much private time.

I'm sure he's nice, but I've always wondered why guys like that don't date someone their own age, you know? I'd say to wait until college (or after high school graduation).

My husband is 7 yrs older than I am. We met when I was 20 & he was 27. However, I was a JR in college and had been living on my own for 3 years. I think having a sense of independence is important. It's great to be able to date whomever you choose; but, at least be able to be an "adult" in other areas of your life as well.

Honestly...I would respect my husbands feelings about this. You dont want to create any riffs between you to because you and your daughter are deceiving him. He'll could possibly internalize it, and think you have been untrue in your relationship. If Andy, this super sweet, 22 y.o. really likes your daughter then he will wait for her to able to date. Afterall we know that the relationships dont always last. Maybe you could discuss the option of him being able to come over and visit with your daughter, with your husband and see what he says. But when you try to sneak...the children see that you are dishonest as well, and those are the tactics they use to play parents against each other. This could turn ugly.

Hope you figure out what to do. Keep us posted.

There is a 5 year difference between them, and it does cause me to wonder what the deal is with Andy and why he feels he needs to date someone so much younger than he is, rather than finding someone his own age that he might have more in common with. However, she is almost an adult so the point will be moot before too long, and she is legally above the age of consent if things were to head in a sexual direction. If you choose to let her, you may just want to spend a good amount of time getting to know him, so that you can get a better feel for his intentions.

Yes, she's too young for him. At his age he has quite a number of years of dating under his belt and she's just starting out. Also she's a minor and he's an adult. Don't you remember how "needy" boys are at that age. Also, not a good idea to let them date behind your husbands back. The two of you have to be a team in raising your children. You want the marraige to last forever right? Your children will grow up, leave the nest, start their own families. Before you know it, it will only be the two of you again. You want your husband to trust you don't you. He would be outraged if you let them sneak around and god forbid she should get pregnant. If you forbid her to see him you run the risk of her sneaking around to see him. Better to really talk with her about the difference in their ages and encourage her to date boys closer to her age and to go out in groups only. Tell her your goal as a parent is to get them thru to adulthood, finishing school, not getting pregnant, and not getting arrested. Girls this age are very naive and can easily be led astray by a smooth talking guy.

M.,
The decisions that we each make for ourselves is a personal matter, but when you are responsible to be a moral example for your daughter to learn from, it would be wrong to teach her to lie, and to be sneaky and deceptive, to cast aside the value of your marriage while risking the happiness of your entire family. Is is really worth all of this?
And besides, regardless of how nice Andy is, there is something wrong with an adult man being more interested in an inexperienced, under age school girl than girls his own age who have so much more in common with him. A five yr age difference may not matter so much once both of them are in their twenties, but for now, she deserves to be with her peers where she has a chance to develope her social skills at the appropriate level and rate.
My mother never let me or my sister date anyone more than 2 yrs older than us... We didn't agree at the time and did a lot of objecting. She told us all her reasoning and stood firm. I look back now and thank God for giving her the strength to stick to her morals and motherly instincts. I wouldn't have it any other way for my daughters, and if one of my sons, while in his twenties, wanted to date a 17 yr old, I would give him a piece of my mind and ask him what the hell was his problem!
I hope you give this a lot of thought before making your decision. This won't be your daughter's only date, she has a lot of time to enjoy the fun of dating and getting to know about relationships (of which she gets the foundation from your example), so turning away this man is not going to be detrimental. Also, in teaching our children about reality, dating, relationships, and becoming adults, I think it is crucial to teach them common sense. And common sense screams at me that this isn't in her best interest.

No...No..No.. Definitely NOT! Even though the boy is sweet and your daughter is crazy about him, your husband is right. A 22 year old young man should not be dating a 17 year old young lady. Your husband is a man and he knows men for the most part. An older guy has been "around" enough to know how to manipulate a younger person. You should (in a nice way) make your daughter aware of all of the negative possibilities. I am not saying that something will definitely go wrong but I'm sure you'd rather be safe than sorry. Don't give your daughter permission to date this guy behind your husbands back even if you think he's over reacting. If anything were to happen to your daughter you would have a lot of explaining to do. Trust him this time. If you're religious at all....PRAY about it.

NO!!! If they care that much ...wait a year and she can decide. Plus, do you wnat to okay that behind your husbands back? He knows better than you the mind of a man...maybe you should trust his instincts on this one?

Hi M.,

Personally, I would let her date him. I have a 15 yr old myself who is dating. It is hard to have that trust in them, but you have to believe that you brought her up right to have good judgment and values. If you tell her she can't date him then she will go behind your back and do it in complete secrecy. Wouldn't it be better for you to at least know about it and be able to keep and eye on her the not knowing and she be on her own. Good luck!

Hi M.. I am write as a daughter that has been where your daughter is now, a mother & wife, because I am both now. I dated a guy couple guys in high school that where a year or two older than I...thinkig it was best I kept my mom in the dark, thinking she wouldn't understand. I just always clicked with guys that where older than myself, which never sat well with my dad. But I was always more mature than the girls in my grade and the guys, well they were never mature enough. Anyhow, I am glad she is open with you about their relationship, that means there is nothing to hide. I do think at some point you should come clean with you husband. You don't want that to blow up in your face. I would suggest keeping their dating to a minimum until she is 18? Like dinners at your house, hanging with friends, while dad is around, so he can get to know this fella better. But as a side note, if she will be 18 soon, what is 3, 5 or even 10 years? - My husband and I have been together for 12+ years this summer, married 9yrs and he is 20yrs my senior. We have a handsom 6 yrs old son and a beautiful grand daughter from his oldest son. Tell you husband that story, maybe he will go easier on your daughter! LOL...good luck!

Dear M., What ever you do, DO NOT go behind your husbands back. You will be sending your children the worst possible message. The teenage years are the hardest time, and if ever you and your husband needed to show a united front these are it! A 22year old is a little old for your daughter. but if he is as you say, then he should be made aware of your concerns and willing to abide by any limits or terms you both set. "Dates" could be family events, coming to dinner or going out togeather. Group dates with trusted chaperons, going to the mall, with others or family and allowd to go off togeather for a time, but always with your permission. In our home all the children knew the limits, dates were never alowed up stairs in the bedrooms, we were to meet the date, and never was a boy to honk his horn, our daughters were always called for at the door. curfews were set cell phones charged and on, ect. I am happy to tell you we servived the teenage years and my last child will be getting married soon to a wonderful man. these years are the hardest but stick togeather and they will thank you later. E.

No way. First of all, even though this guy sounds perfect - sweet and charming, I would say that he is probably after only one thing....and it wouldn't be appropriate. Also, I don't think that it is the right choice because as parents we are supposed to provide a united front to our children. Sure, there will be times when we disagree, but we need to work through those differences in private, and still come to our children with some sort of united front. Ask your husband why he doesn't want her to date him, in private have a discussion about all of your children coming of age to date. Maybe you both have very different ideas about what age is appropriate to date, maybe he has a bad feeling about this guy, maybe he knows that this guy only wants one thing, who knows unless you two talk about it. Good luck!

I think that if you allow your daughter to date this man without and against her father's wishes you are undermining her ability to respect you both as parents and she will eventually move into relationships feeling as if it is allright to lie instead of discussing marital problems. You also run the risk of your daughter loosing respect for you as you decieve your husband. 22 years old is not a boy it is a man. 17 is still a child no matter how mature they act. They lack the emotional maturity, they get that maturity from watching their parents demonstrate how to build a relationship that is based on committment and not just hormonal attraction.
I hope this doesn't sound very critical, I have lived this. Please think about it. D.

Hi M.,
I'm with her father on this one. In my opinion, no guy in his 20's should be dating a teenager. I also don't think you should permit her date him behind her father's back either. You and her father need to parent her together - not undermine each other's authority. If you feel that strongly about allowing her to date him, then you and her father need to talk it out and come up with a solution that works for everyone involved. (Maybe he can visit her at your home, but they cannot go out alone?) I just think it sends a bad message to your daughter if you allow her to do something you know her father is so against. I wish you the best of luck figuring it out.

hello, never never never,do anything in private without your husband knowing. it always causes problems later. invite the boy over for dinner and tell your husband and all of you get to know him that way. i would advise monitoring their relationship as friends first. maybe do things together that you all can enjoy in getting to know this young man. then see....the age difference isnt noticable when they get older but they are young and may be interested physically at this stage so developing a friend relationship with all of you will help your daughter and friend not feel so threatened or rebellious. lee ann

Hi. My name is A., too. No matter what absoulutely do not go behind your husband's back. First of all, I hung around the older crowd. I was trustworthy. It was great then from a teen's perspective and I learned A LOT, but looking back, there is a big difference between 17 & 22. She should be dating boys her own age for now. Him being nice isn't the only issue, which is what your husband is worried about. A few years down the road, the age difference won't seem like a big deal. Eventually, your daughter will respect & appreciate this decision of yours to put on the brakes. Secondly, talk to your husband. If you two can't agree, then you have to decide how strongly you feel about letting her go. If you feel it is ok, then tell your husband ahead of time that you are going to let her go out before dark on weekends, to start (and no she really won't die). She can take it slow. You could even invite them as a couple to go places with you & your husband (a number of times) so you get a real feel for how they are when they are together. Reinerate how important your daughter is to you & explain that you & your husband need to know him better if he is going to be part of the family. Do not ruin your relationship over this. This is the young/fun time of her life (You should all enjoy it), but being cautious is smart for all involved. I would love to hear the outcome.

Listen to her father! He was 22 once. No matter how sweet and courteous this man is (he is a man) that is a big age difference. If he truly loves your daughter he will wait until she is old enough for him.

I have a 20 year old daughter and when she was 17 we (her father and I) had to make some hard choices re: a relationship she was in. It was hard for me because I had to become her parent and not her best friend. Everything turned out okay but she didn't like us for awhile. Now she is involved with a wonderful man (who is 22) and they are planning a wedding this fall. Good luck!

I think you are going to hear some "repeat" information, but here goes: #1) Although tempting to go behind dad's back, dont' do it. Being a friend to your daughter and having a "bond" would be nice, but marriage is suppose to be "priceless", so no secrets. #2) 17 is old enough to date, and most of the girls in my son's HS DO DATE OLDER GUYS but by a year or two, NOT by 5 years. Once he is 21 and she isn't, the problems will flow like the white river and you'll be faced daily with questions of: "can I do blah blah blah" which is what HE can do and she really CANNOT do...it will give you tons more headaches and a lot more friction with your daughter down the road. #3) I agree that maybe he IS so tempting because of the "forbidden fruit" aspect....so have him over with OPEN ARMS and never leave them alone (or at least not within eye sight) and get to know him better. Once he is over and YOU all are getting to know him better in a supervised setting, maybe your daughter will realize he "aint all that" so-to-speak. If you tell her she can't, honestly, she'll do it any way. If you do it behind your hubby's back, what are you going to do when there's problems? Be open, be supervised, and have eyes everywhere. Good Luck!!

Absolutely not! First, he is an adult, she is a minor. Second, your husband said NO. What kind of message does this give your daughter about relationships, if you allow her to do it against her father's wishes? That it's okay to be deceitful?! How would you feel if you said no to something and her dad told her to do it anyway and not tell you? Teach your daughter about respect and love, by standing with her father on this. I'm sure Andy is super sweet, but he will be next year, also, when your daughter is 18. You know (I would think) how much one changes between the ages of 18 and 25. There is tremendous growth in those years. Although a 27 year old woman and 32 year old man would be fine, a 17 year old girl and 22 year old man are a world apart.

When I was 16, my parents let me date a guy that was 21. They were very leary of it at first, but he came to the house, met my family, spent time with them (he understood that at the time that was the only way to see me) and eventually my parents thought we could "try" it. And it worked out just fine, he was very courteous to me and my parents, always had me home on time, etc. We are still good friends to this day. I would just invite him over and take it from there. If you dont give something a shot, she will just see him behind your back and hard telling what the consequences would be from that.

I agree with Regina. They are in two different places right now. I think going behind your husband's back would only create more problems.

M.,
That sounds like a terrible predicament that you and your daughter are in. I would caution you against hiding the relationship with your husband. That could end very poorly for you, put yourself in his shoes to see how that would feel. My best advise would be to keep their relationship on a friendship level until she is 18. He could come over and hang out in the living room with all the family, or go on family functions, just as a friend of the family. That would give your husband a better understanding of who this guy is, as well as let you daughter be around him. Then, after she's 18, if he's/she's still interested, I would say they could date. My husband and I are 8 yr apart and it doesn't interfere with our relationship at all. Best wishes and good luck with all those kids!! :)
A.-mom to 4, wife for 10 yr.

it is a huge age and maturity difference between a 17 yr old and a 22 yr old. i would be concerned about why a 22 yr old man is even interested in a high school girl. i would not allow her to go on dates with him. if he wants to come over to your home and visit, that is all i would agree to. there is some reason he is not dating girls his own age. i would be concerned, just because he is "sweet", doesn't mean there isn't more to him.

That is really an issue between you and your husband. Looking back at my dating years, I always dated older guys. My husband is 5-1/2 years older. Thats about accurate with all the boys I dated from the age of 15 on (no, my parents were not really excited about this). But, thats the age group that worked for me. Girls mature faster than boys. She may need a 22 year old to be close to her maturity. She is 17 as well. I am sure she is still your baby, but 17 is not so young anymore. Seems she should be able so make some of these decisions herself.

NO WAY! I don't care how nice he is! She should not be allowed to date him without BOTH parents' approval! How would you feel if you felt very strongly about something and your hubby betrayed you w/ you children? This sends a mixed mess. to all of your kids! Besides, That "boy" as you call him, is a man now. Old enough to drink, be in college, and get your daughter into plenty of trouble. Maybe he is one of the only 22 year olds that is not just trying to... well you get me drift, but even if he is not, he should be moving forward in his life right now, not going back to high school. Ask yourself this: "what is his attraction to her? and what do they have in common?"
Regardless, if Dad says 'no', the answer should be 'no'. If she really wants to date him, have this guy come over and try to win Dad over. If he really is so sincere, he'll have no problem taking the time to get to know Dad, and show him that he respects his daughter! Then everyone will be happy!

I wouldn't advise going against your husband's wishes. Perhaps discussing and allowing this young man to participate with your family in family activities until everyone gets to know him better or letting a period of time go by and see if the attraction is still there.
I understand the age thing.....I was in the same situation when I was younger (16) and my parents didn't like the age difference. They didn't realize that he was 6 1/2 years older than me when I first went out with him, and so I broke it off after a month with him to please my parents. We attended the same church, and over the next year everyone got to know him better, and I realized that this was someone I could spend my life with. We finally got together again, and eventually got married when I was 20. I will turn 40 the end of this year, and we have had a great marriage with 3 wonderful children!
On another note....it is now my opinion unless your children are seriously searching for a marriage partner, dating should be postponed as such strong bonds shouldn't be formed with a casual relationship.

I hear how much you love your daughter in your post. Describing this young man as super sweet does not take away from the fact that he is infact a young man & she is still a young lady (under your guidance). She could have fallen for someone not so courteous nor anthing close to a gentleman but this is no reason to dishonor your husband.

Personal experience here.... any one person can act anyway they wish in front of the parents. That's not to say he isn't all these wonderful things but is it worth the risk if he's not? A high school friend had recently come home from the Navy -- very respectable & had the utmost courteous demeaner about him -- a hit with the folks. Turns out he'd not changed any since high school he just learned how to "work" people more & had in fact been "put out" of the military on a dishonorable discharge but none-the-less still super sweet.

I think Shannon S hit it quite nicely on the head. If you begin this road of secrecy don't think your children won't eventually use it on you too & to think how it would crush your husband. Keep it all in a positive light. I totally love the idea of having the "boy" over during a family night. Keeping things friendly is enough for her age & so much better than saying "we're naming the baby Sweet Curteous after her father".

It sounds as though you have a great relationship with your daughter & of course you want to keep it this way but please don't travel the "popular" side of the parental fence. Your daughter obviously looks to you for guidance & you both must have been doing some things right to have her 17 & just now facing the dating issues. I'm so looking towards you as a role model. Please let us know how it all goes :-)

~~Blessings & Hugs~~

At this time she is too young to be going out with a 22 year old.
When she turns 18 that is another story.
Do NOT encourage her to do this behind her father's back.
NEVER.
What about them just being included in family things?
The only way that I would handle this is to make sure that they are always chaperoned.
I guess that sounds old-fashioned, but she is your daughter.
In today's world there is just too much temptation for girls and boys in my opinion.
I am a firm believer in supervision of teens.
I raised 6 of them and none were allowed to run wild, as so many are today.
If you have family values, don't be afraid to maintain them.

I agree with the ladies saying have him over for dinner. Dating at your home or with a group. I was 17 when I started dating my husband who was 23 at the time. My parents were his youth leaders and already knew him. So this was very helpful. My boyfriend before that (I was 16) he was 18 (turned 19 while we dated) and in college. So I already date older boys.
My parents rule was group dates and at our home dates. We went out with a group of friends and my parents had to know who we were going with and where. At home it was great. We spent time with my parents and then they would sit in the kitchen/dining room sometimes while we talked in the living room. So we had some alone time but not to much either.
We didn't have sex till our honeymoon. He was very respectful of how my parents wanted it. Even asked my dad for permission to marry me (at 18!) lol We moved fast yes. I am now 25 still happily married!! We have 3 kids. I love our dating story. Our first date with out my family or friends was to a baseball game (home on time, left the game early even) we were engaged at the time.
I think yes you need to be careful but you know your daughter better then us. Talk to your husband about having the guy over to the house some. My girlfriend (same age as me) at 17 ran away with a 19 boyfriend because her parents didn't let them date or anything. They ran off, no one could find them, till she turned 18 and showed up married! They got a divorsed about a year later but still. I rather have my daughter be open with me and work it out on my terms then have her ran away and be mad at us and do something stupid! lol So you know your daughter and I am sure group dates and home dates would be better then nothing in her head if she really likes this boy. Talk with your hubby to suggest the idea. If he is open to it. Sit down with her, Andy and your husband and talk it out. If he is totally against it then you know he isn't so great! lol
Just my two cents

WOW! that is a huge age difference for this time in her life. I mean, he is of legal drinking age-- she isn't. It's great to hear that he is courteous and all, but I agree with your husband. This boy is through his first four years of college. And to keep this kind of secret from your husband does not teach your daughter anything but disrespect for her father. Nothing good could come of a secret like that. Good luck. things like this with our kids are never easy because we do not want to disapoint them.

In a word, NO! He is a grown man and she is a teenager. Just asking the questions tells me you already know that this is wrong. Hiding it from your husband is also very wrong. Don't forget that you guys are a team and you should trust his judgment. He has been a 22 year old man, you haven't. He knows what motivates a young man this age.

Age is only a number . . . if this guy is truly worth your daughter's time and energy, he should be willing to wait for the right time in both of their lives, even if it means hanging out in groups or at home with you watching. They're both in very different points in their lives; it can be difficult to remember what being younger was like, even if it is only 5 years ago, and even harder to fully understand what someone older is going through.

Unfortunately from my experience there are some guys/gals who are so incredibly sweet in the beginning until they get that permission, that status of significant other, then they start to let their whole self show. (Think of it as getting a job; you tend to dress nicer and be more conscious about what you say/do until you get the job and get through the probationary period.) Not trying to scare you, but I did have an emotionally abusive relationship (like the campus cops had to escort me to classes bad) with someone older and all of my friends who knew him thought he was the sweetest guy until they found out what he was doing to me (and some to this day still claim that he's a sweetie).

Something I was curious about in regards to this situation is your daughter's previous dating experience. Right now this might be too complicated of a situation if she is new to the whole dating scene.

Another thing to keep in mind is that you are setting a precedent for your other children. You'd be surprised as to what they know, what they will learn later, and what they will remember and mention. Even if are able to keep it from your husband without trouble, you are setting yourself up for a lot of headache from your 5 other children.

Best of luck to you!
L.

I definately would not go behind Dad's back with the relationship. That would only undermine all the authority. There is quite an age span there, but at 17, she is beginning to gain some maturity. Have you suggested group dates? Or, the whole family going (or Mom and Dad) so that Dad can get to know the boy better? Or maybe just have the boy over for dinner so they can get better aquainted. It's a hard time and I understand Dad's protection. At 22, this boy has a lot more freedom that your daughter, so it is sort of a slippery slope.

Good luck.

should you let her date him...absolutely not!! 5 years is a big difference at this age. He probably is super sweet, but what does a 22 year old want with a 17 year old? I'm sure she is beautiful and has alot to offer, but to someone her own age. Too big of an age difference for 2 people at their ages.

First thing, please don't go behind your husband's back - that's opening a whole new set of problems. If he is adamant then the answer is no. But let me tell you about the "nice" guy my mom let me date when I was 16. We knew his family, we had went to church w/ them our whole lives. He was 22 and just graduated the police academy. Very polite... blah blah blah... well when he took me on a "date" he took me back to some friends house, took me straight to the bedroom where he had his way with me (I didn't try to stop him at the age of 16 I thought he'd love me and think I was cool for doing it) then he took me home right afterwards and never called me again. Real nice guy! Don't let them go out on a date - if he truly is a nice guy, if he truly likes your daughter... then let them hang out at your house and play cards and watch them interact and let him interact with you her parents.
HTH!

NO! You shouldn't hide something that serious from your husband and that is way to big of an age difference. No matter how sweet he is he is someone who has the ability to buy alcohol and provide it to your daughter.

I think that 17 is a totally fine age to date. However, that being said, it's still too young to date a 22 year old. Think about the things that are going on it your daughters life (prom, homecomings, college decisions) and the things that are going on it his life...is he really going to want to be a 22 year old at a high school prom? While they may be crazy about each other, they are not on the same playing field in life. Age doesn't make nearly the same difference when you are out in the real world. I dated a guy that was 10 years older than me...but I wouldn't have dated him when I was 17. Just let them continue to remain friends (unless you are willing to risk losing your husbands trust) and once their lives are more the same they can see whether they are still "crazy" for each other. You can't make your daughter happy all the time...and maybe you should consider telling her why you don't think it is a good idea to date this particular guy just yet.

I don't think she's too young to date, but she's too young to date that guy. There is a reason that it's felony for a 17 year old to have sex with a 22 year old. I'm not saying that your daughter would, but I'm betting the 22 year old guy is expecting it.

this one i can speak from expirience,lol. i was 17 when i started dating my now x husband, we got married after i found out that i was pregnant & then had my daughter at 18. trust me for people who say "age is only a number"..they are completely off base...i was very nieve about life, marriage, babies, & the way the world really worked. i now have 3 daughters & my way with them is no "alone" dating until you turn 18, and the boy can't be more than 2 yrs. older. i really wish my mom would've stopped me from dating him, it would've done so much for me..hind sight is always 20/20. good luck.

If it were my daughter I'd say "No" without hesitation.

Dear M.,
I am a grandmother now and they say with age comes wisdom. There used to be a saying that 17 would get you 20 and I believe in that. She is too young to be dating a man that much her senior. I did date a man that was actually 24 when I was 17. I was introduced to alcohol and then the pressure to have a sexual relationship. There are a lot of places that he couldn't even take her. She's not even old enough to rent an adult movie. Why would HE want to date a girl that young? While I realize that she is infatuated with an "older" man, I think she should look at the reason she wants to date him. There is a lot of prestige from peers when you are dating older, but unless she has her head screwed on tight, I'm with her dad on this one. As the saying goes, "been there, done that, have that T-shirt.
C. W.

Oh my goodness! ABSOLUTELY NOT! Encouraging your daughter to disobey her father, with your blessing is so totally detrimental to your entire family. Even if you disagree with your husband that is an absolute no no! Please be so careful!

tell her to save her heart from breaking. she should only love one man, besides her father, and that should be her husband. why would anyone want to have practice having their heart broken?

this is a link to a coulple with a "ministry" for families:

http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/index.php?id=1

read their articles about raising children, it will change your lives.

E.

M., I think you should be very careful about going behind your husband's back and allowing your daughter to carry on this relationship. Not only would you be disrespecing your husband, but think about what you would be showing your daughter about her father. If you want to continue on having your great family, I don't think sneaking is a good idea. Think about the future and how this could play out should your husband find out. Maybe you and your husband could talk in private and you could share your feelings. It could be that the relationship could be continued in the open but never having them to be alone or something like that. I may sound uncaring, but I really do care. A good marriage is built on love and respect. We get our selves in to trouble when we try to hide things, plus we feel miserable in the process. Something else, if the relationship is continued in secret, it is going to be an unhealthy relationship. Just somethings to think about. I hope everything turns out good!!

M.,

It sounds like you are hoping for advice....

I have worked with teens for many years and my opinion is...he's too old. I would have to ask why a 22 year old man would be interested in a young girl (who is probably still in high school). Why is he not able to date someone his own age? Would your daughter have anything in common with a 12 year old? I've seen a lot of cases like this and unfortunately they don't usually have a happy ending. Regardless of how mature your daughter might be, he is a man and she doesn't have the experience under her belt to make adult decisions.

BTW...I was that teenager. I would give anything to go back and make a better choice. My parents gave me more "freedom" than I was ready for and now I have to live with that regret for the rest of my life. Save her the pain...she's not ready for an adult relationship! Let her hold on to that innocence for as long as possible!!

Good luck!!

Sorry this response is so late but I had computer problems and just got the thing back up. I will be curious to see what other people advised you regarding this situation.

Hiding anything from your husband is a very bad idea. He will find out anyway and that is a destructive path for you to take, not just for yourself in regards to your marriage but for you daughter and other children to learn. They will see what you are doing and believe me they will follow in your footsteps.

At 17, if you are still in high school the age difference to 22 is dramatic and huge. At 17 if you are in college it isn't as far apart, weird but true.

Where did she meet him? Is he in school or has he graduated? Does he have a job? These are important questions because they let you know about his respect and responsiblity factors to himself, his own family, and his regard for your daughter.

I would suggest they be allowed to spend time together at your home, or maybe double date together with another couple or go only to group type activities if your husband can be talked into this by pointing out that by out-right refusing to let her to see him he may put her into a position of outright defiance and then if she really wants to do so, she will find a way to sneak out to see him anyway. More problems will come from this type of situation than will come from letting her see the young man openly in a controled atmosphere.

I have no doubt he is a very sweet guy when he is around you and your husband. That may be an act or it may not. I have seen some really "sweet, great" people who sure knew how to manipulate others and then------. Maybe your daughter is extremely mature for her age. I am guessing she is the oldest child and more responsibility has fallen on her or she has taken upon herself because of this.

If she is going to school, working, and wanting to go out with this young man then she is aware of what she is getting herself into somewhat, but if she hasn't dated much then she can easily be led to believe anything.

I will pray your husband and you can reach a reasonable compromise and that your daughter will be allowed to see the young man with the conditions you are willing to impose for the time being.

P. R

M.,

If this boy is as wonderful as you say he is, then you don't want to ruin it!!! Honor your husband! It's the best example for your daughter for the marriage vows she will take some day, perhaps even to this young man.

If you all agree, Dad too!, that this Andy is a great guy and perhaps marriage material, then perhaps you all can do family things together with his family - or have him over for games and such.

Yes, 22 seems so old compared to a 17 yr old daughter. However, in 10 years, 32 to 27 is nothing. Many people are married with such an age gap. Then main thing is, your daughter is still a youth and not out in the world, quite the way that Andy has been exposed after being out of school.

Honor, honor, honor your husband above all. Treat Andy well. Encourage your daughter. Pray. :) Perhaps even look for Bible studies where you read scriptures about marriage, so you know what you're praying for in mates for your children!

Blessings!

Nooooo!! I don't mean to come on too strong but, going behind your husband's back is a big mistake!! If this boy is that nice and really loves your daughter then he'll wait a year and if not then it wasn''t meant to be! Things sometime happen for a reason so talk to your husband he is only protecting his baby. And going behind his back would cause trouble between you and him, not good! Or your daughter could get pregnant then what? A 22 year old thinks alot different then a 17 year old.
So i say, listen to your husband and make them wait.you could be teaching the younger one to sneak behind your back when she gets older. So please think about it. God bless!
Mamaw3

I think you and your husband need to be in agreement on this....unless you're willing to let your relationship suffer the consequences! Conpromise, if you have to, but DON'T go behind his back. We all need respect, loyalty and the ability to TRUST the other partner. This would sever that loyalty and his ability to trust you.

YES. 22 is too old for someone who's 17. Now.....in 4-5 years....it won't make that much difference, but now, YES, he's too old. If it's supposed to happen and they are supposed to be together, they will. Time will tell.

Maybe allow them to do things with the family or in groups. That's a compromise without stopping the relationship together. In the long run, they should thank you for it. They need to have fun and develop the relationship FIRST. They'll get to know ALOT about each other within family and group situations....how the other responds to specific talk, situations, etc. Things will either grow....or they may decide they really don't like each other at all!

I've got a Marriage and Family Relations background. TRUST me on this!

If she was my daughter I would say No. But I don't know how mature your daughter is and if he will try to force her to do things she doesn't want to do.You say he is a gentleman, well maybe he could just wait until she is a adult.That is a 5 year difference and thier maturity level is not equel.Older guys who have teenage girls are usually a bad influence and many later turn out to be petifiles.Let your daughter be a teenager while she can, it's hard to be a kid these days.She should be around kids her age doing things like going to the mall and movies.

She's 17 and almost an adult. I would tell her that talking to him and going on group outtings is okay. Perhaps one-on-one dates should wait until she's 18. Perhaps the boy's father knows the 22 year old is too mature for her or something else you don't know. There's no need to rush dating and serious relationships. Tell her to keep it on the friendship level for a while. They can hang out and call each other, but not get into the love aspect of the relationship. Once she's 18, just let life take its course. If they've been friends for several months and they still want to date then that will answer the question.

She has so much ahead of her that rushing into a serious relationship could make her change her course. Maybe they both need time to find their own independence and path before jumping into dating right now...?

myspace.com/staceefrane
diamond.extremecreation.com

Dear M., this is not a boy this is da 22 yr old man. And his desire is a mans desire. How do you think letting your daughter and yourself sneak around is going to help keep your family great! Your husband has an insight of the future.
Angela means angel, try to keep her that for a while.

I am 26, when I was younger about 14 or 15 I was dating guy's that old and older, my mother didn't know and she was a single mother of 5, she couldn't keep track of me, I ended up pregnant at 16 to a 23 yr old man. I am now married to a 29 yr. old w/6 kids. I would suggest him to visit at the house maybe for dinner or just to hang out with the family, but never, ever let her go alone with him. I don't care how nice he is in front of you, people always put on fronts in front of parents. Get to know him, I mean really know him, ask to meet his parents or maybe invite his family over for dinner. If he stops talking to her then he was not worth it for your daughter. I hope this helps. God bless.

First--Never ever go behind your husband's back on something like this. It is important to your marriage. I believe that the age difference in years is not so huge. However their lives could not be more different. He may be in college where that alone can be a different world entirely. Or he could be in the military. He is just in a different place than she is. She is still about high school and friends. If he is not in college or military he is in the working world making a living and paying bills. I am glad that he is courteous and nice young man. However, if you hated him it would be easier to put your foot down though.
It isnt an easy decision to make but I would rather make a decision that is best for my teen and for my marriage. Good Luck.

I would talk to her father and suggest a compromise... he can come to the house and spend time with her, when you or your husband are home. If, at some point down the road, you and your husband feel comfortable, they could start with dinner dates, movies, etc. This way, you both get to know him better. If you flat out tell her no, she will find a way to see him. If you go behind your husband's back, you run the risk of ruining your own relationship with your husband.

I don't know if this will help you at all, but years ago, I was that 17 year-old girl. Actually, I was 16 when I met and began dating a 21 year-old young man (let's call him "Jack"). Like Andy, he was a kind, bright, talented, and wonderful person. My parents allowed me to date him, and I know that no one in my family ever regretted their decision. I was fortunate to have grown up in a close family in which we all had an enormous amount of trust and faith in each other.

Jack and I dated for 4 years and then lived together for 2 years while I was in college. I will always hold a soft spot for him in my heart. My parents loved him for the rest of their lives, and my sisters both think fondly of him to this day. His mother and sister still think fondly of me, and I always love it when I run into them and have a chance to catch up on their lives.

When we parted ways, it was because I was pursuing my own path and he had an opportunity to follow his career dream, which took him several states away. Since we are still friends, we have discussed our long-ago decision a few times in the intervening years. We both know that if we had stayed together geographically, we would have spent our lives together, and we would have been happy to this day. I have no regrets at all, and neither does he, but we both know that things could have turned out differently for us if Fate had allowed. I'm just trying to illustrate how important that relationship was to both of us, and to our families.

Jack was the love of my life until I met my husband. The funny thing is that Jack was the one who introduced me to my husband!

Because I had such a positive experience with my first relationship with someone older than I, I would have to side with your daughter, with caution of course.

My suggestion would be this: Invite Andy over and really get to know him. Let him feel comfortable around your family and in your home, and he will develop a bond not only with Angela, but with your entire family. Doing this will also give you and your husband a chance to find out how comfortable you feel with your daughter continuing to see him.

Let them test the waters with the blessing of both of you. You and your husband are a team, and it's important for you to accept Andy (or not) based on real knowledge of who he is.

I'm so glad my parents did just that when I was in love for the first time. They allowed me to have an enriching experience that made me a better person for having lived it.

Good luck!

Oy vey...where to start! First off, she's not too young to date, at age 17. Seventeen is a very reasonable age to already have been dating.
Secondly, 22 for a 17 yr. old is out of the question, no matter how sweet and courteous he may be. The maturity levels are so off at these ages, it'd be a bad combination. She's got high school drama, he's old enough to drink, live on his own, etc. I just went thru this situation with a male friend of ours, who is 21. He was dating a 17 yr. old and it ended badly because of the age difference. Everyone tried to tell them both that it was a bad idea from the start. In the end, we were all right. A 22 yr. old isn't going to want to have to pass everything thru Mom & Dad, is used to doing what he wants to do, come & go as he pleases, etc. The 17 yr. old, no matter how mature you may think she is, isn't ready for that kind of relationship.
Thirdly, I think it's very wrong to ever go behind a spouse's back and let a child do what the other spouse has expressly said "NO" to. If you can't come to an agreement, then I think she shouldn't date the boy. It's never a good thing, for a marriage, to lie to your spouse, in any way.
I hope you think long and hard about all the possibilities of what this type of relationship could do, not only to your daughter, but to your marriage as well.
To me, the whole thing sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. If the boy & your daughter are meant to be together, then they will be together when the timing is right. I don't think that NOW is that time.

NEVER allow a child to do something behind your husbands back! She will be 18 and you won't be able to hold this "relationship" off for long. My suggestion would be this... Allow this young man to come to the house to visit when it is convenient for you and your husband, eat dinner with you etc. That way your daughter feels that you are not forbidding her to see him. Let them talk on the phone, computer, etc. as much as you allow your children to do so and then as things go on you can make a determination as to what the next step is. Forbidding a child to stay away from a boy they are "crazy" about is the worst thing you can do! It only drives them to each other and promotes sneaking around on not only your husband but you as well. My husband and I have just been something very similar only it involved violence so we needed to intervene and forbid no contact and his daughter decided to go live with her mom just because of this boy. While you don't seem to have the divorce problem on your hands you will have a very secretive 17 year old that you will probably end up alienating before she is 18 and then it will be a power struggle from there on.

GOOD LUCK!!!!
A.

I think that the boy is probably too old for your daughter, but if you know him (and his family) and feel comfortable with him dating your daughter then I would talk to your husband. If it's something that he feels strongly about then I think that you should back him up. I look at it this way-if it was something that I felt strongly about, I would be very upset if he went behind my back and gave my daughter permission to do it.

17 and 22 are light years apart. I agree with Courtney that later on down the road the age gap is not so great but at these ages it is. Not to mention, your daughter is still legally a minor but we all have to cross that age line at some point. I would say while she is still 17 the answer is no. I dated a guy 4 years older than I was and it's just not a good idea, no matter how great the guy is. He will wait for her if he really cares about her. You didn't say whether her father and you are married or not. If you are then I would say definitely don't let her without his knowledge. That would be really bad for your marriage and not a good example for her. If you aren't married then he obviously cares very much about his daughter and you still shouldn't hide it from him. As parents our jobs are to be our kids parents and lead and guide, not be their friends, although that is a great bonus. I didn't always agree with my parents but it is amazing how much smarter your parents get as you yourself get older. My mom and dad were strict but my mom is still my best friend. I still go to her and dad for advice.

HE IS TOO OLD! They shouldn't have the same interest, they shouldn't have the same friends, they shouldn't be hanging out in the same places, she is a MINOR and even the law answers that question for you. You know men are always nice until they get what they want-and yes he is a MAN. Stand with your husband on this you have to remember he too is a MAN and he knows how they think. NEVER do ANYTHING behind your husbands back. Whats done in the dark WILL come to the light and it may not come out how you want it AND would you like him to do it to you. Plus you are setting a standard before your children and you are teaching them its ok to lie and to be decitful-so don't punish them -when they do it to you-remember they had a good teacher. Hope you make the right choice for your family. I have a 16 year daughter who will be 17 this month, she too is my oldest child, Ive been married 18 years and I just turned 43 May 8th .

17 is too young to date a 22-yr-old, but you should allow them to see each other, have group dates or chaperoned dates, and curfew should be strictly enforced. Ask him to dinner so you can all get to know him. Friday nights could be pizza/movie night allow them some private time in your home. If you make her stop seeing him completely, you will just make her want to see him more, and she might find a way to do it without her parents permission.

You should absolutely NOT teach her to hide things from her father, which is exactly what keeping the relationship from him is. I don't have much advice on the age thing, because it solely depends on your household. I mean, as far as whether or not she's going to listen if you explain to her why and whether or not you can make her understand the reasons behind your not wanting her to date him. I mainly just wanted to say to NOT encourage any secrets from her dad. If you teach her to keep secrets from him, you're telling her it's okay to lie and disrespect him. Guess who she'll lie to and disrespect next?

Hello M.,
First, I would not go behind your husbands back. Secondly, I think if this guy is so great he can wait until she is legal. Good Luck!
B. Q.

I suspect that Angela ia more mature and wise as is usual for a 17 year old. This may be from having many siblings and also from seeing a wonderful marriage at home with her parents. Perhaps a good sitdown with you and your husband and Angela and her boyfriend would help. Lay all the cards on the table, allowing Angela and her boyfriend the same privelege. I have found that young people of this age respond well to adults taking them seriously and would be willing to participate in a win-win conclusion. Perhaps the young man's parents would also like to be included. A lot can be learned from seeing how his parents interact with him and each other. Angela and her boyfriend have years of education ahead of them in order to provide a solid financial and and fully mature basis from which to consider a lasting committment from and to each other.. I know you and your husband only want what is good for these two young people. My wishes for a loving outcome for all.

I would put major stipulations on the relationship and DO NOT go behind your husbands back on this or your marraige will suffer drastically. Tell your daughter and this boy that they will have to be just hang out friends till she is 18.

Please do not allow ur child to date a man that older that her.., exspecially 5 yrs older what can he have in common with her... NOthing thats the answer..!! He should date women his own age... I can sometime understand u wanna date a lil younger but .... that's to much younger/...... But as a mom I no u will do the right thing..until next time

Hi,
22, 17 isn't a huge difference. HOWEVER in the eyes of the law until your daughter is 18. things could get ugly. Yes he is nice now, but if tempation gets the best of them your daughter is under age and he could be held to high standards.

DO NOT GO AGAINST your husband on this. ESPECIALLY with 5 more to come thru this challenging times.
You and your husband NEED to stand together. Don't set the others up to play your soft spot against the wishes of your husband. STAY UNITED!!!!!!!!

Talk to your husband maybe different boundries could be arranged ...at least until your daughter turns 18... maybe she could have him over for dinner with your family and have game night or movie time...not alone... sort of getting to know you time. Also maybe have a group of her friends over. You have more control of what goes on if it is in your house, following your rules...MONITOR THEM, don't just disappear.

ABOVE ALL ELSE communicate with her and your husband...Stay united, explain your reasons, and don't go behind one anothers back...SECRETS are NEVER good.

M.,

When I was 17, I was dating a 24 year old. He is now my fiance and the father of my son. I can understand Angela's father's side of the story though. My dad was not alive when I started dating Brandon (my fiance) but if he had been I'm almost postitive he would have had a problem with it. But I wouldn't hide it from him if he was here at the time. It is going to be on Angela to let her dad know how she feels about Andy. She is almost an adult and it is her life that we are talking about. As her mom I would not hide it from her dad either because you are showing her that it's OK to hide how you feel about someone and I don't think anyone should ever have to do that.

My dad was over protective of me growing up and when I would try to talk to him he would always interupt me. So the only way I could tell him how I felt was by writing him a letter, so I could say everything I wanted to at one time without any interuptions. That might be a good idea for Angela.

If she really loves Andy and you believe that he is a good man for her then you should encourge their relationship. But let EVERYONE know that you are supportive. Not just some people.

~L.~
Ohio

Do not let her date this Man without her Fathers knowledge. My Mom did that with my sister and now she is a mom twice over at the age of 20 and the Dad's did not sick around. I think 22 is a little old for a 17 year old. Because a 22 year old man is not going to be willing to "just date".

Yours truly,
B.
Mother of Three

I have raised 3 children and they are all married and very successful. I guess I tell you that because I was always one step ahead of them and always listened to their needs. I believe a 17 year old is way tooooo young to date a 22 year old man and if you start hiding things from her father she will learn to lie and hide things from her eventual husband. She will learn by what you do. I think it is a big mistake. Just my opinion Good Luck